Date: 30th April  2018……………………………..
Location:Surfers Paradise ………………………
Runners:44………………………………………………
Run Pictures…………………………………………….

Your loving and caring committee had been working for months on getting ready for the best AGPU ever. We knew that our term was coming to an end and some were reluctant to give it up. Where shall we have the event? Seeing that the venue last year was banned due to Flasher plastering stickers everywhere, it was really a quandary. However, after much research, and visiting potential venues up and down the coast, one was finally found. Working out what to put into the goody bag proved to be another interesting effort. So many things to choose from. Did hashers want another t-shirt or pair of shorts? Some items looked great but were far too expensive; it would cripple the hash funds. After all, next committee would like to have some funds in the coffers!

It was to be an early start at 5:00 pm with everyone meeting up on the roof top Neal Shannon Park at the Bruce Bishop car park. For the first time ever, I was early and first to be there. I sat down at a bench in the usual gathering area and watched the girls’ volleyball teams across the play field, and a game of soccer nearby. Finally, about 4:30 I saw this lone figure ambling towards me. I thought, wow, Fuck All would have been first to arrive if I wasn’t there. We sat and chatted for a while and looked across the play field. A few leggy blonds strolled by, not that we were staring. Soon more hashers stared drifting in. About 5 pm the eskies came. Hash Cash Jigsaw sat down opposite me and started taking cash. Only $20 tonight, says he. About 5:30 Jiggy disappears and reappears with about 20 boxes of pizza. A bit later we saw a security guard come over to us and let us know that alcohol was not allowed in the park. So, we adjourned to outside the park at the end of Alison Street and continued with drinking and chatting. A good number of hashers turned up; including some I had not seen for years. AGPU must bring them out of the woodwork.

After a while Jiggy calls out for everyone to follow him to the next venue for a drink stop. We ambled to Surfers Paradise Boulevard, then along Cavil Ave to the Gringo Loco Cantina for a beer. One would have thought that they were not ready for us and they hastily started pouring glasses of beer. They had reserved an area for us on the pavement outside the bar, plenty of tables.

Next, we went through the courtyard back to Orchid Avenue and into the Meter Maids bar. A few got in and were quickly hustled out. Not sure if this was the next venue, but maybe someone forgot to mention that it was closed on a Monday, and no Meter Maids around. What a disappointment. Was it a fuck up or someone playing a joke? Will we ever find out? Blue Card and Jiggy will have some answers.

So, we continued to the next venue, Gilley’s which wasn’t far. Here the staff also seemed unaware and were furiously filling glasses. Poor Hard On was standing outside chatting to a couple of guys at a table. He was off booze due to serious medication he was taking and under very strict instructions from his GP or he may lose a few organs. Somehow, he got the message.

About 7 pm we wondered down into the Tandoori Place, and into the bowels of the earth. Felt like we were going down two or three flights of stairs and finally ended up in a large room with tables and chairs all set out. At least someone was expecting us and all ready. Scarlet was also ready and waiting for us. A quick replacement for the unwell Chrissy. She was introduced by Botcho, much to the disgust of the GM who wanted to get close to her. Rules about photography, then with formalities over, she become very informal stripping down to her skimpy black lace undies.

There was a head table set out for hierarchy, last chance to get some benefits. A chair was placed at the top table, in front of GM, for Scarlet. He was busy fondling her boobs, but her back was to the hashers. Anyway, she got up and started mingling with hashers at other tables, no doubt getting more cuddling and fondling.

There was plenty of wine for every table, and beers provided by the restaurant. Starters were onion bhaji and chicken bits. Main was a selection of beef, lamb, chicken and probably vegetable curries. There was dessert, but I didn’t have any so can’t comment.

After everyone had eaten, GM walked over to where the goody bags were stashed. He enlisted Scarlet to call out names and hand out a goody bag, along with a big hug, to each hasher. Seemed to be a bit of a mix up with a couple of hashers not getting their bag, sure Jiggy will remedy that soon. We heard that one bag fell and the bottle of red wine inside broke spoiling a few bags. The goody bag was a backpack, and inside was a bottle of red wine, a bottle opener, a head light, an embroidered t-shirt and a M4 Smart Bracelet, Fit Bit like. Apparently, it will tell you if you are asleep or awake, alive or dead, and if you have a heart.

Now to the awards.

• Worst Nosh went to Wrongway
• Best Nosh to both KB for his tunnel run extravaganza and to Sir Prince Valant
• Best Run went to Swollen Colon
• POW of the year to Flasher for him misdemeanour at last year’s AGPU
• Hash Man of the year to Jigsaw
• Only one Webmaster, Botcho got a big hug from Scarlet with a bit of a wiggle from the hips.

Lastly, the new Committee.

• Hash Scribe/OnSec went to Fuck All
• Trail Master went to Magician
• Hash Cash – Hal Al (he was practicing last week)
• Trailer Master went back to Truckie, I think he loves that trailer.
• Booze Masters are S-Bends and Now Loved
• Religious Adviser RA went to Sweat Hog
• New GM is Weekly
• Lastly Hash Flash went to Brewtus

Remember, no need to use dobin@keen.net.au if you have a story for RA and more, he won’t reply and will ignore you. Wait to next RA to set up a system for dobbing in.

One thing I did enjoy was setting the Hash Rally in March. Truckie did an excellent job also in suggesting some of the best locations to go through. Maybe hash can consider making this an annual event.

Although I was suckered into my role by Blue Card not long after the last AGPU, it has been an interesting experience. I tried to include the trail, the nosh, everyone who contributed to down downs and who was called to sing a note. I thank Circumference for filling in when I was away, and I occasionally got Sweat Hog, who I replaced, to do a couple of reports. Each has a different approach and style. Thanks also to Botcho for posting the words. Also, the Committee, which in true hash tradition, is run by a few and supported by the others in their roles. On On to the next Committee.

On on

Mad Mike

Date: 23rd April  2018……………………………..
Location: Highland Park …………………………
Runners:37………………………………………………
Run Pictures…………………………………………….

It is not often there is a GM-set run during the year, but it is the only way to make sure he sets a run before he skedaddles off to Europe for a few months. There was limited parking up the driveway near the house, but somehow Truckie got the trailer up there. I wondered how he was going to get it back down. Most hashers parked on the road and climbed up the steep driveway groaning and moaning. GM (or delegated to Truckie) had set up the tables and chairs on a flat grassy area near the house. There seemed to be a lot more hashers milling around, maybe it was the excitement of end of year, and wondering who was taking over next week.

At 6:14 GM called hashers together around him, and promptly handed over to the acting delegated hare, Magician, who gave pretty precise instructions, then pointed up the hill into the bush. This wasn’t running country and everyone walked in single file. We skirted some houses and got onto what looked like an old asphalted access road. There were chalk arrows at any flat surface. The trail followed the track behind the houses on Tera Vista Boulevard, then finally on the road back to Armstrong Way and Ben Lomond Drive back to GM’s house.

GM had plates of pepper crackers and chorizo sausage and cheese cubes on the tables, and dips. Delegated Hash Cash HalAl was taking cash for subs tonight, maybe a hash cash in waiting, we will see.

Seeing as this was the last regular hash of the year, I was expecting a gourmet hash “nosh of the year” and sure enough, out came the snags, unbuttered bread slices, packaged mashed potatoes and some other mush, and a variety of three sauces. GM seemed to have delegated other things also as Fanny was busy stirring pots in the kitchen. He was probably trying to save the evening.

GM could hardly call himself out as hare, so Prince stepped in and took over proceedings temporarily. GM stepped into the circle. Delegate hare Magician also stepped in. Somehow the theme changed to colonoscopies as both GM and Magician were due to have one tomorrow. Then Brewtus stepped in, he was having one also. They were supposed to be on a strict diet, so Josephine served up a weak down down for them. Swindler gave a note.

GM asked if any visitors were present, Canadian Pylon stepped in. Was this a mistake? He gave a commendable hash version of My Favourite Things before his down down.

Ball Point made a mistake of muttering something about procedure which annoyed the GM and was brought in for trying to usurp the GM. Nothing unusual. Fanny gave a note.

Returning runners were Woodsy, Miscarriage, Fuck All, AH, VD, and Poxy. Slug gave a note.

Miscarriage narrated a story about the outback from Canada.

Ferrett received a prize.

Finally a run report, Brewtus said it was well marked.

S-Bends stepped in to give a joke about samples. Canadian Pylon gave another song.

RA told a story about his travels to the Great Ocean Road.

Miscarriage was asked about recent damage to a new vehicle, Magician gave a note surrounded by 4-wheel drivers.

POW Slab stepped in a called a few nominations.

• Carefree for texting Slab on a bike ride.
• Shat for going over the handle bars on the bike.
• Truckie for forgetting his bike and helmet on the bike ride.
• STD for spending over $400 each on a dinner.
• Josephine for slagging the Kiwis on their 35 to zero win rate against the Wallabies in rugby games.

Josephine got the drink.

Hash gave a minutes’ silence to departed mates.

Next run, AGPU and new committee. I have been noticing recently some very verbose and eloquent writings, all the markings of a proficient new scribe. Who will it be?

No need to use dobin@keen.net.au if you have a story for RA. Wait to next RA.

On on

Mad Mike

Date: 20th April  2018……………………………..
Location: Gold Coast ……………………………..
Hashers:70………………………………………………
Run Pictures…………………………………………….

What a great Fun Event! Seventy Hashers from  Australia, Canada and Scotland. The celebrations started with a food and beer and wine marathon at Costa D’oro Surfers Paradise ,then on to Landsdowne Road for a Guinness Down Down.

The main event took place at Burleigh Heads. Drinking started at 12 noon, a gourmet lunch was followed  by a torturing run and walk set by Sir Slab, Sir Blackstump and Now Loved.

One and half hours later and after more beer and wine Grand Master for the day, Caustic Crusader assisted by Hash Choir Girls Tail and Flower, handed out downs downs.

Saturday night we all gathered at the Burleigh Heads Surf Club  for more wine, dinner and dancing. Great food was on the menu and more wine and beer, not sure when I got to bed!

We were all back bright eyed and bushie tailed next morning for a bike ride for the over achievers and a beach walk for most.

KB and his helpers then served a gourmet breakfast.

Caustic, and his team of helpers – Sir Ferrett, Slug and Sir Botcho  were all thanked for a GREAT well organised weekend.

Good byes were said and it was on home.

Many thanks to all that attended, you guys made this weekend a success.

Cheers and On On

Old Bastard

Date: 16th April  2018……………………………..
Location: Labrador ………………………………….
Runners:29………………………………………………
Run Pictures…………………………………………….

I got to the location and parked nearby, and strolled up with my hash bag in hand, but as I approached I sensed something wrong. Yes, there was a crowd of boisterous people, nothing new here, but then there were sounds of women and children. I stopped half way and looked. A table was spread out with food and drinks. Shall I or not. I decided to miss out on a free meal and turned back to the car. Where in the hell was the hash, it was already 6:10, so I drove up the road a bit further, nothing. I drove back down until I noticed a lonely Weekly sitting forlornly on a bench, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. I parked and asked him where everyone was as it was not 6:15 yet. He said everything was fucked up. That crowd had taken over the BBQ area that Circumference wanted, hashers had set off early to try to pick up trail, and he just pointed south. I didn’t see any runners, walkers, nothing. So I headed down, and further down looking for signs. I knew Circumference usually sets well marked trails. Little did I know that the trail went west and north. I went down past Smith Street then turned back and followed the highway back towards Central Avenue.

Behold, I found my first arrows, and there, coming towards me, were three hashers. We walked back to the bench where I had seen Weekly. The crowd was still at the original site. When all the hashers were back we walked down to the BBQ area and sat at a nearby table hoping that the crowd would leave soon. The ladies walked over to us with plates of food and deserts. They were feeding the homeless, and thought we might be wanting. They did these free dinners to homeless every week at different locations with food purchased with contributions from their workmates, how good is that.

They were not using the BBQ and allowed Circumference to start cooking his food, Truckie and a few others helped out.

Once the girls left we moved into the enclosure. GM decided to have the circle first, food later as it would not be ready. He called out the hare and asked Blackie for his comments. Boring as hell, says he, but well marked. There was no nosh report, but Weekly said he saw it raw, and it looked good.

STD was called out as he had been volunteering for the Commonwealth Games. STD said nobody was listening to him, especially Peter Beattie, who had not even called to say sorry. Slug gave a note.

Magician was asked how he got his name, but he was keeping that under his hat, Shat gave a note. He said that Magician had been called Stump Whore (or something like that).

Ball Point was called out for drinking beer out of a plastic bag.

No charges from the floor.

RA gave a joke about a goat being dropped down a mine shaft being tethered to a sleeper, by two idiots trying to find out how deep the hole was.

Returning runners were Phantom, Hard On, Swindler, Shat, Sir Ferrett, Sir Slab, and HalAl. Prince gave a note.

Something about Weekly and HalAl losing bags, RA took the rap and had a drink. Weekly gave a note.

Ball Point was brought out for savaging poor Pizza and not having any empathy for him. Swindler gave a note.

Swindler had a charge as he had been finding graffiti on the farm saying “Two Dogs was here in 1918”. STD got a drink, Swindler gave a note.

GM stepped back in asking for announcements.

Caustic spoke about the Commie Games, last chance for late comers.

Commie Games splinter lunch at Costa D’Oro

S-Bends gave a true story about pumping water in Africa.

POW was Ball Point, he had been waiting weeks for this opportunity, and had some nominations.

STD was called out for not having enough food at the previous week’s hash.

Circumference for photographing a poor Scotsman runner lying on the road in agony.

Sir Slab for promising Ball Point a second hand air conditioner, BP hiring a trailer, and getting a phone call from Slab saying that someone else was actually first to claim and cancelled BP. Slab got the POW and Ball Point gave a note.

GM called end of circle and everyone dashed over to get steaks, snags, bread rolls and a variety of sauces.

One more hash to AGPU, who will get the quill?

Remember to use dobin@keen.net.au if you have a story for RA. Last chance.

On on

Mad Mike

Date: 9th April  2018……………………………..
Location: Paradise Point ………………………..
Runners:21………………………………………………
Run Pictures…………………………………………….