A special “Run” this week – the Great Aussie BBQ for Australia Day.
Somebody said it was a good bushy run but Veteran said it caused him flashbacks to his time in Vietnam and could feel PTSD coming on.
The gourmet snags cooked by Kitchen Bitch made the perfect entrée.
Our resident food critic Rug thought the meal was perfect particularly as it was prepared by a fellow Yorkshire man. He loved the idea of keeping the Nosh in budget by using local road kill for the gourmet homemade kangaroo pie.
The homemade ice cream and lamingtons kept the harshest critics silent. Good effort Rectum.
If the pastry was not so light that it blew away, the Nosh score would have been 10/10.
Good to see Moonbeams there and in his own inimitable style call “END OF CIRCLE”
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JOKES OF THE WEEK FROM CAUSTIC
The HASHMAN
The Hashman is a woman’s best friend.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do;
to live without fear and forget regret.
He will enable her to express her deepest emotions
and give in to her most intimate desires.
He will make sure she always feels that she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.
No wait…… sorry……. I’m thinking of wine.
It’s WINE that does all that.
Sorry.
SHATS BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO JOS
“You never surprise me” Jos moaned to her long suffering husband called “Shat”.
“Buy me a surprise for my birthday. Something that accelerates from 0 to 150 in under 4 seconds, … and I’d prefer a blue one!, Jos hinted.
Happy and excited Jos was counting down the days for her birthday.
And finally Jos got the beautiful present that Shat had thoughtfully chosen for her …
Run 1890
Date:20/01/2014
Location: Old Fart
Hare: Pacific Pines
Runners: 37
The real GM Now Loved made a surprise appearance at this weeks run. He explained that he had been down to Tasmania to catch VD! That is just sick.
We all circled up in the backyard of Old Farts home on the side of a mountain at Pacific Pines.
Our “as yet unnamed” Hasher Paul who for all intents and purposes will currently remain nameless was asked to comment on the run. In an effort to suck up he gave a grossly overrated score of 7.8 and said it was hilly and well marked. Old Fart remarked that locals don’t call them hills but cardios.
Sir Slab this week in the walkers group scored it 10 out of 20 which the GM quickly averaged s 7.85. Catching VD in Tasmania seems to have resulted in brain damage.
Swindler on the nosh ” very tasteful and could well be Old Farts signature dish”. In a mood of generosity he scored it 8.5 with Blackie suggesting “a deduction of 1.5 because there was no potatoes”.
Rug our resident food critic never backward in offering some feedback scored it an 8.25 “I particularly thought the virtual salad was a nice touch”.
Cum Smoke thought the dessert was “sterling” WTF?
Nasty our nosh host the previous week was called out again. He had presented the receipt to Hash Cash for a reimbursement. On close examination of the itemised receipt it turns out there were several cans of dog and cat food included? Go figure. Any hashers been sitting in the middle of the street licking themselves and barking lately? Darwin Don 92 and just returned from Africa last week had mumbled “even a Zulu wouldn’t eat that”.
Crocodile was the acting RA in the continuing absence of Miscarriage now reportedly in the UK for the MIL’s funeral after having abandoned his 3 children in the snow in the US. He is unable to return to the US as he is wanted for “reckless abandonment of children”. After trying to claim on his travel insurance so his kids could be moved from a homeless shelter his claim was rejected because HE was not there with the kids. A debacle no less.
Flasher got a DD for eating his dinner with his right hand – he is considering converting and is adopting Arab culture. Somebody should tell him he is using the wrong hand. Ferret ever the sensitive new age guy was outed for declaring in the kitchen in front of Mrs Old Fart “Not as good as Flashers trifle”
KB reported his horse was still with foal and the MRI scan indicates a Shetland. Flasher is definitely in the frame.
The returners – Care Free, Phantom, Ferret and last but not least our almost forgotten GM Now Loved.
The POW – Fanny Charmer after not too much beating around the bush bestowed the honour on Ferret for being responsible for the wrong address for the run going on the website. Ferret setting a bad precedent as a member of the highly revered Hierarchy accepted the honour even though the GM has decreed that no member of the Hierarchy can be given the POW.
The acting Booze Master Truck Tyres took off on the run with no regard for those who may return before him with an almighty thirst. Not to put too finer point on things no one on the run was such a welcome sight as Truck Tyres limping in at 7.15 to open the bar.
Once again our Honorable GM Now Loved was MIA and the self appointed acting GM for the night was Sir Black Stump.
First item on the agenda was a naming for Manny Palma who has been a guest runner for a number of weeks. Blackie was in fine form when he gave Manny Palma the Hash name Fanny Charmer. I can see a few nick names coming up.
Moonbeams thanked everybody for their messages and support during his recent stint in hospital.
We had a special hash visitor Darwin Don from Sydney. What an inspiration. He has just competed in Italy in the Masters 1500 metres for his age group – OVER 90.
Caustic described the run as only Caustic could describe the run – piss poor run with poor trail marking.
Link scored the run a 3.5 out of 5 for no apparent reason.
Sir AH and Jigsaw were called out for trying to get a discount from the Hash Cash with their seniors cards. If that was going to fly half the members would get a discount. Lurch also joined them for paying the nosh fee with $15 in small coins. His excuse was that is the way Come Smoke pays him.
Sir Rabbit took some stick over Rabbits Radio at Pizzey Park however he swears it has nothing to do with him. Somebody is rabbiting on.
Two visitors this week Paul a guest of Nasty and Dusty also a guest of Nasty we think. Speaking of Nasty still no sign of him or the Nosh at this stage. What a debacle.
Sir Prince reported the RA was an alien in New York. He had managed to go on a hash run and it was so cold his feet were frozen in a puddle. Apparently this was followed by an RA debacle when he had to change his tickets for the return flight. His 3 children are stranded in the US while he is somewhere between the US and Australia.
The POW was passed on by Caustic to our newest member Fanny Charmer. He didn’t deserve that. Welcome to the Hash Fanny Charmer.
Moonbeams proudly called End Of Circle.
Finally the Nosh and Nasty arrived. Not on time but on budget. Aldi gourmet meat pies and Deb mashed potato followed by frozen cheese cake cut up with a chain saw. Best quote of the night from Nasty “I can’t believe there are pies and cheese cake left over”
Next weeks run will be from somewhere and will be next Monday.
CAUSTICS JOKE OF THE WEEK
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning.My wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did…. she’s 21 and her name’s Sarah.Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting pedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said “We’ll struggle to get another man of the same calibre.”My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It does everything – Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot..”Question – Are there too many immigrants in Australia ? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said “I am not understanding the question please.”
I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show.
Turns out I got it all wrong and the program’s called Fact Hunt.
The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries!
Some bastard’s just pinched a pair of my wife’s knickers off the washing line. She’s not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.
Our GM was MIA again and Sir Black Stump always keeping an eye out for an opportunity stepped into position with his usual savoir faire (whatever that means).
Botcho lovingly referred to by the G M as a serial pest was called out for abusing the GM last week for not wearing Hash attire. Botcho quickly claimed immunity from down downs awarded by the RA (also MIA) for his services to Hash IT as webmaster. Blackie being one who does not take to being questioned informed him that his exemption was only an exemption from DD’s issued by the RA. Watch this space for an Appeal to a Higher Jurisdiction.
Anyway “I have never seen the website” confessed Sir B.
Truck Tyres the Booze Master turned up at 7.15 and it seems he was still operating on NSW time.
KB turned up with an entre of smoked fish which not only a great surprise as the Nosh from the local Noodle In A Box take away did not turn up till 8.15.
Head Job back from the UK to build more luxury accommodation for new Australians arriving on cruise boats from Indonesia was in good form “best run to a pub and back”.
KB at this point in his normal humble manner volunteered “great nosh so far”.
Despite being a comp night Head Job and Manny got a DD for not having their name ticked off on Blackies list.
Truck Tyres got a DD for not only having a dud watch but for leaving his phone in Glen Innes so he couldn’t call in his delayed ETA.
KB brought a charge but he was not sure if the guilty party was Lurch, Flasher or Latrine. All these “gentlemen” had interacted with his 21 YO Mare at the previous weeks Hash and now the Mare is in foal. Flasher being the only one of the 3 present took one for the team.
Flasher aka “you didn’t deserve that” was awarded the POW for haranguing Circumference after the splinter lunch for his alleged lack of organisation and communication – code for “Flasher didn’t bring enough money and had to take an unsecured loan”
Next Week’s Run- Grassy Park Handsford Rd Coombabah compliments of Rug. BYO mosquito repellent.
Big news for the Gold Coast House Harriers. Next week will be a free night!! No run fee and your first Beer is free!! SAVING YOU $15. What a caring Hierarchy
Run 1886
Date:23/12/2013
Location:Elanora
Hare: Kitchen Bitch
Runners: 26
Our GM was a no show on the night apparently called to solve some Gold Coast transportation issues at the last moment but he had sworn in Black Stump by telephone as the acting GM.
Blackie stumped up to the task and called up the circle which he said would be a sitting circle in a rectangular shape.
Rug asked to comment on the run said he had been too busy putting his POW uniform on to think about the run.
Lurch said he was disappointed as there was enough hills to test him. Mademoiselle Latrine said he had done the whole run for a change to build up an appetite for a highly anticipated five course KB Nosh.
Rug soon gathered his thoughts and while he was fearful of protests from Greenpeace for the Baby Dolphins that had been slaughtered to provide the fine fish dinner KB served up. Clearly not too worried from any personal blowback from the Greenies he gave the Nosh a 9.5.
Rectum received special recognition for his efforts in the galley assisting KB and was given a temporary renaming for the night – Kitchen Bitch’s Bitch.
Mademoiselle Latrine took a DD for paying his $15 Nosh Fee in small coins. If you blinked you missed the DD – 1.23 seconds and nominated for the Guiness Book of Records.
Caustic brought a charge against the hare KB for using solvent based blue paint to mark the trail. In a spirited denial from KB he asked Caustic would he bet his ” Family Jewels” on it. Caustic not willing to take the ultimate bet backed down and uncharacteristically fell silent.
Rug the current POW called out a few on the short list:
The booze master for departing before Rug arrive at the drink stop
Ferret asked to borrow Rugs car so he could drive from the start point back to the Nosh but took the keys but left the car – a total debacle
Swindler for conduct unbecoming a Hasher at the Xmas Party for spraying a beer over fellow hashers when given a DD
And the winner is……. Swindler.
Caustic brought sad news of one of our senior members Nasty had apparently been possessed by an alien force while riding his bicycle home after a social tipple and had misjudged the space between 2 bollards and was suffering from 2 broken ribs and a bruised liver. Me thinks the bruised liver may have been a preexisting condition.
Next Weeks Run – Missing Link from a little known park Cascade Gardens. Normal 6:15 start.
Splinter Lunch – this Friday with a Xmas Party revisited at the Shore Restaurant 2 Ocean Ave Surfers Paradise.
