Date: 11th September 2017…………………….
Location: Ashmore………………………………….
Runners:31…………………………………………….
Run Pictures…………………………………………..

A great Aussie by the name of Slim Dusty once sang a song titled – A Pub
with No Beer. The lyrics included – There’s nothing so morbid or drear
than to stand in the bar of a pub with no beer. It’s something I have
never experienced, although I was once in a Red Rooster outlet at
Cannonvale in the Whitsundays where they had no chicken. Anyhow lets get
back to what was served up by the hare on this run/walk – a hash trail
with no directional arrows. The instructions by the hare seemed straight
forward, out to the Southport-Nerang road to a check. So somehow with no
markings to the check, most found their way to the check/check marking.
On the way to the road, Sir Blackie took a leak before going arse over
as he stumbled in the dark. About 2 arrows lead the pack to cross over
the road towards Aquinas College where the last sighted arrow on the
footpath encouraged all to head north towards the church and beyond.
From then it became an absolute trail debacle with various groups of
hashers searching in all directions for another arrow. Not a solitary
call of On On or even false trail was heard, in fact it was quite silent
and morbid to be on a hash run with no more arrows or markings.  It
became the Bermuda Triangle of a hash trail , somewhere in the vicinity
of the GC Pistol Range.  A solitary arrow leading to nowhere which after
checking about one kilometre along Edmund Rice Drive, no further
evidence of a trail/false trail could be found in any direction. So the
various groups of hashers did their own runs/walks with not one of these
groups sighting another arrow despite all coming in from different
directions back to the venue. At least all knew this was a club with
beer even though the hash trail on this occasion was sans arrows. Or
maybe we should all get in the queue on the two for one offer at Spec
Savers.

The numbers in attendance were all accounted for, so at least no one had
got lost searching for the seemingly non-existent arrows. Cold
refreshments were enjoyed by all before the entrée of pea and ham soup
was served up. Several loaves of various breads were on available to
soak up the quality soup which had the slightest tang of the remnants of
a log smouldering in a bushfire. As most hashers went back for seconds
and thirds, obviously the quality wasn’t too bad. Big chicken or small
ibis wings hot off the BBQ were the next course and again they proved to
be very popular as they disappeared very quickly. Vanilla ice-cream
topped off the evening’s offerings.

Some cycling hashers did a few laps of the car park on one of the hare’s
cycles to work off their nosh prior to packing the chairs into the
trailer. Apparently as a key is missing to unlock the tables , if there
are any spare ones floating around with hashers , could you contact the
trailer master.

Acting GM in Blue Card’s absence, Jigsaw, called the circle and first
out were Truck Tyres/Missing Link/ Swindler. Apparently these hashers
had been disrespectful to Jigsaw with recent disparaging comments about
his blood and arse. However as we all know in hash, you leave yourself
open to comment by your own actions. The comments on the run were not
too flash especially as the hare had outsourced the setting of the run,
there were only 4 arrows sighted and to top it off Fuller Shit declaring
that all the hashers were blind for not being able to locate the trail.
Rock Hard stated the nosh must have been good as the chicken wings went
very quickly.

The returning runners namely Seedy, Now Loved, Ball Point and the hare’s
brother who I think Shitless would be a good name for him were given
down downs.

Hash celebrities with similar civilian names to others in the spotlight
were next up included Swindler, Missing Link and Truck Tyres. Later
Ferret got a mention for an appearance on local television regarding the
real estate sale of Nobbys Outlook.

Ball Point received a down down for some of his recent eloquent
outbursts like – Fuck Off in a broadcast e mail and never one not to
miss an opportunity gave another oral spray declaring that most of the
nosh was fucking burnt and asking where was the rice in the hare’s nosh
menu as the hare had borrowed his rice cooker.

RA Iceman stepped in to take over proceedings and his opening remarks
were – Where the fuck is the lid of my lunch box ? Moving on , after a
search of the rubbish bins, Carefree was called out for IT problems with
his not so Smart telephone. A joke from the RA about John and Arthur and
some necrophilia involving a vicar’s wife
were a huge improvement on the previous week’s offerings.

The search for the POW was conducted by Hard On. First nomination was
Fuck All(Far Call), then Cecil (who the fuck is ? correction Carefree,
then Weekly, Shat , Truck Tyres and Ball Point. The last nominee scooped
the pool for his recent public usage of vulgar language in particular
the F word which seriously is threatening the ownership Slug’s well
known regular usage of that word in his conversations.

The circle closed after the announcement of next week’s hares – Sir
Rabbit and Josephine from the venue at Norm Rix Park cnr Whiting Street
and Government Road,
North Gold Coast vicinity.

Remember the GM in your thoughts.

Yours in hashing
Circumference

Date: 4th September 2017…………………….
Location: Varsity Lakes………………………….
Runners:30…………………………………………….
Run Pictures……..……………………………………

It was the first balmy night since winter; almost everyone wore a t-shirt and shorts. Gone were the long track suits and fleeces for the run/walk. Brewtus got up onto a table at the BBQ site at Frascott Park on Yodelay Street to give run instructions. Yellow chalk, under street lights, and look out for flashing lights for the drink stop. About an even number of runners and walkers started together, and after about 10 minutes, split off. The walk ambled through the winding streets of Varsity Lakes. Circumference out front calling the trail. We saw the flashing lights across the road and up the rise. Ahh, drink stop. Weekly was ably pouring cocktails from the rum, vodka, scotch bottles on the table. I noticed an esky under the table and help myself to a Spanish beer, mmmm. Weekly exclaimed that he had not noticed the esky. Mrs Brewtus came out with mini Brewtus, who gave high fives to everyone. The runners came in about then, well set hash when everyone gets to a drinks stop at the same time. Short walk up the road, and five minutes later back at the park. About 45 minutes all together.

I noticed Ferrett and Fanny busy at the double BBQ loaded with burgers, turning and turning until they were a nice BBQ cooked colour. Brewtus had laid out some chicken wings on one of the tables. Ten minutes later Brewtus called hashers to line up for bread roll, burger, sliced tomato, sliced cheese, lettuce, beetroot, and jalapeno chillies. This was followed by ice cream and Black Forest cake. We noticed Blackie helping to tidy up throwing all the rubbish into a box. Someone threw Blackie’s plate into the box and Blackie had a fit. He threw everything out looking for his beloved gold spoon. Never knew if he found it.

GM called the circle to order standing on one of the BBQ tables, and promptly called in Bent Banana for parking in the disabled car park, Ice Man gave a note.

One visitor, John, was called in, and Jigsaw for bringing him. Jigsaw was let off, but John had his down down.

Returning runner, Jigsaw, was called in, but then dispensation as he was committee.

Fanny was called out for talking back to the GM, along with KB who had just arrived. Last to pay?

Wrong Way was called in to critique the food. He immediately criticised the hat Brewtus was wearing, saying only GM and RA could wear such hats. Wrong Way then said that the type of food on hashes was the cause of heart failure and blocked arteries, causing GM to go into hospital next week, Fanny gave a note.

Magician was called out for not wearing a hash t-shirt, Carefree gave a note. GM pointed down to a bag in the circle and told Magician to take the hash green bag. Maybe a t-shirt was in the bag?

Carefree said there was no food safety, the way it was being handled, but altogether,  not a bad job on the food, must have been good as nobody said “fuck” for at least five minutes. Slug was promptly called out for not saying “fuck” for at least five minutes.

GM then advised he would be absent for a few weeks as he was going into hospital down Tugun way next Monday morning. He got everyone who had not been GM before to step into the circle, and then excluded current committee. Well, that left, Swindler, Carefree, Brewtus, Magician, Slug, Fanny, Truckie, Hard On, and Kwakka. Botcho got a photo for evidence, and noted potential committee for next year.

Sir Botcho got a down down for completing 1100 runs with the Gold Coast Hash

Fanny was asked if he was planning to sue for the fall he had at last week’s run, tearing a muscle in his leg. Circumference offered advice, and was called in also for pretending to be a lawyer. Fanny said it would be too difficult to sue. Jigsaw gave a note.

Truckie was called in as substitute GM while Blue Card was in hospital. Swindler gave a note.

Prince advised the hash that Miscarriage had landed in LA, been picked up by Show Pony’s daughter.

Magician stepped in and said he was working hard to get a good doctor for GM. No doctors were available in Cuba, but he had managed to find an unemployed physicist in North Korea, and had booked GM in to hospital in North Korea for 10:30 pm on Sunday. He presented GM with a scroll.

RA stepped onto the table and asked Aussie for a run report. Aussie said it was a good 45 minute run, well marked.

Weekly was called out for telling the runners which way to go, seems that Weekly had helped to set the walkers trail. Truckie gave a note.

Back to the GM after a few jokes. GM called out Botcho for achieving 1100 runs. Weekly came out again for getting to 400 runs. Didn’t he get a down down for that last week?

Weekly was walking off, mumbling something, and GM called him back into the circle for giving him the shits. Wrong Way gave a note.

GM announced that Jigsaw would be phantom GM next week.

Joint POW Swindler and Carefree came out and called Two Dogs for being too far ahead and missing out the naming ceremony of the ramp. Circumference was called out for being in the middle of the road at the naming ceremony. Swindle then went on to explain how he had to drive every week to hash, and last week, one of the passengers had damaged the front passenger seat on the way home from hash. Estimates to repair were about $2,000, but he had found a repairer that could do it for $200. Hard On got the POW.

Next weeks run by Fuller Shit at Expo Court.

Brewtus closed the circle.

Remember to use dobin@keen.net.au if you have a story for RA.

On on

Mad Mike

Date: 28th August 2017…………………………..
Location: Southport…………………………………
Runners:31…………………………………………….
Run Pictures…………………………………………..

A run with a twist, a form of treasure hunt, Swollen added a bit of the quest to this run. Everyone got a number inked onto his hand and was told to find the magazines, find the page number in that magazine and rip it out, find as many as you can and at the end of the run, check in with Swollen with all your torn pages. Easy? Well, I heard one complaint from Blackie that if he concentrated on looking for magazines, he would miss the trip hazards. Apparently, he did try at one of the magazines, got frustrated, and tried to tear away the magazine from where Swollen had placed it, but Swollen had already thought about this and had chained and padlocked the magazines in place. Blackie gave up and continued his run, ignoring all the other magazines.

I caught up with Ferrett as he was coming out of the driveway between the shops and we walked east along Johnston Street following the arrows. The runners and most of the walkers had already gone ahead. I could see Hard On and Weekly about 50 metres ahead. Trail turned south along Water Street. Swindler pointed us down, but the disappeared back home. We thought we lost the trail at the crossing of Shillito Street, but picked up trail again along Spencer Street. Left on George Street, right on Jackman. Then a right off the road north along the east side of Loders Creek, back up to Johnston Street. Left over the bridge, then right following the footpath west side of Loders Creek. Found a magazine securely tied to a post, Ferrett, Weekly, Fuck All and a few others scrambled for pages, tore out the ones they wanted plus more, and headed left and right along Smith Street. I sensibly followed Ferrett east, Fuck All decided to come with us. We turned south along George Street and back home. I thought we had done a short half hour walk, but surprisingly, there were already half a dozen hashers back.

Swollen had put up ironing board barriers either side of the venue, a large floodlight was erected over the back door of his office, and tables were set out in a large rectangle with chairs all around the outside. The trailer was the only vehicle allowed inside the sanctuary. Sweat Hog was busy at the trailer BBQ turning mini sausage rolls, and starting the burgers.

Runners started coming in, the mini sausage rolls got demolished. Swollen and Leanne were busy inside with another BBQ, and pots boiling away. He called hashers to form a queue from his left, hashers being hashers queues formed both sides. He soon got rid of the ones on his right. The line seemed endless, Josephine and I waited until most hashers had their serve. We had two burgers, a boiled potato, carrot, and peas. This was followed by apple pies hurriedly warmed on the BBQ. Weekly went up for a second helping of peas, “I love peas”, he said.

Swollen climbed a ladder and announced the winners of the pages hunt. 3 hashers got seven out of the nine magazines, then Magician casually said he has seven pages also, and pulled a crumpled ball out of his pocket. Recount!! Blackie got the scooter for only getting one.

The tables and chairs were cleared away, and GM called the circle. Somehow, Carefree was still eating dessert and was still standing in the middle of the circle. Well, an ideal down down for the GM to call, however, Carefree chucked most of the contents over his head onto the GM. GM not happy, another down down for Carefree.

Swindler, Fanny, Carefree, Hard On and Prince were called out as being potential GMs. Botcho said that was already another committee in the making

Hare Swollen, Leanne and helper Sweat Hog were called out, Swollen dobbed in Leanne for having new shoes (this was ignored). Swindler gave a note.

Slab, Fanny, Hard On and Magician were called out for something I can’t read (on my notes), Miscarriage gave a note.

GM rambled on about same sex marriage.

Two Dogs came in as substitute RA, and started with a joke, then went on to bring out Rabbit for not saying much at Splinter Lunch, and Shat for boasting about new shoes at the splinter lunch. Aussie gave them a note.

Slug and Weekly were called out for using the female toilet at the Splinter lunch, Bent Banana gave a note.

Returning runners from the Cape, Swindler, Truckie and Carefree were given a note by Miscarriage.

Substitute RA called out Prince, Brewtus, Missing Link, Fanny and Magician  for not going through the drain on the run, but sent them away and called out Miscarriage, Botcho and Bent Banana for being stupid enough to actually go through the drain, they got the down down, note by Swollen.

Blackie was called out for trying to rip out the whole magazine and throw it away.

More jokes from the RA before handing back to the GM. Jokes were good, well researched Two Dogs.

GM called out Truckie for buying $20 of fuel before going on a 300 km trip.

Prince explained the harrowing experience poor Miscarriage was going through in the court case, and Miscarriage poking himself in the eye.

Weekly called himself out for getting to 400 runs, Fanny joined him for getting to 150 runs, Swollen gave a note.

Prince gave Fanny a special T-shirt from Moonbeams.

Miscarriage said something about going to LA to see Show Pony’s daughter.

POW Magician stepped in and called Slab for being dual citizen, and Missing Link for avoiding the drain, but running in muddy Cambodia! However, he thought that Swindler and Carefree were seen hugging, so both got the POW. Swindler got the cap; Carefree got the prick at the back of his shorts. Magician gave the note.

Josephine stepped in asking who had number 54, as the page described worst nosh about 15 years ago. He was not amused and thought it was a set up.

Brewtus is setting the run next week at Varsity, check the website, he closed the circle.

Remember to use dobin@keen.net.au if you have a story for RA.

On on

Mad Mike

Date: 21st August 2017…………………………..
Location: Ashmore…………………………………
Runners:27…………………………………………….
Run Pictures…………………………………………..

Don’t know if you believe in coincidences, déjà-vu or whatever, I had spent the weekend on 10 mtr yacht Tranquillity on the Broadwater, and the hash tonight was at a park called Tranquillity. I was running a bit late and arrived as hashers were setting off and I missed the run instructions.

I caught up with a group of walkers going up Glenmore Drive, then cross Paradise River Park to Lochinvar Ct. We got to the end of Lochinvar Ct and fortunately we had a hasher who had lived in the area for 27 years. Hard On guided us through a walkway to Kawana Crescent, then down a path in River Reserve to a little footbridge crossing a small creek. There was talk about going back, but then we were out only 15 minutes, and decided to go ahead. Just over the bridge was a circle with three arrows. We decided to follow the path along the creek up to Clear River Blvd. We kept to the loop and got to a place that looked familiar. It was the same footbridge that we had crossed earlier. Ah ha! We set off for home along Kawana Crescent back to the Tranquillity Park. The runners started coming in, I didn’t hear where they went.

There was a kids playground with a small single BBQ with a water tap nearby, a single rubbish bin was the other side if the playground. There was a shade sail over the playground area, and a single light pole between the playground and the rubbish bin. Well, the shade sail cast a shadow over the BBQ and water tap. Two tables were set beside the BBQ (also in the dark), and Aussie was setting up for the night. He then disappeared for about 15 minutes to collect the food, and during this time hashers were already into their second beer and wines. There were rumblings about getting hungry, when finally Aussie turned up with pots of curries, chicken korma and lamb, saffron rice and bags of bread and samosas. He laid out the samosas which were quickly demolished. Dicky Knee was so hungry he ate one and immediately felt the spicy burning.

KB came up and gave Aussie a helping hand, stirring the curries and getting the flat bread heated. Then came the usual rush for food, you would think everyone was hungry! There was a little rice left, and the remaining liquid was spooned into a last bit of rice for seconds. All very tasty. Then came desert, Aussie got out a saucepan and started whisking the contents. He said it was a caramel sauce but he was whisking too quickly, so he handed it over to me, nice and slow over a low heat. It was still a bit liquid; I was hoping it would thicken. Dicky Knee thought I was making another Mulled Wine that he missed previously. Everyone got a plate of ice cream, chocolate cake with a spoonful of warm caramel over the top. Lovely.

After about 5 minutes the circle was called, GM Blue Card was absent and after a brief discussion, Ice Man took command. He called out the hare, Aussie, and asked for a run and food report. KB gave a note and Aussie had his down down. As we were in the shadow of the shade sail, I made some brief notes and wondered why Aussie had declined the trailer with its powerful spotlights. Anyway, while Aussie was standing in the circle there was this bright glow from his shoes, and comments about “new shoes”. Well, he couldn’t get away with that, the soles were inspected and sure enough, new shoes. Another down down from the shoe.

Returning runners Missing Link, Aussie, Kwakka, Magician, Phantom and Fuller Shit came out for a down down. Caustic sounded the note.

Rock Hard came out for something I cant read my writing about, sorry.

Ferrett called out KB for being photographed in the high society page in the newspaper with a very attractive lady. Phantom gave KB a note.

The Phantom was called out for his birthday down down, Weekly gave a note.

Weekly stepped in to say that he and Shat had visited Croc and that Shat would give the report, but went on to give the report himself to the disappointment of Shat. Anyway, they both got a word or two in. Croc was doing remarkably well and was hoping to get home soon and even get to hash! Come on Croc.

Prince recounted a story about a day he was fishing on the beach. He already had a good catch when the girl jogged by, stopped 30 metres away and stripped naked, and jumped into the sea. Prince was a bit distracted until he heard a voice behind him asking him what he was looking at. Princess was checking his catch.

Prince then stepped out again as proxy POW for Elvis. He called out Hard On for his exceptional local knowledge during the walk, but decided that Magician should get the POW for getting a parking fine in Brisbane then a speeding ticket. Missing link gave a note for the down down.

Bent Banana was called out for achieving 750 runs.

Fuller Shit walked around the circle giving out floating key rings.

Blackie closed the circle; I think he is now becoming more comfortable with it.

Remember to send email to Bill (Fucks Off) billmoir@bigpond.com if you are a starter for the Splinter Lunch on Friday.

Remember to use dobin@keen.net.au if you have a story for RA.

On on

Mad Mike

Date: 14th August 2017…………………………..
Location: West Burleigh………………………….
Runners:20…………………………………………….
Run Pictures…………………………………………..

Nice easy run down the motorway this evening, not like the last time going to Now Loved’s run when there was an accident on the M1 blocking traffic both ways for kilometres. Got to the car park area at the petrol station just of the M1 on Tallebudgera Creek Road and parked just near the restaurants about 6:00 pm. Seemed like fewer runners this evening, only about 20. The hare, Elvis, called everyone together about 6:05 to the protests of everyone saying it was too early. Elvis wanted to give run instructions before he forgot what he wanted to say. He had to repeat them anyway at 6:15

The instructions seemed quite clear. Arrows were in blue chalk. Walkers and runners would split up soon after the start. Walkers would follow the boardwalk. No torches were needed (I was about to put mine away, then thought better of it), there was a drink stop, walkers could get there in about 15 minutes, and there would be a lovely lady there giving out drinks.

Well, who believes what the hare says, all myths and shadows. We set off as a group across the Tallebudgera Creek Road where twin arrows pointed across the road, and into Loman Lane. Then it seemed to fragment, and a group of walkers continued down into Loman Lane (no arrows!). Shortly after there were vigorous On On calls as the runners found a trail up West Burleigh Road towards the Stocklands Shopping Centre, and apparently into the side roads to Ocean Parade.

Walkers continued into the brightly lit David Fleay car park, through the gate and onto a boardwalk. Well, it was pitch dark and all the walkers had to use their torches. It was a hazardous walk on the unfenced boardwalk, but nobody fell over into the mangroves. Walkers continued along the boardwalk, further along the creek came into view, and lights from across the creek. Well, after about 30 minutes the walkers were getting thirsty, and the rumbling started. Where was the drink stop, where was the lady to serve the drinks, where was Elvis? Rumblings got worse, and then the threats to punish him started. Finally, the revolt, quick consultation, and walkers decided to turn around and head home. Drinks stop could still be kilometres away. Walk was about an hour, fairly flat with a few small inclines (enough to get a few moans out of the walkers).

Got back to the restaurant, and no beer, no drinks. However, Josephine was with us and he had some of the eskies in his car and came to the rescue. About 6:30 the first two runners, Botcho and Blackie appeared breathing heavily. They were immediately interviewed (TV style) and gave a brief description of the run route and drink stop before they could go for their drinks. They said it was a good run.

Slug filled in for Jigsaws who was away, and collected cash, runners started drifting in. Then GM called the circle.

Sir Slab was called in first for his birthday drink, Shat called in for his disparaging remarks about GM’s wife not being slow to come.

GM reintroduced the rule where one Sir drinks all Sirs drink, and brought out Sir Blackie, Sir Rabbit and Sir Prince for a down down.

Hare Elvis was called into the circle. Sweat Hog described the run as good, well set and long enough. Elvis has his down down.

Visitor and local resident Graham was a guest of Elvis, he had a welcome down down.

GM called Now Loved who was getting ready to fly to Panama to join a sailing catamaran for a few weeks fishing and surfing in the Pacific Ocean, and gave Now Loved a map of where NOT to go in some of those troubled areas.

Weekly stepped out and asked if anybody wanted to accompany him in a visit to see Croc in his new home. GM announced that he has seen Croc, and a video was posted on the web site. Croc was in great spirits, and had his first cup of coffee in over 4 months!

RA came into the circle with a usual joke, then called Blackie in and asked him if he could walk a straight line. Sweat Hog had seen him waver and trip on the run.

Graham was called in again and commended on being a good runner. We look forward to Graham running with hash again.

Sweat Hog stepped in and asked if the run had gone through a pig farm and where was it? He smelt shit. Something to do with Ice Man?

POW Shat was proxy for Nasty, and called out Hard On and Lurch, gave some stories about them, and then said the POW was going to …. Elvis for the lies, myths and screw ups (for the walkers).

Blackie called end of circle.

Everyone then went into the restaurant where we had delicious chicken, sweat and sour pork and a beef dish. Enough for all. Slab provided a casket of red wine.

Remember to use dobin@keen.net.au if you have a story for RA.

On on

Mad Mike