Weeks to AGPU: 3!!!!!!!!!! (Yes only three weeks)
HURRAY NOMINATIONS CLOSING SOON FOR HIERARCHY POSITIONS

DON’T MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOUR SNOUT IN THE TROUGH!!

31 eager runners showed at the graveyard site for the start of the run.

Bent Banana changed the tradition a little by starting the run here so that the now aging and somewhat “precious” group wouldn’t get too cold standing around in the sub zero temperatures awaiting the inevitable back markers. Smart thinking in fact, it’s a wonder it took us nearly 20 years to work this one out.

Standing around the site many were walking around gazing, wondering and pondering, “would I be next”, “should I book some space now”, “why the f.ck am I standing in a graveyard on a cold and windy Monday night”? Miscarriage had even brought his daughter to view the strange annual graveyard migration of the Hash.

Bent Banana finally gave us the brief to head off into the dark cold night for a quick and flat 30 minute run. We ventured north across the main road towards the Nerang railway station. We then wound around to the left and followed the road around which ended up just being a loop, allowing the trailing party to catch up and pass the front runners. Through the station to the bemused look of the patrons and station workers we continued. To the right was the check back as the pack then wondered aimlessly now trying to find the trail

. On left was called as we ventured towards the overpass. I tried cutting across the car park to catch up with the pack but was caught having to traverse a rather large wire fence.

On under the overpass we went and past the familiar sports club from run’s gone by. The arrows on the well-marked trail were even big enough for Blacky to have now taken the lead.

We then looped around the sports ground before finally ending up at the check at the rail overpass. A few ran for the road with others across the fields but finally we found the trail along the drain.

We crossed the drain and headed across the paddocks back towards the rail line before heading north again towards the graveyard in the distance. Some shiggy started to interfere with those wanting to short cut and I believe Botcho’s shoe was gobbled up in some mud crossing. The run brought the runners and walkers together as we climbed the final leg home and readied ourselves for the evening’s ritual.

Around the site of Sewerage’s resting place the port was handed around as Sir Prince gave his usual rousing speech honouring those who have departed. Many a good story followed particularly those of tonight’s host, Sewerage. As per usual Sir Rabbit concluded the evening service with his well-crafted composition honouring Sewerage and the other dearly departed.

It was then back to the cars for the quick trip to Bent Banana’s “Graceland” abode to finish the evening off in style. As usual Bent Banana had excelled and started the feast with gourmet pies, followed by an A Grade curry with an especially hot chilli sauce. This was then complimented by ice cream and fruit.

The GM called the circle and announced the top 10 Country and Western songs of the year. The run was given an 8/10 by Rectum saying he enjoyed it and the food got an 8/10 because no one else did and I thought it had at least deserved that.

It was noted that quite a few Hashers were departing overseas, many allegedly to Interhash. But we know many were also just trying to avoid their impending places on the new Hierarchy. But they needn’t worry as just being absent at the AGPU does not disqualify you from being chosen. Thanks again Bent Banana for another first rate evening.

Down Downs:
Bent Banana: Hare

Ross: Now called Hard On, something to do with his hearing and his surname

Cumsmoke: Being in close proximity to run last week but failing to attend (better offer)

Miscarriage: Failed to sing

Show Pony & Flasher: “Boot open incident” at last week’s run

Swindler: Not singing

Sir Slab, Sir Prince, GM, Jigsaw, Bent Banana, Miscarriage: On tour troop

Hard On: Not paying attention

Miscarriage: Frivolous charge attempt on Cumsmoke

Sir Cumference: Tardiness in advising outcome and our share of pending settlement claim

Hard On: (POW by Rectum) Lack of appreciation of new name

____________________________________________________________________
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Weeks to AGPU: 4
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS CLOSING SOON FOR HIERARCHY POSITIONS;
DON’T MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOUR SNOUT IN THE TROUGH!!

Being a long weekend would we reach the 20 mark or even less as only a few stragglers met at the start? Yet it appeared most had fought off their instincts to partake in an afternoon beer to attend the run as a healthy 31 runners finally showed.

Even Latrine made a comeback showing a spell in the New Guinea Highlands had not managed to subdue his form. Apparently he arrived early, failed to find anyone and proceeded to run the trail in reverse until finding us at the half way mark, then having to turn and head for home with the rest of us. The next debacle involved a slight bit of confusion as to which park the run was starting from with both parks having been popular past venues.

Apparently most went to the wrong park which turned out was actually the right park and a few including Ferret, Truck Tyre and Miscarriage went to the right park which was then the wrong park, got it!

VD was officially the hare but he cunningly decided to outsource the run to the new comers of Head Job and Splat and decided this could be their virgin effort. We set off with the sun still up and promises of a good run, no hills, bush and a drink stop. So off we went up the 100 f..ing steps, OK it wasn’t a hill but it’s still a scam.
Fortunately the bikini babe photo shoot on the beach distracted us from the pain. Down the hill and across the highway for the long stretch westwards. Lots of checks in the early parts (though a bit predictable) and lots of zig zagging our way towards the Burleigh Golf Club.

It was now fairly evident that we would end up in Pizzey Park as we continued on our merry way. Up another hill and we were soon at the park. Slab used local knowledge and decided he would miss the lap of honour around the park as did Flasher who by now, and as we know regularly, had disappeared on yet another of his mystery runs.

Pity, the guys missed out on passing the very athletic group of females training on the oval. In amongst the pine trees and sludge we found latrine patiently waiting for us to arrive and joined us for the run home. After emerging from the park we found Slab waiting for us as we continued along the pathways to Pacific Avenue and then turned east towards home.

At the highway we turned north to our horror then across the highway at Nobbys Beach shops and then finally towards the beach again. We came across the false drink stop (water tap) then continued along to the beach pathway to the waiting hares and refreshing ales. After a short stop it was onwards for the kilometre or so home.

Pity about the lack of lighting as we missed many a great sight jogging past us in the opposite direction (you’d think Sir Prince would have that fixed by now).

Back at home base VD had stayed back and was busy preparing the night’s feast, which was the usual failsafe of steak, snags and salad, followed by ice cream for dessert. My steak was OK but some mentioned it was going to make a great shoe instep

. Never the less Pizza thought it was great and gave it a resounding 9.5/10. Missing Link gave the run report, saying some of the arrows were a bit close and more check backs required but otherwise a great first effort (and well-marked too I must add) 6.5/10. As the super bright (and red) full moon rose above the tree line it was time to get the now tired Hashers home.

I don’t know what Sandpit did wrong but he ended up driving home with Pizza, Latrine and Caustic as passengers. Now that would have added up to a stimulating conversation on the trip home. Well done guys.

Down Downs:
VD, Head Job & Splat: Hares

Head Job & Rug: Scratching BMW, Rug – erratic driving, lane changing, cutting off bus, break light out and 300 runs

Flasher: Promising 50% of his winnings on TV quiz show and delivering nothing

Latrine, Iceman & Swindler: Returning runners

Kevin: New name, “Blue Card” (involved in child care business)
Flasher: Not making Saturday run due to having to stay home to clean up dog shit

Caustic: Gossips & Jigsaw abuse and allegedly trying to eradicate Booze Master

____________________________________________________________________
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Weeks to AGPU: 5
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS ARE POURING IN FOR HIERARCHY POSITIONS;
DON’T MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOUR SNOUT IN THE TROUGH!!

What makes a person want to get involved in these things? I suppose the fact we had no choice in the matter would be a good place to start. I mean, let’s start with standing in Woollies for 30 minutes watching and waiting for 22 chooks to get drawn and quartered.

This was then followed by the episode of dragging an electronically (wheels) locked shopping trolley loaded with the above mentioned chooks and 3 kilos of coleslaw down the Gold Coast Highway. Then we have the emergency run to Aldi to get the dessert ice creams and extra booze. But I guess, in the end, nothing is better than seeing a meticulously planned event fall into place!

Such is the happenings at the Hierarchy’s 1800th run. The event which was supposed to begin at 6pm saw most arriving early at 5:30pm to Budd’s Beach, opposite the GM’s palatial Beach Retreat.

The 42 soles arrived to collect their signature bright red vests before tucking into the fine array of beers including birthday drinks provided by yours truly and Testicles (I think), thanks for that.
The pre run nibbles were of the usual high quality one could expect. At 6:40pm sharp the GM called the rabble to order and announced that Pizza, Veteran, Now Loved (for parking in the GM’s driveway) & another, who’s name escapes my fading brain cells, would be charged with pushing the earlier acquired shopping trolley, packed with tonight’s feast, to the run’s departure point.

The “A to B” 1800th run was soon underway with the trolley boys leading the way. It didn’t take long for the casual pack to stretch out as we approached Chevron island Bridge. The pack regrouped as the trail then headed over the lights and towards the Titanium Bar, a possible drink stop venue many thought.

No, as the meandering and now confused pack searched for more signs. Despite my calls (totally ignored) the pack continued south along the Highway but was soon suckered into the well construed false trail. All apart from Show Pony and a few others who had picked up on some early Intel on where we might be heading, on a cruise. Finally after some hurried cries of “On Back” the pack arrived at the docks.

After loading we were soon underway on the pleasant autumn evening with many choosing the upstairs deck for the pre diner drinks. As usual the waitresses were “outstanding” and the service of the highest order, with no Gossips in sight. The first quest of the evening was to see who could spot any extracurricular, after dinner, activities being played out at the many well lit palatial abodes we passed on our cruise.

Dinner was soon called and the line-up ensured with Black Stump having to take control of the unruly mob, so much so that I think he missed out on his serve of gourmet coleslaw, which accompanied the more ample feast of Woollies high grade free range chooks. Of course being a Hierarchy event the run and food automatically scored the highest possible 10/10 marks. Before things deteriorated too much, (too late to my thinking), the GM called the circle to order and asked Sir Prince Valiant to take hold of proceedings.

Sir Prince was present at run number #1 and gave us an account of that evening where he, Geoff Lewis, Terry Morrow and others formed the Gold Coast Hash on virtually the same night some 34 years ago and 1800 runs later. Sir Prince gave us a candid and humorous overview of some of his more memorable events, which is better than my memory of what he said last night. Following his rousing speech the GM presented Sir Prince with his Milestone award shirt for 1400 runs.

Other awards, some belated, included 1100 runs for Sir AH, 1000 runs for Sir Point Two (collected by the RA on his behalf), 800 runs for Botulism and Ferret (Shit! the Bastards are catching me!), 500 runs for Bent Banana and Moonbeams, 200 runs for Rock Hard, and 100 runs for Kitchen Bitch, Arse Up and Jigsaw. The awards were tastefully and thankfully presented by the night’s special event guests.

A couple of Down Downs were presented by the RA (I think) including Miscarriage for yet another failed election campaign with suggestions that maybe an earlier start, some campaign funding, an actual marketing plan of sorts, less rain, and utilising his campaign manager, Sir Point Two would assist should he ever be so stupid as to consider making another attempt.

Rectum was again put on notice re the missing pots saga amidst his continued denial of any involvement. Of course the Hierarchy were not left out and the snouts were soon back in the trough with all receiving their Committee shirts.

The two hour cruise soon wound to a conclusion and the pack wandered off into the night with some wisely departing for home and a few usual suspects not so wise, more to report at a later date no doubt.

I don’t think it has been since the Nash Hash in ’99 that we have attempted a boat trip so many thanks to Shat and fellow Hierarchy helpers for making the evening happen. Thanks to all for participating in another fun event and thanks to our “outstanding” helpers and staff on the night for serving up a great 1800th Run.

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Weeks to AGPU: 6
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS ARE POURING IN FOR HIERARCHY POSITIONS; DON’T MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOUR SNOUT IN THE TROUGH!!
As much of a pest our hare can be at times, normally you must give him credit for the amount of effort he puts into a run and the nosh.

However things were about to change as 38 eager athletes showed up at the area known for many a Hash run in years gone past. The area is famous for the dropping of ashes of a past runner, First Hill Tanner, the gorilla suit in the tunnel ambush and the Vile discarding his dead dog escapade, to name a few.
The problem started when the over confident Hare decided that he had set such a well-marked run he figured he didn’t need to go and decided to stay back and have a few ales instead and f..k the pack! He did have assistant Hare, Head Job, in tow but he was to end up so far behind it turned out a complete waste of time. Anyway after the briefing we headed off into the beyond knowing it was due to be a long run with lots of hills and bush.
The first part looked good with lots of paper, chalk and flour on the bike paths and bush tracks. Inevitably, we ended up heading towards the famous tunnel and this is where things went astray. The cocky front runners of course assumed we had to go through the tunnel to the thrill of those who hadn’t done this leg before, and thus blindly lead us through.
As we dodged and weaved our way through the slush and rubbish the pack was now cursing the hare for leading us through the shiggy. At the other end the pack continued on what they thought was the right trail where in fact it was the out trail, as Rectum kept saying to deaf ears, and thus the wrong trail. The next 10 minutes or so had 30 odd runners appearing from all directions weaving their way back and forth through the undergrowth not knowing if they were on the right trail or not.
We eventually came across Aussie, going in the opposite direction, who said he was on trail and there was no way he was going back and continued on his lonesome into the abyss. The remainder of what was left of the lost patrol now found their way back to the road and followed local knowledge as we again picked up Ashmore Road and eventually the home trail.
Again we somehow missed the walkers and runners trail split and continued the quickest way home, on trail but again not the right one, or was it? Over the next half hour the pack continued to arrive in three different directions, clearly indicating the success of not having THE HARE on the run.
After numerous drinks, amid discussions of who did what trail and where did they go wrong and how they all found the right trail but still managed to come in three different directions, the super nosh of curry with appropriate bread and condiments followed by apple crumble, ice cream and custard was served, with plenty to go around.
In the casual sit down circle Botcho gave the run a 7.5/10 stating that “things look different in the dark”, the GM added it was well marked. The nosh was given a deserving 9/10 by the GM, amid a very very rare applause from the appreciative pack.
We also saw Sir Rabbit presented with the old trailer rego plates placating his fear of misuse as it had now expired and was still in his name.
We also heard that Flasher is soon due to appear on “Hot Seat” with (everyone loves to hate) Eddie McGuire sometime next week, stay tuned for viewing details as Flasher promised to give the Hash a plug.
Thanks caustic for another well planned and executed F/up.
PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April, START FROM Buds Beach, opposite the GM’s palace @ 6:00pm!!

Dress Code: Hash formal
————————————————————————————————————————————————
Down Downs:
Caustic: Hare
Head Job: Assistant to Hare
Done One Once, Violet, Lewinski, Ringbark, Ferret & Sir AH: Visitors & returning runners
Sandpit: Suggesting formal attire for 1800th, showing initiative and committee material.

Also only hasher in Miscarriage’s electorate, indicating at least one possible vote (pending bribe)
Miscarriage: Council contender, last chance to offer incentives
Blackstump & Miscarriage: Bump on head during run and for charging respectively
Caustic: Wrong address details as charged by Botcho
Veteran: Not mentioning Hash in Bulletin article as charged by Flasher
Pizza: Head butting Jigsaw’s car following recent outing
Flasher: Birthday Boy, thanks for the Crownies
Rectum: POW (from Kwakka), missing pot lids saga, appeal to follow

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Weeks to AGPU: 8
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS ARE NOW OPEN FOR FORTHCOMING HIERARCHY POSITIONS
Firstly before bagging the crap out of the run I must give a big thanks to the “Chipmunks”, as Caustic endearingly calls our Hares, for stepping up to the plate at short notice and putting on a good run and feed. That’s what Hashing is all about, well done Chipmunks.

Now where was I? The run Hare, Flasher, called the circle to order with map in hand and two drawings of international markings that apparently would be the hall mark of tonight’s run. Unlike those that Missing Link and Nasty had used in previous weeks, so the Hare continued. Also, being at Pacific Pines, it would be a flat run, and then the pigs took off for another lap of the surrounds.
Would it be the State Forrest or the hills to the north, we thought, as we ventured forth into the darkness and looming storm. Through the park, first check, on back (international one that is) and on right along the pathway. Up the incline, another check (possibly international style) and on left. After here it gets confusing as we soon headed off trail and into the seemingly endless hills and slopes of this well-known area, normally the domain of the missing Old Fart.

The Hares must have spent a fortune to get all the fields and bush slashed in time for our arrival as we continued our way along the bush and fence lines, upsetting the locals and their vicious and now upset mutts.

The rumbling in the ranks intensified as we continued upwards with calls of “ice the bastards” reverbing through the night. Up down and all around we continued as many of the pack started to slip and slide in the now damp and hilly conditions with Blacky, Miscarriage, Bent Banana and Miscarriage all involved in minor falls.

Bent Banana tripped and lost his glasses creating a minor delay as the pack stopped and searched the undergrowth for the missing lenses, soon found by Veteran. Miscarriage, back from his intensive campaign trail and study tour, pulled off an amazing recovery as he tried running down a grassy slippery slope only to nearly come undone. Stay tuned for his upcoming election speech in the local rag.

All was going to plan except, as we approached the hour mark, we lost the trail somewhere in the bush and strangely atop a hill, apparently someone had built a fence in the past two hours blocking the path. Secondly the rain commenced just as the hour ticked over, when we should have all been home high and dry.

Calls of the international rule of “every minute over the hour was a minute on the ice” echoed across the hills. We somehow came across the home trail and found the walkers but somehow again managed to climb the hills to the top of “where ever” before again losing the trail and sprinting home, the fastest way possible, in the now pouring conditions.

Back at home the rain intensified as the prawn crackers and almond starters were served, followed by the Singapore Noodles (and extra chillies), and finished with ice cream and fruit salad. Apparently poor old Rug had to do all the preparations by himself with Mrs Rug being hard at work in Brisbane.

Bent Banana commenced his run report with “what did we do to upset Flasher” and ended up giving him a 7.5/10 including his bonus point for volunteering to do the run at short notice.

Rug was given an 8/10 for his nosh by the GM himself. Meanwhile, Hash Cash, Blackstump was seen rounding up all available funds to help with the Hash making a tilt at the upcoming sale of his Ponderosa Ranch, at a bargain price no doubt.

Please contact Shat if you are attending the H3 Sunday lunch at Burleigh on the 22nd April
PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
————————————————————————————————————————————————
Down Downs:
Rug & Flasher: Hares

Show Pony: To help heal his suffering due to ongoing gout condition

Miscarriage & Arseup: Drinking from wrong hand and missing such respectively

Flasher: Iced for 13 minutes, time over on run and for word abuse, altering RA’s words twoweeks ago.

Miscarriage: Tsunami evacuation story as accurately portrayed by Sir Prince

Truck Tyre & Arseup: drinking from wrong hand and missing such respectively

Caustic: Potential rule #1 infringement

Kwakka: POW, not agreeing with Missing Link (outgoing POW)

Michael: Visitor

On On from “The Desk”

Weeks to AGPU: 9
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS ARE NOW OPEN FOR FORTHCOMING HIERARCHY POSITIONS
Normally one would expect a small crowd on an Easter Monday holiday, however 24 managed to show up for tonight’s event, showing just how lacking a life many have.
The car park was at capacity as we juggled spaces and double parked around the visitors walking their furry mutts unaware of the arriving rabble.
Missing Link advised it was a short token run and smart Hashers would be advised to stay back and “get on it” instead. Alas, not being the smartest mob around, the pack headed off to see what would transpire. We headed west down the path and soon came to the first check.
I went right and discovered the first on back but did manage to persuade a few to follow. Some returned (I think) but most, knowing the surrounds, headed further west and again picked up the trail running parallel along Monaco Street. The walkers and a few others shortcutted across the paddocks never to be seen again.
The small remaining pack headed towards the edge of the park near the flyover and found another check. At this pint something went wrong, off course the Hare blamed us but that’s Hash.
We found the On Trail under the bridge and found the On Back up towards Bundall road but somehow we missed the run leg down past the PCYC and instead we headed further east along Monaco Street to the next check.
Sir Cumference and I found the right trail whilst Flasher (as he does) and Elvis continued on towards Rio Vista. We found Pacific Ave and headed right towards the inevitable foot bridge to find the Hard On arrows, which apparently doubled as On Back arrows for the false trail we missed earlier, apparently.
We then came across a check with arrows in two directions, however not in the direction we found the home trail (after some advice from truck Tyre heading in the opposite direction), go figure.
We got home in about 20 minutes and soon sighted Flasher and Elvis coming home from the totally opposite direction stating they had decided to do some extra just for the sake of it.
The pack was soon all back and declared war on the ravenous midges with gallons of Aeroguard being sprayed in the manner of Agent Orange in the Vietnam War. Nasty arrived on the scene at 6:15pm, with the pack wondering whether it was pure stupidity in not reading the emails or sheer cunning in avoiding the run.
The Hare soon provided one of his signature dishes of a fine curry and rice with all the trimmings including tomatoes, cucumbers, peanuts, extra chillies, bread, pappadams, etc. etc. and finished with a dessert of Easter eggs served up by guest Easter Bunny, Sir Rabbit (in appropriate Rabbit attire).
During the casual sit down circle, and in absence of some hierarchy members (Hash Cash at lavish beachside retreat of course, and RA absent at mountain top retreat, and swollen, well, just absent) the GM called on Cumsmoke as guest RA. It was too late to realise his error as Cumsmoke, again feeling the power of days gone by, pounced on the opportunity and proceeded to work his way through a number of the Hierarchy with various charges. The food was given a 9.5/10 by the GM and the run was given a 10/10 by the Hare, giving a self-critique as he was the only one to do the entire circuit. A good effort and a great feast Link, well done.
Please contact Shat if you are attending the H3 Sunday lunch at Burleigh on the 22nd April
PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!

————————————————————————————————————————————————

Down Downs:
Caustic: Letting bunger off in GM’s ear (and iced appropriately)
Missing Link: Hare
Sandpit: Returning runner from years gone by
Sandpit: Not wearing Hash shirt even though had one in car
Botulism, Truck Tyre, Testicle, VD, Short Circuit & Moonbeams: Returning runners
Sir Slab, Nasty, Flasher & Head Job: Caught engaging in secret training
Botulism: For volunteering guest RA, Cumsmoke, for Hash Flash job (plus deleting photos)
Jigsaw & Nasty: Sending frivolous emails and sordid boat excursions respectively
Missing Link: Destroying Moonbeams golf game with phone call during round
Caustic: Hat on in circle & one for Sir Rabbit wearing “hat” in circle
Rug: Getting caught out by Croc to drive two weeks in a row
Sir Rabbit: For wearing Easter Bunny attire
Missing Link: POW (via Flasher as proxy for Show Pony), for confusing arrows
Cumsmoke: Charged by Caustic for debacle at boat ramp on weekend and for shouting profanities in process
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs 

Weeks to AGPU: 10

THE RUN :
With a very Hash experienced Hare such as Aussie, setting a run in very familiar Hashing territory around the ‘burbs of Labrador, on a perfectly clear afternoon, what could possibly go wrong? Virtually nothing you would imagine.

Well,……. 29 Hasher turned up to test the theory.

Aussie gave explicit instructions before the run stating, “If you find a false trail, go back to the last arrow!”

Although not quite meeting the Gold Coast Hashing standard of going back to the last Check, this direction seemed simple enough and surely we could work with this for the run.

16 Runners took off, (not including the ever increasing numbers of Walkers), with Swollen appointed the Task of Sweeping and keeping everyone on track.

Seemed like a good plan, but on arrival at the very First Check, only 6 runners were still on trail including Swollen!

Fortunately I was one of those so I can give some sort of report on the run. Heading up Parker St I found a very cranky Veteran. “I’ve been up there, I’ve been down there, I’ve been down that Street, they’re all False Trails, so Fucked if I Know!”

Fortunately Aussie, (remember Aussie?, He was the Hare) arrived and with a little bit of calm coaching about returning back to the previous arrow, set Veteran on his way in exactly the direction Veteran had claimed a false trail existed. Seems he may have got a little confused in the red mist!

The rest of the run was comparatively uneventful heading through the shops on Brisbane Rd before turning South and (mostly) following Govt Rd to Central St before heading On Home. (editors note: it is a true-ism that only Bent Banana and Flasher did the complete run!).

THE CIRCLE:

Our illustrious GM blew the whistle at exactly 8:14pm to frighten off any marauding Orangutans and to call the Circle to order.

Rug was called on for a review of the run. He stated, “In all my years of Hashing this is the first run where I never saw a single arrow!” (Editors comment: ‘Rug, you’ve been spending too much time with Flasher at Splinter Hash piss ups. If you haven’t seen an arrow you’re not on the fucking trail!!)
Bent Banana restored some sanity by giving the run a very generous 6 / 10.

Nosh Report – The GM said the Nosh was “Glorious” so who could argue with a 7.8 score.

DOWN DOWNS :

Aussie – Hare

Rock Hard, Big ‘O’, Mumbles, Ross – Returning Runners
(At this time the Big ‘O” waffled on some story about breaking his appendage but no one had a fucking clue what he was talking about!)

Caustic – RA Abuse

Caustic, Nasty, Sir Prince, Mumbles, Rainbow, Flasher (grossly unfair charge!) – not following run directions

Flasher & Rug – Disgraceful behaviour after Splinter Hash. (Has anyone seen my Johnnie?)

Rainbow – 27 years of Hashing. (Looks like he started on his 40th B’day)

PRICK OF THE WEEK :

The incumbent POW (Caustic) presented a novel method of issuing the POW by calling on 4 ‘Wallflowers’ (those who hide away in the background in the Circle) and letting them vote on who should be this week’s POW.

After Veteran recovered from a seemingly impossible position after naming all of the other three nominees as his first choice (Well who else would they all vote for?) The final vote was a unanimous choice for Show Pony.

SUMMARY :

Thank you to Aussie for a great Hash Night and a special thank you to Swollen for his dictatorial role as stand in R.A.

ON ON – JOSEPHINE

Weeks to AGPU: 11
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS ARE NOW OPEN FOR FORTHCOMING HIERARCHY POSITIONS.

Being a near virgin’s run night one would not normally expect such a huge turnout as 37 eager runners arrived at the overachievers (bike group) weekend base camp to see what sort of event Kwakka and Swindler could conjure up.

Obviously, most expecting some sort of debacle, were stunned at the levels of preparation with tables set, area cordoned off and everything going to schedule, thus far.
Swindler, on behalf of the hares, addressed the circle and said they had taken on board the constant whinging and moaning of the pack about previous runs and promised tonight had it all, a good run, walk, check backs and drink stop. Though I do doubt that any run will ever avoid some form of whinging or complaints as that is the nature of the beast.
The first leg already had a few on edge as we had to run nearly a kilometre before finding the first arrow at the Chevron Bridge. The trail continued north along Ferry Road before we hit the first on back, catching a good portion of the pack. Fortunately it was not far back to the side road where the trail continued into somewhat unfamiliar country.

We continued in the back street finding another on back or two and check before continuing north along the river side park trail. We then turned west towards Ferry Road before crossing and finding the trail along the drain behind the Ferry Road Tavern. We were now back in familiar country and crossed over some of last week’s trail.

After a solid trek along Cottlew Street East we turned across the street and into the easement before again crossing a drain via a narrow concrete wall. Caustic, Botulism and the RA thought differently and continued on the north side of the drain to soon find they were now faced with a water crossing in order to reach the drink stop on Slatyer Avenue. Fortunately, unlike last week, it was low tide and the crossing was fairly painless except for Botcho receiving a few scratches.

I’m sure Rug would have preferred these conditions as opposed to last week’s swim leg. Caustic, being a little precious, decided not to get his shoes wet and had to go the long way around.
Following the non-alcoholic drink stop the pack then continued east bound towards home. The trail took us up into the pathways and along another drain behind the racecourse stables before turning towards Bundall and the final leg home.

A good, well-marked run using some surprisingly new territory as well as some well-trodden paths, though a few more checks might have slowed the frontrunners a bit more. Some of the new personalised trail markings also added a little confusion but in the end a top notch effort keeping the packs mostly together and home well within the hour.
Even a blackout caused by a mysterious flash from the Council Chambers couldn’t dull the vibrant atmosphere, who knows what those Councillors get up to at night. Speaking of Councillors, don’t forget to vote for the Miscarriage Party coming to an electorate near you!

The nosh was equally impressive with a smorgasbord of bread, salad (to keep Sir Rabbit happy) and lasagne, home cooked we were told, but the carton had Seoul (as in Korea) written on it, so go figure. The feast was followed by a trifle dessert.

In the ensuring circle of great proportions Rectum gave a glowing run report saying it was good with plenty of arrows but needed a few more on backs 7.5/10. Equally impressive was the food report given by Sir AH, commenting it was tremendous 8/10.

A few of the Travelling Willbourys were back from OS tours and were subsequently brown nosing to the GM, as one does. Slab brought a shot glass from Salt Lake City and some prayers from a local lass, Flasher presented the GM with some suspect evening wear with some “brown stains” which will be undergoing forensic testing and Ferrett trumped the pack with an Orang-utan mating caller from the wilds of Borneo (or abouts), should be useful on the Gold Coast. A top effort and great night had by all.
PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
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Down Downs:
Kwakka & Swindler: Hares
Baz & Kevin: Visitors/returning
Dicky Knee, Sir Slab, Truck Tyre, Short Circuit, Arseup & Testicle: Returning
Cumsmoke: Failure to guide Dicky Knee to run last week
Now Loved, Kev: Failing to follow RA’s directives
Dicky Knee: Failure to find venue last week
Caustic: Getting stuck on wrong side of drain during run
Caustic: Failing to attend last week, seen at Darcy Arms downing pints
Caustic: POW, via Splat, for above mentioned charge

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs 

Weeks to AGPU: 12
Seems the RA must be a busy little bee these days as he has had considerable difficulty in controlling the elements, either that or he has a weird sense of humour. Pouring rain, sun, showers, more rain, more sunshine, yet more rain, and thus was all day Monday.

Rectum had waited until the skies cleared, yet again, and as late as possible went to set the run only to watch it wash out within minutes of finishing. As a result the venue was changed from the race track to the well utilised Pizza Palace, with only Dicky Knee failing the “find the new venue” test. The solid pack arrived to hear the sad news of the run wash out but was placated by the fine post Saint Patrick’s Day dark brew.

The GM and I informed Rectum a run was mandatory and that the live hare option was inevitable. We suggested he make pace quickly and get a good start as the penalty for getting caught can be painful and or embarrassing, pending which penalty one applies. Rectum quickly disappeared with his new patented flour trail marker.

Meanwhile the pack, unaware of these proceedings, was still tucking into the brew, again skilfully brewed and supplied by host Pizza, adding to the Saint Patrick’s Day theme. Finally figuring the Hare had a fair start the GM called the rabble to order and sent them on their way in hot pursuit. The trail was surprisingly good as we ran west along Slatyer Avenue and soon crossed the road, towards the bush.
The pack was then forced to endure the drain section with ankle deep water now filling the once dry water course. After a few hundred metres, to the amazement of many a resident wondering at the goings on in the drain behind their abodes, we turned left across the slushy grass section.

Rug and I were now in the lead group as we came across yet another drain crossing. Rug tested the depth, thinking it only a few centimetres deep, but in fact it was now well over waist deep as Rug disappeared into the murky waters. Not being in possession of the same, secret agent, survival skills of Rug I quickly decided to head for the road and run around the drain and cross it at the Benowa Road intersection.

I found Rug again as we now struggled to find the next leg of the trail. As I headed north along Benowa Road I spotted front runner Miscarriage in the distance and quickly followed, again finding the trail. Bent Banana and Rug had now disappeared trying to find the trail in other ways. Miscarriage and I continued until we turned east into Cottlew Street East and managed to lose the trail somewhere along this stretch.

We searched high and low but in the end we figured if we continued to Ferry Road we’d find the trail or at least be in the right direction for home. Apparently the correct trail went further north to the Tafe College before looping back south then east parallel to home.

Aussie was out here somewhere as well but as to which section he did is unknown. The walkers, I am led to believe, did a quick about turn at the water leg and returned to the dry conditions and ready brew awaiting at home base. Never the less a great effort in trying conditions.

The nosh, also prepared by Rectum, was an Irish stew with lamb, onions, and vegies, which turned out a treat with plenty to go around, even Blacky had some, which must be a major stamp of approval. A flaming desert of an Irish Cream Brule topped with Baileys followed, again an enjoyable treat.

Rug gave a brief run report saying it was good and he particularly enjoyed the swim leg 8/10. The food was also given a resounding 8/10 as given by the majority.
Thanks to Rectum for the run and nosh and thanks again to Pizza for use of the Palace and providing the brew, though I suspect the morning after might have had some interesting results.

PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
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Down Downs:
Pizza & Rectum: Hares

Rug: Spectacular swan dive into drain

Flasher: No gift for GM following OS tour to Philippines

Phantom: Returning runner

Splat: New name for son of Head Job

KB: Charged by Miscarriage for not being on electoral roll and thus being unable to assist Miscarriage in forthcoming 157th tilt at a political post

Splat: POW by KB for being fourth member of Village People (go figure)

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs