Author Archives: Botcho

Run 1684

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Run 1684
Hare: BB
Location: Ashmore
Date: 8th February, 2010

BB invited the Hash to his house in Ashmore which was probably more convenient for most than his house in Vientiane, although not as exotic. However, the delicious nosh of Lao style larb, seafood Tom Yung with rice and desert of sago, sweet potato and coconut  milk (called Nam Whan)transported all to those far away Mekong river shores.

Our beloved  Grand Master, Nasty, called the circle with the assistance of “town crier” Goat Farka and immediately mused on life after being GM and received some counselling from Aussie .Inexplicably BB gave himself an icing using a poor excuse for a piece of ice. This may have been due to the new regulation(as everybody knows there are no rules in hash except rule #1 which states” NO POOFTERS”)which dictates that the  hare will spend one minute on the ice for every minute his run is over the hour.

The GM declared it an excellent run, as was generally agreed, although Cum Smoke was disappointed he had to run past his ex-wife’s house in contravention of a domestic violence order and a potential fine, community service order and trip to the Magistrate.

Still in the circle BB called out his Co-hare Tik Tok, who was happy we liked the food, but was probably lucky she missed Caustic Crusader’s quip about the Hare and the Hareless (especially for Caustic).Our honourable hosts received a Down Down following a very Italian note from Pizza. Tik Tok made a little speech in Lao and thanked Ay(Mrs. Seamen)for her assistance with the nosh.

In the tradition of the canary yellow “Italian Stallion” boxers dressing gown Sir Prince presented Pizza with a t-shirt that said ”if you like my meatballs you’ll love my sausage”. This prompted Pizza to tell a terrible joke about a shearing team and a Chinese cook for which he received a DD. Moonbeams pulled a laugh though when he claimed Pizza “still called Australia Rome”.

Jigsaw was called out for the Prick of the Week segment and immediately focused on Cum Smoke as a likely recipient for only writing half a page of words as On Sec’s little helper but mostly for being a general camera hog. However the evidence he produced, although creative, was deemed dubious by the GM and refused. Jigsaw then tried to give it to Tik Tok as she took lots of photos and showed a satirical interest in the prick but this was also disallowed Aussie actually volunteered to take it to move things along but the GM decreed Jigsaw must keep it for another week .

Assistant GM and Minister for Loose Associations,Sir Prince,called out returning runner Arse Up(Bali,W.A.)who was joined in a DD by BB for attaining 300 runs. As it was his house, his run and he probably would have done it anyway BB launched into song in honour of Maggs, who was showing his legendary self discipline and not drinking .As Maggs is soon moving to south west NSW to build yet another empire(and probably start another Hash)he passed on the Richard Cranium award (a rubber chook that has it’s mystical origins in the recent Burma trip)to Missing Link in his role as Minister for Cultural Affairs for use in upcoming sojourns. Maggs received a “hash goodbye’ and we will all miss possibly our greatest ever Booze Master .Luckily we still have the excellent skills of Blowfly to call on.

Miscarriage charged that last week Point Two’s birthday had been overlooked which gave BB an excuse to sing again(in excellent voice )in  honour  of Point Two.

Goat Farka announced that at his run next week goat would indeed be served and Cum Agen said he was bringing some music from someone he was related to.(can I hear Banjos?)

On that note the GM closed the circle.

Thanks to BB and Tik Tok for a big effort and a pleasant and amusing evening.

Thanks also to Cum Smoke for filling in last week and to Rug for his endeavours some weeks ago.

ON ON
Now Loved.
On Sec.

Run 1683

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Run 1683
Hare: Miscarriage
Location: Emerald Lakes
Date: 1st February,2010

On a warm evening a collection of 25 odd hounds descended on the “back to basics run” commemorating the first Gold Coast Hash run from the same location. The hare assembled the pack and provided seven envelops marked 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and L for a postal run.

The pack was eager and followed the first map to the entrance of the estate, following maps took the pack through the back of the development estate, across the oval with the remaining Gold Coast Stadium turf and into the original estate returning back to the On On at the boat ramp.

The hounds dropped off and lowly dwindled as the run progressed with only some 8 hounds at the final “L” leg of the run. The hound entrusted with the “L” envelope got lost during leg 6 and elected not to attend the “L” leg. However superior hashing skills enabled the pack to circle towards home and even catch a number of hash short-cutters.

For the duration of the run the hare displayed great hash skills in keeping the pack together and even managed to drag the entire pack through a toxic festy swamp only to find a false trail.

All reports declared the run a great run with a novel twist.

Following previous debacles of sushi-parma the hare opted for a cold offering of left over Christmas ham, chicken and salads. However desert was left wanting and the pack still remains hungry.

Eventually the circle was called with 5 minuets notice. Following recent marathon circles each hound collected six cans and a sandwich to see out the circle.

The hare was allocated a down down for the run, followed by Kitchen Bitch for last weeks excessive run. All reports following last weeks run required tremendous explanation upon returning home with some hounds paying a high price of Sir Prince handing out business class overseas trips like candy.

Prick of the week was handed from Miscarriage to Jig Saw for reasons we could not understand.

Two Dogs was awarded a drink for recognition of 750 runs.

On On
Cumsmoke ( On Sec’s little helper)

Splinter Hash Summer Cup 2010

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Friday 29th January 2010
Monthly Splinter Lunch
Location : Helensvale
Host: Botcho
Botcho added a pleasant variation to the monthly Splinter lunch by (a) inviting everyone to his new pad which adjourns Helensvale Golf Course for the lunch and (2) by addng a a novelty 9-hole game of golf as a prelude to the lunch.
There were four teams for the golf, the first team of four hitting off at 0930.
The teams were-
A Team
Ferret (c)   Latrine   Flasher   Goatfarka
B Team
Sir AH (c)   McMuffin   Misscarriage   Missing Link
C Team
Moonbeams (c)    Now loved    Cum Again   Rug
D Team
Croco (c)   Pommy   Two Dogs   Bent Banana
The game was Irish 4-ball Stableford playd overb 9 holes.
The result saw B team tie with D Team with 45 points each.
In the ensuing putting competition, McMuffin blew all opposition away and was duely declared Champion Splinter Golfer of the day.
Afer the golf others including Sir Prince, Slab and Sir Rabbit joined the happy throng.
Out came the drinks and Botcho then served a great feast cooked in his outdoor pizza oven.
It as a great day, greatly appreciated by all.

On on

Moonbeams Golf Captain

Run 1682

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Run: 1682
Hares: Kitchen Bitch
Location: Riverside Park, Budds Beach
Date: 25th January, 2010

It was obvious that this would be a remarkable evening when the pack came upon Pizza at the drink stop dispensing his tasty dark homebrew from the mini keg on his ute. This was after a pleasant canter through the Mackintosh Island park. Back at the On On site Kitchen Bitch had transformed the waterside park into an exclusive restaurant complete with table settings, candles and tablecloths. The hierarchy table even had wedding style covered chairs and a “bridal” feel that was brought to the attention of the hoi poloi by BB. The head of the “death by accident” Marlin we were going to consume completed the picture.

At post run drinks Caustic Crusader remarked that some trail markings had been washed away by footpath cleaning. Aussie agreed that the hare may have misjudged the anal factor of main beach residents and their clean footpaths but thought it was a good run as did Rug.

The first course was marlin in a marinade of lime juice and pomegranate with whole fennel on the side. Main was a delightful barbequed marlin fillet over baked tomatoes and a sauce of caperberrys, strawberries, roasted garlic and spinach leaves. Desert was an exotic fruit salad and premium ice cream. Kitchen Bitch, assisted by Sir Prince Valiant, Phil and Pizza, has certainly raised the bar in matters gastronomique and deserves congratulations from all of the hash.

Assistant Grand Master and Minister for Loose Structures, Sir Prince, opened the optional sitting/standing circle at 9.30. For reasons known only to himself Latrine immediately sat on the ice. Last runner home, Old Fart, said he hahplenty to say about the run until the second course. Shat described the nosh as “a magnificent effort “The hare and chef told the circle he was criticized for his budget blow-out at the Indy run so he thought he would get square. He also thanked his “kitchen bitches Sir Prince and Phil and was given a Down Down for his efforts. Pizza was`also given a DD for his home brew. Latrine was allowed off the ice and Sir Prince commented that he used the same dye in his hair as was in the beer.

Then BB got on the ice and Missing Link told the circle how he puts all Gold Coast Hashers on ice on runs he sets at Intehashers. Apparently in Burma Flasher injured himself on purpose to avoid an icing at one of BB’s runs.

Our esteemed Grand Master, Nasty called for the Prick of the Week and described the incumbent, Phil, as a helpful Prick. Phil’s nominees to succeed him were;

Two Dogs for inviting Goat Farka to hash who subsequently invited Phil
Swollen Colon for sucking up all nightHowever he chose Miscarriage because he had congratulated him for getting the Prick but still not having a name. This did not help the identity crisis Phil had been feeling these last 4 months.

Sir Prince then called out Phil for his naming. As he has had 14 vasectomies and 13 reversals he was name Cum Again!! In a moving ceremony Sir Prince anointed our newest hash mans head. Welcome Cum Again!

Miscarriage announced that next weeks run would be back to the “roots” after the gastronomical highs of this weeks run. On behalf of all Scots Rug reminded everybody it was Robbie Burns birthday. DD’s went to returning runners, Bent Banana, who had been at Tamworth learning Line Dancing and Jigsaw who had been in Sydney and on the road visiting his 7 brothers.

Kitchen Bitch charged Hitler and Pussy Boy for arriving at Hash on skateboards and Swollen Colon for changing out of his new shoes before the circle. Crocodile told a story about some small kids at school that he must have learnt from his Grandson and was given a DD as was Rug for being on the phone Russian.

The final DD was given to Cum Smoke and Swollen Colon for ruining the photos of some innocent tourists.

The GM closed the circle around midnight .

Many thanks to Kitchen Bitch for a monumental effort.

ON ON

Now Loved

On Sec

Run 1681

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Run: 1681
Hares: Swollen Colon & Caustic Cursader
Location: Sylvan Family Park, Benowa
Date: 18th January, 2010

On a very sticky night a good turnout of the hash enjoyed the the collective efforts of Swollen Colon(SC) and Caustic Crusader(CC).

In the circle Old Fart commented thart he was “checking,checking,checking”but that it was a good run and he enjoyed it.
The Grand Master accused Miscarriage of leading him astray on an on back but Miscarriage deflected a down down by showing his pissy little cut and decalaring that vertically challenged guys should not have to go over fences.

Ferret said the nosh was the best this year and Cum Smoke enjoyed a DD for having a lamington too many.

Indeed the nosh was excellent.Well done boys!

Caustic was immediately called out again for throwing his DD over our venerated heirarchy member,Botcho,and received another one.

The Minister for Loose Beginnings,Sir Prince,reported that Show Pony had to attend his son’s wedding with wives 1,2and 4 present.It’s a pity wife #3 couldn’t make it to make the perfect quartet.Returning runners Latrine,Pussy Boy ,Now Loved ,Blowfly and Tight Arse all enjoyed DD’s.

TIght Arse blamed Latino dancing for his absence and admitted to divided loyalty which may have something to do with a certain Roxy.Latrine claimed he had been at sea and some wag interjected”up Loders Creek”.Cum Smoke,Dumbshit and Now Loved were all noted for new shoes and Aussie was very vocal about this but it turned out he was wearing thongs.

Sir Prince claimed Dumbshit had left and right written on his socks.The Grand Master called for Prick of the Week and the incumbent,Seamen,looked resplendent with the nosedick hanging out of the glasses.His candidates were Moonbeams for telling him to give it to Aussie , Aussie for telling him to give it to Moonbeams and Cum Smoke for avoiding him on the run.However,he settled on Phil using the twisted logic(is there any other sort in Hash?)that Phil had been at Hash for 4 months and never had it whereas Seamen got it his first week back after a prolonged absence.Phil did well with with the yardglass.

Miscarriage claimed he googled twitter to find it was the part of a girls body between the twat and the shitter.

Pisspoor was accused of eating out alot and claimed his wife can’t cook .Perhaps that’s why he came to hash on his 41st wedding anniversary.

Josephine charged Cum Smoke with buying a trailer from an old pensioner for $100.Pommy reported a delicate moment when he mistakenly showed his kids a picture of Pizza in full POW regalia on the website.It would appear he struggled to explain to them what actually happened at hash
.
Maggs told the circle how he was driving Pisspoor home after hash last week and his car stalled and he nearly rammed a police car.
The cops checked out all the eskies and other hash paraphanalia in the back but let him go to the cheers of those people on a nearby balcony.Maggs must have given the police his best angelic look.
Luckily Pisspoor remained quiet.Botcho announced that Sir Rabbit is the keeper of the big cooking pots.
Kitchen Bitch has next weeks run and promised a pre Australia Day extravaganza.His past efforts have been excellent so this is not to be missed.
With that the GM closed the circle.

Congratulations to Swollen Colon and Caustic Crusader for a job well done!
After a short absence in the wilds of eastern suburbs Sydney I would just like to say how great it is to be back at hash.

ON ON
Now Loved.
On Sec.