Flashers wife found out that their dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian.
The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog’s ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Michelle that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month.
Michelle went to the store and bought some “Nair” hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant for a few days.”
Michelle said, “I’m not using it under my arms.”
The pharmacist said, “If you’re using it on your legs, don’t use body lotion for a couple of days.”
Michelle replied, “I’m not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I’m using it on my Schnauzer.”
The pharmacist says, “Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week.”
House of ill repute
See if you can work this out:
There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill.
There were four men …..
one was walking briskly up the hill;
one was inside the brothel;
one was walking slowly down the hill and
the fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom of the hill.
What were the nationalities of the four men?
* The man going up the hill: was rushin
* The man in the brothel: him-a-layin
* The man walking down the hill: was finish
Now wait for it …………………………………!!!!!!
Ya gonna hate this ……………………………….
* The man in the car at the bottom was Irish, and he was waiting for the light to turn green!
Queen Elizabeth
Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip are entertaining the King and Queen of Tonga, during the visit they accept a customary ride in the horse drawn cart around the grounds of Sandringham Castle.
During the trip one of the horses farts and the sound and smell carries all the way through the cart to the royals. Embarrassed by this, the queen whispers in Phillip’s ear “do you think I should mention that to our guests?”. Phillip agrees saying “yes, that would be a good idea”.
So the queen leans over to the King of Tonga and says: “please do excuse me, I’m very embarrassed about that”, to which the king of Tonga replies, “that’s ok ma’am, I thought it was the horse”.
Financial Trouble
A blonde was having financial difficulties and decides that she has to take some serious action, so she goes to the park and kidnaps a young boy and writes a ransom note, ‘I have kidnapped your son. Leave $10,000 behind the old elm tree and your son will come to no harm’, she pins the note inside the boys jacket and sends him home.
Next day sure enough there was $10,000 behind the tree and with it a note saying, ‘I cant believe one blonde would do this to another’.
ALZHEIMERS’ EYE TEST
(i love this part.. its absolutely amazing!)
Count every ” F ” in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS…
(SEE BELOW)
HOW MANY ?
Answer after following joke
WHEN I THINK I’VE HEARD THE ‘BEST BLONDE JOKE’ EVER…
… ALONG COMES ONE LIKE THIS
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 50 litres of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 5 litres. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, ‘I found your note asking me to leave 50 litres of milk. Didn’t you mean 5 litres?’
The blonde said, ‘I want 50 litres. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.’
The milkman asked, ‘Do you want it pasteurized?’
The blonde said, ‘No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes.
Answer:
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 — no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F’s before you scroll down.
The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process “OF”.
I got a new stick of deodorant today.
The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely.
Great jokes Crocodile
Great website Botcho
Where’s Darwin Don??
Botcho’s Soap Box
NO Carbon Tax Julia Gillard – Peoples Revolt
Be Heard – Speak Up for what is right for Australia
For the minority that support the Carbon Tax – please stop breathing NOW – if you continue to breath you will need to contribute another 25% of your gross income to the Labor Government -Ridiculous isn’t it??????????????…
RUN TALLY ERRORS
As shown any errors by the Hash Cash in toting up the Hash Run Tally will result in a sever “icing” ; some leniency may be shown to those ex-Hash Cash who own up IMMEDIATELY however any cover ups will result in a DOUBLE FINE !!!!
Be warned the “Stand-In” Hash Cash has been asked to investigate other complaints and has already discovered a FURTHER 100 Run error !!!
Now is the time to confess all you ex-Hash Cash ; BE WARNED !!!
AGPU Striptease (as you have all forgotten thru wine fogs!!) Click on the link below.
http://www.worktobejudged.com/strippause/peca
Keeep clicking the Play button !!!!
That’s not fair!
Where’s the rest of it you bastard!!!!
My daughter just walked into the living room and said “Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house”. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.
Well, she didn’t put it quite like that… she actually said…
“Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohammed.”
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning
to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!
———————————————————–
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did….
she’s 21 and her name’s Lucy.
———————————————————–
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “pedophile!”
and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It
completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
———————————————————–
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low
cut tops…. although, they do make me look a bit gay.
———————————————————–
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a
spokesman said “We’ll struggle to get another man of the same calibre.”
———————————————————–
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give
him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year! You’d better stop
before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”
———————————————————–
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: The brick doesn’t follow you home after you lay it.
———————————————————–
Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend…
Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible.
Or in other words……….. B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
———————————————————–
Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Only used it for half
an hour, as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It does everything -
KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot..”
———————————————————–
Question – Are there too many immigrants in Britain?
17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said “I am not understanding the question please.”
———————————————————–
On my Census form there is a question “Do you have any dependents?”
Apparently putting “Hundreds of Africans, Pakis, Somalians, single mums,
Romanians, loafers, smack heads, and non-English speaking people” isn’t the
right answer. They’ve sent my form back!
———————————————————–
Prince William says he doesn’t want the traditional fruit cake at his
wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn’t give a toss, he’s still going.
———————————————————–
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me
because she can’t afford batteries!
———————————————————–
Some bastard’s just pinched a pair of my wife’s knickers off the washing
line. She’s not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs
back. (ouch!)
————————-
Crocodile
the Queensland police are getting very close to tracking you down.
On the trail
E Shit