Run: 1945

Date:9/2/2015

Location:Nerang

Hares: Ballpoint

Runners:35

Well, here we were again at an old favourite spot at the pony club at the end of Wandin Street, Nerang for Ballpoint’s birthday run…50 years old and he doesn’t look a bloody day over sixty…must be all the hashing in exotic locales all over the world..it obviously takes it out of you…happy birthday you old prick!!

About thirty intrepid hashers turned up for the run, a lot of them probably wondering what the hell was ahead of them and why they had to pay $20 for the run instead of the usual $15….of course all would be revealed later, as we would all see!…and why the hell did we all have to wear Hawaiian shirts we wondered!

Some research on Ballpoint’s birthday, assuming he is to be believed that it was four days before tonight’s run only turned up one “famous” person with whom he shares a birthday…Mary, crown princess of Denmark…another Tasmanian!! Good one Ballpoint..hashy birthday, f*** you!!

The run briefing:

The hare greeted us all upon arrival with a big backpack strapped to his chest…shit! Has he lost all his marbles and is he packed with explosives and this is not going to be a hash run but terrorist training instead???…and was the extra money to pay for the explosives??? No, no, we were reassured by Ballpoint that this was going to be a Hawaii 5-O theme run…”out there in the bush, you blokes have to act like it’s full of thieves and crims…you have to be on your toes…you have to find the trail…it’s going to be marked with shredded paper and I’m going to head out and mark it now and you blokes follow in ten minutes”.

The run:

Off set the hare into the wilderness and after waiting the requisite time we all set off in the same direction, including the walkers. After about twenty five metres we came across the first shiggy…a bloody muddy creek crossing…great stuff Ballpoint!…soggy feet for the next four kilometre trek!…soon after that there was a check consisting of a large mound of shredded paper…no way could that lot have been in his back pack…this was all a pre-planned trap!

Runners shot off in all directions and it looked like there was no trail to follow but after many cries of “are you?” and “checking!” after what seemed like an eternity, a faint cry of “on on” in the distance raised hopes again. “Bugger it” said Botcho “I would have been happy to turn back and crack a beer!”…a sentiment with which a fair number of us agreed. This scenario was to be repeated at every single check …..”what the fuck is he trying to do to us?”…”bloody prick!”…..ahh the joys of hashing!

Ballpoint must be given credit for one thing though…the runners all stayed together for the whole run…..probably because everybody was shit scared of being left out in the wilderness on their own…..even Flasher did his best to resist the temptation of darting off on his own as he normally does. Towards the end of the run most of us were desperately lost and thank goodness a friendly local came out of her house backing the bushland and said “are you blokes lost??” to which we all replied “yes…how the f*** do we get back to the pony club?” to which she responded “just go down the hill there and there’s a creek crossing (great! Another one!) and you’re nearly there”…off we went down the hill, fortuitously finding the trail again and there we were…back at the start..brilliant! Despite all the protestations and abuse directed at the hare, we all summed it up as a bloody good run!

The Nosh:

Ballpoint made a bloody good effort to upstage Sir Blackstump by pinching his signature dish, spaghetti Bolognese…all agreed that it was a good feed, with the nibbles at the beginning being a slightly spicy Spanish-style chorizo, served with cheese and that old favourite, Jatz crackers. Where would we be without Jatz!! Dessert was Crepe Suzettes, probably outsourced to Ballpoint’s lovely Mauritian missus, oh, but hang on, he’s French…he’s got the right DNA to cook that sort of shit so he probably did them….good job Ballpoint..tres bien mon ami!! There was a second dessert, boob-shaped cakes topped with cream..shared by those not on the point of bursting after circle ended. In all, we all agreed it was a great feed and who gives a shit what Blackstump thought of it!!

Circle and other crap:

In keeping with the Hawaii 5-O theme, Ballpoint had arranged for one of his copper chums to come and provide us with some light entertainment…Constable Crissy certainly kept us all in line, not hesitating to wield her extendable nightstick to keep our behaviour in line. Enough said…you had to be there to appreciate it and if you weren’t or if you are reading this as an interested outside, well ha! Ha!…you missed out..tough titties J!!

Our esteemed GM had some issues tonight keeping the crowd under control, probably to do with the fact that he seems like a man under the spell of our uniformed guest…can somebody please tell him that drooling is not acceptable, even amongst a crowd of misfits such as we are! The highlight of circle tonight was the celebration of Ballpoint’s birthday…no details but he certainly got his twenty bucks’ worth tonight!!!

A total lack of imagination was shown by Fullershit in passing the Prick of the Week over to Nasty for no other reason that the poor bastard is called “Nasty”!! Lame, lame reason Mr Fullershit and again probably the result of being distracted by a couple of the fine “points” raised tonight JJ!!!

About half an hour into the circle proceedings, Moonbeams and Showpony started to whinge, bleating about it being past their bedtime…Moonbeams was heard to say “this is shit…my arse is getting sore…seen one pair you’ve seen them all “ (I wonder what he means??…does he mean a pair of guys up there getting “down-downs”??). Showpony agreed with him and said “yeah, fuck this, I’ve got to go home and worry about my sixth separation!!” (huh, is that six degrees of separation?).

Enough crap for now…that will do for a run report…don’t like it??? DILLIGAF!!

Signing off,

Your trusty substitute to the substitute to the scribe,

Fanny Charmer

Sir Rabbit was out and about  last weekend and recorded this video for your viewing pleasure. He reckons that our Grand Master needs singing lessons  LOL!!

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Run: 1944

Date:2/2/2015

Location: Robina

Hares: Now Loved & Pile Driver

Runners:24

Its Monday again ….

The Run. A smaller crowd than usual gathered at a familiar spot, with promises of unfamiliar and new territory by Hare Now Loved. He explained the meaning of his three different arrows, with the extra one being LB, for Lazy Bastards. Then it was off North with several quick checks. The trail followed water meandering through Robina Town Centre, with clever markings keeping all away from the sight of the commercial centre. Eventually the waterside trail ended with a wire fence, under a bridge, where a FT forced the FRBs to back track. It was then westward through a Kentucky Chicken shop and a gradual left curve where a check led into some light scrub, then up over a grassed hill and a nice downhill cruise to Home. The group of Two Dogs, Blackie & Brewtis led the group in, only to observe Flasher already there. It was all over in 35-40 mins – a well-marked trail, with ample checks and some new countryside, for those who don’t run often. Well done Now Loved.

The Nosh was described as Kai See Ming, and looked like something you would feed refugees or those Polish ghetto residents during WW2. However it tasted rather nice and most went back for seconds. The following healthy fruit salad with top quality ice cream was also well received. Good effort Pile Driver.

The Circle. GM welcomed all, with his first question: was it really new countryside? The only “Yes “ he got was from a visiting hasher, last seen 4 years ago. And his response for the food was – although it looked like Chop Suey, it tasted very good. He then handed out DDs to:

The Visitors & Returner:      Iceman, Vomit, Blackie & Lord Geoff

New Naming: To a founding nameless member (& joint GM) now to be known Lord Geoff of Broadbeach.

Acting RA Ballpoint then took control and punished:

Splinter events –Truckie spilt aged and expensive wine which was provided by                          Botcho & Sir Rabbit. All 3 awarded.

– Botcho and Vomit for graffiti all over our beloved trailer.

– Blue Card for serious indecent proposals to Hash friend and                                        mascot Montana, followed with a second DD for wearing his  torch on his head in the circle.

Oz Day event – Pile Driver being held responsible for Cricket match being cancelled.

Election event – Rock Hard and Sir Rabbit for voting Labour and helping in the destruction of the LNP in Queensland

Useless Shirt. After a long diatribe by holder Ballpoint it was passed on to Sir Prince for reported very poor engineering of a collapsed House built on a Water tank, way back in his youth. Not true, claimed SPV.

Prick of the Week. Fuller Shit decided he needed more time to view all the DVDs so kept it for another week. To his surprise he copped the half yard!

Next Weeks Run. This is shaping up to something special with Ballpoint promising excellent food and a great run and other surprises, maybe, to celebrate his 50^th. He asked all to make a special effort to be there. Nerang Pony Club … check the web for more details.

Josephine closed the Circle at 8:50 PM.

BB, stand in for Flasher, who pointedly refused the GM’s plea for a stand-in scribe.

Run: 1943

Date:26/01/2015

Location: Robina

Hares: Truck Tyres, KB, Slug and Rockhard

Runners:27

A wonderfully bedecked crew of about 30 turned up the Australia Day cricket day extravaganza.

The wicket was looking splendid on our arrival with the covers off and having been freshly mown for the eagerly awaited match.

There were Kiwi Aussies, Kiwis, Pommie Aussies and even a few Aussies in attendance.

One Hasher made it big time on the  news instead of attending OUR celebrations !!

At noon the advertised starting time only a few hardy participants had arrived notably led by our beloved Hash IT master Botulism and his tribe and bride and our most run Sir Rabbit who waxed on about the wonders of the Surfside buses having arrived right at the grounds from the wilds of Chirn Park on a 747. We didn’t know that there was an airport at Robina but Sir Rabbit assured us he definitely arrived on a 747!

In true Australian style the rest of the cricketers and their supporters arrived like public servants at work in dribs and drabs and of course all a little late but at least they made the effort unlike a lot of the hash regulars who were absentees.

Eventually the pack were off on a short well marked run set by stand in hare Truck Tires in the absence of the RA who apparently was at home recovering both from a night on the grog and a recent operation that apparently included some graft (how unusual?).

The run was led by Fuller Shit who true to form was full of shit riding a somewhat all terrain e-rider and checking the checks for those of us who bother to run being only Bent Banana and Miscarriage with the rest of the pack deciding due to the heat and preserve their energy for the game decided to walk the run which although short (circa 3 km) was very well marked with chalk, flour and paper that even Flasher would have stayed on trail if he come instead of staying home tiling!

On return and having a well earned drink or two the nosh was on starting with a wonderful entree of fresh prawns packed in the ice that Miscarriage forgot at Christmas for his family prawn feast.

After the prawns were devoured it was on to mains with boiled potatoes, marinated Sam Kekovich Lamb and salad followed by the Aussie favourite pavlova all well prepared by our GM KB and his motley crew of helpers.

As one can imagine after a run or walk in the heat, quite a few drinks, prawns, lamb and pavlova a hash union meeting was quickly held and the anticipated cricket game was postponed to another day to ensure the well prepared pitch remained in perfect condition for the next users of the oval.

How kind and considerate of the hash to think of others.

New Australian and ex-kiwi Botulism then acted as quiz master and asked a lot of interesting questions about Australia with   great answers from the likes of Ferrett (yes it’s true), Nasty and ex-ex GM Now Loved.

Like a good labour run raffle the winner of the quiz was none other than Botulism who firmly believes in the principle that whoever runs the quiz or raffle wins it! Well done mate.

Botcho’s brother Vomit, here for the Splinter Lunch Golf Tournament told a very clever joke about never giving up being a Hash House Harrier

An impromptu seated circle was called by the GM and apart from the hare Truck Tires other notable awardees were Rockhard who wouldn’t accept that Australia Day was in fact 26 January and poor old Miscarriage who had tried to give a down down to the Teflon coated Sir Rabbit for trying to catch the 3pm bus so as a pensioner he didn’t have to pay!

How Australian (or Greek) is that?

Talking about Teflon apparently Sir Prince Valiant and his trust helper Missing Link who were in fact both missing were busy up in Brisbane helping young Prince son Tom paint the walls of his new home.

According to reports the new paint fell off the walls after a few days making them both prime candidates for at least the Useless award if not the prick of the week as well for failing to to take an expert with them such as Sir Arsehole or Brewtus.

After the excitement of the quiz and circle it was a quick clean up and exit by us all with a thanks to all those involved in event, those that bothered to attend including a number of better halves and visitors and a traditional end of circle by our Moonbeams stand in Ferrett before he and Mrs Ferrett depart on yet another sojourn of the QEII.

How do all these ex-public servants do it?

On On

Your reserve reserve reserve On Sec

Miscarriage