News Flash: Ex GM out shopping
Some people know him as..

Run 1812
Date : 23rd July 2012
Hare : Sir AH
Venue : Xanadu Court, Mudgeraba
Runners 23

Weeks to Blackie not having to piss in a bag – 1

The journey to the venue was enough to take your breath away, not particularly the view, just the lack of oxygen at this altitude. As I passed the Von Trapp family, fleeing to Austria, I realized that there was a strong likelihood of hills being employed on the run

Walkers and runners (we seem to be less runners by the week) set off downhill (which meant a nice uphill for the on home)Sir Slab was heard to comment on the walking group with the words “Look at that bunch of geriatrics” he did have a point, most looked as they were searching for their carers.

The run was, as expected, many ups, many downs, no false trails and checks into courts, which were fooling, no one. A small off-road section was encountered as we all trespassed onto the local golf course, the rest was tarmac and well marked. Although some confusion was experienced by Josephine and Jigsaw, who both decided to do a second lap after running past the venue. (should have asked one of the Sherpa’s)

Consideration was given to finding them but it was too cozy by the patio heater and its is the thought that counts, I was always told.

Hard to believe that the run had been set at short notice as the birthday boy served entree’s of creamy tomato and pumpkin soup and followed this with Thai chicken curry and perfectly cooked rice. There was even a choice of three mud cakes with custard for dessert. Nicely done AH.

Circle opened by the GM and the hare invited out. 70 years young and allegedly born in an air raid (prompting suggestions of Hitler’s love child). Josephine gave comment on the run – no fun factor, suggests AH move to Palm Beach (so we can run between the street fights and drunks?) enjoyed the run so much started a second lap. 6/10

Sir Prince adopted the role of Matt Preston, stating – plenty, very nice, no chilli, 8/10 which in the words of KB was “almost up there with Latrine”

DD’s to –

Shat – job well done on last years committee
Jigsaw – ‘best committee man last year’
Sir Prince Valliant – nearly at wrong venue
Returners – Sir Slab, travelling with wife/Shat, travelling with wife/Sir AH, long service leave/Moonbeams, had better offers

GM presented with an unusual shaped whistle, nice colours but a twat of thing to blow.

RA entered the scene giving a DD to Carefree for use of the ‘V’ word which is apparently less offensive than c#nt??? Sir Prince informed us that Miscarriage is back where he belongs – Christmas Island (as one of Santa’s little helpers?) after a fortuitous flight cancellation.

POW missing again so no new recipient.

Other news – Blackie back home and doing well after keyhole surgery, Caustic enquired if he has had a dump yet. Apparently he’s dumped the bag as he couldn’t get shoes to match.

Dicky Knee’s woes have multiplied, mobile phone infringement, numerous car breakdowns, it’s a good job he’s on the big money at the mines.

Excel pet visiting next week, Splinter lunch on Friday (which was yesterday, yes I’m a bit behind this week. Apologies to all)

Charges – Aussie for the suns
– Caustic for opening his mouth

Next weeks run – Shat @ Budds Beach (where else)

Thanks to Sir AH for a great job at short notice and also to Two Dogs whom I forgot to thank last week.

On On

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Some of the above may be untrue.

This is a furtive Shat about to buy the GM’s present in Trogir, Croatia.
On on,
Slab

Run 1811
Date : 16th July 2012
Hare : Gavin (assisted by Two Dogs)
Venue : The Esplanade, Paradise Point
Runners 23

Weeks to Blackie not having to piss in a bag – 1

With a view overlooking LEGOLAND or Ephraim Island, as it is known to locals, an eager group of runners assembled, hoping that there would be a run this week (not public transport).

Indeed there was and after the obligatory instructions, which seem to differ each week despite every hare quoting “international markings apply” we were off and running. The route took us south and wove through the back streets of Hollywell before entering the bush stage.

Checks were aplenty and I seemed to pick every false trail. We emerged at the northern end of Coombabah and then past Paradise Lake. The checks kept coming, so in the main, the pack was kept together. Some good front running appearances by Josephine, Veteran and Michael.

Back at the venue, it was clear that the site had been well prepared with windbreaks and a gas heater, the only question was – how on the Gold Coast did he find a working BBQ complete with a working light? Clearly this was the affluent end of the coast.

A pleasant hubbub of conversation could be heard as the entre was prepared, no shouting or swearing was apparent so Caustic, Cum Smoke and Pizza were absent.

For starters Gavin served us, ‘gourmet ‘ snags (lamb and rosemary or Mexican) they still smelled like the charity sh@t you get outside Bunnings to me, so I opted for an onion sandwich.

The main course was home made burgers, which were very tasty.

NO DESSERT (Points off for that faux pas)

Circle was commenced by the GM who was feeling a little unwell, no one offered a cuddle; it’s tough at the top.

Two Dogs was ushered into the circle and Josephine enthused how it was a well marked and quality run, just slightly inferior to his own so 7.6/10. Phantom stated it was the best walk he has done in a long time (there was a bar on the route)

Botcho gave comment on the food, chilli sausages too spicy, no dessert, basic food, either tasty burgers too small or rolls too big. (a bit like trying to find a two dollar coin in a large pocket) 7and a bit (7.1/10).

DD to – Hare – Two Dogs
– Visitors – Gavin + john (Swindler’s mate from Sydney)
– Returners – Phantom (ill), Head Job (bad knee)

RA’s business –
DD to – Flasher (of Hot Seat fame)
– Michael (wearing pimps hat)
– Two Dogs and Gavin who will be representing Australia in the upcoming Origami championships in Canada. Specialties are the frog base and the lotus petal.
– Phantom – sitting down during circle

Flasher was awarded a bottle of gossips by the GM for knowing far too much about gays.

POW being held over, probably due to paragraph 5.

Next weeks run Shat@? (assuming he can extricate himself from France)

Couple of very funny Pet Shop jokes to finish, which I could repeat, but you should be at the run.

On On

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The”Gun”

Run 1810
Date : 9th July 2012
Hare : Mademoiselle Latrine
Venue : Len Fox park, Labrador
Runners 24

Weeks to Crocodiles birthday – 19
Weeks to Crocodile buying the crownies – 23

The start was questionable; instructions had been given which were akin to the food ordering at Helensvale the week before, who knew what was going to happen.

I am reliably informed by various hashers that the run commenced with a bus ride to Runaway Bay shopping centre, despite Latrine’s assertions that short cutting would be impossible, several hashers got off the bus early and proceeded direct to the drinks stop.

The rest continued on, disembarked and ran back to the drink stop using Translink signs instead of arrows. A healthy bar tab had been lodged and was utilized. All made their way home to Len Fox Park.

Unfortunately I was late due distraction by the ‘W’ word, no Flasher, not that ‘W’ word the one most of you have not been acquainted with for some time, I am of course referring to WORK.

I viewed the aperitif with some disbelief, a few walnuts scattered amongst various lettuce leaves. Apparently I had just missed the cheese and cold meat platter.

The starter arrived, what was it? Something in breadcrumbs, Cum Smoke suggested chicken bi-product but this had never even seen a chicken never mind originated at one.

Just when all appeared to be lost, the mains arrived; one for wine drinkers and one for the ale heads. These consisted of Texas slow cooked chilli con carne and rice or a German smorgasbord of kartoffel, sauerkraut and leg of pork. Topped off with a cinnamon laced fresh fruit salad. In the words of dumb and dumber, Latrine you totally redeemed yourself.

Again, I repeat, this is why we call ourselves the Gourmet Hash.

Circle was convened, the Hare invited out and the terminal food critic that is Ferret, was offered the opportunity to comment. Amid much agreement the food was lauded and scored 9.9/10. (A lot of effort and expense by the Hare)

Miscarriage gave the run report, stating it was well conducted, though no conductor on the bus, Ferret had led the breakaway movement (short cutting b@st*rds), the beer shouted at the grand was a nice touch before the long sprint home. 7.5/10 due to the variation factor. DD for the hare.

Returning runners – Sir Prince Valiant/Latrine/VD. Sir Prince presented a mask of Her Majesty Queen Elisabeth 11 (god bless her) to the GM as she was someone of his age. (and financial standing)

Visitors – Magician from Saigon, has been working on a project for two years without even turning a shovel, slowest DD in the history of mankind. Don’t ever award him POW, we’ll never get home.

The RA took to the floor, and despite strenuous protests by Sir Prince, issued a DD from new shoes. Ozzie was awarded a DD for bringing his own crownie, arriving late then nearly destroying the ugliest trophy ever made. Iceman ventured back out to finish the joke he c@ck%d up two weeks ago. (wasn’t really worth waiting for). DD Miscarriage for farting in circle, DD Latrine for putting sh*t on the GM and shaving cream on his face – better food and cabaret than the local RSL.

POW – Cum Smoke, relishing his place in the spotlight, proceeded to call out nearly everyone then sent them back, except for Veteran for his failure to use a complimentary voucher.

DD for Blackie, birthday boy, joined by Latrine who’s DD was emptied faster than Miscarriage’s bowels (read back a bit).

News – Flasher may be back from overseas early, as he has run out of porn money, sorry that should read prawn money.

Next weeks run – Two Dogs (no dessert warning) @ Paradise Point

Cum Smoke reports his trivia night was a resounding success, in 3rd place was Cum Smoke (we were expecting better as he set the questions) 2nd was Gary Davis the scout hall caretaker who came too early to lock up and 1st was Craig Jones who entered by mistake, thinking it was a soup kitchen.

On On

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Some of the above may be untrue.

Run 1809
Date : 2nd July 2012
Hare : Rainbow
Venue : Helensvale Tavern, Helensvale
Runners 35

Weeks to next Gold Coast half marathon – 51

A healthy head count was apparent prior to start, was this due to the fact that the word ‘Tavern’ was in the venue title? (highly likely)

The Hare; Rainbow, gave us the usual spiel including a total distance of 5.7 km (my arse it was) up to 7.7 if you took the false trails.

The pack ran through the drive-in of Red Rooter, round the back of Old Helensvale shopping centre, before crossing the highway and onto the car park of the new Helensvale shopping centre. The trail ran cold at the check by the M1 overpass and it was sometime, before on was called in the direction of Pacific Pines.

Alas it was the start of the false trails and of course it prompted a large group to secret themselves until the appearance of Veteran.

Back to the check, another false trail then into the industrial estate before emerging out by the side of the New Helensvale shopping centre, down another false trail to the golf course then along the station by the side of the shopping centre. Had we actually gone anywhere???

The trail led back across the highway and past the venue – note to Hares – if you want at least half of the pack to stop half way, then run the trail past the venue – The hardened runners continued alongside the shopping centre (still) then onto a pathway which ran parallel to Discovery Drive.

I must remember to ring the RSPCA because it sounded as though someone is keeping a grizzly bear in their back garden, change of underwear required.

More false trails, bit of chiggy and parkland. Two Dogs and I split at a check, I found two arrows I assumed as a hard on but they turned out to be the end of a false trail, by the time I reached the next check I had lost the trail, lost interest and was quickly losing the will to live.

Fortunately the bright lights of Helensvale Tavern could be seen in the distance and they beckoned me back home.

Circle was convened quickly and the Hare called out. Rainbow explained he had retired and is about to commence a motor home tour of the country with his better half – Babbling Brook. He was wished well on his travels with a DD

Returning runners – Nasty/Miscarriage/Veteran/Rock Hard were invited out and asked for an update as to their recent whereabouts. Saving us from unnecessary boredom, Moonbeams managed to over-talk them all and move proceedings forwards

Miscarriage scored the run 7/10, complained about the style of arrows and described the highlight as the elation shown by Veteran at the hashers hiding at the on back.

Veteran was given a DD for his work on last year’s hierarchy.

Miscarriage made some unintelligible remarks about extra fabric in his tracksuit

Sir Rabbit, Ferret (proxy for Shredder) and Rectum were brought out for taking part in the Half Marathon, the highlight of which was the young ladies by KFC in mumble pants. This term was explained to Cum Smoke who has obviously had a sheltered upbringing.

DD for Ozzie for his part in the hiding group.

POW to be held over for next week by order of the GM

DD for Josephine ( a popular choice this year) for questioning the number of testicles held by the GM and comparing him to Adolf Hitler.

Correspondence was sent in by Shat, updating us on the trio of globetrotters that are himself, Prince Valiant and Sir Slab (described as a try hard for not hiring an electric bike)

Next weeks run – Latrine @ Dan Murphy’s (to be confirmed)

Circle concluded, Rainbow explained that if two hashers bought drinks at the same time, then one free meal was available if it contained rice, unless one of the drinks was wine then the second meal had to be chicken. (that’s how it sounded to me)

Inside the tavern it was in fact half price meals, which were excellent overall.

Thanks to Rainbow and good luck, you will need it (24hrs a day with a back seat driver!).

I was asked to give mention to the generous gift of hash shirts by Nasty to some of the newer members, on the down side none of them fit, but on the positive side they make excellent drop sheets for large pieces of furniture such as sofas, double beds etc.

Finally, the resident double agent – Cum Smoke – would like you all to be aware that Wednesday night’s mixed hash (you remember the one that calls us gay) is holding a trivia night on Friday at 7pm to celebrate their 1700th run. This means they have clocked up almost 10 kms to date. The venue is NERANG SCOUT HALL as the Versace was booked, prizes are a surprise (for that read non-existent) and Cum Smoke had no idea of the entry fee. To test your mental acuity a couple of examples were provided –

1. Name two colours
2. If a sandwich costs $5 and I give a $10 note to the vendor, how much change will I receive?

Good luck

On On

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Some of the above may be untrue.