Splinter Hash: 26th November 2010
Hosts: Sir AH & Moonbeams
Lication: Moma Roma, Broadbeach
What more can I say
Fantastic Company, toooo much wine and $10 Lamb Shanks.
Days like this are not to be missed.
Run: 1725
Hare: Blow fly & Sir Prince
Location: Bundall
Date: 22th November, 2010
Run: 1724
Hare: Flatulence & Pizza
Location: Paradise Point
Date: 15th November, 2010
Sand fly alley at Paradise Point is the meeting place for run 1724.
Pizza has called for the Hash trailer and Flatulence is setting the run……. This should be a good night!!!!!
Dicky Knee the human insect feeding machine lingers to look after the kegs and the pack heads out into the summer balmy night.
Back for a nice cold beer and the smell of Pizza’s nosh brewing on the bar B Q.
It’s all looking like the expectations are being met in spades..
WRONG !!!!!!!!! Another Hash “Fuck up” is well and truly in the making.
“This Bar B Q is rooted” cries Pizza.
Shake the gas bottles Says Nasty !!! Hmmmmmmmmm No Gas !!!!!!
Pizza’s entrée is JUST cooked and the pack is lined up for the cross between Pizza filling, Mulligan stew and regurgitated kebab. Pizza’s secret recipe invented over a flagon or two of Pizza’s Plonk.
Sir Prince to the rescue !!!!!!!!!!!!!
We’ll use the council ones … it’s OK !!! Leave it to me!!!
“If you liked the entrée you will love the main” Spouts Pizza, who is now blaming everyone and thing he can for the complete debacle unfolding.
Flasher pops over the council cook off and quietly says “ Think we’re out of fucking beer” Nooooooo ! we just put a new keg on says KB ………. Hmmmmmmmmmmm better check the gas!! No Gas !!!!!!!!!!
Now here is the question ???????
Is it the similarity between Flatulence and “Gas”
Pizza and Gas ( hot air)
That has caused this leading contender for Hash Debacle of the year????
It’s now 8.50 and Flasher calls for circle before there is a Hash Mutiny of huge proportions.
Flatulence is up first as the run hare.
Croc gives the comments and remarks that Old Fart is still lost or at least still looking for his scout compass and guide to the stars.
Croc confesses to a brisk walk and finding the trail well marked.
Two Dogs did a spy reccy on bike Sunday and figured out the way home.
Miscarriage was scolded for total disregard of on backs and Two Dogs gives the note.
Pizza is up next for the nosh.
Feeling soooooooooo low GM ….. it was to be my return and earn me a spot on the hierarchy next year ……. “Now I have a fuck up and no chance of being GM”
Pizza claims sabotage from other GM contenders could be afoot!!!
Sir Prince complains bitterly that Pizza has set the bar so high for next week.
Moon beams strikes a note before Pizza gets the second verse of his eight verse excuses in. Shut the fuck up me me me me !!
Yellow code is next and Old Fart is the target…….. No frigging idea GM!!!
Despite numerous hints from the pack Missing Link and Old Fart get the DD.
Sir Rabbit gets the prize and Rug gives the note.
RETURNING RUNNERS.
Circumference back from NZ with a knitted dick warmer for the GM.
Swollen back from overseas ( Stradbroke Island)
Arse Up …. Too busy for Hash.
Flatulence … Too busy watching videos.
Rug give the note.
R/A is next…………… He is also the POW
Bent Banana,Aussie and Point Two are all called into the circle.
Then a blinding flash hits the R/A and he awards the POW to Veteran who is not there via poor Croc ( or at least I think that’s what happened) Next week will reveal all!!!
Something about Cumsmoke’s beard comments.
( Has anybody every checked what is in those smokes he consumes ???? On Sec )
Croc gets 7/10 for the POW DD attempt …. A mid field runner.
Moonbeams returns from his private piss behind the Bar B Q .
A show of hands for the pub experience sees Aussie on the ice for a bit of R/A get square ……… don’t cross him is the clear message. Aussie is feet first into the ice bucket esky.
CHARGES …
Miscarriage charges Sir Rabbit for the job too dangerous to handle so he called in the Hash safety expert to attend to the SAFE removal of the dangerous asbestos roofing .
SIR PRINCE ……… arrives trailer, plastic bag and tip fees in hand. Safety to the max and the hazardous material is off to the dump cleverly concealed under a load of garden refuse the pair had to work their guts out to arrange.
Miscarriage gives the note for Aussie, Sir Rabbit and Sir Prince.
Swollen tells the rope joke ( On Sec has forgotten already)
Pizza (translator required) tells about the Kiwi with gumboots, sheep and fence routine.
Swollen announces his wife is running in the London Marathon to raise money for the heart foundation………Nov 28 th Fun Run Fundraiser at Rosser park Benowa for $20 see Swollen.
Two Dogs ALMOST gets away without explaining the wrist in bandages ….. seems pissed he tried a bit of Kung Foo on a plank of pinewood and the wood won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s 9.16pm the gas has run out, the Ibis are into the left over Pizza delight and Moonbeams calls ………… END OF CIRCLE.
On On
KB
un: 1723
Hare: Bung
Location: Coombabah
Date: 8th November, 2010
Bungs Boating Bash!
Loaves and fishes!
Lynn’s Lovely Lavishes!!
Call it what you like, it was “smiles all round” as self confessed rank novice Bung delivered the goods.
Mariners Cove Marina B arm number 40 …. Were the instructions for the meeting point for Bung’s Bash. A nostalgic night with fond memories of Bilgepump flowing back and his wife of thirty five years there to greet us on the very boat he built from nothing.
I’ve catered for about 26 says Bung. The guys at Peter’s Fisho are doing the fish and chips, we got some 13 steaks donated (Think I know for where too) and Lynn has whipped up a salad or two…. So we should be OK !!!
Well that was fine until the 37 th Hasher turned up just as the run started!!!
Plan “B” Lynnie better butter more bread and we will dice the steaks …. They will never know!!!!
Call the fisho and get the fish cut into portions too!!!
On On ….. head South down Sea World Drive >>>>>>>
Walkers …….. Head up the road until you get tired and head back, you can’t get lost!!!
Cumagen arrives with the kegs and Sir AH is straight into booze mode……… Great !! We are back on draft beer.
Fantastic arrows guide the pack around Main Beach and back to the boat like homing seagulls. The pack gathers around the wharf for lots of chat and Latrines diet guide to healthy living with his strides now a clear four sizes too big.
The loaves and fishes trick almost works with Sir Prince stepping in to help KB with the last minute steak fest and EXTREME portion control… all on budget of $140… THANKS LYNN.
It’s 8.13 pm … Circle in three minutes calls GM Flasher.
8.16PM ………….Form a straight circle ?????????????
Dicky Knee this week’s POW is into it early giving the pack plenty over being “straight” Fuck off Dicky. Calls the pack.
First in is the hare, Bung.
Old Fart is back in time to report on the run….. Obviously marked on a bike!!!
GM says he had a “hard on” (was that a marking term or was he just very pleased??) 5PM Bung re-marked the run but the kids still beat him in one section by rubbing out the marks ( that’s Hash)
Veteran says “bit short … but my type of run”
Nosh comments came from Nasty giving the rice salad 10 out of 10 and the marinated streak “great”
Latrine’s plate of salad was still there but Latrine was nowhere to be found …. Seems rice is not on the diet!!
Nasty gives a note!!
VISITORS …..
Mario … the wog with the yanky accent …. But, not enough dosh to buy shoes.
Commander Head ……….. F%$#, F%&$ I’ve been doing my bit to keep this F&%$ING country afloat.
RETURNING … Blowfly back from his wedding bash …… no comment on any marital achievements!!
Sir Prince gives a note and springs straight into a report on the Splinter Lunch.
“I’m cured” claims Sir Prince ( is that like ham???)
Seems DEBARCLE is the only word suitable…………
It was the Phantom that reported the greatest casualty …… Home by 6.45 and tucked up in bed BUT achieved amazing results in the 6hrs 15 minutes from the start of the lunch……… Who else can sign up for AND PAY for the Mekong Delta Run, Buy and TAKE DELIVERY of a Corvette Stingray (LHD)and consume 6 bottles of fine wine in just 6 short hours.
Miscarriage offers a nooooooooooooote!!
R/A is up next
CHARGES ???
Miscarriage is back …. Seems Two Dogs was the one on TV giving the head jobs to the footballers.
A DD follows and Two Dogs announces training camps are on each Thursday … draw straws for giver or receiver.
Dicky Knee gives a very precise report on a very unsavory incident the police asked to cover on the cameras in central Surfers at 3 AM Saturday morning.
Seems a prominent member of a known drug cartel was spotted with some slack looking moles and a pimp in association with this known felon.
The Pink shirt on the pimp made him easy to track through the crowded streets, until this person turned to the camera ( As this person is apt to do)
Seems the passion for cameras was finally his undoing!!!!!!!!
CUMSMOKE ……. Front and centre.
5 Drunken chicks and a “Rule One” shirt ………… Guilty as charged for the second week in a row.
One Chick on each arm Cumsmoke claims ………. Dicky says that’s right …. She was that big it was ONE chick on each(of his) arms.
That’s TWO self confessed whales so far Cumsmoke.
Cumsmoke you are …………….POW
Dicky gives a note ………. R/A does a reasonable job with the DD, but not in the running for a prize.
BACK TO CHARGES .
Bung charges the R/A with not doing the run and Croc for just being there.
DDs followed with the R/A into second attempt straight after the POW DD.
Visitor Mario gets it for taking a piss and is conned into the damp patch cover up.
KB suffers another fuck up with GM height comparisons and sadly gets Nasty, Sir Slab and Croc ( sorry guys) a DD for their measure too.
Bung calls for a special presentation…………….. Lynn .. Front and centre.
Thanks soooooooooo much Lynn !!!!!
A DD for Lynn follows.
The Missing Link calls for a moment of respect for Bilgepump .
The Pack raises their glasses in unison and sound a “Hash Hymn“ to Bilgepump.
Melbourne Cup Sweep prizes are handed out with Sir Rabbit getting third, Two Dogs getting second and Josephine the WINNER.
Josephine announces “it’s a bit late now … So I will shout next week”………… Form a queue.
Flasher announces it was slack week …… No Sponsor, No Code!!
In the absence of Moonbeams …… Point Two calls “End of circle”
It’s 8.47 PM and Marina urinal arms are now officially closed.
Thanks HEAPS Lynn!!
Well done Bung!!
RIP Bilgepump.
On On KB.
Run: 1722
Hare: Aussie
Location: Coombabah
Date: 1st November, 2010
Aussie takes a dash of daring and steps outside of his beloved Labrador into a brand new venue, seems the invitation to attend a hash run also went out to the local squadron !!!!!! Mosquito squadron that is !!!!!!!!
The pack gathers at the gates of the nature reserve in Coombabah and the clock strikes 6 PM …………. Gates close!!! It’s 6PM .
On On round the gates and onward into the mosquito infested swamp the pack goes, kangaroos and native wildlife abound this spot of Aussie’s. Dicky Knee stays back to mind the keg and gear set up already by booze master Cumagen and his new able assistant Sir AH.
It’s now 6.35pm Dicky has retreated to the car to do his guard duties, seems some of the local squadron found they wanted to linger with Dicky and attempt to eat him alive.
Walkers wander off down past the airfield and the runners are out in the boonies dodging kangaroos.
The pack starts to arrive back at the nosh just as Sir Prince Valiant arrives via Victoria. He’s been down to Blowfly’s wedding (a comprehensive report is coming …….. seems sooooo much happened it will take a few days to prepare, stand-by it’s worth the wait)
A fantastic nosh with ABSOLUTE perfect portion allotment is dished up by Aussie. Roast chicken with all the trimmings is VERY well received by all, then followed by ice creams sticks to top of a great nosh……….. Well done Aussie!!!
GM Flasher is back from O/S circle is called at 8.35pm.
No sponsor the week …… seems GM had telecommunications hassles from O/S
Dicky Knee is in first ……. For no apparent reason …. “Just stand there Dicky”
Run comments are called for from trail master Caustic …….. “ Boring, Straight run, No shaggy ….. poor effort!!” is Caustic’s comment ….But don’t forget it is Caustic making them !!
Josephine is asked for further comment and he quotes it as “GREAT RUN 9/10” GM
(I’m confused!!)
Cumsmoke is asked to comment on the nosh ……..” It’s got to be Nosh Of The Year” GM , I also got two ice creams!!
Bung gives a note and refuses to quote on the after run activities of last week.
Dicky Knee finally gets called for yellow code ….. The GM figures he finally has this wirily fox in his sights, Dicky asks Crock …… No fucking idea!!! Then Blackie …… can’t even turn the computer on GM Hmmmmmmmmm GM might have Dicky.
Dicky fronts up with the letter “O” just as serial pest Pizza starts up an Italian chorus of “O” “O” “O” “O”
Dicky is OFF the hook!!! Amazing after all his interjection and comment on the one or two (Million) mossies.
Visitors ….. Barnacle from Porta Galera (Think that’s how you spellit!)
For those that have a GPS it’s 1357Nth 12139 East
Bent Banana is called the give a note and hands down a rendition of Barnacle Bill like no other.
A DD follows.
GM Flasher passes a vote of thanks to Sir AH for standing in while he has been swanning around in the typhoons overseas.
R/A is called………
Ferret gets it for R/A abuse ( Don’t know why anyone would do that)
Sir AH gives the note.
Missing Link is asked for comment on the splinter lunch …….. nothing for the press !!!!!!! A number somewhere between 17 and 22 attended depending on what part of Link’s comments you take it from. Ferret appears to have behaved, but couldn’t understand why the metre maids didn’t want to come home and meet Mummy ??????
POW Pizza called and through a slurrrrrrrrrred summary of abuse and wanting to take the prick home for the fourth week in a row (seems he has found a use for it ?????????) he finally settled on Dicky Knee who had to arm wrestle it off him. Dicky’s abuse of the Hash keg and frothy beer for everyone won Dicky POW. Not a bad attempt at the POW yard glass ….. but too much spillage!!
CHARGES are called by R/A Cumsmoke.
First up is Caustic with a very serious charge indeed…………..
A blatant abuse of THE FIRST RULE OF HASH says Caustic …. “A homophobic offence GM”
Seems a hash member has written “I LOVE COCK” into Caustic’s troublesome neighbour’s lawn with round-up weed killer!!!!!!!!!!
CUMSMOKE is charged with this very serious offence and for the first time appears to be totally lacking any defence.
The charge is put to the vote of the pack …………A resounding GUILTY AS CHARGED !!!!! is the result ……..
The upshot is ….it seems Caustic is now very popular in his street.
Pay back …….. Cumsmoke gets Caustic for his new abode
Seems it is co-habitation with benefits Hmmmmmmmm!
Two Dogs gives the note.
Sir Prince is asked for comment on the wedding of the year.
RAIN, RAIN, RAIN.
Convert the restaurant into a chapel in 30 minutes.
4 inches of water running under foot
Bridesmaids in gumboots.
That’s just a taste of what will be in Sir Prince’s wedding bliss report out soon.
Next week’s run …………BUNG
From Mariners Mate B-Arm Mariners Cove Main Beach.
It’s now 9.10pm
MOONBEAMS calls “ End of circle”