Category Archives: Hash Run Reports

Run 1736

Run: 1736
Hare: Sir Cumference & Latrine
Location: Len Fox Park, Labrador
Date: 7th February 2011

Fox Park Labrador opposite the Latrine home for wayward youth was the venue for this week’s run. Circumference had set a run that for some ended before it started On On at the waterside a choice of three directions North South or East (over the water) Miscarriage heads the Northern pack all the way along the path to the bridge before “On Back” is called. Nasty and KB are caught in the returning pack back across the On On …. by hash rules that is the end of the run…. Sharing and caring Nasty and KB immediately notice there is no security at the nosh area and all the hash booze is there for the collection by any prowling Labrador Larrikins… Only one thing to do …. Abandon the run and risk life and limb protecting the booze stash.

Latrine and Circumference finally pop out of the Latrine roost and the security duo figure a late run could still be on…. wrong !!! Latrine and Circumference are off the drink stop …. not with any drinks .. BUT it’s the thought that counts.

First back are Missing Link and Veteran lost the trail after 2 klms so next best option was local knowledge, the pack slowly drift back with numerous comments flowing “ No fukcing drinks” “Where is my hot pie” “ Cumsmoke that’s your second” “Fukc you” “ 10 biscuits for 34 hashers Hmmmm” “ There was NO sweep” “Ferret your supposed to sweep” “Get knotted”” Blackie says just trying to teach my leg a lesson”
Cold beers and bullshit flows…. savouries are served and the high humidity gets to the Aldi bargain bickies and cheese … but it’s OK there are only 10 in total for 34 hashers. Hot Pies and spring rolls are out next just in time for Caustic to arrive back and see Cumsmoke devouring Caustic’s share … the quick and the dead theory is alive and well in our R/A’s world.
Swollen has taken over Croc’s roll sucking up to the GM …. “If I had a chair GM I WOULD gladly give it up for you … I promise, not like these other greedy pricks”

Next course from the Latrine gourmet noshery is Chilli con carne and rice …. slight portion control on the rice becomes apparent and the “ever tactful” Cumsmoke wants to know “ what sort of soup is this??”

Latrine’s FAMOUS FRESH fruit salad and ice cream is up next and as good as it gets. All inside budget too!!!
Its 8.08 PM and GM Flasher arrives with his newly refurbished staff and GM gear calling “CIRCLE IN 1 Minute.
GM Flasher announces two failures … No show from this week’s sponsor .. held over.

No show from a birthday Hasher too … held over.
HARES …………..Latrine and Circumference
Trail report ….. Miscarriage calls it “Well marked” to some conjecture from the pack. A random call from the depths says “ GREAT drinks stop” Hmmmm !!!
Caustic is still bleating about “NO SWEEPER “
Caustic and Shat have decided in their wanderings that a Hash renaming is in order.. It is floated by Shat the Ferret should be renamed “Hash C#&@”
Consideration is given to this extraordinary demand for a fleeting second among raucous laughter …. motion dismissed!!!
Ferret gets to comment on the Nosh….. “Good” was his view!
Cumsmoke comments … “had no money to buy my soup!!”
Show Pony gives the note.
RETURNING RUNNERS
Latrine …….. Disconcerted GM
Bully ….. Been in Singapore buying new shoes GM.
Sir AH … Been mopping up the Brisbane floods GM.
Josephine gives the note.
YELLOW CODE ……..
Rock hard ……….Computer is down GM … don’t know!!
Blackie …… Don’t have a computer GM Can’t afford one !!! … Don’t know.
Missing Link saves the day …. “R” GM “R” for Rock hard GM.
DD’s all round and Missing Link gives the note.
R/A is up next …..
Latrine and Circumference get a charge from Nasty…………. NO security and interrupting Nasty’s highly disciplined exercise program.
An arms linked (rule one ??) DD follows….. Nasty gives the note.
Miscarriage charges Rainbow with “ Rule one “ infringement …. seems he travelled in a suspect vehicle to the run with an older and younger hash duo with serious “Rule one” tendencies.
Caustic and Cumsmoke are revealed as closet rule one suspects.
Miscarraige offered a “ Chitty Chitty Bang Bang “ note.
R/A finishes his stint….
MORE CHARGES …
Swollen ….. FRB’s not calling …. Miscarriage gets yet another DD. Closely followed by Two Dogs .
Miscarriage gives the On On Ooooooon Oooooonnnnn note.
Caustic gives the R/A a DD for licking the last pie … greedy prick !!!
POW Sir Rabbit complete with pink Rabbit ears … awards the POW BACK TO MISCARRIAGE for no toys or videos in the bag for his dirty weekend……
Miscarriage immediately announces he will be away next week so gives it straight back to Sir Rabbit to be his proxy …. Kama strikes back!!!!
Veteran announces a late change to the splinter lunch venue… Bonus Brothers at the Northern Eastern Southern end of Stephens St
Sir Prince offers a late report on the health of number 3 son …
It appears being held over trapped in the cyclone by his demanding boss he was forced to stay in the backpackers, dining on some unusual delicacies at the “Y”

1.Swedish schnitzel
2.Italian cheese.
3.Australian crumpet.
It appears no 3 is expected to make a full recovery from the ensuing health issues.
Rainbow tells the story of lovers shoes on the wrong feet …… sounded very much like a Tassie excuse (on sec)
8.37 pm …. End of circle!!!!!
On On
KB

1735

Run: 1735
Hare: Miscarriage & Jigsaw
Location: Emerald Lakes, Carrara
Date: 31st January 2011

The site of the very first GCHHH run was the location for the run from this dynamic duo, the reputations were varied with this pair of hares. Miscarriage had dished up some “interesting noshes” along the way. Jigsaw has been “Chef extraordinaire” and the runs have been questionable too.

So the pack of 30 odd Hashers gathered with fear and trepidation to what lay ahead.
On On into the parklands around Emerald Lakes and the 9 Kilometres of walking/riding tracks around the wonderful lakes.

WRONG !!!!
It appears you cannot set a run from your car along the tracks ….. so the roads won the day!!
A massive on back up the highest hill proves the warped humour of hare Miscarriage and scant markings in front of swampy areas saw numerous soggy joggers and socks for the unwary.

Back to the nosh and huge expectations ………. WRONG AGAIN .. serve yourself bred rolls are the order of the day and Jigsaw has officially retired from the Michelin 4 hats guild.
Cold beers, good humour and lies follow prior to Flasher’s call…….

2 Minutes to circle !!!!
30 Seconds to circle!!!
8.20 PM ….. Circle up you lot!!!!
Shat is first up … talking in circle and gives a lame apology to GM Flasher, gets out of a DD.

Flasher bids a “good evening all” …. “If you didn’t attend Australia day … you missed out !!!!”

HARES ……. Jigsaw and Miscarriage.

NOSH REPORT…… from Sir Slabb …. not bad!!!
Show Pony …. NO SALT ?????
Josephine …. Where is the change from my $15 ??????????

TRAIL REPORT……
Aussie …. Bulrushes, slush, leaches, up to my knees in slop … great run.
Josephine …. Climbed under the gate at the same time as Cumsmoke went OVER the gate …. seems Cumsmoke was in such a rush he forgot the undies. Josephine now has a greater respect for our illustrious R/A.

RETURNING RUNNERS
Rob …. been away for 5 years but now back for good.
Rainbow …. Been in Tassie hosting travelling GCHHH Hashers.
Blowfly …. Down helping Maggs put a new roof on … wedding photos still coming!!
Nowloved gives a note.
NEXT UP…… Caustic.
Gets a note and DD in recognition of a great job on the Australia Day run.
Missing Link and KB called to join in the DD.

R/A Cumsmoke
First up POW Miscarriage.
Miscarriage states the candidates always seem to rise above the pack!!!

Candidate 1. Always complaining about the length of time for circle, wanting to get home sooner to his fluffy slippers ………… TWO DOGS.

Candidate 2. Proffered stock market investment advise … now a penny dreadful from $25 per share ……………………… SIR PRINCE.

Candidate 3. New Burke Enterprises employee (Yet to start) gets the keys to the new company car as preferential treatment to a trusted fellow hashman.
As all “Company cars” it gets put through its paces even though it is NOT a 4×4.
New employee is led astray by youthful hashers and CRASHES the new car day one. ………………… MISSING LINK.

Candidate 4. Miscarriage recalls his love for China and reaches for his Chinese silk jacket, announces its Chinese New Year presents a tee shirt and announces the POW belongs to the year of the ………………….. (Sir)RABBIT

Miscarriage gives a (Chinese) note.

R/A continues..
Miscarriage back for his 3rd DD………
Top of the hill false trail.
Marked the trail from the car … Shame!!!!
Rainbow gives the note.

R/A calls for CHARGES.
After a slow start Sir Prince fronts to explain the family crisis created when son number 3 gets a job with a fellow hasher’s business. Son 3 gets sent to FNQ and appointed to “Vice President” of the organization and gets sent to the major project to oversee it ………….

Cyclone hits and No 3 is flood bound and the Princess is getting stressed and
“NOT HAPPY JAN”. Miscarriage is back for his 4th DD.

Sir Prince gives a note.
Miscarriage offers a generous offer to GCHHH .. “it breaks my heart every time I see this” is Mrs Miscarriage comment each time she sees it.

But darling the tee shirt belongs to my twin brother!!!!
The tee shirt is revealed bearing the quote “ I REGRET NOTHING” across the front ….. it is awarded to the outstanding candidate to wear it with pride ………..Caustic Crusader
.
Yellow Photo code ………..
Bent Banana calls it “P” for Peter and gets at great expense a new Santa Suit for next year’s run.

SHAT announces talk to him about NASH HASH in Tassie.

Sir Rabbit gives a Splinter lunch report …. 31 GREAT Pizzas .. a huge thanks to Botcho.
Winners appear to be Nasty and Ferret.

Botcho is called up to get a DD to recognise the first awarded GCHHH Victoria Cross, Miscarriage is awarded a purple heart and gets his Fifth (yes 5th) DD for the night.

Sir Prince reminds the pack that they stand on the very site of the inaugural GCHHH run.
8.55pm … Circumference calls “END OF CIRCLE”

On On!!
KB.

Run 1734

Run: 1734
Hare: Nasty
Location: Albert Park Benowa and back to Nasty’s Spa & Grill
Date: 24th January 2011

Due to the Hash Scribe abandoning his duties (AGAIN!!!!!!!) and forgetting to deputise an alternative Caustic volunteered (AGAIN!!!!!!!) (it will cost KB 2 beers and a bottle of battery acid Hash wine) and duly rustled up pen and “scrap” paper from Nasty which upon investigation the next day was recycled children’s school exam papers.!

Clear skies greeted a chirpy pack of some 30 Hashers who resembled Steptoe and Son 2nd hand “rag & bone”collection service

Promptly at 6:14:59 the pack assembled for the Hares briefing;
Nasty started by telling all that it was a 3 way run to cater for all levels of unfitness and went from a 200 metre limp to a 5 km male sprintathon ;no hills; no shiggy;and no fun! Should be back in 30 mins! Tops!! Short cutting was severely discouraged as it was only to be used as a “loosener” for the upcoming Aussie Day extravaganza!
We will see was the packs consensus

A “sitting” Circle called at about 8.30pm (it looks more and more like the decay of the Roman Empire with the Senators and their entourage lounging around and more interested in Rule 1 activities than what true Hashmen are “obligated to do” :remember the words “Noblesse oblige” TRANSLATED “in noble hood all Hashmen are required to meet their obligation !”)

The Hare was called out and 2 Dogs gave a run report who likened it to a “sprint to the showers” whilst Shat was giving Sir Prince “bird impersonations” which could be more likened to a man performing oral sex on a female ! (What on earth would a real Hash Man do that for on a Monday night ???)

After finishing his “nuzzling noises” he proceeded to give a run report of “mind blowing boredness” quote ,,,,”Marvellous, simply Marvellous, quite stunningly Marvellous” ; has he turned into a Rule 1 offender ??

Sir Prince gave an indifferent note somewhat perplexed by Shats noises in his ear
Anyway back to the run ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!! The VIP comfort bench of Sir Prince, Ferret and Sir Rabbit were now craving for bedtime stories as their tired eyes were closing for bee boos!

Nosh Report

Entrees
Peanuts, crisps, vegemite sandwiches and 1000 sprinkle Sangers
Main Course

Pie ,mashed peas and potato with tomato sauce dressing drizzled over

Desert

Pavlova with all the trimmings
PS: Beautiful but all outsourced thru Nasty’s abusive slave labour program (Hash Cash commented that Nasty also had provided the fare within the budget; wait til his indigestion hits at 4 am!)

Note from Sir Rabbit whose strangulated testicle rendition of a note has now been replaced by an internal herniated prostate whilst crying in his pillow! Man up!!!
Note from RA

Q: What is the difference between broccoli and snot?
A: Boys won’t eat broccoli

Summation: A 1/10 score was awarded at it was a totally outsourced menu and may now contend for the worst Nosh of Year ! Buying the tomato sauce does NOT constitute culinary input.

Scientology Report
Nasty delivered a scathing insight into Sir Rabbit along the lines of “ Sir Rabbit is fucked the lucky devil?? Or something like that for stealing Telstra phones and an unfaithful Rabbit should avoid all wild animals with teeth; especially offshore unknown female species!
Nobody got it ??
Lets look forward to next weeks reading !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Visitors
Arse Up brought an unsuspecting 6”10 giant called Bill who when called out surprisingly made the GM go up another 2 stairs to keep parity!
Note from Arseup caused a charge from Caustic as Ferrett and Sir Rabbit were having a conference on the VIP comfort lounge ; duly charged and a down down awarded
Bill (or maybe Silly Billy) then went on to confide as he was an excited virgin he had bought some new gear Inc shoes!
Arseup gave 2nd note when Silly Billy had the customary shoe down down

RA was called to circle and called for charges

Nasty Nasty Nasty; how we remember those Nasty nights whilst you were GM
A) The 1st Down Down ; whilst Hash drank pre-Xmas slops Nasty drank Crownies : verdict GUILTY

2nd Whilst Nasty drank Penfold wine decanted thru an aerator Hash drank “battery acid “:GUILTY

3rd Nasty outsourced the food and claimed privilege:GUILTY

4th Nasty removed all Koran, scientology and other reading material in deference to the GM:GUILTY

5th RA quote “he’s just a c—t “ and the RA wanted him to remember and exceed the Bannockburn night (at Mudgeeraba) when Nasty as GM gave Caustic 7 down downs for the night:

Its reported that Nasty is now prostrate (sounding like a Sir Rabbit “note”) over the great white telephone! Man up; what is this Hash coming to??)

B) Jigsaw charged with Rule 1 contraventions after he and Cumsmoke were “bombing” the pool and he asked to HOLD HANDS! Charge upheld Guilty

6th Nasty tried to defend the indefensible charge B) and got another Down Down :GUILTY
c) Shat Xmas run aftermath report noted several items left at the Shatterie and when he followed up with Jigsaw was told he was too busy shopping!!!! (Q “Is Jigsaw the 1 in 10 Rule 1 offender; Rug please go into deep undercover and get to the bottom of this!!)
Caustic still retains the 7 Down Down record (without a puke !)

POW
Miscarriage is holding over the POW

Aussie Day Extravaganza
The illustrious GM again tried to get numbers which were agreed to be within 7 and 200,000
22 booked on bus the rest of you bastards walk!

End of Circle for those still awake was called at 9ish

Run 1733

Run: 1733
Hare: Rug & Crocodile
Location: Biggera Waters
Date: 17th January 2011

Hello GCHHH

My apologies for my no-show …. Got a few family flood dramas and knackered after the Billfish tournament. So Pizza has offered to fill in with his new computer skills after graduating from the advanced course last week…………. Enjoy !!
Thanks heaps Pizza!!
On On
KB

BUON GIORNO RAGAZZI E AMICI QUESTI SONO I PAROLE DA LUNEDI SERA ABIAMO STATO A LABRADOR VICINI A IL CLUB DI FUTBOL ALLORE COMINCIAMO ..
FOR THE DURATION OF THIS REPORT I’M ME AND YOU’RE YOU BY NAME ONLY !
ME   ASKS QUESTIONS       YOU GIVE ANSWERS               RIGHT !!!!!!!!!
ME         SLAB HOW WAS THE RUN
SLAB      got mixed up and lost in the conception
ME       SHAT ;  reply ; half worked was shatting myself running through the drain with a FLASH FLOOD looming ?
SIR P V ; walk was friendly excellent choice the PARIS END of LABRADOR
A H ; good walk , why suggested half way through the walk while we hung around waiting for BARNACLE name suggests he sticks to the sides but slipped off this time looking for arrows well A H wanted to play SPOT THE AUSSIE
FERRET ;  the surface of the GOLD COAST roads after the CYCLONIC conditions were excellent for BIKE HASH    told me some shit his DOCTOR said to him you’re not a very good runner but you may feel better inside keeping up with your mates so why not RIDE A BIKE well cant see why He can’t attach a trailer FULL OF PISS
CROC   n   RUG    cooked      WE’LL GET BACK TO THAT LATER !
ELVIS [ is back in the building ]   SIR SLAB     POINT  2    SHOW PONY    and   BOTCHULISM    had obviously had a ring around and decided they should all wear the
same shirt             nobody called PIZZA  i got one of them shirts too you know !
MISCARRIAGE  ; had no words for the run    seems was keeping the good bits for later
NOSH WAS OVER CATERED  [ aussies don’t know that pasta grow’s when its cooked ]  Most people had two helpings and there was still enough to feed any of the
locals ,  SHAT’S QUOTE  ; DON’T LIKE MARINARA !   DON,T LIKE  CARBONARA ! ONLY HAD ONE PLATE OF EACH  !  BUT THE GREENS WERE GOOD !
MUST ADMIT CROC  N  RUG WERE BOTH SURPRISED AND WONDERING WHEN THE GUEST SCRIBE ROCKED UP WITH PEN AND PAPER IN HAND , SHOULD HAVE REALISED THEN MY KITCHEN RULES DON,T WORK !  however the ambience of the evening and the general feeling was we’re all pretty hungry by then so it will do . Gave it 8 out a possible 10 .
BOTCHO ;  Was running around taking photo’s of next year’s committee ;  check the website is a prize for picking the new committee
CUMAGEN ; last to pay    MISSING LINK really needs to spend more time away from his duties and with us other blokes
WILL SOMEONE TELL JOSEPHINE THE RUN IS NOW $15   for that you get one or two POTATO PEELERS at one or two functions that take their top off and walk around with a bad attitude
SIR CUMFERENCE ;  Local knowledge got the runners lost , hope he got home alright ?  WAS OVERHEARD SAYING SHE’S RIGHT I KNOW WHERE I AM           OOP’S
ARSE UP DECRIBED THE RUN    “SCHOOLDAY’S RUN”    long and hard    IS THAT NOT A PRICK RUN
ROCKHARD   ;    SHOUTED TO THE SCRIBE TO “VA  FUNGULA”  don’t use that sort of language at the PIZZA HUT
BACK TO THE “NOSH”   comments where plenty of MARINARA  but  couldn’t find the CARBON in the CARBONARA   will get back to the CARBONARA later
SPLINTER HASH LUNCH AND GOLF      SEE BOTCHO   ASAP
SPONSOR  for the evening was NOW LOVED MONEY LAUNDERING SERVICES  selective hiding spots no demonstration was given , but reminded me of my first job i was on SHIT MONEY

YELLOW CODE ;   JOSEPHINE  got it right  GOT THE SANTA SUIT

D D ‘s   for being M I A    ARSE UP, SWOLLEN COLON ,BARNACLE , ELVIS , DICKIE ,CUMAGEN

STILL A VERY QUIET CIRCLE WITHOUT CUMSMOKE not there and PIZZA sober

ANYONE SEE’S A SUITCASE LAYING AROUND IT MAY BELONG TO MISCARRIAGE   didn’t get home with him this time either

SIR SLAB    D D’d BLACK STUMP for forgetting his bike for the bike ride   what is happening to our HASHCLUB forget bikes forget suitcases  FORGET WHICH TRY MY WIFE TOLD ME TO CUT DOWN AND NOW BANANA BENDER IS NOT TALKING TO BENT BANANA what is going on   WHAT NEXT  ?????????????????????????

NOW LOVED INVITED TO LATRINES PARTY ALONG WITH SOME OTHER SELECTED GUESTS all went pretty well   HAS A RUN CUMING UP THERE WILL BE NO HAND SHAKING ON THE NIGHT  !  GOT IT    RIGHT

P O W    MISSING LINK forging ahead with his latest employer told a story about a CITY KID not at all machinery minded couldn’t find the necessary gears for going uphill in a WORLD WAR 1 relic rusting away in the paddock , without basic instructions from a COUNTRY KID from TWO HEAD land  we very nearly all having to take the day off . But like the suitcase all is good IN THE END like the money laundering  seems like STRATEGICALLY PLACED limestone rocks did the trick so THE EMPLOYEE gave the EMPLOYER the
P O W

DON’T FORGET THE AUSSIE DAY BUS ONLY A COUPLE OF SEATS LEFT ON THE BUS   CRICKET MATCH         AUSSIE’S     VRS    REST OF THE WORLD

Next week’s run     NASTY             T B A

POOR OLD MOONBEAMS IS OFF ON HIS HONEYMOON ONLY GONE ONE DAY AND RUG JUMPS INTO HIS SPOT          END            OF            CIIIIIIIRCCCCCCLE

PIZZA                   IT FELT STRANGE TURNING UP TO HASH WITHOUT 8 or 10   HOMEBREWS UNDER MY BELT            MORE STRANGE GOING HOME SOBER

GOOD NIGHT LADS