Date: 15th February 2020……………. …..
Location: Southport …………………….
‘It’ was billed as “a once in a lifetime night of fun and high jinks” and ‘it’ was delivered in spades; in fact, GM Iceman and his very able sidekick ArseNic delivered so much frivolous fun and games that, 2 hours in, the punters were screaming for it to end. “Enough Iceman,” they yelled, “we just can’t take any more of this…we wanna go home.”
This Casino Experience was that yearly event when the GCH3 manhood invites its long-suffering better half to apologise and seek forgiveness for past Monday indiscretions. Iceman’s genius was in creating a most lavish occasion where the ladies indulged in sumptuous canapes and cold bubbles in flutes whilst spending shitloads of money on useless things. Depending on personal preferences, the ‘spending’ could be enjoyed at a blackjack or roulette table, or playing Craps.
To the gambling dunce, it all looked much of a muchness but the connoisseurs of the caper, they all headed to their favourite betting positions. Looking splendid in a Colette Dinnigan designed frock, Kwakka’s cheese and kisses flew out of the blocks to plonk herself at the top of the roulette table where her favourite numbers zero and 1 were at her mercy. “1 is my lucky number” she cooed “and Kwakka is zero.” Sir Black Stump turned up looking like a cowboy from the latest RM Williams catalogue because “Vegas is in Nevada and Nevada has lots of cowboys”. He made a bee line for the blackjack table where dealer, The Battered Sav, proceeded to quickly fleece him dry. Foxtrot Oscar and Sir Rabbit joined him but luck would prove elusive for them too.
But for Brewtus, who preferred walking around drinking red wine and chatting up chicks, the rest of the GCH3 young guns all headed to the Crapper (where they play Craps). And it would be there that Skyhook, Dutch Oven, Pepe Le Spew and 2KY Jelly would remain for the rest of the evening. Aussie made the occasional appearance as he rushed around laying bets at all three venues.
Looking like Capone, BallPoint rocked up with a short dress flapper on his arm. They headed to the roulette wheel where they kept things very simple indeed, hitting up their birth dates of 5 and 15 at each and every turn. The fact that numbers 5 and 15 were often called out by croupier Tim Tam proves only that arse will beat class…..always. Now Loved and missus tried their luck at the wheel too but as long as Tim Tam was calling out 5 or 15, they were getting towelled up. Truck Tyres appeared on the scene and immediately announced: “how the f*ck do you play this game and what odds do you get?” But, refusing to hit the number 5 or 15, he too would walk away dejected and broke.
Back at the Crapper and things were hotting up; Skyhook and Dutchie were going at it hammer and tonks as they both rode their luck hard. And when the GM called for final bets it all came down to that ultimate throw of the dice: 6 and 4 and Skyhook cheered, the night’s overall big $35K winner.
For his troubles, grog monster Skyhook won a bottle of pink MuMM bubbles which his cheese and kisses is sure to enjoy. However, there is every likelihood that a formal protest will be lodged as security are reviewing all video recordings of the Crapper shenanigans. Whilst details are still sketchy, it has been alleged that Skyhook’s winning was due to his ‘following up’ on Sir Blackie’s missus who, ultimately, was the one with the hot hand.
Notwithstanding……it was a wonderful night.