Hare: Dum Shit
Date: 29th November, 2010
SOUTH OF THE BORDER – DOWN DUM SHIT WAY
With a cut lunch and overnight bag packed, 29 intrepid hash explorers headed south looking for Viet Hoa Gardens in Tugun. Not a tree to be seen, no flower beds, no exotic plants – just the smell of stale chicken cooking fat wafting from Red Rooster over the rapidly filling carpark.
Crocodile forgot where the run was so called Kitchen Bitch for help at 6:05. KB answered his phone only to tell Croc
1. The run was somewhere in Tugun
2. KB was somewhere in Coomera
3. Croc was an ex-On Sec
4. KB was a current On Sec
5. Croc would be at the run
6. KB wouldn’t be at the run
7. Croc could do the words
8. KB wouldn’t have to do the words
Viet Hoa Gardens turned out to be a Vietnamese, Chinese, Cantonese, Korean, Burmese, Japanese and Quickeaze eatery where the On On was to be held.
6:15 pm and Dum Shit was called forward to explain the run. “There is a walkers loop and a runners loop and sometimes the walkers loop will cross the runners loop and sometimes they won’t cross but you’ll know when they cross because there will be two lots of arrows – one for walkers and one for runners. Is that clear ??” asked the Hare.
“Oh I forgot to mention” continued Dum and Dummer Shit, “I left the maps at the office so I couldn’t set the walkers loop nor could I do the runners loop, so there is now only one loop to be shared by walkers and runners, except where it is marked with a R for runners and a W for walkers. Is all that clear ??” asked the hare again.
“Clear as shit !!!” answered the pack and headed out of the carpark where the walkers immediately turned south and travelled away from the arrows towards the Tugan pub. The runners headed north on trail.
A good run ensued heading over Tugun Hill past Currumbin Wildlife Park and on up Currumbin Hill dropping down to Elephant Rock and Pacific Pde before following the shore line to Thrower Drive Bridge. Over the bridge and onto the boardwalk through Currumbin Creek wetlands. Crossing under Gold Coast Hwy and back into the buuusscch for a long loop before heading home along the highway.
A great run given 8/10 by Point Two who walked to the pub and 6/10 by Botcho who did the whole run but complained there “weren’t enough checks”.
Circle was called immediately Old Fart arrived back and failed miserably to start while Dicky Knee, Circumference, Flasher, Cumagan and Caustic mumbled incoherently for 5 minutes.
Meanwhile the gathered hashman enjoyed the one or two or three of the draft beers on offer, basking in the warm afterglow of a warm Tugan night and the gathering eye-candy in the two adjoining eateries.
Finally Flasher managed to wrest control from his unruly debating group and actually started the circle only to be rudely interrupted by Cumagan who announced that the Light beer many had been savouring was in actual fact a full strength beer the same as the other tap sending half the pack back to their cars to down a carton of Gaviscon.
DD’s for returning runner Sir Slabb back from his recent En Zed holiday which he spent much of sitting in South Island Wineries slowly getting pissed. Frightened to drink alone he called for support and Black Stump stepped forward, recently returned from his great southern surfing safari love-in cookfest where he entertained the likes of Veteran, VD and Missing Link with his imitation of an Italian chef. According to Botcho the Spaghetti Bol tasted revolting, just like the stuff Blackie serves at the ranch. See what happens when you think you’re drinking Light Beer !!!! You’re moth engages while the brain is still in neutral.
DD’s for Circumference’s telegram to the GM which arrived at the Splinter Lunch, requesting and early circle so as he and Moonbeams don’t fall asleep at 9 o’clock and turn into pumpkins.
Flasher attempts to call the RA but is booed down with a call from the floor for visitors. Crocodile’s old Posh Hash mate from Noosa, Loco stepped forward to say hi and have his DD.
RA now allowed to front the circle and calls for the POW.
Crocodile nominated Flasher, Two Dogs, VD, Blackstump and Sir Slabb to step up and the proceeded to praise them all for coming to hash while injured to be with their hash mates, and then politely told them to sit. Will the real nominee step forward. Ferret is called and berated for not attending the Paradise Point run 2 weeks ago because his “leg is a bit sore and it’s a 30 km round trip – a bit too far for me to go”. Be seated POW Ferrett.
RA calls for charges
Ferrett again for scoring a hole-in one at Palm Meadows that morning
Caustic is charged by King Rat for shortcutting on his fund-raising fun run. As usual Caustic immediately raises a defense, stating the said fun run from Rosser Park was more like the River Kwai march. A short 2 km jog from Rosser Park, then a bus to Harbour Town and then a 15 km slog back to Ashmore so obviously he looked for shortcuts. Sir Rabbit was called to adjudicate and found for the defense. Case dismissed
Shetland charged by Bent Banana for sprinting past the front runners in the last 200 mtrs
Flasher must have been on a speed dating course on his last trip OS as he quickly took over from the RA and thanked Caustic for donating the evenings wine – the result of 3 years buying cartons of wine online, tasting one and disliking it intensely and putting the remains under his staircase, which he only rediscovered on Saturday as he was moving house.
Point Two was called for an update on Building Blocks Australia and advised the shed is almost (??) erect and the publican cried when they left Urbansville.
A record for a Flasher Circle as he closed and the Nosh arrived.
Great Nosh and plenty of it, complimented by Caustic’s cellar – thanks Caustic !!!!
SO impressed with the Nos was Caustic that he collected $2 from everyone present and gave it to our Vietnamese hostess as a tip. “Oh thank you” she cried, now I have enough to bring out 14 more of my cousins.
On On Crocodile
Thanks for the help Croc
On On Kitchen Bitch