Date: 15th February 2020…………….      …..
Location: Southport …………………….

Run Pictures

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‘It’ was billed as “a once in a lifetime night of fun and high jinks” and ‘it’ was delivered in spades; in fact, GM Iceman and his very able sidekick ArseNic delivered so much frivolous fun and games that, 2 hours in, the punters were screaming for it to end. “Enough Iceman,” they yelled, “we just can’t take any more of this…we wanna go home.”

This Casino Experience was that yearly event when the GCH3 manhood invites its long-suffering better half to apologise and seek forgiveness for past Monday indiscretions. Iceman’s genius was in creating a most lavish occasion where the ladies indulged in sumptuous canapes and cold bubbles in flutes whilst spending shitloads of money on useless things. Depending on personal preferences, the ‘spending’ could be enjoyed at a blackjack or roulette table, or playing Craps.

To the gambling dunce, it all looked much of a muchness but the connoisseurs of the caper, they all headed to their favourite betting positions. Looking splendid in a Colette Dinnigan designed frock, Kwakka’s cheese and kisses flew out of the blocks to plonk herself at the top of the roulette table where her favourite numbers zero and 1 were at her mercy. “1 is my lucky number” she cooed “and Kwakka is zero.” Sir Black Stump turned up looking like a cowboy from the latest RM Williams catalogue because “Vegas is in Nevada and Nevada has lots of cowboys”. He made a bee line for the blackjack table where dealer, The Battered Sav, proceeded to quickly fleece him dry. Foxtrot Oscar and Sir Rabbit joined him but luck would prove elusive for them too.

But for Brewtus, who preferred walking around drinking red wine and chatting up chicks, the rest of the GCH3 young guns all headed to the Crapper (where they play Craps). And it would be there that Skyhook, Dutch Oven, Pepe Le Spew and 2KY Jelly would remain for the rest of the evening. Aussie made the occasional appearance as he rushed around laying bets at all three venues.

Looking like Capone, BallPoint rocked up with a short dress flapper on his arm. They headed to the roulette wheel where they kept things very simple indeed, hitting up their birth dates of 5 and 15 at each and every turn. The fact that numbers 5 and 15 were often called out by croupier Tim Tam proves only that arse will beat class…..always. Now Loved and missus tried their luck at the wheel too but as long as Tim Tam was calling out 5 or 15, they were getting towelled up. Truck Tyres appeared on the scene and immediately announced: “how the f*ck do you play this game and what odds do you get?” But, refusing to hit the number 5 or 15, he too would walk away dejected and broke.

Back at the Crapper and things were hotting up; Skyhook and Dutchie were going at it hammer and tonks as they both rode their luck hard. And when the GM called for final bets it all came down to that ultimate throw of the dice: 6 and 4 and Skyhook cheered, the night’s overall big $35K winner.

For his troubles, grog monster Skyhook won a bottle of pink MuMM bubbles which his cheese and kisses is sure to enjoy. However, there is every likelihood that a formal protest will be lodged as security are reviewing all video recordings of the Crapper shenanigans. Whilst details are still sketchy, it has been alleged that Skyhook’s winning was due to his ‘following up’ on Sir Blackie’s missus who, ultimately, was the one with the hot hand.

Notwithstanding……it was a wonderful night.

On, On

Date: 10th February 2020…………….      …..
Location: Nerang …………………….
Runners:38 …………………………………………….

Run Pictures

Mad Mike – Guest Scribe

 Ballpoint at Nerang State Forest

Rain threatened

 It had been threatening rain all day and I wondered how many hashers would turn up, especially knowing the perils of Nerang State Forest, and Ball Point’s evil genius in setting runs. However, when I got to the shelter at the Tom Rose Park, I was astounded to see that so many hashers were already there by 6:00 pm.

At 6:15 the hare, Ball Point, called the pack together to explain that he had received a phone call from the GM advising not to go up the mountain as the conditions were treacherous. The hare explained that, even though he had to mark out the trail four times, he was happy to change it to a more civilised circuit. He took out a bag of flour and drew out a circle, with what looked like an H in the middle, and explained that the trail was marked in flour. He explained that the runners would have a bit of the lower forest area to come home, and then set everyone off along the park entrance road.

There was thunder in the distance, and still the threat of rain as we all set of along Wandin Street. The runners went on ahead, and when we got to the junction of Wandin Street and Reeves Street, we saw the signs for runners to the left and walkers to continue along Wandin Street. It started to drizzle slightly and noticed walkers returning. They had not seen any signs when they got to the end of the road. One of the house owners gave permission for us to go through his property to the trail across the creek, but wisely, we decided to turn back and go back to the junction. There we gathered around to decide what to do next, there were no marking, no sweeper, no map. It was only 15 minutes into the walk, some just wanted to get back to the shelter, while others decided to follow the runners trail along Reeves Street and make it a bit more of the walk. We continued to the junction with Billabirra Crescent, and then decided to head home. By this time it was raining and we were all soaking wet after a 40 minute walk.

After a quick change of t-shirt we gathered around one of the tables where the hare had nibbles of chilli humus, Arabic bread and carrots. Cum Smoke planted himself in front of the bowl and gradually went through it. Birthday beers were put on hold until the runners returned.

An hour after the runners set off, we could hear voices in the forest and see glimmers of flashlights. All those in the shelter faced the forest, and called out, shone flashlights back into the forest to help guide the runners back home. Finally they came crashing through the bush, thankfully in a pack into the shelter after 70 minutes out there, so no search parties required. While they changed from their wet gear, the hare was busy preparing a second batch of nibbles. He set it on the table, and Cum Smoke promptly settled himself in front of the bowl again, much to the jeers of hashers. Truckie picked up the bowl, saying it was for the runners only, and circulated it to all runners.

Fanny was getting hungry; he was checking the two pots of couscous heating on the BBQ, and wondering if anything else was to come. Sure enough, out came another two pots of chicken tagine with chick peas. Ball Point was worried that with such a big turn out, would there be enough food, so dished out frugally. He was the only one not to have a piece of chicken. This was followed by baklava and ice cream.

GM called the circle at 8:25 and asked the hare into the centre. Sweathog gave a walk report, said it was a shit walk and gave it 4.5 out of 10. Nasty stepped in saying the walk was much better than that. Skyhook gave a run report and gave 8/10, Phantom gave a food report also 8/10. Missing Link gave a note.

Returning runners were Miscarriage, Flasher, VD. Shat was called in for interfering.

Birthday boys were Bent Banana and Ball Point. Slab gave a note.

The RA stepped in with a surgical mask, goggles and a cap saying he had to pick up Miscarriage from the airport from Cambodia, just in case the coronavirus was around. AH was called in for called Miscarriage Now Loved.

K2KY Jelly was given a down down for not having a torch on the run in such treacherous conditions. Rabbit gave a note.

Weekly normally drinks red wine, but this week he was observed drinking from a small bottle of NON alcoholic red wine. He was jumping up and down saying he was cheated. Cum Smoke gave a note.

The Prick of the Week was Ball Point, he stepped out in full regalia, and called out

• Flasher for sending him a picture of non alcohol Heineken
• Cum Smoke, a Tigers fan, and a hasher who drinks only cordial
• Weekly for drinking the non alcoholic red wine, POW went to Weekly, Ball Point gave a note.

Sweathog announced new round of Lotto, and bank details to transfer $20

Hard On was brought in for not wearing hash gear, Kwakka gave a note.

Miscarriage presented GM with a brand new plastic chicken for his pole, must be about the eighth plastic chicken.

RA handed back to GM and called Arse Nic to announce the gambling night.

Mad Mike advised that there were a few on the Rally that had not paid.

Weekly handed the prize and engraved gold trophy to Fanny.

 

Bent Banana closed the circle at 9:00 pm.

On on,

Mad Mike

 

.

Date: 3rd February 2020…………….      …..
Location: Mermaid Waters …………………….
Runners:35 …………………………………………….

Run Pictures

Hashers gathered at the Jim Slorach Park in Mermaid Waters with lightning on the horizon and storm threatening. The trailer was positioned near the shelter and a row of tables and chairs was set out just outside the shelter. The hare Brewtus promised no hills, and set us off south along Alec Ave, then west along Karbunya St. We cut through Helm Court Park and went alongside the canal to Sunshine Blvd.

We crossed over into Cruiser Court, through Ossie Keegan Park, then right on Bowline Rd. Hung a left on Oceanic, through the roundabout into Pizzey Drive alongside the tennis courts. We turned left into Bardon Ave, then north of the lake to Sonia St, we cut through the shopping centre at Waterways to on home. About 45 minutes, runners went furtherThere were a few drops of rain as the chicken wings appetiser was being prepared. The large trees sheltered us from the sprinkling of rain. Then out came the beef hot dogs, bread rolls, green leaves and relish. No plate needed, but you got sticky fingers.

Ended up with a mud cake and ice cream. KB doing a grand job helping Brewtus, in dishing out and making sure there was portion control at all times. Brewtus had packed everything away, when Ball Point turns up very late. Brewtus took everything out again and Ball Point had the last three hot dogs.

Thunder and lightning was increasing with heavier spots of rain, the large trees were not providing much of a shelter any more, so everyone crowded under the shelter, some sitting on the benches and others standing behind the benches. GM struggled to get onto the table, and managed to stand upright at the centre

K2KY Jelly was asked for a run report. He said it was a nice run, but no sweeper. S-Bends gave a walk report and said it was well marked. He gave the first part 10/10 and the second part 0/10 making an average of 5/10. He suggested K2KY Jelly be appointed sweeper for the runners.

HalAl gave a food report, very nice, keep it simple. 8/10

HalAl got a birthday down down.

Returning runner was Ball Point who recounted good hashing with the Mozambique H3, but there were girls. He brought back a gift for the GM, hidden away in a basket, he took out Penis Dodger’s panties, and explained that he had to take them off her without using his hands.

RA gave a few stories about the Friday lunch, the burning BBQ hose, singed hairs on his arms as he turned off the gas. Weekly gave a brief report on the golf trophy and added to the lunch stories.

RA gave Jigsaw a down down for losing his phone, Truckie joined him for commenting on the burning BBQ hose.

Ferrett was the Prick of the Week, and nominated Botcho for the BBQ hose fire, Fanny Charmer for saying it was a shit run and shit food, but the POW went to Ball Point for coming late and having the hare take out all the food again.

Ball Point had a charge and called out AH for being a Brit and leaving the EU, some sort of Rule Britannia was sung.

Arse Nic announced the Gambling Night.

GM updated hashers on condition of Rock Hard saying that he had a change of medication that was exhausting him. He requested no phone calls at this time. We wish him well with the new medication when it comes.

Ball Bags announced his run in two weeks. Ball point announced his special run next week. See website for details.

Blackie closed the circle.

On on,

Mad Mike

Date: 31st January 2020…………….      …..
Location: Helensvale …………………………
Hashers:44 …………………………………………….

Splinter Lunch Pictures

SIR BOTCHO’S GOLF DAY / SPLINTER LUNCH JANUARY 2020

As the last day of the month of January was on a Friday, the planet’s aligned to produce probably the best ever weather day for this annual splinter lunch event.

While the golfers sweated it on the golf course, Sir Botcho and Lady Cappuccino prepared the locally sourced produce for lunch in their kitchen. The virus free Coronas were iced down and plenty of water bottles were chilled in readiness for the pre-lunch drinks. A new visitor to splinter lunch who was introduced as Zoey strutted her stuff in red lingerie which caught the eye of a few followers of le femme fashion. Later on she caught the eye of those who preferred the more natural look.

Kwakka / Hard On extracted the hard earned from the attendees which soon numbered 44 by the time table service delivered the first course. This
was announced as a chilli mango,avo, salmon stack.

Tournament Director Sir Two Dogs, advised that upon examination of the scorecards that Caustic Crusader’s team had been disqualified as their scorecard did not pass the Price Waterhouse pub test. The well named Strokes of Luck team were declared winners of the 2020 trophy. Zoey presented Kelvinator, Fanny Charmer,Excel Pet and JC with their prizes. It seems that some secret practice and a lesson with a golf pro at Emerald Lakes earlier in the week may have been a help to some and a hindrance to others.

During the cooking of the next course, the guests were treated to an extraordinary display of pyrotechnics,  best described by Sir Ferret as unbelievable. A flame had ignited inside the bbq where the gas bottle was situated. Hashers dispersed in every direction fearing an explosion and a hose was produced to put out the flames.
Swollen Colon would have been salivating in expectation had he attended the lunch. Excel Pet gave a post WPHS debriefing about how all should go to only one designated Assembly Point. However the only assembly point that was getting organised was the line up for the next course. A Wagyu rump served with mushroom sauce, spuds, coleslaw and bread roll was on offer plus condiments. Sir Botcho was joined by Sir Prince Valiant as they served up what they had been cooking over the hot flames.

All agreed the meal was far better than what is normally served up at another regular hash haunt, a well known GC steakhouse.Bottles of red were enjoyed by diners as they masticated their way through the large slabs of bovine.

A couple of quick speeches and attempted joke telling took place before Sir Botcho got a well deserved down down.

A roster was organised for dishwashing duties in the kitchen and the visiting Brisbane hashers were called up first. It was a smart move as it was agreed that while they were busy working, everyone knew where they were and they couldn’t get up to any light-fingered mischevious behaviour like they had in previous visits.

Dessert of berry ice cream with fresh raspberry coulis was offered to those who still had some room in the storage area of their now pretty full stomachs.

Another fine afternoon in keeping with GC splinter hash traditions was thoroughly enjoyed by all, including the regular travellers from Brisbane hash.
On On
Circumference

Date: 27th January 2020…………….      …..
Location: Highland Park …………………………
Runners:28…………………………………………….

Run Pictures

Hashers gathered convivially in Blue Cards tranquil bush backyard. Everybody could feel the serenity.

The Grand Master called order and Blue Card told the usual lies about the run and his compadre, Jigsaw, also put a spin on it.

The early grouping of  walkers expressed dismay at not getting to see Truckie park the trailer. At that same moment the man himself came powering around the corner with the look of a man on a mission and nearly took out the pack.

We walked up a long hill and into some Singapore daisy infected bush. At a reservoir we lost trail but ended up on a street with a magic view. Sir Prince pointed out the engineering behind a big retaining wall and also noted that Miscarriage had a different approach.

Back at Chez Blue Carde nibbles and drinks  were consumed and conversations had.

Blue Card offered his hash mates a delightful dinner of baked ham, rice salad ,jacket potatoes and all the trimmings.

Desert included  a patriotic Pavlova and a lamington .Top effort BC, possibly Jiggy and probably Maree.

Later, in the circle, rising gourmand Brewtus  enthusiastically described the rice salad as “lovely” and was particularly impressed by the ham being cooked in the weber. He awarded it a deserved 7.9.

Ball Bags snapped the circle back to reality by describing the run as “90%bitumen,old trail, no originality” and reluctantly gave it a score of 5 which was also a figure put up by a walker. Two Dogs suspected the arrows were done from a car and Jigsaw admitted same. Sir AH gave a note.

Returners were Ball Bags, S-Bends Swollen Colon and Now Loved. The GM received a present of some coffee from Panama from  S-Bends and fourteen Tour Down Under hats and a scarf from Now loved who had risked his life in Adelaide to get them. This brought cries of “suckhole ”from the circle.

The Religious Advisor called Weekly out because his son( resident hash opera singer and cultural advisor),Bradley, had gone the wrong way into the  Miami service station thus preventing the RA from getting to the LPG. The baying mob could clearly see it was Weeklys  fault and he was awarded a down down .The RA also said Miscarriage had been in contact re his Cambodian family and requested  the RA to officiate at his upcoming house auction!!?

Swollen Colon took centre stage as the POW and declared he was’ feeling transgender’ and wore the prick backwards to prove it. Cleverly he involved the whole circle as candidates by moving them around the central table and eliminating them by an order of merit that would befit the great  Emperor  Nasi  Goring.

Using Cum Smoke and Foxtrot as a diversion he finally settled on Sir Ferrett for complaining the hosts had not provided English mustard.

A couple of good jokes from Swollen and Arsenic were well received. Ball bags tried but the crowd must have hardened up by then.

Arsenic gave a plug for the upcoming Casino night. This will be a lot of fun in a great and tested venue so  as Molly would say                                 ‘Do yourself…………..        ‘

Next week’s run is Brewtus and is a funny hat night. Best funny hat will win a house repaint by Brewtus.

Thanks to Truckie and Arsenic for their exemplary efforts as usual.

On On

Now Loved

Pressganged Scribe.