Date: 3/8/2015

Location:Currumbin

Hare: Kitchen Bitch & Caustic Crusader

       Runners: 29

Tonight’s run had a bit of a shitty start for yours truly…pulled into Moonbeams’ driveway to pick him up and his downstairs neighbour came up the driveway, totally shitfaced drunk, stumbled against my car and snapped the left hand side mirror…f##king prick!!! Not a good start, but such is life…and more on damaged cars later…….

The run tonight started from the Currumbin Eagles RLFC at Galleon Way, Currumbin Waters, with our hares being KB and Caustic and a total contingent of 29 runners and walkers fronting up for the evening. To quote KB “I am getting my revenge on you pricks…the distance you’ve had to drive to get here to the Southern end of the coast is how far I have to drive when you pricks set runs at the northern end of the coast, so f### youse all!!”…this was going to be an interesting night. . It needs to be said at the outset that the hospitality of the club in allowing us to use their facilities, including their kitchen, was generous beyond description and our thanks to “Pat the Rat” and the other staff and members of the club. They helped to make this a great night!

The Run:

The run was described by the hares as being one with lots of variety, hills, shaggy, deep creek crossings and coming with a warning not to fall into the deep canals as “they’re full of bloody bull sharks!!”. Great!! This WAS going to be really interesting!

At 6.15 sharp, with the cries of “on on” we were off and running up Galleon Way, soon to come to one of the many checks with lengthy false trails with the “on backs” feeling like they were at least a kilometre up the road. “Pricks! Bloody pricks!!” several were heard to utter as they raced back to the checkpoint to get back on trail. At one stage, Blackie cursed the hares…. “there’s a shitload of bush around here and they’ve got us running up and down roads!”.

Yours truly at least felt that the run was do-able and not the punishment that was last week’s run…and thanks must go to Bent Banana who commented “gee, you’re running well this week Fanny Charmer” as I kept up with the front break-away pack…well, at least on the downhills!! A final punishment came on the last leg though, as Caustic appeared soon after we had all crossed a wet and hazardous weir, indicating that “up ahead you’ll see a box with a sign on it…take a left at the box”..yeah, a bloody left straight into a mangrove swamp where we were all up to our ankles in…well, smelly swamp mud! Blahh!!! It stank, and so did we all. There we all were, traipsing through the mud, relying on cries of “this way you blokes!” from Miscarriage, who had gone on ahead…and just as we exited the swamp, there was the club where the sweet smells of cooking food were wafting into the air…hooray! We’d survived it!!

Off to the communal tap to wash our feet (leaving our shoes and socks on) so that we didn’t stink everybody out. In all, a great run and I am also led to believe that the walk was not too shabby either. Well done Caustic and KB..a great team effort…but we could have done without the bloody disgusting, smelly shaggy…and how environmentally unfriendly to have us trampling the mangroves…dear oh dear…I thought this Hash was going green!

The Nosh:

The giant crab hanging off KB’s crotch as he led us off on the run should have been a clue….hors d’oeuvres consisted of giant crabs done “a la chilli” on a bed of lettuce leaves and with all but one being from the surrounds of Showpony’s houseboat at Hope Island Boat Harbour…and according to KB, Showpony has no idea of how to sex crabs…hence tonight’s catch represented about $35,000 in fines for catching females…hope you enjoyed them guys! The prize for the most determined to extract every last morsel out of his serving was Moonbeams, who sat there determinedly smashing at the crab with his knife..it was exhausting just watching him!!

Onto the first course of Carrot soup with sour cream and garnished with parsley…clearly there was a shitload left over from last week’s run…not bad, but we all complained that it wasn’t hot enough…and what’s with the plastic bowls??? Remember, there is an amnesty only until the end of the month and that’s it…no more plastic bowls..when this lot is gone, it’s gone..byo bowls, eat out of the palm of your hands or go without..you’ve been warned!!

Mains consisted of veal Marsala on a bed of very soft potato mash with carrots on the side and baked prosciutto garnish…very nice indeed, although a few of the diehard whingers were heard to complain that it was too tough!! What does it take to please some people??? Of course those of us on the SRS diet went easy on the mashed potato or refrained entirely.

Did somebody just mention diet???…it was momentarily forgotten when dessert came around…top shelf ice-cream, choc chips on top, raspberry sauce and chopped strawberries…burrrpppp!! What diet????? Botcho was seen to be giving a significant helping hand at the trailer, particularly on the dessert.

The Circle:

The GM commenced proceedings by calling the hares out to the front, but where was Caustic??… “I’m in the pisser and I’m enjoying myself!” came a voice from the adjacent toilet block. A well deserved down-down for these guys on a good run.

Moonbeams was called out the front and congratulated on 200 metre walk which took him all of three and a half minutes! A top effort Moonbeams, you do us proud!..apparently those who did the full walk (described as the “wobblies’ walk) apparently came in a full five minutes later than Moonbeams.

Miscarriage was asked to comment on the run, which, totally out of character, was described in very subdued terms as “a pretty good run”. Describing the shiggy through the mangrove swamp, he said “I didn’t want to be in the swamp on my own so I kept calling on-on and everyone followed me, even though I had no f##king idea where I was going!!”. Of course Caustic, there to direct us into the swamp, made sure we went through the shittiest bits. Miscarriage had reason to be jubilant and announced in the circle that the Hash retirement village in Sihanoukville has been approved, as has the Miscarriage Mansions development at Gilston.

Mumbles made a comment about the entrée crabs…(I had to ask somebody what he actually said..I didn’t get a word of it)…”a bowl of prawns would have been better!!”.

Sir Prince Valiant was called out the front to demonstrate the damage done by rats to his “el cheapo” Chinese 12V light transformers…almost eaten all the way through…aren’t you feeding them properly SPV???

Our esteemed RA then took centre stage and immediately called Blue Card out the front for his outstanding signs of utter stupidity on the Simpson’s Desert adventure…and for still having Simpson’s Desert mud on his Rangie, as well as his extra spare wheel.

Swindler took a charge for hierarchy abuse….and Miscarriage took one for arranging to have his architectural drawings done by Romanian contractors at $5 an hour and at the same time upsetting one of our former Hashers, Ballpoint.

The RA, in the spirit of fairness, took a down-down himself for managing to avoid the swamp shiggy on the run…Two Dogs has NEVER been known to shortcut!…guess you can’t get the floormats in the new Merc dirty!!

Lurch called out the front to present a lovely BBQ set to the Hash, which was then promptly re-gifted to the Currumbin Eagles RLFC for their generosity to us tonight. Onya Lurch!!

Blackie handed his coveted Prick of the Week award to Circumference for his shameless arrogance in bullying Ferrett… “get me a bowl of soup Ferrett!”…the award was also for Circumference taking the biggest serving of the crab entrée….no wonder I didn’t get any!! Whatever happened to the yard glass by the way…what the f### is happening to this hash?????

A well deserved down-down for “Pat the Rat”, who opened up the club for our use tonight…he is a former Hasher from Irian Jaya and East Timor and several other exotic locales…so why the bloody hell aren’t you in our Hash??? Pat gifted a hat and a beanie to the gathering…Josephine scoring the hat and Slug the beanie…very becoming of you both!!

Next week’s run…Josephine…1 Stadler Court, Parkwood….AND BRING YOUR OWN CHAIR IF YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN AS THERE WILL BE NO TRAILER.

 End of Circle…courtesy of Moonbeams

On On

Fanny Charmer

On Sec

Post Script…..as Rock Hard was leaving the car park he collected the “Keep Left” sign in the middle of the road (It says “keep left” for a reason!!)…hope that it all gets sorted quickly and without any hassle…we all feel for you RH…it is so easy for these things to happen and I am sure I speak for all of us…if there’s anything we can do, just yell out!

 

Run 1970 Pictures

Date: 27/07/2015

Location:Pacific Pines

Hare: Botcho & Flasher

       Runners: 30

My ramblings today start with an idea…the Hash being largely about taking the piss…perhaps we ought to rename ourselves the Gold Coast “No Hills” Gourmet Hash. Why??? Because after tonight’s run, nothing could be further from the bloody truth!! I lost count after the sixth monumental incline, having nearly coughed up my lungs onto the path ahead of me, but the story must go on…..

The Run:

Under the cover of night, as is usual in these wintery times, we all gathered in the quiet suburban park at the arse-end of Pacific Pines, called Flooded Gum Park but as 6.15pm rolled on in, we were still missing some runners, including Jigsaw, who had succeeded in getting himself well and truly lost in this frontier suburb! I must admit that the map on our website was wrong and indicated that the run started in Dumaresq Street, about 100 metres up the road. I was parked in that street and only found the right place when I spotted the Hash trailer dashing past and decided to follow it!

At about 6.20pm the hares, Botcho and Flasher gathered and told us “head up that way, the trail’s marked with some flour, some chalk on the bitumen and about twenty toilet rolls out in the bush”. With cries of “on on”, up the slope we headed…and up, and up and up and bloody up some more…since when are there mountains in Pacific Pines???

Was this somebody’s idea of a bad joke??? Half way up a 45 degree incline, somebody was heard to utter “this has all the hallmarks of Flasher having set it…the little prick!!”. At the top of each mountain peak there was a bloody check for goodness sakes! At least it allowed most of us to push our lungs back into our chest cavities and more or less stay together, although the break-away group did tend to leave the rest of the peleton behind somewhat.

After an hour or so, with home nowhere to be seen, someone said “you know, that little prick always stuffs up the time that he thinks we’re going to take to do his runs!”. Clearly Flasher runs the run at his pace as he’s marking it…and thinks we can all do it at the same lightning speed…either that or he truly is a sadistic little prick who deserves to be iced for his efforts!

Anyway, late in the night, at about the time that we normally wind up proceedings, we were all back at base camp, all of us, virtually without exception, cursing “the little prick” for his efforts in setting a run that would have challenged candidates for the SAS! Sir Rabbit and a few other stragglers came back in very late….a few minutes more and a search party would have been sent out for them.

Flasher..you’ve done it again…a challenging c### of a run but we expected nothing less, …Josephine’s comment makes an appropriate closing statement… “an hour and a half of absolute fucking misery!!”.

The Nosh:

Given that tonight we were commemorating the birthday of Sir Rabbit’s hero, Bugs Bunny, who is now aged 75 years, there was a “rabbit” theme to everything…including the entrée soup, which I am told was carrot soup, despite the fact I thought it was a bloody great pumpkin soup! Like last week’s soup, it was served with sour cream and garnished with herbs..class act guys, it really is! Again many of us went back for seconds and thirds of the soup…this SRS (Slug/Rug/Shat) diet is having a strange effect on our Hash!

Mains was…well….late!!!!!! At 8.45 there was still no main course. Botcho was heard to say “this barbeque’s fucked!…we need a new one!”..The response from our learned RA.. “come Christmas we either get strippers or a new BBQ!!”. All and sundry were carrying on about the fact that we were well and truly going to miss Q&A on the ABC.

In the end we got served up a nice schnitzel…to me it tasted like chicken but others said it had been so overcooked that it could have been anything! Still, it was filling and constituted a hearty meal on a cold night by the fire! The veges were so obviously out of a packet and sourced from Aldi..and the spuds…did anyone have any?? I saw a great quantity of them left over and Botcho cursing… “all these stupid pricks on this bloody stupid SRS diet!!” (which precludes potatoes).

Dessert…bloody carrot cake!! What else could it be on such a night!

Best summation of the meal tonight…Ferrett… “I think I’ve got bloody food poisoning from tonight’s meal!” sorry Botch!! But why let the truth stand in the way of a good story

The Circle:

First of all, my humble apologies to our San Francisco visitor…Hot Dick…he pointed out that I had mistakenly called him Hard Dick in last week’s words and assures me that it is never hard but always hot.

Noted by their absence from the circle tonight are Caustic, KB and Hard On…rumour has it that they all got a better offer of social intercourse at Hash head office…one has to wonder about these blokes!!

Welcome back to all the Simpson Deserters…glad you’re all back in one piece.

The down-downs for circle tonight..yes, believe it…carrot juice!!!!

Comment on the run from Bent Banana… “it was so long I had to stop half way for a snack..I ate the carrot!”.

Josephine copped a belated down-down and trophy presentation from the GM for last year’s “run of the year”…and the words from the GM “thank goodness that piece of shit is now out of my garage!”.

Welcome to Colonel Klink, a member of this Hash apparently, but he only surfaces every 22 years or so. Also welcome returning runners Fullershit, Bluecard, Now loved, Truckie, Josephine and Brewtus….oh the carrot juice flowed freely!!

Gifts for the GM..an envelope full of bulldust from the Simpson from Bluecard and a laminated photo of VD’s Range Rover stranded on a sand dune from Fullershit. Now Loved, in a real suck-up gesture, presented the GM with a very nicely adorned gold headpiece.

All of that rubbish pales into absolute insignificance compared to Brewtus’ gift to the GM from Vietnam…a beautiful multi-faced sculpture with the faces of Buddha on it…very flash Brewtus, very flash!!

Sir Rabbit took a down-down for being Bugs Bunny’s representative on his birthday. Bring on the carrot juice!!

The RA presented the “Useless” shirt to Truckie (it might as well be made his permanently!) for his useless efforts out in the Simpson Desert….his name may well be changed to “bush tucker man”.

RA also called Shat out the front for a down-down for the most piss-weak effort on the rabbit theme tonight.

Other charges..from Miscarriage to the hares… “why did we have to wait so long for the fucking food tonight?”.

Sir Prince Valiant and Sir Rabbit were called out for….[can’t read my own scribble..sorry]

Shat got a down-down for being a millionaire for a day.

….and that is about it!!!

Circle ended with the usual rendition by Moonbeams, accompanied by Showpony and Josephine.

Next week’s run will be KB…reminder…KB get the clean pots from Botcho! They’re not in the trailer!!

On On

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec

This weeks run pictures

Date: 20/07/2015

Location:Advancetown

Hare: Sir Blackstump & Sir AH

       Runners: 25

Well, if we thought that run sites couldn’t get any more remote than last week’s run from the future site of Miscarriage Mansions in Gilston, we were totally wrong!! Tonight’s run commenced at the corner of Nerang-Murwillumbah Road and Beechmont Road at Advancetown, and I thought Advancetown was somewhere that had gone underwater when they built the Hinze Dam…clearly it’s still here!

The Run:

The hardy pack of runners gathered at the designated site by the side of a very busy road and we all thought this was going to be a hard run.. “no bloody flat bits around here” Caustic very casually observed and another Hasher was heard to comment “If Blackie’s had anything to do with this (which he had!) it’s going to be a prick of a run!”.

Well, both comments were pretty well on the mark. At the commencement of the run, the hares were called out, being Sir AH and Sir Blackie, and we soon found out that Sir AH was the one responsible for the nosh and Blackie had set the run. The briefing was short and to the point…”you go up into the forest, it’s marked with a bit of flour and mostly toilet paper..the paper is on your right…there’s no false trails and if you suddenly find that the paper is on your left, well it means you’re lost…and if you don’t see any paper you’re well and truly fucked!”. As a precautionary measure, some of us, including yours truly, took the precaution of having two torches in case we got lost in the wilderness.

Up hill and down dale we all went…a true “Blackie run” and luckily there were no major mishaps on the run, despite the quite treacherous hills being conquered in the pitch black. For the second week in a row it seemed that there were many more runners than walkers..is it because we’re all getting fitter or because the old geriatrics are finding it too cold to venture out on a Monday night?? Poor old dears, it will get warmer soon enough!! The numerous checks along the way succeeded in keeping us fairly close to each other…remember our credo guys… “no man left behind!!”.

We all made it back to the start where all our cars were parked and we were then given directions to the site of the On On, which was down the road at the site of a future housing development. A very impressive location indeed, particularly as we were able to use the verandah of the sales office building. “Did we get permission to be here AH?” I asked innocently, to which AH replied… “hahaha…are you kidding…they would have told us to fuck off!”…luckily there were no roving security guards to tell us to do precisely that.

Last in from the run were Two Dogs, Botcho and Blackie the hare, apparently because they were the only ones who did the whole run, as most of us missed a couple of obscure arrows on the road which re-directed us back into the bush, and only Blackie and his companions managed to spot them.

In all, a great run out in the bush!

The Nosh:

As we all arrived at the site of the On On, we were treated to the site of the trusty Hash trailer, all set up, lights blazing, the brazier emitting its welcoming warmth and the bloody walkers all sitting around comfortably crapping on to each other. Nice to see the likes of Moonbeams and Showpony back in our midst.

We all realised after a while that we were missing someone…Two Dogs, our esteemed RA…apparently his flash new $150,000 Mercedes SUV had shat itself and he had to wait for RACQ to come and get him out of trouble…apparently these over-priced shitboxes can’t be jump started like the normal cars that plebs like yours truly drive!! It took a lot of effort to keep the hungry hordes from devouring everything before Two Dogs arrived on the scene….good work Sir AH!

First course was a lovely tomato soup and Sir AH even gave me the recipe..if you’re interested, it was 15 cans of Aldi tomato soup, a generous amount of sweet chilli sauce, sugar and black pepper…brilliant! It just goes to show that fine food does not have to be complicated. The dollops of cream in each cup topped it off nicely and the croutons of toast, cut into little pieces were also a nice touch.

Mains consisted of a beautiful Thai-style chicken curry served with steamed rice…bloody lovely and heaps for us all to be able to have seconds, thirds…and in the case of those more glutinous amongst our ranks, fourths and fifths.

Dessert consisted of freshly heated apple pies with lashings of custard. Suffice to say that we were all stuffed to the gills and very satisfied with the meal. Great job AH!!….and you too Blackie, if you had anything at all to do with the nosh.

The Circle:

The circle started with an important announcement from the GM..the Hash is going “green”…commencing in August there will be a one month amnesty and all Hashers will need their own plates and dessert bowls and if you are bringing a visitor, bring one for them too. It is costing us too much money to buy “throw away” plastic plates and bowls. During the amnesty, no plate means you go to the back of the queue…after the amnesty, no plate means no nosh, unless you want to eat out of the palm of your hand!!

The Sirs will from now on be allowed to go to the front of the nosh queue, but only if accompanied by both of their parents…hmmm..here’s a thought…can you bring them along in little urns???

The run assessment was given by our visitor for today, Hot Dick from the San Franisco Gypsy Hash….his assessment… ”the run sucked!!”…bloody ungrateful Yank!! He also made some comment about Blackie having gone from 3 ply to single ply toilet paper!

Slug provided an assessment of the walk…on which he was accompanied by Sir Prince, Sir Rabbit and Link (huh? I could have sworn that Link was on the run with us).. “a very nice walk!”

Lurch gave his assessment of the nosh…in his usual understated manner…”very enjoyable!”.

Two Dogs, our venerable RA thanked the outgoing committee for the trip to Japan for five weeks and presented to the GM a bandanna as worn by the Kamikaze pilots in WWII and a ceremonial Hari-Kari sword…what a bloody suck-up!! Two Dogs failed in his undertaking to not buy any stupid clothing and now insists that we must all wear a silly hat at circle from now on…bloody hell!!

Prick of the Week passed from Caustic to Sir Blackie for having the audacity to get priority servicing at the local bike shop…these excuses are getting pretty bloody lame!!

The “Useless” shirt was passed from KB to the RA on account of his Mercedes SUV turning to shit tonight.

There were several miscellaneous charges from the floor tonight but I fear boredom is setting in..at least it is at this end, so I won’t bore you with the details. If you were there, you know what happened, if you weren’t there, you won’t give a shit anyway.

Our visitor, Hard Dick, came out to the front and announced that a fellow Gypsy Hasher, Danglin’ Anglin’, had recently passed away, apparently falling off a cliff on a Hash run and he had indicated that if he was to pass away, he wanted his favorite Hash shirt to be burnt in a fire at an Australian hash, many of which he remembered with fondness, so up in flames went the shirt accompanied by a rendition of the Hash Hymn…RIP…fuck him indeed!

Mention must be made of the monumental efforts of our elder statesmen, Moonbeams and Showpony for lugging the firewood up the hill while we all ran…good on you guys..on on!

Circle ended with the usual rendition by Moonbeams.

Next week’s run…a RABBIT theme as it is Bugs Bunny’s 75^th birthday. Get out your best Rabbit gear. Top prize for the  best dressed Rabbit.

On On

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec

The weeks Pictures

Date: 13/07/2015

Location:Gilston

Hare: Miscarriage

       Runners: 20

 

Tonight’s run was from the future site of Miscarriage Mansions at the end of Blackstump Drive in Gilston, also known to most of us who hug the coastal fringe as out in the middle of bloody nowhere!

The masses, all twenty of us, eventually managed to make our way down to the spot where the trailer was to be set up, but at 6.15pm there was still one notable absence from the gathering, the hare! Just in the nick of time came the words “I’m fucking here, what are youse all going on about??” and a quick explanation of the run walk was duly provided… “walkers, there’s a street walk and a bush walk…who wants to do the street walk?” …to which there was not one single response. “This is going to be a bloody debacle!” uttered Sir Prince Valiant…and Rock Hard was heard to say “where’s the fire?…let’s just put the food on now!”. The run was to be marked by toilet paper and as the terrain of the future Miscarriage Mansions is somewhat hilly, the hare stated “you blokes that are running are not going to come back feeling cold”. With cries of “on on” and “fuck, it’s bloody freezing!”, off we all set into the dark.

The Run:

Apart from the assurance that we would not come back feeling cold and most of us having a good knowledge of the terrain, we had no idea where we were going to be led until we set off and Missing Link immediately observed “this is just going to be the reverse of the last run we did here!” as we all set off up a 45 degree incline. Up, up and up we all seemed to go, with most of us walking up the hills rather than running. At one point there was the hare, standing at the top of a hill directing us all onto the next hill and he was heard to utter the words “come on, you blokes are supposed to be running!” which was met with a few colourful responses from many of us.

In true Hash tradition, several of us were left behind, namely yours truly, Iceman and Missing Link, with the pack having long disappeared over into the next valley as we made it to the top of a massive hill. Thanks to Missing Link, we were able to find the trail again, but only after yours truly had tripped through a barbed wire fence, thinking that the trail might have gone through it. At a large arrow marked with toilet paper, the aforementioned trio decided to follow it and it wasn’t a long way home from there, and we didn’t realise that the arrow was intended for the walkers only, with the runners supposed to continue on away from base camp. Oh well, we’d done enough, stuff running any more, so back it was to get into the entrees before the runners doing the whole run came back…fuck them!

It was bloody ages before they all came back in, complaining about how long a run it was, how hilly it was and all other manner of whingeing and moaning. At least we had left them heaps of the entrée snags!! We “early returners” had of course grabbed all of the best seats around the blazing fire, beaten only by those who had shortened the run or walk even more, including Jigsaw, Ferrett, Miscarriage’s father, KB, Lurch and Sir AH, all of whom seemed very settled and giving the impression that they had been nowhere other than to their cars to get their fleeces.

Apart from complaining that no prick was drinking the VB, our booze master, Weekly, apparently had taken Miscarriage Snr under his wing and had walked with him to the first bit of toilet paper and then promptly turned around and came back.

It was observed that most of us, despite the blazing fire, still stood around freezing our bollocks off on this lovely winter’s evening, apart of course from last year’s hierarchy, all of whom had donned their arctic quality jackets that they had generously provided to themselves whilst on hierarchy…to quote Rock Hard.. “yep, we had our snouts in the trough, but we sacrificed our Paris trip to get these!!”

The Nosh:

The hare indicated, probably as a warning that “last year I got trailer nosh of the year and I wanted to make sure that I put myself right out of contention this year!”. Oh dear!! Despite this warning, entrees consisted of snags and white bread…great on a cold winter’s night! Mains was rump steak sandwiches with salad, desert was a couple of Aldi cheesecakes. Not too shabby at all really, so well done Miscarriage.

The Circle:

Our venerable GM made the decision that circle would be a sitting down affair around the brassiere, which by now was blazing hot and spewing embers in all directions, with most of copping them, depending on wind direction.

It was noted that KB was dressed in his now customary hash gear, full business attire with not one item of hash clothing to be seen. Isn’t that a rule 1.1.2 infringement?? Certainly enough to earn himself the down-down that he got.

Asked to comment on the run, Bent Banana’s response was “that’s a bloody good fire!”.

Ferrett was asked to comment on the food… ”the steaks looked nice before they went on the BBQ!” and Lurch (who??, where’s he been??) in gentlemanly fashion commented “lovely!”.

Miscarriage Snr and Lurch were called out for their down-downs as returning runners. Welcome back guys. It was suggested to Miscarriage Snr that he must be proud of his son, to which he responded “why???”.

Sir PV told a yarn about another one of Miscarriage’s debacles involving a farewell to SPV’s French daughter…no more need be said on that topic other than confusion in Miscarriage’s mind about Australian and French farewell customs. Another down down for Miscarriage!

Caustic informed the circle about the debacles with the Simpson Desert splinter group..apparently Slab has left Freddie’s sleeping bag at home and the temperature out there at night is -8.0 centigrade..he’s bound to be popular and should get a down-down for that one when he gets back.

Prick of the Week went from Rock Hard to Caustic this week and of course this was met with howls of protest by the recipient, saying this is all bullshit and trumped up charges! Suck it up Petal, you’re not immune from this stuff anymore!!

Next week’s run will be a joint effort between Sir AH and Sir Blackstump and will be from the corner of Nerang-Advancetown Road and Beechmont Road..another bloody trek out into the wilderness for us coastal dwellers!

End of circle announced by Ferrett… “about time I got the fucking honour of doing this…end of circle!!”

On On

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec

This weeks pictures

The Annual Hash Relay is on our door step this year. Truck Tyres and your Hierarchy needs numbers for our team!!

About The Hash Relay

Date: 6/07/2015

Location:Surfers Paradise

Hare: Hard On and helpers

Runners: 28

The Run:

Ohhhh this was certainly going to be an interesting night! Firstly, it was at MacIntosh Island, a well-trodden location for most of us by now and thus likely to be fairly predictable, or so most of us thought.

The first bit of unpredictable behaviour was the announcement by the hare, Hard On, that “this is an unmarked run guys..there’s no chalk” with the run being conducted on the basis of the appointment by Hard On of several “marshals” at various points along the run to indicate to us where we were to proceed to the next “marshal”. These “marshals” consisted of three members of the Warriors Premier Cycling Troupe, namely Swindler, Shat and Kwakka, all riding their trusty steeds from point to point and giving us clear instructions as to where to go. “Field Marshall” Hard On stayed back at headquarters to organise the troops responsible for assistance with kitchen duties and other roles associated with looking after base camp, including stopping those pesky walkers from hoeing into all the goodies before the runners got back to base. This was apparently a lesson learnt from last week when the runners allegedly missed out due to the voracious appetites of the walkers and the hash debacle that took place in having the food out before everybody came back in, leaving some runners with no food and having to lick the pots clean to get some sustenance.

The second bit of unpredictability was when we were all shepherded onto the Sundale Bridge..most of us thinking “oh yeah, here we go again…yawn, yawn…..across to Queen Street, down Ferry Road and across Chevron Island and back home” but no, it was not to be! The “marshall” positioned almost at the northern end of the bridge whispered “false trail” to those of us approaching him huffing and puffing…with some responding with “we’re going to chuck your bloody bike over the bridge you prick!”…back we then went over Sundale Bridge, around the cove to the Southport Yacht Club, across into the park and down towards the surf club where we were met by a drink stop, with several cold crownies being offered to the runners…but with those of us on the SRS (SlugRugShat) diet politely declining as beer is verboten on the diet.

Down the beachfront we then proceeded, across the bridge back into MacIntosh Park and to the base camp to be greeted by the Field Marshal and his underlings, all scurrying around getting the nosh ready. In all, a fairly predictable run with some interesting twists and for a “city run”, not too shabby at all…an easy way to ease back into running for yours truly after 780 km of cycling in FNQ.

I can only guess that the run consisted of a stroll up to the beach, but I did hear that a pub was found somewhere along the way!

The Nosh:

Hard On has truly impressed with his nosh…first course being cups of vichyssoise soup with dollops of sour cream, traditionally being a leek and potato-based soup but tonight being substituted by pumpkin….comments included “the best hash soup I’ve ever had (Phantom)”, “not bad soup, eh? (Ferrett)” and “the sweetener before we get the carcinogenic chicken (Iceman)”.

Main course consisted of lovely grilled breast of chicken fillets, with bacon, coleslaw, pineapple and tomato served on fresh burger buns. Unlike what I am told happened last week, there was an abundance of food and some hashers were seen to go for seconds and thirds of everything, whilst some just hovered around the bbq plates and picked off morsels that they fancied. There certainly was no reason to go hungry tonight!!

Dessert was courtesy of Hard-On’s bakery mate…beautiful apple slice…some of which obviously didn’t travel too well, but was nevertheless extremely tasty, and served up with generous dollops of first grade ice-cream.

The Circle:

Circle tonight started with Moonbeams announcing “start of circle!”…gee, this is getting formal under the new hierarchy!

The GM enquired of Hard On as to the theme of his run, to which came the response “I’ve no fucking idea!”. The GM responded with a clue, donning a large hat with an American flag on it…of course!! American Independence Day…hence the theme of tonight’s run is exactly that…most befitting of the apple pie and the grilled chicken..very American indeed!

Comments on the run were sought from those gathered and Iceman immediately started…”ha ha ha!!..the checks were extraordinary….like a Cook’s tour of Europe” and Caustic observing “we were basically led astray by a bunch of cyclists…or should I say the Wobbly Wankers!!”.

Weekly commented on the walk, describing it as “superb”, no doubt due to Nasty’s observation that the beer stop on Tedder Avenue was the bit that was superb.

Down-Downs:

First out for a down-down were Hard On and his three marshals for the run and nosh then came further DD’s for Fucknucke and Mr D. It turns out that Fucknuckle is a “foundation member” having been in it some 20 years ago and only now making his return….”I was a little bit sick” he says…Welcome back!!. Turns out that Fucknuckle’s brother was called “Fucks with Arrows” due to a propensity to rub them out on runs and when his brother said “I suppose you’re going to call me something stupid like Fucknuckle now”…Fucknuckle it was!! Gotta love the cruelty of the hash! He decided to not seek a change of name lest it be something even more offensive.

Iceman was presented with his 100 run t-shirt and proceeded to tell one of his appalling (but funny) jokes, thus earning him a DD.

Moonbeams was presented with his T-Shirt for his 600^th run…commenting “shouldn’t it be 1600?” to which came the reply from the crowd..”it’s only for this hash you twit!” .

Poor old KB was called out to the front and congratulated for running between the bbq shelters…it qualifies as a run and it is great to see him turn over a new leaf as a confirmed athlete, unlike last year when he did bugger all other than cook and be GM. KB was also castigated for not having his POW regalia on during circle.

Swindler copped a DD for having three roosters on his Chevron Island ponderosa and all of them going off at 5.00am…surely impressing the neighbours no end!

Nasty and Hard On were called to the centre stage and Nasty recounted how Hard On had secured the site for tonight’s nosh, including chatting up a chicky-babe from Chile, surely the reason why he had forgotten to mark out the run and having to resort to his mates acting as marshalls.

KB nominated Rock Hard for putting the gourmet back into the hash last week (not!!!).

Charges from the floor came from Caustic against KB for neglecting to invite any of the hash to the chairman’s lounge at the Suns match, to which he took his A-list wife. A well deserved DD for that one! To compound the humiliation, KB was also awarded the “Useless” shirt.

Sir Prince Valiant recounted one of Miscarriage’s adventures in Cambodia…well, at least that’s where his wife thought he was, meantime he was off in Phuket, Thailand, at a hash event.

Phew!!…I think that’s all for today folks!!

Moonbeams did his duty calling “end of circle” in time for us all to race home to watch Q&A or the Tour de France.

A FINAL NOTE – thank you to Caustic for filling in for me doing the words the last couple of weeks AND to all of you who very generously contributed to myself and my wife in our fundraising for the Cairns to Karumba bike ride, a big thankyou!!

On on,

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec

This weeks pictures