Date: 14/12/5015

Run: 1989

Location: Oxenford

       Runners:29

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Tonight’s run took place adjacent to one of my workplaces, the Oxenford Youth and Community Centre, which was indeed fortunate as a few of us had to make good use of the facilities in the centre tonight. The run tonight was brought to you by Flasher as the hare, who went to great pains to emphasise that he was only responsible for the run and had absolutely, repeat…absolutely NOTHING to do with the so-called “nosh” which was “prepared” by Showpony…and I purposely use inverted commas to describe it, but more about that later!!

It has been suggested to me that the run tonight should have been called the Jonestown Massacre run…and for those of you who were present, the following photograph may well remind you of what happened on Monday night…………..

…..yep, there were hashmen all over the place, in various states of gastro-intestinal disrepair!!….some normally hardy souls including Josephine, Sir Blackstump, Swindler, Magician, Sir Prince Valiant, Big O and Bent Banana all succumbed to the noxious offering which had been described as “Show Pony’s Poisonous Pies” which we all thought was supposed to be a bit of a joke, but sadly gents, if it was meant to be a bit of a joke, it certainly backfired BIG TIME!!! I am told that never, repeat..NEVER in the history of hash has there been an intention to harm the participants, but quite frankly, many of us felt that this was indeed the case on Monday…..here is but one sample of several angry emails that I have received today…..

“those hares last night could have killed somebody; seriously. Blackie has had issues with a hole in his stomach, Big O is supposed to have had an ulcer and Now Loved is full of radiation. Josephine & Magician could have had a heart attack and they were obviously in serious discomfort, laying on the ground in agony.That prank may be suitable for adolescents but out of place for us old farts.
I had several good chucks when I got home, by forcing my finger down my throat, as I had serious stomach cramps”.

I can only sympathise with the writer of this email regarding trying to rid his stomach of its vile content because more than one of us tried to do the same thing after ingesting the SHIT that was dished out to us!!…as for whatever else was on offer, which I believe may have been chicken and prawns, well, fuck trying that for a joke!!! I personally was in too much pain and in quite some distress not only at my own pain, but at seeing others suffering equally if not more badly than myself to contemplate having either any of the mains or the dessert that was on offer…and I know that many of us felt the same way.

The run:

Given the events that followed the run, I could not even be bothered with gracing the run with any words….am I offending anybody by adopting this attitude??…see if I give a flying fuck!!! As far as I am concerned, whoever had anything at all to do with organising the debacle ought to seriously consider their future as hashmen, they really should…isn’t it supposed to be about mateship and having a good time together??? Well tonight demonstrated that some don’t give a shit for the welfare of their fellow Hashmen…to see those guys lying on the ground writhing in pain and not give a shit???……I am SO ANGRY!!!! ….and to then have the gall to laugh about it??? Give me a fucking break!! Personally if it had been me that had had anything to do with the events of tonight, I would make a point of absenting myself from Hash until the events of tonight had been long forgotten…SHAME, SHAME, SHAME ON YOU!!!

The Circle:

There were some funny incidents in Circle tonight, but all, in my mind at least, long forgotten and paling into insignificance due to the total fuck up that was tonight…all I can say is that the PRICK OF THE WEEK was well deserved and ought to stay with the recipient in perpetuity!!!

Don’t agree with anything I’ve said???….take it up with somebody who fucking cares!!!…want to have a go at me about what I’ve said???…ohh, please…as they say…have your go!!!

This Weeks Pictures

ON A PLEASANT NOTE TO END THE REPORT WITH…..WEEKLY’S SON BRADLEY WILL BE PERFORMING ON CHANNEL 9 THIS SATURDAY AT THE IGA CAROLS SO PLEASE ALL DO WATCH HIM!!!

 Fanny Charmer

On Sec.

Date: 7/12/5015

Run: 1988

Location: Ashmore

Hare: Fullershit

       Runners:30

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Tonight’s run, brought to you from lovely, downtown industrial Ashmore, came to you all courtesy of Fullershit and his lovely wife Lee, to whom he obviously outsourced the cooking, as she was seen to be slaving away at a hot oven at the back of Chateaux Fuller, also known as his industrial shed, from where he runs one of his many business interests, including the world famous on the Gold Coast E-Rider electric bicycle worldwide distribution centre.

On the topic of outsourcing, it is also to be duly noted that Fullershit outsourced the setting of the run to his mate from Darwin Hash, Sorry…errrr….sorry, what was that?….Exactly!!…very confusing!!

The run:

The run headed off down into the normal well-trodden path from Fullershit’s factory…yawn, yawn…here we go again, we all thought…with the only difference being that the run was to be marked with plastic ribbon tied to poles, trees and all sorts of other weird places, with two ribbons indicating a check, three ribbons an on-back or something like that!….anyway, young Sorry must have only gone out to set the run with about three metres of tape to his name ‘cause there certainly wasn’t much of it around!!

The Nosh:

 The Nosh started with nibbles of two dipping jars and corn chips…nice to see the “gourmet” back in this Hash! Mains was a turkey that Fullershit (with my help) managed to massacre, along with a cooked ham….both were delicious and served with potatoes, carrot and assorted other veges, with a nice gravy (Gravox if I am not mistaken)….pity that those at the front of the queue had absolutely no idea at all about portion control and totally disregarded the presence of twenty other blokes at the back when dishing out the turkey for themselves…oh well, at least there was plenty of the ham and it was lovely!!…the crackling was a nice touch……..

but the best part of the Nosh was the theatrical entrance made by none other than KB, who roared down the street in one of his employer’s vehicles, an F-type V8 Jaguar….nice to see you again KB and it was nice to ogle your car. Our GM decided he would like to be taken for a test drive so off they roared up the street with all baffles on the exhaust open…when they returned, the GM was asked if he was going to be putting a deposit on one, his reply was “I already have…I shit myself in the front seat!” …..and with that little episode over, we all tucked into dessert…again a fine gourmet offering of…ummm…I do know there was ice cream with it….oh yes, hang on…that’s right…diced strawberries!!!…and having learnt his lesson, Fullershit was sitting there ensuring that we all only took four pieces of strawberry each! A good effort Fullershit (and Lee)!!

The Circle:

Tonight’s debacle started off with Rug….oh yes, that’s right…he is our long absent GM…..welcoming us all to circle and justifying his absence…..”I was only away for three months you know…it was supposed to have been four!”

First victim in Circle tonight…Fullershit and his Darwin mate Sorry, whom I believe is down here on the Gold Coast doing a quadruple degree at Griffith University in something to do with engineering…or was it a Cert III in arithmetic in order to qualify for all the degrees??? In any case, let’s hope he stays with the Hash as it will get our average age (currently at around 68) down considerably!! Most apologetic was dear Sorry for failing dismally in setting a well-marked run and getting us all totally off-trail, but thanks to the familiarity of the territory, not lost at all!

Now-Loved was welcomed back to Hash and out the front for having lost his passport and other belongings in downtown Bangkok! No further discussions on this topic as to do otherwise would break our golden rule…what happens on tour stays on tour!! Word does however have it that our esteemed GM was responsible for leading Now Loved somewhat astray!

Carefree was then brought out for a down-down for his part in apparently recommending the hotel where all of the disasters unfolded…oh dear!

Bluecard came out for a down-down for leaving his “mark” on the trip to Burma, with Sir Slab commenting that “next time I organise a tour I’m going to have to buy these blokes corks to bung them up!” Apparently, so disgusting was the state of BlueCard’s nether regions that he did not need a passport to cross from Burma into Thailand and he was quickly ushered through the border crossing.

The Prick of the Week award was passed with undue haste and little justification from Fullershit to Sir Prince Valiant…I don’t think that this will be end of this matter!! With SPV muttering something along the lines of “he’s not getting away with this….I’m on Hierarchy”.

 It needs to be said that Mme Latrine was in excellent form tonight, carrying on in Circle like a forlorn schoolboy, gesturing, making appropriate noises and otherwise totally misbehaving, just as one should in Hash!

Nutcracker has now moved to the Gold Coast permanently so is no longer considered a visitor from the Posh Hash in Sydney…pity he’s such an old prick…doesn’t do anything to get our average age down!!

With that…Josephine announced (in the absence of Moonbeams)…end of circle!!

Next week’s run…Courtesy of Showpony and Flasher…from the sporting fields near the pigeon club and cricket club at Oxenford…right by the Oxenford Youth and Community Centre too!

This Weeks Pictures

 Fanny Charmer

On Sec.

Date: 30/11/5015

Run: 1987

Location: Ormeau

Hare: Sir Slab

       Runners:19

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Tonight’s run was the annual SEQ joint GC/Brisbane “I don’t go that far for my holidays” run, held in the upper reaches of the Gold Coast with the boys from the Brisbane Hash. You could tell it was a far away run…there were absences in droves from amongst our ranks, even from the “Northern Alliance” who always whinge about having to travel to the southern (well really it’s the central) part of the coast for many of our runs. Good to see a few of them here though, such as Showpony and Flasher. Nice also to see the return of BlueCard and Hard-On back into the fold, having now recovered from their exploits in Burma.

The run commenced from the carpark of the Norfolk Tavern and Slab’s instructions were absolutely spot on last week… “just go up the M1, take exit 41, first left at the roundabout and at the next roundabout turn right and you’re there”…simple!

Before the run we all made our way into the pub to pre-order our meals, with the younger hashers borrowing seniors cards from the more geriatric of our group to get the special “senior’s meals” for only $13.00!!

The run:

The hares tonight were Sir Slab, Anchovy and Vaso and Sir Slab swept the course, making sure we all stayed on trail. At commencement we were all assured that the run was a maximum of 6.5km and the walk about 3 km, with the latter prompting a response from Showpony… “fuck that for a joke…I’m walking around the block and back into the pub…it’s air-conditioned in there!”.

In the blistering heat which often lingers well into the evening in those parts of the Gold Coast that are away from the ocean, off we headed to the cries of “on, on” onto well marked streets and soon found ourselves in bushland which so far has not succumbed to the bulldozers of the developers. Around houses, through creeks, over culverts, over logs we all went, doing regroups at several of the checks before getting to the official regroup about 4km into the run…I am sure that I wasn’t the only one who hoped there was a chilly bin full of beer at the regroup but it wasn’t to be….bugger it!! To the tune of “Rule Britannia” with a Hash adaption, off we all headed from the regroup to the rhythm of constant huffing and puffing down the last leg of the run. Damn!!…..some of those Brisbane bastards are fit!!!

We eventually all made it back to the carpark where our trusty booze-master, Weekly (no, he didn’t defect back to Rotary… “they probably wouldn’t have me back after the debauchery I’ve been involved in with the Hash!”), had the chilly bins out and ready to be of service to all the Brisbane pisspots, who apparently swelled our coffers beyond anything that we would normally do…onya boys!!…run hard, drink hard!!

The Nosh:

 This is an easy write-up….it was a pub run so the nosh was whatever we ordered from the bistro…and the steaks looked wonderful..my fish and chips was certainly a great meal and terrific value for $13.00…highly recommended venue for any joint runs with the Brisbane lads! To those of you who weren’t there….you missed a great nosh!!

The Circle:

Circle started with our acting GM (hurry the fuck up and come and do your job Rug!!) Sir Prince Valiant welcoming all of the Brisbane guys…(what about us from the Goldie??? We had to drive just as far!!).

Vaso and Anchovy were first out for a down-down for trying to mow Rectum’s grass with Susanna when she got back to Australia…what a hide!!…who would invite such a lovely lass onto a boat for funny business!!!

Truckie was called out the front (yet again!) for his antics in the Philippines…enough said!….same for your truly…again, enough said…and I make no apologies SPV!!

Vaso called out the front by Shat for leaving his undies and toothbrush at Shat Manor when getting ready for going to the Brisbane Grand Masters lunch.

Mme Latrine then made a grand entrance to the middle of the circle to present the Prick of the Week…a very erudite and entertaining rant!!!…three contenders were paraded….Slab, Truckie and Fullershit…with the former two being eliminated and Fullershit being awarded the POW for being kicked out of the Philippines and not making it past the airport arrivals lounge!! Poor bastard!!…You missed a great trip!!

This weeks pictures

Next week’s run…From Fullershit’s factory in Ashmore.

Fanny Charmer

On Sec.