Category Archives: Hash Trash

Run 2202…Cumsmoke

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Date: 13th January 2020…………….      …..
Location:Helensvale …………………………
Runners:33…………………………………………….

 

Run Pictures

Run Report 2202

 

Hashers gathered on the deck of the Helensvale Hogs Rugby Club house in eager expectation of a first class run/walk set by Cum Smoke. The hare said it was 6.9 km run with an elevation of 110 metres, and 3.9 km for the walkers with an elevation of 58 metres. Ha, said everyone sceptically. Hare went on to say that the nosh might be delayed and if anyone was hungry, they could go to a local MacDonald’s.

 

Everyone set of SE from the club, passed the aquatic centre and into the reserve. We turned right to go into the housing area, crossed Discovery Drive, and into another reserve were we found the climb. It seemed a lot more than 58 metres, but the hare was adamant he was correct.

 

Back at the club house there was a long delay before the hare put nibbles on a table, delay tactics?

 

$1 birthday beers were enjoyed. We noticed that there were fewer hashers, did some decide they couldn’t wait any longer and left? I went out to the trailer and some them gathered around watching the proceedings at the BBQ with KB and the hare. SPV and SR were helping out also. Some mini burgers were being prepared and passed around. We watched the steaks being put on the BBQ. A great looking salad was placed on the serving tables. Finally at 8:30 we could eat the mains.

 

Back on the club deck, GM called the circle. Foxtrot Oscar gave a run report. Fanny got a down down for interrupting. Foxtrot gave a note, and then continued with his report. He said it was well marked and there were opportunities for short cutting near the water tower. He gave the run a score of 8/10. Shat gave a walk report and marked it 8.5/10. Circumference gave a report on the progressive meal, starting on the deck and ending at the trailer, gave it 8.25/10. KB said it was nosh of the year (so far). Circumference gave a note.

 

GM informed the hashers that Brewtus was the runners sweep, and Slug the walkers sweep, both marking off the checks. Each had a map of the trail. High standards are being set for future runs.

 

Returning runners were Rug and Col Klink. Arse Nic stepped in for his birthday drink. Blackie gave a note.

 

GM then called in Blackie for doing 1250 runs, Sir Jo for doing 1050 runs and Mad Mike, awarded a special t-shirt, for doing 400 runs.

 

The RA stepped in and announced that Miscarriages wife had giving him a one-way ticket to Cambodia. Then gave Shat a shirt he lost in the pool. Then there was the tale of the two French girls and Magician, Rabbit gave a note.

 

Next week’s run at the Shat house.

 

Blackie called end of circle at 9:05 pm

 

On on,

Mad Mike

 

And some important information from your appointed Scribe who is at present swanning around elsewhere:

 

To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.

 

When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

 

Interviewer: “So, tell me about yourself.”

Me: “I’d rather not. I kinda want this job.”

 

Cop: “Please step out of the car.”

Me: “I’m too drunk. You get in.”

 

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

 

I had my patience tested. I’m negative.

 

Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.

 

 

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

 

Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00pm is the new midnight.

 

I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

 

I run like the winded.

 

I hate when a couple argues in public, I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.

 

When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”

 

 

When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

 

 

When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”

 

 

Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.

 

That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.

 

Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people, the cops.

 

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

 

My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

 

 

Run 2201…Hard On

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Date: 6th January 2020…………….      …..
Location: Main Beach …………………………
Runners:35…………………………………………….

 

Run Pictures

As the punters convened for the start of run 2201, the setting was oddly familiar. Had we been here before? Was this going to be virgin territory? How challenging would the run be?

Bollocks to that, nothing new here folks.

A collection of keen and athletic hashmen were champing at the bit to start the first run of 2020. Oops, wrong Hash.

The 35 members of the Gold Coast HHH who turned up at Macintosh Park chatted amicably and enjoyed the balmy summer evening.

Earlier, Hard On and Shat had minced around Main Beach, holding hands, as they set a run that would test the hashing ability of these seasoned hounds. When that didn’t work, they slapped a bit of chalk on the pavement and went off for a glass of red.

The fairly straight forward run managed to get the better of Banana and Arsenik, as they lost the trail twice and, at one point, were seen heading over Sundale bridge to Southport.

Back at the bucket, much hand shaking and “Happy New Yearing” was interrupted by Mrs Hard On when she dropped off the delicious chilli con carne for hors d’oeuvres. Val would later make a return appearance with the apple slice and ice cream for desert.

KB and Aussie were hard at work grilling the bangers and onions for the main course. Aussie’s toasted buns are a real treat (and the bread rolls were good too). But I digress.

After much milling about, the GM took charge, sort of, and called the circle together. Defying gravity, he leapt upon a large boulder to better stamp his presence on the proceedings. Wasted effort really.

Jigsaw gave the walk a score of 6.5/10 which some thought was a bit generous.

When no one volunteered to do a run report Hard On stepped forward and gave it a score of 10/10. Funny about that.

Sir AH was very complementary about the nosh and said that Val had done an excellent job.

Down downs went to the hares, Hard On and Shat.

Then DDs went to the returning runners, Y2KY Jelly, Pepe, Botcho and Sir Prince.

Sir Prince, as RA, regaled the assembly with extracts Of Christmas Hash runs of yesteryear. Notably one “Wes Polanski” and his antics. Particularly humorous was the account of Weekly’s “Whore on the Hill” shenanigans.

Miscarriage was berated for calling the home number of a fellow hashman at 5:30 on a Monday night to chat up the missus. He then received a DD for using his little blue dingo digger to fuck up his neighbour’s fence. Talk about a shit magnet.

Chargers from the Floor resulted in Aussie, Fullashit and Sweathog receiving DDs from Y2KYJelly for misdemeanours resulting from the Christmas Run.

Nasty then charged Y2KY Jelly for prancing about like “Fabio” and not wearing a hash t-shirt. Joining him in the circle, Mad Mike was charged by Sir Jo for looking like one of the “Richies” from the test cricket. Is it really a wig? DDs awarded to both.

As the POW was absent, it was held over until Swollen Colon makes his explosive return.

Next weeks’s run is at Helensvale and Cum Smoke advised that it was BYO firewood, DURING A TOTAL FIRE BAN.

And so it was!

End of Circle

On On

Sweat Hog