Just For A Laugh
Copper Wire…..
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British”.
One week later, Australia’s Northern Territory Times, reported the
following:
“After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern Territory, aboriginal Billi Bunji, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely Sweet fuck all.
Billi has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless…”
Makes me feel bloody proud to be Australian!
Flasher a hash house harrier and his wife are shopping in Woolworths, Flasher puts 10 cans of Carlton Mid in the trolley and Madam Lash says, “You can put those back they cost $10 they’re too expensive”.
Further down the aisle Madam Lash puts a $20 tub of face cream in the trolley, “hold on a minute” Flasher says, “that’s too expensive”, “but darling” she says “this will make me look beautiful for you”.
Flasher replies, “so will 10 cans of Carlton Mid and that’s half the price”.
A harrier and a harriet ( names withheld) who had never met before, found themselves sharing a bunk room at the Gold Coast 2000th Celebrations at Boonah.
Although the harrier was initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the harrier leaned down and gently woke the harriet saying, ‘excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into that cupboard to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.’
‘I have a better idea,’ the harriet replied ‘Just for tonight, why not pretend that we’re married.’
‘Wow! That’s a great idea!’ exclaimed the harrier.
‘OK,’ replied the harriet. ‘Get your own fucking blanket.’
Botcho a hash house harrier approaches a young woman in a large store, he says “I can’t find my wife; can I talk to you for a few minutes”? The young woman says “sure but do you have any idea where your wife is”?
”Not a clue” said Botcho, “but whenever I talk to a lovely young woman like you, she always appears out of nowhere”!
Flasher goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one beer chaser. The bartender lines up seven shots and goes to get the beer. When he comes back with the beer only moments later, all seven shots were gone. The bartender says, "Wow! You sure drank those fast." Flasher explains, "You'd drink fast too if you had what I have." The bartender asks, "What do you have?" The guy reaches into his pocket and says, "Fifty cents!"
Drinking Problem Solver:
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually
pale and clear.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION REQUIRED: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of
your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION REQUIRED: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as
many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION REQUIRED: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION REQUIRED: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the
owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION REQUIRED: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.
FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.
ACTION REQUIRED: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION REQUIRED: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not,
complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and florescent light strip
across it.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION REQUIRED: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your
drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up, lash
yourself to bar.
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION REQUIRED: See above.
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
FAULT: The Bar is closing.
ACTION REQUIRED: Panic.
SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see your
bedroom.
FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.
ACTION REQUIRED: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat
yourself to a lie-in.
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