Farewell, Faithful Hound
Kuala Lumpur, 1988, half centenary run of the Hash House Harriers
Moonbeams and I had arranged to meet in Kuala Lumpur and participate in the celebratory run. The organizer of the event was an Englishman, a nice kind of a bloke though a bit officious and overbearing. He appeared to us to have taken his responsibilities a little too seriously.
The organizer had taken the trouble to print a big “50” on each of the colored toilet-paper-sized trail paper. It was a novel thing that Moonbeams and I commented on. Before climbing on the bus to go to the start of the run, the organizer addressed the pack with words to the effect: “I am warning you all to stay on trail at all times because this run will be taking place in rubber tree plantations where all the scenery looks the same. If you are off trail, you could get lost, and we don’t want to organize search parties to find you.”
The pack was taken to the start, some 10 kilometers from KL, and dropped in what appeared to be never-ending, seamless vista of rubber trees, with no buildings or significant roads to be seen.
On disembarking from the bus, we set off on the run.
I said to Moonbeams: “This direction doesn’t make any sense to me.”
Moonbeams: “It’s most likely a false trail to throw off the front runners and bring them back to the start.”
I said: “Yes, old mate, that makes sense to me, too.”
So Moonbeams and I turned back to the start and ran through it in the opposite direction to where the pack had gone. And after about 100 meters, what did we see? Printed toilet paper sheets with a big “50” printed on them, lying on the ground and pointing to the direction we had thought. This gave us a huge advantage on the rest of the pack and more time that we had anticipated we would need for the run.
After going through two or three checks, we came to a check that headed in a distinctly southerly direction.
Moonbeams: “This doesn’t make sense to me. I think it’s another big false trail.”
At that stage, we were about 30 minutes into the run.
Moonbeams then suggested we should collect all the sheets of toilet paper in a bundle and then start laying a new trail in a new direction about 200 meters from the last check. In other words, we reset the run. The diabolical Moonbeams at his best!
We were able to get a vantage point near the start of the reset run, where we hid to await the confusion and disorganization of the pack. We were also aware that we didn’t want any Hashmen getting lost and spoiling the run generally.
After the run finished and we were bused back to the Selangor Club in KL for the On-On celebrations, Moonbeams fronted the organizer and explained in detail what we had done. He said he hoped nobody had gotten lost in the rubber trees. The Englishman replied curtly that everyone had arrived back but some were rather disturbed by what had happened.
“I am not interested in discussing this with you any further,” he told Moonbeams, and then turned and strode away from him in a huff.
At the On-On, we ended up with Harry Howell (God Knows), and the three of us sat at the bar, under the plaque commemorating the founding of the Hash House Harriers in 1938, discussing the evening’s activities. One thing led to another and into the wee hours of the morning, we continued drinking. Harry had to catch a train Ipoh the next day, and Moonbeams and I poured him onto the train. Then we went back to our hotel bar, and from that moment on, my memory is remiss.
–Terry Morrow (Elusive Illusion)
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Show Pony at the Posh Hash 1993
Way back in 1993, I was The Honourable Hash Secretary, and of course responsible for publication of “The Weekly Bilge”In May of that year, Show Pony had gone missing for several weeks, and there was no news whether it was another boat or a new wife, so naturally I thought I should clear matter up.
I wrote as follows,”>We have finally managed to track Show Pony down. He is doing a short stretch in Long Bay.Apparently a few weeks ago, he rather over-imbibed at the On On and was slowly, very slowly driving home. He turned the corner and bugger me there was a booze bus with all flashing lights and sign waving coppers.But Show Pony was prepared, he quickly downed a handy dose of Mylanta (distributed by Dr Jekyll), and sat there waiting confidently for the approaching copper. I hasten to add although the Mylanta had done the trick, Show Pony reeked of booze.
“Waz zer per-roblemm’” he just managed to slur.
“Hello, we have one here,” shouted the Copper. “Out you get and blow in the Bag, SIR !”Nothing. The Booze Register failed to Register. After another two bags also failed, Show Pony leant against the car, with a superior grin on his face, as the Coppers circled his car suspiciously. “Ok then, I might be on my way”, said Show Pony“NO, waiting a minute, one of your tail lights aren’t working, “gleefully shouted one of the Coppers. ”You can’t drive this car at night, you will have to leave it until it is fixed, and before you walk off, I will just write you a ticket for that.””>Gentlemen that he was, Show Pony nearly snapped. “I suppose if I called you a Cunt, you would book me for that !”“That’s right Sir, insulting and obstructing a Policeman in course of his lawful duties,” the Copper replied, waving his book of tickets.“Well,” said Show Pony, “you can’t stop me Thinking That You Are A Cunt !” “Er no” said the Copper, “but I suggest you be a little more respectful to the Law.”“Really,” said Show Pony, “well alright, I just think you are A Cunt”.They are letting him out on a Good Behaviour Bond next week.Fond Memories of yet another Hashman who has gone to the Happy Hunting Grounds
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RIP Show Pony...thanks for the memories and the fun times that we all shared.
Pre Dinner Drinks with Show Pony
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News Flash from North Korea
I thought you may be interested in this little adventure that has just concluded.
Just returned to Beijing today on the 23 hour overnight train from Pyongyang.
The magician went in under cover of darkness 10 days ago with his wing man, the little Frenchie “Rawhide” who Valiant is familiar with, and we disgracefully, as you would expect, represented GCH3 in the Pyongyang marathon.
The event started and finished in the 150,000 seat Mayday stadium.
The crowd naturally went crazy when “the Magician” entered the arena.
The food as you would imagine was rather interesting with a normal dinner consisting of slightly underdone dogmeat soup followed by pan seared tree bark with jus.
After nine days this actually became quite tasty.
The magician has tentatively booked 20 lucky spots for next years event in the name of GCH3 so this upcuming Missing Link away hash event can be announced in next weeks circle.
A full debriefing can occur when next we meet.
Marathon Man “Magician”