Run: 1766
Date: Monday 5th September 2011
Hare: Sir Rabbit
Venue: Dodgers Football Club, Labrador
Runners: 33

Weeks to AGPU: 40
Was another debacle in the brewing, Sir Rabbit’s Bar & Grill was still not ready for opening after several years of extensive renovations, familiar surrounds, and the weather looked dodgy as Sir Rabbit anxiously studied the radar and called upon the RA’s intervention?

The pack arrived at the new location, Dodgers Club, to find the gates locked and Sir Rabbit’s fur in a ruffle as he looked for options. To no avail as the pack was called to order and set off in seemingly familiar directions. Across Oxley Drive we ran and into the enclave of dodgy back streets before emerging through a hole in the fence and traversing potentially dangerous grounds, possibly occupied by the armed and dangerous. Quickly the well organised pack ran through in tight formation and over the road to the bush around the cricket club.

Back over Oxley Drive and more back streets and bike paths. Sir Rabbit remained in close proximity on his trusted bike ensuring the pack didn’t stray too far off course. Magician, a visitor from Vietnam, ran in his customary tribal sandals to the bewilderment of the seemingly talented athletes in tow.

We finally emerged at Sir Point Two’s residence hoping to raid the fridge of his VB’s, but instead had to settle for just paying homage to the soon to be vacated abode. The trail then continued south towards the hockey fields where a nervous and now somewhat reluctant pack followed. Through the park, across bridges, through the scrub and along the fence line we went, until again emerging in familiar surrounds but not quite knowing how we got there.

After some coming and going, crossing paths, and some short cutting we set off along the creek for the run home. A couple of usual suspects scented their way home across the footy ground, claiming the trail lead them, whilst the rest of us trudged along the real trail through the scrub and slop before emerging at the creek crossing to the obvious joy of the pack.

It was then a short trot across the field to a large pack already well home and into the refreshments, including serial late comer, KB. Good use of a well worn area and in fact even finding a few new paths.
The nosh was a quality chilli dish and highlighted by the ever resourceful Hare, providing dessert from his vending receptacle. Sir Prince Valiant gave the run a glowing report, commenting on his religious experience, with Miscarriage quickly concurring. Pizza’s food report was the usual waste of time, so the GM turned to Josephine to make sense, who quickly gave a 7/10 which was then upped to 7.5 following the dessert arrival.
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Down Downs:
Jigsaw: For printing out “mystery foot” photo and Missing link for not being able to name all in photo

Miscarriage: Called to order by the RA for potentially bringing the Hash into disrepute by perving into people’s back yards

Sir Rabbit: Wearing non Hash hat (“I’ve been to Urbenville”)

Sir Point Two: 1003 runs (allegedly) since 1984, and recalled his first run at Gaven. A warm farewell was given to a popular and long serving member who is off to start the Urbenville Hash, run for Mayor, buy (or at least support) the pub and try to notch up another 1000 runs

Crocodile: Trying to charge Flasher for trying to blame Goatfarker for disappearance of his ironing board alter, which he allegedly found in the bush, however alter was not recognised and down down reversed

Miscarriage: Charged by Sir Prince for consuming with his prized marmalade, behind his back
Magician & Short Circuit: Visitors

Flasher: POW from Sir Point Two for having no life and spending all his time sending trivial emails
Flasher: Shrapnel found in cash bucket

KB: Late arrival, but claiming to have gone on trail

Jigsaw: 65th birthday, thanks for the Coronas

Pizza & Crocodile: For slack jokes (I think)

Sir Rabbit: Hare

The increasing numbers of walkers were put on notice and ordered by the RA to bring medical certificates as to why they had to walk
GOOD LUCK SIR POINT TWO, KEEP VISITING, AND BE PREPARED FOR MANY A VISITOR DOWN URBENVILLE WAY.

IMPORTANT HASH EVENT:
BUDD’S BEACH BIKE RIDE, SUNDAY 2ND OCTOBER AT 09:30
BRING A CHAIR, ONLY $15.00 PER PERSON FOR A GREAT FEED,
DRINKS ON SALE AT USUAL ROCK BOTTOM PRICES
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On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1765
Date: Monday 29th August 2011
Hare: Sir AH
Venue: Off Nerang M’Bah Rd Nerang

Runners: 28

Weeks to AGPU: 42

Oh what a difference a trailer makes! Freed from the shackles of hosting runs from parks with BBQ’s in Labrador and suburbia in general, it was great to see the return of the trailer and a run set in the bush.

Of course with the return of the trailer we also got to ask the now familiar question, ‘How many Hashers does it take to light a BBQ?’ With 6:15 fast approaching and half the pack still stuffing around with the gas, (Where is Seamen when you need him?), the GM called the group together and due to the daunting nature of the surrounding hills and bushland, called on the RA to bless the run. The RA provided a blessing for the Run and the Hare, but unfortunately forgot to bless the poor little Skippy found mid-trail with an arrow up its arse.

Following some very sparse direction from Sir AH the pack took off for the hills, then some more hills, followed by some more hills, then finally the last few hills before returning home. (If ya haven’t got the point by now, all I can remember is there were lots of fucking hills!)

Back at the On On venue the BBQ was finally alight thanks to Pizza dodging the run and heading back to town to buy some matches. The table that Sir AH had meticulously set up for the hierarchy was quickly populated by ‘next year would be committee members’, and yes, we have your names. The Nosh consisted of red and yellow curries served with rice, and apple strudel and custard for desert.

The Circle.

Down downs commenced with Now Loved (returning runner) and Bum Crack (a visitor).
The GM noted a special thank you to Old Fart for bringing the trailer, and to Pizza for going off to get the matches.

Sir Slab provided a run report and noted that the run was well marked, was a return to some good serious hashing, and slightly undulating. Score – 8/10

KB provided the Nosh report and noted there was no need for portion control, however that may have been due to Cumsmoke being absent. Score – 8/10

Further Down Downs went to – Sir AH ( Hare), Flasher ( not recognising Sir Ah’s 100th run),

Nasty and Cumagain (returning runners), Missing Link (drinking from left hand), Rug (not reporting Link’s indiscretion),

Moonbeams for sitting near the head of the hierarchy table.

Caustic took the floor and detailed the plight of some poor bastard who needs to give $70M to registered charities. So if you know a legitimate registered Australian charity that can help him out, speak with Caustic.

Sir Rabbit provided a report on the Splinter lunch and the much anticipated launch of the new shirt.

POW was carried over (or maybe it’s been carried off to Urbenville?)

The GM then asked Caustic where the foot was located in last week’s words. He didn’t have a fucking clue so he asked Pizza, Nuh, then Link, Nuh, then Cumagen, then Arseup, Rug, Sir Rabbit, Moonbeams,……. What a fucking debacle this has turned into! Finally Sir Slab restored order by providing the correct answer and the mammoth Down Down commenced.

On a more sombre note, Rectum addressed the circle and advised that he and Pizza had been working with a group to raise funds for an orphanage in Cambodia. After giving a small insight into the plight of these poor little beggars, a hat was passed round for anyone who wished to help this cause and make a donation. With the committee throwing in $100 we collectively donated $250.50. Well done everyone.

With no further business, Moonbeams was finally called on to end the circle.

All in all, an excellent traditional Hashing night so thanks again to Sir AH.

PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

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Run: 1764
Date: Monday 22nd August 2011
Hare: Ferret
Venue: Ferret’s abode, Mermaid Beach
Runners: 26

Weeks to AGPU: 43
The debacles continue. The RA, after working overtime on Sunday controlling the inclement weather, decided not to attend on Monday thus causing unprecedented driving rain, quickly destroying any possible attempt by Ferret to set a run.
I’m sure he’s thrilled his run was swapped around. The venue was quickly cancelled and the reasonable crowd (obviously no one has a life on Mondays bar Hash) made their way to Ferret’s abode to dry and protected surrounds (and a chance to raid his wine cabinet).
Fortunately Sir Point Two, on his last drive for the Northern Alliance arrived just in time otherwise we would have been no wiser to the venue change and would have been forced to an evening of beers at the Kurrawa Surf Club or similar (pity about that).

The rain was still pouring, and the free Becks was flowing for Ferret’s birthday, as a small pack of 7 runners departed. This consisted of Blackstump, who after his Hawaii trip and having to endure the hardship of economy class, decided the North Burleigh Surf Club was enough.

The second pack of Rock Hard, Missing link and myself decided to time our run in order to return by 7:15pm, in true Hash tradition and turned near Burleigh central. And the final pack of over achievers of Miscarriage, Rectum and Bent Banana, decided that the entry to Burleigh Hill was the mark.

Apparently Miscarriage, still hyped up from his grovelling, snout troughing session at his stadium opening in Mackay, suggested they continue through the park, only to see it fall on deaf ears. Rectum thought he was lost on the way home but fortunately he could home in on the constant drone of Cumsmoke’s ramblings.

Back at the Ferret cave the group marvelled at his collection of ropes (one can only guess what for), number plates (must have worked on them on the inside) and cruise ship certificates (seeming to indicate he keeps going in circles). I also noted that there were some 15 odd awards, hanging on the wall for Romeo (Mrs Ferret), showing her success at real estate and obviously the bread winner for many many years.
The nosh consisted of tomato soup, gourmet “Barry” burgers and birthday cake, which received a very high 8.5 mark from Cumsmoke, who of course consumed some three burgers and god knows what else. Veteran of course had to have a “right of reply” after having Ferret suggest his nosh lacked something and mentioned the beetroot and lettuce were superb. Cumsmoke also gave the “no” run report giving it a .5/10 as there were no marks, not long enough and generally nothing to speak of.

It was also noted that Ferret had donned his “pixie” pantomime boots and Elvis made a sneaky exit passing on his apologies to myself.

And finally Show Pony offered a prize of a carton of Crownies to whoever came up with a suitable name to his new boat, which he intends to sell and start on another one, go figure (and good luck getting the beer from him). As usual nothing stops the Hash from having a good night regardless of the conditions, well done to all.
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Down Downs:
Ferret: Hare
Blackstump & Dennis: Returning runners

Caustic: Couldn’t identify location of the “mystery” foot

Caustic: Internet cock up with Flasher, plus failed to give Cumsmoke a lift (allegedly). Awarded “Internet for Dummies” book by Flasher

Ferret: “Vice” Council citation noted hanging on his wall (AKA Porn King)

Sir Point Two: POW as awarded by Crocodile for not showing up at Botcho’s after confirming

Miscarriage & GM: Charge to GM for bringing visitor with new shoes

Hash Event Notice: Sunday 11th September is the second Budd’s Beach to Spit bike ride and BBQ, all welcome. Details to come.
__________________________________________________________________________________
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

Run: 1763
Date: Monday 15th August 2011
Hare: Crocodile
Venue: Wah Inn Chinese Restaurant, Southport
Runners: 26

Weeks to AGPU: 44
Well what does one write about this event. Another run set at the last minute at high speed on a mountain bike with the nosh organised at some dodgy Chinese restaurant obviously being used as a front for some sweat shop or human trafficking organisation. Any how we’ll try!!
In the dimly lit car park, a reasonable pack, resembling a seedy gathering of sorts, had assembled awaiting their instructions. Missing Link had returned thinking he could dodge the Asian delights for a while, but now knew he would have to feast on more stir fried dogs, rats and pussies. Even Veteran had made a return from his recent Hash related injuries and joined the walkers, who were allegedly given dodgy instructions by the Hare.
The run began north through the shops before quickly disappearing behind the centre then up through a gap in the fence and into the back streets. It wasn’t too long before we ended up emerging at the canal and ran towards Ferry Road before having to double back along the other side, just one of those things you can’t get around despite the temptation to swim the canal or try the other direction.

Soon after we crossed Cotlew Street, along the fence line, around some shiggy and another on back as found by Rectum. The marks thinned out a bit, but the lead pack finally found the trail and emerged at Slatyer Avenue before crossing Benowa Road and into more back streets and the familiar hills of Benowa. Back across Cotlew Street, where I suspect a few couldn’t resist the urge to head homewards, as the rest of us continued up the hills.

By now the pack had diminished as we had to refer to the faded trail map, given to me by the Hare, to stay on track. A loop saw us regather a few of the trailing pack who succumbed to the temptation to take the short cut. Soon it was onto Ridgeway Avenue before descending through the stair wells and corridors of the Tafe College before the good sprint home.

Back at the Restaurant a good pack, as you’d imagine, had already returned and were into the bucket as well as some nice Becks beers provided kindly by birthday boy, Rug.
Inside the restaurant, after Josephine and the GM had made up their minds whether the fee tonight was $5.00 or $20.00 (strangely enough $20.00 was the final price), the pack sat awaiting tonight’s feast. Not wanting to upset the local Triad’s evening meeting, the GM, wisely decided to hold a short impromptu circle.
Intermission – have gone out to dinner whilst writing this report, back soon

Intermission over and back to this dbeagle, Rectum wast told tot give a run report nd said tid was was nice long, lots of on backs 5.5/10. Sir Rabbid sadi wit was enjoyed 6/10, total 5.75/10. No nosh reprod as was restaurant, 5/10 standard mark given (maybe more with birbe).
Rock Hards was correcvt on fooot report
Feerttt & Crococodiel complained about messup of runs was unprecidineted however Vetaeran denied claim as fivolos and Josephine added there was nothing unprecidented as this sh.t happens all the time
Sir Vliant gave the story of Show pOny opening trap incorectly duirng conversation with PV’s son’s girlfreiedn, somhitng tio do with indian curry
Only Down Donw was given to POW, Croc (by Bent Benana) fro f..king arrowis in the f..king middle of the f..king road
Down Downs: see above
Footnote: Still no f..king internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hash Family day lunch; Sunday 21st August 12:00 noon, all welcome, $10.00 per head, BYO booze. Being held at Botulism’s home, Chip In Place, Helensvale (next to golf club). Bring a chair and please let Botulism know if you are attending
That is all, (I’m f..ked)
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Date: Monday 8th August 2011
Hare: Flatulence
Venue: Paul Scanlon Oval, Paradise Point
Runners: 25

Weeks to AGPU: 45
A smaller than usual pack gathered at the shelter, possibly due to the arrival of the cold westerlies or maybe that some of the Hierarchy were away enjoying the benefits of being Hierarchy, busy burying their snouts in the proverbial trough. Rumours circulated that it was going to be a punishing 11 kilometre slog, only for some it would turn out.
After the usual brief instructions that is was mostly on chalk with some minor paper and flour, basically meaning it was done at the last minute, on a push bike, with f..k all effort. And so it was to be as we headed up the hill towards the bowls club, with again no Hare in tow (a potential disaster in the making). Left through an easement and back and forward a few times before emerging on Oxley Drive and over to Tradewinds Avenue.

Fortunately a friend I passed on the way to the run told me of strange arrows outside his house tipping me off on the possible route. Botulism and I turned down Sundown Avenue leaving the others to continue on Tradewinds thinking they were going to Girl’s abode for a drink stop (not likely).

As we headed through the park and along the creek pathway we encountered a number of on backs, which seemed to result in a diminishing pack. By the time we reached the third on back and some parallel trails near the Coombabah Caravan Park there was only Botulism, Rock Hard and myself remaining, although others made suspect claims of completing the entire circuit.
We finally encountered the much anticipated bush sections only to struggle finding the trail, which had obviously been devoured by a mob of kangaroos we had passed previously. Somehow, with local knowledge and a bit of luck our trio of athletes continued on trail along the board walk then back north through the Coombabah back streets, with yet more on backs until finally emerging again at Oxley Drive for the short sprint home, not 11 k’s, but long enough.

Naturally on our return virtually all the pack were present with most claiming they had done the run bar a very small section (must have been the section where the flying pigs congregate). Rectum, however, came in rather late having been held up in traffic and had apparently completed the whole circuit. KB also arrived late, dressed in his shiny shoes saying he was delayed trying to “sort out partner issues”, does this mean there will be more to this story in forthcoming editions of the Bulletin?
With the GM, Blackstump and Veteran rubbing their snouts in the trough RA, Josephine, took hold of proceedings and asked Rock Hard and Botulism to give run reports, both saying it was long and lacked checks but still gave it a 5.75/10 mark.

Ferret commented on the food saying, yet again, the nosh lacked something, but the stew and strudel still came up with a respectable 7/10 score. Yours truly took over the RA role and noted that the beer bucket was being filled with crushed cans, bottle tops and loose change, obviously indicating the hard times befalling all of us due to the GFC mark 1 & 2.
VD also gave us an update on how Now Loved is going and we look forward to his return in coming weeks. Keep in touch with him guys. A cool breeze ensured a brief, but still humorous, circle and another good night enjoyed by all.

Down Downs:
Flatulence; Hare
Mother Brown; UK visitor
Flasher; Using 5 cent pieces for beer purchases
Flasher; Stood up on anniversary night
Bent Banana; Drinking from wrong hand during RA’s session
Bent Banana; POW (from Rectum) for handing over undersized shirts as donations
Mother Brown; Drinking from wrong hand
Bent Banana; Drinking from wrong hand (will he ever learn)
Sir Cumference; Going away to FNQ, TI and Rugby World Cup, back in October
Swollen (Kokoda Challenge), VD (Carnarvon Gorge), KB (sorting out partners); Returning runners

Footnote: I have great fears with Telstra having anything to do with the $40 Billion NBN given my recent experiences of moving 5 kilometres to a rental property on Ephraim Island. Our previous provider, Optus, found the address in seconds using Google Earth and advised they couldn’t transfer the service because Telstra has exclusive access. After some 12 days of moving , 10 phone calls, dozens of transfers, 3 cancelled and reactivated orders, Telstra still cannot find the address even though they currently service 385 units on the island. Currently we still have no phone (even though there is a dial tone and we can ring Telstra from it), no internet and no Foxtel. One operator from good knows where even advised, being on a remote island, we would require a “remote access satellite” service to ensure any possible communications even though the address is Paradise Point and we are connected to it by a 400 metre bridge, go figure! Bring back Sir Rabbit, Josephine, Old Fart and Head and they may stand a chance!
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Hash Family day lunch; Sunday 21st August 12:00 noon, all welcome, $10.00 per head, BYO booze. Being held at Botulism’s home,Chip In Place, Helensvale (next to golf club). Bring a chair and Please let Botulism know if you are attending
That is all,
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs