Thunderstorm clouds in the air greeted a motley pack of some 26 Hashers who quickly took control of the Pony Club facilities and set up camp!
Promptly at 6:15 the pack assembled for the Hare’s briefing;
Quote: “No Hills but a few gentle inclines!! “ Hilary only had Mt Everest! Off went the pack both Runners and Walkers to the first water hazard – first swimmer was Aussie and Sir Rabbit got his paws wet!
First check saw the pack divide equally left and right with the left handers following an old Harriet trail and the right handers just confused! Half hour later the sweeper Sir Slab informed all that the trail was straight on!!!
Sir Rabbit and Shat however were so engrossed in Xmas shopping stories they held hands and completed their own run in a respectable 2 hours.
Up went the pack on the “gentle incline”; sign posts said a 1:7 climb and low gear should be used! Ropes and crampons were deployed on the North Face ; Mumbles called for oxygen and was told to “toughen the fuck up “ ; Summit was reached to find the sweeper turning the map back and forth and stating it wasn’t in Kiwi so he had no idea!!!!!
Consensus of older and wiser heads reckoned lets go left but this was heading to Oxenford and reassembly back to Checkpoint Charlie eventuated a right hand turn and back on trail.
Numerous checks, water crossings (for some!!), mud, confusion but a “well set trail” saw the pack emerging from the mists circa 7:40
Swimming leg was completed by Aussie; Two Dogs; Rug; Sir Rabbit Circle called at some time??
The Hare was called out and Blowfly gave run report but he got lost at the 1st Check and followed the Harriet “Tampons” trail; overall opinion it was a “near” debacle saved by experienced short cutting Hashers 8/10
Nosh Report from Moonbeams was less favourable as the “refrozen “hamburger rolls were tougher than a McDonald’s cardboard wrapper! Moonbeams did try a 2nd hamburger but was now regretting it! 4/10
Note from Sir Rabbit sounded like a strangulated testicle!
Mystery photo of a bearded underworld figure was handed around by the GM and various suggestions were made as to the identity of the mystery man;
Julia Guillard – a strong contender
Rug in his MI5 days – a possible
Nigel Manson – ?????????? A definite maybe
CRIT (that’s Clit with a R) a Singapore Hash man who was so hirsute it was suggested he should shave his back or else he would be a “hairy Crit”
Botcho was called forward by the GM and adorned with a PVC glove scarf to remind him of his recent proctology exam –results from the doctor was he gave him 4 fingers but he made a good fist of it !!
Aptly Shat gave Botcho a note
RA was called to circle and reminded Hash of the 1st rule of Hash –No Poofs only to charge Rockhard with wearing a citronella armband to ward off the mozzies ! –charge was dismissed by Sir Rabbit as being frivolous
Two Dogs presented with 3rd Dan balsa wood chopping
Aussie gave Two Dogs a note “in Japanese!!!!!!!!”
Rainbow charged Sir Slab (trail sweeper) with “fucking” incompetence with “fucking expletives” interspersed with “fucks”
Charges dismissed as how could a “fucking” Tasmanian understand broad Kiwi trail directions! POW
Botcho entered circle holding POW paraphernalia and a ripped POW bag; MI5 are investigated the act of vandalism –stay tuned for next week’s report on possible culprits of this heinous crime!
Only 1 contender for the POW was called forward –Josephine! Not only had he served reheated cardboard boxes on stale buns but had omitted to bring the ice-cream which was safely back in his fridge!
Aussie was rightly charged with GM abuse but no-one heard!
Torrential downpour recommenced but the RA escaped once again! Maybe there is a God! Inshallah next week
Next week’s run
Assemble 5pm at Shats for pre-dinner drinks and nibbles
15 River Drive
Bus leaves for Versace sharp 6pm !! Formal dress MUST be worn!!
Moonbeams called end of circle late into the night and the bedraggled pack slopped off in the mud to their cars! Footnote from the stand in On Sec
At 4:48 am was awoken to a mighty clap of thunder! – Sadly this was not the case but the Hash Nosh composting had reached critical conditions and a Code Brown was called!!!!!!!!! Thanks Josephine
Stand in On Sec