Run: 1798
Date: Monday 16th April 2012
Hare: Flasher & Rug
Venue: Pacific Pines
Runners: 30

Weeks to AGPU: 8
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS ARE NOW OPEN FOR FORTHCOMING HIERARCHY POSITIONS
Firstly before bagging the crap out of the run I must give a big thanks to the “Chipmunks”, as Caustic endearingly calls our Hares, for stepping up to the plate at short notice and putting on a good run and feed. That’s what Hashing is all about, well done Chipmunks.

Now where was I? The run Hare, Flasher, called the circle to order with map in hand and two drawings of international markings that apparently would be the hall mark of tonight’s run. Unlike those that Missing Link and Nasty had used in previous weeks, so the Hare continued. Also, being at Pacific Pines, it would be a flat run, and then the pigs took off for another lap of the surrounds.
Would it be the State Forrest or the hills to the north, we thought, as we ventured forth into the darkness and looming storm. Through the park, first check, on back (international one that is) and on right along the pathway. Up the incline, another check (possibly international style) and on left. After here it gets confusing as we soon headed off trail and into the seemingly endless hills and slopes of this well-known area, normally the domain of the missing Old Fart.

The Hares must have spent a fortune to get all the fields and bush slashed in time for our arrival as we continued our way along the bush and fence lines, upsetting the locals and their vicious and now upset mutts.

The rumbling in the ranks intensified as we continued upwards with calls of “ice the bastards” reverbing through the night. Up down and all around we continued as many of the pack started to slip and slide in the now damp and hilly conditions with Blacky, Miscarriage, Bent Banana and Miscarriage all involved in minor falls.

Bent Banana tripped and lost his glasses creating a minor delay as the pack stopped and searched the undergrowth for the missing lenses, soon found by Veteran. Miscarriage, back from his intensive campaign trail and study tour, pulled off an amazing recovery as he tried running down a grassy slippery slope only to nearly come undone. Stay tuned for his upcoming election speech in the local rag.

All was going to plan except, as we approached the hour mark, we lost the trail somewhere in the bush and strangely atop a hill, apparently someone had built a fence in the past two hours blocking the path. Secondly the rain commenced just as the hour ticked over, when we should have all been home high and dry.

Calls of the international rule of “every minute over the hour was a minute on the ice” echoed across the hills. We somehow came across the home trail and found the walkers but somehow again managed to climb the hills to the top of “where ever” before again losing the trail and sprinting home, the fastest way possible, in the now pouring conditions.

Back at home the rain intensified as the prawn crackers and almond starters were served, followed by the Singapore Noodles (and extra chillies), and finished with ice cream and fruit salad. Apparently poor old Rug had to do all the preparations by himself with Mrs Rug being hard at work in Brisbane.

Bent Banana commenced his run report with “what did we do to upset Flasher” and ended up giving him a 7.5/10 including his bonus point for volunteering to do the run at short notice.

Rug was given an 8/10 for his nosh by the GM himself. Meanwhile, Hash Cash, Blackstump was seen rounding up all available funds to help with the Hash making a tilt at the upcoming sale of his Ponderosa Ranch, at a bargain price no doubt.

Please contact Shat if you are attending the H3 Sunday lunch at Burleigh on the 22nd April
PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
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Down Downs:
Rug & Flasher: Hares

Show Pony: To help heal his suffering due to ongoing gout condition

Miscarriage & Arseup: Drinking from wrong hand and missing such respectively

Flasher: Iced for 13 minutes, time over on run and for word abuse, altering RA’s words twoweeks ago.

Miscarriage: Tsunami evacuation story as accurately portrayed by Sir Prince

Truck Tyre & Arseup: drinking from wrong hand and missing such respectively

Caustic: Potential rule #1 infringement

Kwakka: POW, not agreeing with Missing Link (outgoing POW)

Michael: Visitor

On On from “The Desk”

Run: 1797
Date: Monday 9th April 2012
Hare: Missing Link
Venue: Park at Monaco Street
Runners: 24

Weeks to AGPU: 9
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS ARE NOW OPEN FOR FORTHCOMING HIERARCHY POSITIONS
Normally one would expect a small crowd on an Easter Monday holiday, however 24 managed to show up for tonight’s event, showing just how lacking a life many have.
The car park was at capacity as we juggled spaces and double parked around the visitors walking their furry mutts unaware of the arriving rabble.
Missing Link advised it was a short token run and smart Hashers would be advised to stay back and “get on it” instead. Alas, not being the smartest mob around, the pack headed off to see what would transpire. We headed west down the path and soon came to the first check.
I went right and discovered the first on back but did manage to persuade a few to follow. Some returned (I think) but most, knowing the surrounds, headed further west and again picked up the trail running parallel along Monaco Street. The walkers and a few others shortcutted across the paddocks never to be seen again.
The small remaining pack headed towards the edge of the park near the flyover and found another check. At this pint something went wrong, off course the Hare blamed us but that’s Hash.
We found the On Trail under the bridge and found the On Back up towards Bundall road but somehow we missed the run leg down past the PCYC and instead we headed further east along Monaco Street to the next check.
Sir Cumference and I found the right trail whilst Flasher (as he does) and Elvis continued on towards Rio Vista. We found Pacific Ave and headed right towards the inevitable foot bridge to find the Hard On arrows, which apparently doubled as On Back arrows for the false trail we missed earlier, apparently.
We then came across a check with arrows in two directions, however not in the direction we found the home trail (after some advice from truck Tyre heading in the opposite direction), go figure.
We got home in about 20 minutes and soon sighted Flasher and Elvis coming home from the totally opposite direction stating they had decided to do some extra just for the sake of it.
The pack was soon all back and declared war on the ravenous midges with gallons of Aeroguard being sprayed in the manner of Agent Orange in the Vietnam War. Nasty arrived on the scene at 6:15pm, with the pack wondering whether it was pure stupidity in not reading the emails or sheer cunning in avoiding the run.
The Hare soon provided one of his signature dishes of a fine curry and rice with all the trimmings including tomatoes, cucumbers, peanuts, extra chillies, bread, pappadams, etc. etc. and finished with a dessert of Easter eggs served up by guest Easter Bunny, Sir Rabbit (in appropriate Rabbit attire).
During the casual sit down circle, and in absence of some hierarchy members (Hash Cash at lavish beachside retreat of course, and RA absent at mountain top retreat, and swollen, well, just absent) the GM called on Cumsmoke as guest RA. It was too late to realise his error as Cumsmoke, again feeling the power of days gone by, pounced on the opportunity and proceeded to work his way through a number of the Hierarchy with various charges. The food was given a 9.5/10 by the GM and the run was given a 10/10 by the Hare, giving a self-critique as he was the only one to do the entire circuit. A good effort and a great feast Link, well done.
Please contact Shat if you are attending the H3 Sunday lunch at Burleigh on the 22nd April
PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!

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Down Downs:
Caustic: Letting bunger off in GM’s ear (and iced appropriately)
Missing Link: Hare
Sandpit: Returning runner from years gone by
Sandpit: Not wearing Hash shirt even though had one in car
Botulism, Truck Tyre, Testicle, VD, Short Circuit & Moonbeams: Returning runners
Sir Slab, Nasty, Flasher & Head Job: Caught engaging in secret training
Botulism: For volunteering guest RA, Cumsmoke, for Hash Flash job (plus deleting photos)
Jigsaw & Nasty: Sending frivolous emails and sordid boat excursions respectively
Missing Link: Destroying Moonbeams golf game with phone call during round
Caustic: Hat on in circle & one for Sir Rabbit wearing “hat” in circle
Rug: Getting caught out by Croc to drive two weeks in a row
Sir Rabbit: For wearing Easter Bunny attire
Missing Link: POW (via Flasher as proxy for Show Pony), for confusing arrows
Cumsmoke: Charged by Caustic for debacle at boat ramp on weekend and for shouting profanities in process
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs 

Run: 1796
Date: 2nd April, 2012
Hare: Aussie
Venue: Marine Parade, Labrador
Runners: 29

Weeks to AGPU: 10

THE RUN :
With a very Hash experienced Hare such as Aussie, setting a run in very familiar Hashing territory around the ‘burbs of Labrador, on a perfectly clear afternoon, what could possibly go wrong? Virtually nothing you would imagine.

Well,……. 29 Hasher turned up to test the theory.

Aussie gave explicit instructions before the run stating, “If you find a false trail, go back to the last arrow!”

Although not quite meeting the Gold Coast Hashing standard of going back to the last Check, this direction seemed simple enough and surely we could work with this for the run.

16 Runners took off, (not including the ever increasing numbers of Walkers), with Swollen appointed the Task of Sweeping and keeping everyone on track.

Seemed like a good plan, but on arrival at the very First Check, only 6 runners were still on trail including Swollen!

Fortunately I was one of those so I can give some sort of report on the run. Heading up Parker St I found a very cranky Veteran. “I’ve been up there, I’ve been down there, I’ve been down that Street, they’re all False Trails, so Fucked if I Know!”

Fortunately Aussie, (remember Aussie?, He was the Hare) arrived and with a little bit of calm coaching about returning back to the previous arrow, set Veteran on his way in exactly the direction Veteran had claimed a false trail existed. Seems he may have got a little confused in the red mist!

The rest of the run was comparatively uneventful heading through the shops on Brisbane Rd before turning South and (mostly) following Govt Rd to Central St before heading On Home. (editors note: it is a true-ism that only Bent Banana and Flasher did the complete run!).

THE CIRCLE:

Our illustrious GM blew the whistle at exactly 8:14pm to frighten off any marauding Orangutans and to call the Circle to order.

Rug was called on for a review of the run. He stated, “In all my years of Hashing this is the first run where I never saw a single arrow!” (Editors comment: ‘Rug, you’ve been spending too much time with Flasher at Splinter Hash piss ups. If you haven’t seen an arrow you’re not on the fucking trail!!)
Bent Banana restored some sanity by giving the run a very generous 6 / 10.

Nosh Report – The GM said the Nosh was “Glorious” so who could argue with a 7.8 score.

DOWN DOWNS :

Aussie – Hare

Rock Hard, Big ‘O’, Mumbles, Ross – Returning Runners
(At this time the Big ‘O” waffled on some story about breaking his appendage but no one had a fucking clue what he was talking about!)

Caustic – RA Abuse

Caustic, Nasty, Sir Prince, Mumbles, Rainbow, Flasher (grossly unfair charge!) – not following run directions

Flasher & Rug – Disgraceful behaviour after Splinter Hash. (Has anyone seen my Johnnie?)

Rainbow – 27 years of Hashing. (Looks like he started on his 40th B’day)

PRICK OF THE WEEK :

The incumbent POW (Caustic) presented a novel method of issuing the POW by calling on 4 ‘Wallflowers’ (those who hide away in the background in the Circle) and letting them vote on who should be this week’s POW.

After Veteran recovered from a seemingly impossible position after naming all of the other three nominees as his first choice (Well who else would they all vote for?) The final vote was a unanimous choice for Show Pony.

SUMMARY :

Thank you to Aussie for a great Hash Night and a special thank you to Swollen for his dictatorial role as stand in R.A.

ON ON – JOSEPHINE

Run: 1794
Date: Monday 19th March 2012
Hare: Pizza & Rectum
Venue: Pizza Palace
Runners: 27

Weeks to AGPU: 12
Seems the RA must be a busy little bee these days as he has had considerable difficulty in controlling the elements, either that or he has a weird sense of humour. Pouring rain, sun, showers, more rain, more sunshine, yet more rain, and thus was all day Monday.

Rectum had waited until the skies cleared, yet again, and as late as possible went to set the run only to watch it wash out within minutes of finishing. As a result the venue was changed from the race track to the well utilised Pizza Palace, with only Dicky Knee failing the “find the new venue” test. The solid pack arrived to hear the sad news of the run wash out but was placated by the fine post Saint Patrick’s Day dark brew.

The GM and I informed Rectum a run was mandatory and that the live hare option was inevitable. We suggested he make pace quickly and get a good start as the penalty for getting caught can be painful and or embarrassing, pending which penalty one applies. Rectum quickly disappeared with his new patented flour trail marker.

Meanwhile the pack, unaware of these proceedings, was still tucking into the brew, again skilfully brewed and supplied by host Pizza, adding to the Saint Patrick’s Day theme. Finally figuring the Hare had a fair start the GM called the rabble to order and sent them on their way in hot pursuit. The trail was surprisingly good as we ran west along Slatyer Avenue and soon crossed the road, towards the bush.
The pack was then forced to endure the drain section with ankle deep water now filling the once dry water course. After a few hundred metres, to the amazement of many a resident wondering at the goings on in the drain behind their abodes, we turned left across the slushy grass section.

Rug and I were now in the lead group as we came across yet another drain crossing. Rug tested the depth, thinking it only a few centimetres deep, but in fact it was now well over waist deep as Rug disappeared into the murky waters. Not being in possession of the same, secret agent, survival skills of Rug I quickly decided to head for the road and run around the drain and cross it at the Benowa Road intersection.

I found Rug again as we now struggled to find the next leg of the trail. As I headed north along Benowa Road I spotted front runner Miscarriage in the distance and quickly followed, again finding the trail. Bent Banana and Rug had now disappeared trying to find the trail in other ways. Miscarriage and I continued until we turned east into Cottlew Street East and managed to lose the trail somewhere along this stretch.

We searched high and low but in the end we figured if we continued to Ferry Road we’d find the trail or at least be in the right direction for home. Apparently the correct trail went further north to the Tafe College before looping back south then east parallel to home.

Aussie was out here somewhere as well but as to which section he did is unknown. The walkers, I am led to believe, did a quick about turn at the water leg and returned to the dry conditions and ready brew awaiting at home base. Never the less a great effort in trying conditions.

The nosh, also prepared by Rectum, was an Irish stew with lamb, onions, and vegies, which turned out a treat with plenty to go around, even Blacky had some, which must be a major stamp of approval. A flaming desert of an Irish Cream Brule topped with Baileys followed, again an enjoyable treat.

Rug gave a brief run report saying it was good and he particularly enjoyed the swim leg 8/10. The food was also given a resounding 8/10 as given by the majority.
Thanks to Rectum for the run and nosh and thanks again to Pizza for use of the Palace and providing the brew, though I suspect the morning after might have had some interesting results.

PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
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Down Downs:
Pizza & Rectum: Hares

Rug: Spectacular swan dive into drain

Flasher: No gift for GM following OS tour to Philippines

Phantom: Returning runner

Splat: New name for son of Head Job

KB: Charged by Miscarriage for not being on electoral roll and thus being unable to assist Miscarriage in forthcoming 157th tilt at a political post

Splat: POW by KB for being fourth member of Village People (go figure)

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1792
Date: Monday 5th March 2012
Hare: Veteran & Sir Rabbit
Venue: Coombabah
Runners: 19

Weeks to AGPU: 14
Aussie’s name had been on the Hare line for months now and yet last week he declared he didn’t know it was his run and he would be in Melbourne anyway.

Don’t worry, the repercussions will be severe and swift, however a carton of Crownies may assist in redemption. Veteran and Sir Rabbit stepped up to the plate with the ever reliable Coombabah Wetlands (aka Shit Farm) as the new chosen venue.

However the skies had not cleared and the climate change storms had continued resulting in a somewhat tame and predictable run. The alternative would have been a very wet and miserable slosh through appalling conditions.

Considering the very average conditions a reasonable pack of 19 runners showed including visitor from the south, Iceman.

Show Pony was spied acquiring some fishing gear and tips from KB he need for catching some monster fish (apparently) residing in his marina. Fortunately the RA was in attendance and had thankfully diverted the rain for the duration of our evening.

The Hare, Veteran, commenced with a 10 minute ramble on the run and checks and thousands of dangerous kangaroos and red paper for walkers and toilet paper for others and in the end it was blah, blah, blah. Instead he could have said he has just set a 7km loop using only one roll of dunny paper and half a bag of flour with one check and watch out for the rabid roos and flooding rivers, simple.

Rectum, Bent Banana and I set the pace with my local knowledge coming into play as we dodged the roos and the water. We came across the one check and walkers trail and continued on our merry loop around the perimeter of the park.

Good running country but not much to report as we returned on the out trail in about 45 minutes with Bent Banana figuring it was about 7.24km and I figured about 7.26km was right.
We arrived back at our road side retreat under the street light to the eagerly awaiting mossie horde, which had figured an extra good feed was on offer tonight.

Sir Rabbit had prepared one of his usual “big pot” surprises of a spag bol type thingy with bread and lettuce followed by lamingtons for dessert.
The GM decided not to ruin the street side ambience we had created and called a very casual “sit down” circle.

He was so astounded at the quality of the food and run created at such short notice that he gave the run a 9.5/10 and the food a 10/10 saying it was the best pasta dish he had ever had. Others agreed that it was the best they’d had that day.

No down downs except for Rug getting the POW (by Flabio) for near gay type infringements on the run amid incorrect accusations about coming from Huddersfield (an English thing I figure).
Iceman, our visitor form Nambucca and Posh Hash chimed in with a joke nearly worthy of repeating (nearly I said).

The seemingly quiet street appeared more like the M1 at peak hour with locals toing and froing trying to figure out why this homeless bunch had descended with their meals on wheels to this neck of the woods. Just as the early circle had concluded the RA could no longer hold back the elements as the heavens opened again and cleared the crowd to return home early trying to explain their “quiet” night at Hash. Well done to Sir Rabbit & Veteran.

PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
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Down Downs:
Rug; POW, from Flabio, for using pink torch and tip toeing around water on run
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs