Author Archives: Botcho

Run 2147…S Bends

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Date: 24th December  2018……………………..
Location: Main Beach ………………………………
Runners:10……………………………………………..

Here are the HARD facts from the run – –

 

Xmas Eve and only a hard core of Hashmen were there, the ones with hardly anything better on Xmas Eve. For most,  it was too hard to break away from the season’s festivities, so a cohort of ten or so hardy Hashmen showed up. Our Supreme Leader, GM Weekly and his trusty assistant S Bends, the Dynamic Duo,  briefed us on the run, which he assured us being Xmas, would not be a hard run.
There was only one runner, Blacky, he headed off alone  and became a bit hard to see as he disappeared over the horizon .I walked with the  Supreme Leader Weekly and Slug,  (I always keep close to the GM in the hope of currying favours, but have hardly ever succeeded). We found the trail a bit hard to follow so we headed down Tedder where we passed bars full of hard core drinkers with hard faced chicks, spending their hard earned cash on expensive mojitos. It was not hard to see why they could not afford the deposit on the house
The run was all on hard surface bitumen, and we were instructed to yell out to Carefree as we passed his abode, for him to join us. However Carefree, being hard of hearing was waiting on the hard paved street and continued with us on to the yacht club.

Brew master S Bends after some hard bargaining with management had arranged Heinekens at $5. The small group was enjoying the coldies when in walked Shat and Hardon, they had ridden their bikes, not hard to imagine them getting the wobbles on the way home.
A local guy was coerced in to taking pics with everybody’s phone, when he got to Slugs he mistakenly bought up some hard core porn pics of girls from Slug’s dark side; he held it up for all to see.

From there on home a short walk back to the park was not hard to find, where S Bends had a variety of craft beers some hardly ever seen in bottle shops, including Newstead XPA, a delightful brew of 6.8% which he advises retails for $89 per carton, but he assured me was “cheap at that price” not hard to work out he is probably embezzling Hash funds with that mind set. Did Shat and Hardon have a few of these 6.8%’rs before venturing out home on the bikes?
Fullershit had his pride and joy, a brand new Mercedes camp van on display giving us a cook’s tour of the gizmos all very cleverly built in including a pop up roof with overhead bed, which would have been a bit hard to climb up to. Hard to know if he stayed the night at Main Beach as a test camp out.
As no RA there; Brengun related how ageing citizen Carefree going to last week’s Xmas run on the tram abused the Go card machine for being out of order until he discovered he was using his surf club card, case of hardening of the brain arteries.
The Supreme Leader called an end to the night and the mob dispersed with hardly a whimper.

 

Temporary Scribe

Brengun

( I found this report a bit hard to write)

IMG_5925

Run 2146…Hierarchy

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Date: 17th December  2018……………………..
Location: Surfers Paradise ………………………
Runners:46…………………………………………..
Run Pictures……………………………………..

‘Twas the run before Christmas and all through Budds Beach not a creature was stirring – they had enough brains to stay inside because it was pissing pick handles.
The gathering of our staunch hashmen had soon demolished as much of the pizza as they could get inside them and, at 5:15 on the dot, they were off in search of fun and adventure, well, beer actually.
Sir Botcho, the trailblazer, lead the ragged mob through the streets of Surfers, avoiding the rain and puddles, while finding some very convenient photo opportunities along the way. Santa’s photo booth in Cavil Mall was taken over by the GM, much to the chagrin of the waiting punters.

 

Amid cries of “Merry Christmas” and “Ho Ho Ho” our faithful band surged onward to the House of Brews for a selection of their finest ales to taste.
Carefree and Brengun, among others, had already started, as they were smart enough to head straight there to avoid getting drenched.
Almost the entire gathering agreed that beer number five was shit. There is something about a mango beer that seems contradictory to common sense. Mademoiselle Latrine busied himself handing out platters of beer making sure that none was wasted.
Swollen Colon and his crackers were missed but, as we were right beside the Police Station, his absence was probably a good thing.
Then it was across the street for the evening nosh at La Porchetta.
Vicky was looking most resplendent in almost nothing. As usual, she was never short of company with the GM following her around like a lapdog “Just to make sure she wasn’t accosted by the lecherous hash hounds”. Brewtus, Arsenic and Skyhook, with eyes the size of dinner plates, were the bees round the proverbial honeypot.
Bent Banana was seeking solace and asked her for a hug. In true BB fashion he ended up burying his beak in her cleavage. Needless to say Vicki was not impressed. Likewise, she went crinkly-faced when Aussie thought it might be good idea to draw circles around her nipples.
Fanny Charmer and Sir Prince Valiant traded barbs about Labor’s latest housing initiative. And the highlight of the evening for the Caustic Crusader was when Lyon dismissed Kohli in the cricket and we had them at 5/100.
The RA was slightly miffed when Phantom and Sir Prince snaffled the last two Veal Scallopini dishes, especially as he had been waiting since the dawn of creation for his meal to arrive.
By now, someone had stolen S Bends’ whistle but the ever-resourceful Booze Master came up with another one to continue annoying the Christmas revellers.
The night deteriorated from there and the last thing I remember was downing pints of Guinness in Waxy’s.
And so it was.

On On

Sweat Hog

Circumference also has a few memories of another fun night of Hashing…

A brief overview as the photo gallery tells the real truthful story of the evening.
1. Pre-loading from the eskies at the Nerang River’s edge to wash down the 25 pizzas before the Plan B relocation to across the road to get out of the rain.
2. Walk to Surfers Paradise in the rain.
3. Drink stop comprising of shot size beers at the Brew House, numbered from 1-5 and that wasn’t their rating, more like 5-1 in that regard.
4. Then across the road to the Italian restaurant to dine on a beautiful range of entrees and mains washed down by quality beers and wines.
5. Some brief glimpses of Vicki’s you know whats(multiple choice of either tits or tatts).
6. A hash bromance revisited to smooth things over after their last tiff was formalised over a bottle of Shiraz.
7. Vicki’s regular delivery of alcohol to the tables was also welcomed by all on the night.
8. A tray of liqueurs were circulated as a night cap just to top things off.
9. The light rail not going beyond Southport due to some incident was unfortunate for those hashers caught out trying to get home.
10.Some interesting caricatures of GC hashers on the reverse side of the giveaway Christmas shirt, a sure fire way to discourage any hasher from going into politics if that’s the way cartoonists would make that hasher’s likeness made ludicrous in the public eye.
On On
Circumference(as stand in for Fuck All who is still on his exotic/erotic Asian tour)

Run 2145…The Three Amigos

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Date: 10th December  2018……………………..
Location: Nerang ………………………………….
Runners:35…………………………………………..
Run Pictures……………………………………..

As the Northern Alliance carpool arrived at the venue, Sir Rabbit looked at Sit Two Dog’ car’s GPS view of the green forest and remarked that all should have worn the infamous Mumbles Nerang Forest run T-shirts to this run. A comment that went through to the keeper but unknown to all would certainly make its relevance as the evening progressed. A good roll up of 35 hashers took final instructions from Ballpoint who advised that it was a thinking hashers run. An early stumbling block for most hashers who don’t think on runs but just follow the leader. However all seemed to be going well as the pack soon reached a drink stop of jellied lemon/lime tequila shots manned by Arse Nic. A well marked trail and plenty of natural light as noted by Sir Jo who advised that as the summer equinox is approaching it is a great time for summer hash runs, gave all plenty of confidence that this was going to be a nice cruisy walk in the park.  Slug and Now Loved called out regularly to keep the pack together. As the light faded, so did the markings on the trail and the majority of hashers looked for quickest way home. However the Nerang Forest can be trap for every hasher whether a virgin or an experienced Sir and a few of the pack become unstuck and started the old running around in circles in the dark trick. It would seem that everyone sooner or later gets a taste of the legacy of Mumbles, GC Hash’s version of the Bermuda triangle when day turns to night on hash runs in the forest.
As most hashers were already chewing on their BBQ cooked chorizo and Jatz crackers washed down by lemon/lime infused Coronas, the care factor of the welfare of their fellow hashers didn’t register on their radar. A group of about 6 missing hashers eventually stumbled in , some missing some bark and others who were very dirty and sweaty headed for the eskies for some refreshments after their very unpleasant after dark experience in the forest. The main curse of Mexican Chilli Con Carne/rice was then served before the freshly made deep fried Chiros for dessert. A good start up dessert franchisee opportunity in the offering was demonstrated by the 3 Amigos Chiros mobile kitchen.
The GM announced it was circle time and an orderly group of hashers came to attention. Returning runners – Foxtrot Oscar, Mad Mike, Sir AH and Flasher each enjoyed a down down. Flasher had turned up for the run which was originally assigned to him but wasn’t available to do it. The 3 Amigos -Ballpoint/Skyhook/Arse Nic were next out as the hares. A combined delivery of a joke about a bull was given by the GM/Sir Ferret. Next entertainment act came from Rug who sang one of his family favourite songs about his sister Belinda and her association with Tequila ,Vino, Gin and Jack Daniels.
The well stocked esky of Mexican birthday beers which had been provided by Arse Nic earned him the next down down. Excel Pet’s run report was that about 6 hashers obviously didn’t think real hard on the so called thinking man’s run. As well as running, diving had featured on the trail and some of the best were from Excel Pet, Sir Botcho and Sir Two Dogs. The award for the hasher with the highest thinking IQ went to Fuller Shit who after the first drink stop had got a lift back to the bucket.
Sir Ferret was next out for a drink for being too mouthy in the circle while the GM tried to keep some sort of sensible control of proceedings and give advice about next weeks Christmas run. Maybe because Sir Ferret is not attending, he lost interest. A show of hands was asked for by the GM for others not attending. The Big O and Hot Dick advised that they will be absent also. However while this may assist with catering, it doesn’t take into account those other 10 or so other hashers who will be there next Monday but were absent from this run. Don’t forget your cash and Go Card just to cover any issues that may arise during the evening. Budds Beach is the starting venue.
Iceman had a crack at a joke about a cat but as it back fired, Miscarriage suggested with his hash name that it was appropriate for him to do a short stretch on the prepared ice. Miscarriage continued speaking about the fact that the hare had almost caused a catastrophe of losing 6 hashers by the lack of flour /markings and an investment of about 50 cents for some more flour after the final ON was all that was needed.
The GM called out Ballpoint for his co -hares failing miserably as sous chefs and presented Skyhook with his gifted copy of Harrier International for his perusal as there will be a quiz for him down the track about his knowledge of hash history. While this going on , Ballpoint was still just waiting there in the circle like a stale bottle of piss going off in the midday sun, so Carefree cleverly suggested to the GM that it was maybe time to give him his down down.
The GM’s invite to close the circle went to that rowdy hasher, Foxtrot Oscar.
Another memorable evening at the Nerang Pony Club/ Forest would not be complete with remembering those famous words of recently married Mumbles currently honeymooning with his young bride. On 24 January 2005, Mumbles set his run from this venue  and it resulted in some hashers ending up at Pacific Pines. Upon hitching a ride home, he later told the circle  –
” I knew where we were and where we should come out , but we weren’t where I thought I was “.
On On
Circumference(ghost writing for Fuck All who is on tour)
  • IMG145
  • Exelpets run map... on trail all the way. Can't be said for some

The award Mumbles received a few years back when all but three lost the trail, set by Mumbles.

My run map from last night… on trail all the way. Can’t be said for some.

Thanks for the pics and comments Exelpet! Definitely Hierarchy material. LOL

Run 2144…S Bends

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Date: 3rd December  2018……………………..
Location: Main Beach ……………………………..
Runners:37…………………………………………..
Run Pictures……………………………………..

Hash V8 Runs HQ, at the boat ramp car park, was the venue chosen by the hare, S Bends. We were warned in advance that the event was all about St Andrews Day/Scottish themes. The new procedure of paying Hash Cash up front seems to be catching on with the No Pay/No Nosh mantra with hashers departing with their hard earned before runs.
The hare told the pack about hash arrows and checks which most hashers found quite intriguing as it was case of Same Shit/Different Monday for all. So runners went west and walkers south and all joined up near the beachside of the suburb. Near the Southport SLSC, a hasher was sighted in the park with shots of Scottish alcohol ready for consumption. Some more sightseeing on the trail along the Broadwater lead all back to the venue.
The hare had provided a Scottish beer along with the regular brews. However the biggest demand was for Ginger Beer with hashers being told there was none.  A Club Now with No (Ginger)Beer shocked many returning runners. Just as well it was Sir Blackie’s RDO or all hell would have broke loose.So beer sales went through the roof and even water was becoming popular as a thirst quencher. Most hashers had now got into their Scottish themed clobber with Tam O’ Shanters being popular headwear and Sir Rabbit doing his best with more tartan on him than a Christmas packet of Scottish shortbread.
The entrée of sliced ham and chicken was well received by all with some noting it was very identical to what they had eaten the day before at another event. A couple of hashers were on haggis burger cooking duties on the well lit BBQ’s,(thanks to Truck Tyres Logistics). A conga line of hungry hashers began circling the cooks, so the hare organised a couple more hashers to serve out the salads and sauce for the breadless burgers. A kind of hash hush came over the seated pack as they masticated their way through the Aberdeen thistle fed beef.
A few hashers staggered back for seconds but most filled up on the large first serving. Many hashers had made comments to me during the evening about what a nice guy the GM was and as he didn’t do icings, it made him even better. Little did they know what was coming up later in the circle.
The next course was an alcohol infused slice of cake and some real tasty Woolworths brand Hokey Pokey ice cream. A few of the bed wetters faction of the hash as usual started getting anxious about getting home early and a chant for the circle to commence began from the usual crew. So the GM organised Now Loved, very resplendent in his tartan picnic rug clan attire to get the down downs ready. Low and behold out comes several bottles of ginger beer in of all things – a Lowes bag -so obviously that’s where you get it these days, so don’t bother looking in the eskies anymore.
The GM wearing a Scottish sash and Tam O’ Shanter called out the multi-named (Skyhook/ Mr Movember/Womb Bromb) on his fund raising efforts of raising 51000 cents for a men’s health charity by growing his top lip whiskers during November. As the visitors and returning runners totalled nine, a joint token down down was taken by Missing Link. Ferret just back from his Captain Cook’s cruise from Pommy Land to Botany Bay presented the GM with some hash presents. The Malaysian flag on the GM’s blue ute is sure to be a diplomatic hit. Sir Prince Valiant advised that Swollen Colon was still recovering from a fairly solid bender he had while on tour.
Hare, S Bends was called out as the hare and a circle disruptive Fanny Charmer finally cracked the GM’s cool demeanour and the No More Mr Nice Guy aura was replaced by a GM in hot pursuit of cold ice for Fanny to sit on. Iceman ‘s report on the run was that, it was a ghost of a soldier’s run while Sir Rabbit stated that it was good walk. The nosh report was given by Magician who stated it was sensational as he had several courses of everything on offer.
  Returning RA and holder of the POW told a joke about peanut paste which might have put a few hashers off their breakfast spread for awhile. Arse Nic and Skyhook who just happen to be co-haring a run next Monday in the Nerang Forest (the hash’s Bermuda Triangle) got down downs for somehow slowing down Iceman on the run. Sir Ferret was not happy with the hare’s choice of dessert as it caused him to break a tooth after hitting some butterscotch rock in the hokey pokey ice cream.
Circumference got a birthday down down and in keeping with the theme produced a bottle of St Andrews tawny port for any hasher feeling like a night cap.
Sir Two Dogs was invited to close the circle. While most hashers departed , several of the local hashers who reside in the Main Beach precinct were settling in for a few more drinks. The high octane cider now stocked in the bucket seems to be a popular choice with hashers wanting a quick transition from sobriety to intoxication.
Just as a side issue on the evening’s event, I doubt if we have ever seen a better display of Hash Outsourcing 101 than what was witnessed at this hare’s run.
Honourable mentions to the following  –
Now Loved – Drink Stop Waiter
Sir Slab – Entrée Cold Meats Providore
Now Loved – Food Waiter
Poxy and Sweat Hog – Frisbee sized burger flippers
Carefree – Salad Tosser/Server
Now Loved – Salad Server
Now Loved – Hare’s driver to pick up the dessert
Sir Botcho – Dessert Server
And the winner, for his allrounder performance, well I will let you guess who it was as he had a pretty busy night with his Booze master duties as well.
On On
Circumference  (still on secondment while Fuck All is on stress leave in Asia)