Hares: The Sirs
Location: Robina Common, Robina
Date: 14 February 2011
Unbelievable expectation was the overwhelming feeling of the pack. Sir Slab setting the run and the other Sirs doing the nosh……. could it get any better WOW !!! almost one hundred years of Hashing in one small group!!!! YES almost ONE HUNDRED years.
Sir Slab gathers the pack for instructions and it’s On On out of the Robina Common to the first of many checks. As expected the trail is marked to perfection and the little alleyways and parks found by our hare never cease to amaze. Along the boardwalk around the lake and Circumference finds a public liability test in the making… arse over head and face down full of splinters, Circumference is wounded beyond repair… “here take the bike … watch the brakes” and Sir Slabb is now a competitor in his own run.
Back to the nosh area for fresh fruit platters and nibbles galore, the waft of Sir Rabbit’s “Rabbit stew with a touch of spice” is in the air. A bunch of amateur chefs gather around Sir Prince and Sir Rabbit to work out “What is”
Free Crownies compliments of birthday boy Bent Banana flow freely and Dickie Knee confesses “ It’s my birthday TODAY too” …. off to the pub in the KB carriage and a carton of crownies later Dickies birthday bash is underway too.
The kitchen appears to have a few technical problems at this point…. one council barbie is US and the other has modest heat …. trainee Cumsmoke is attempting to cook the breads and at this rate they will be ready for breakfast. The second gas ring has failed at the joint and replicates a flame thrower more than a cooking device. KB attempts to assist and gets the ultimate insult from Sir Rabbit and a gash across the left hand knuckles to boot … Fukc off KB .. we’re OK … (we’ll see On Sec)
Sir Prince gets a bit of advice from seasoned kitchen hands and relegates the last gas ring to the trusty wok and gives Cumsmoke the arse from his apprenticeship as master chef.
Its almost 8.20PM and the production line has finally hit maximum output….
8.30 PM…. Nosh is served and KB has wormed his way in …. portion control is NOT required and a hearty meal of Rabbit’s stew is dispensed to all …. must have been good .. even Cumsmoke was stopped with one serving.
Compliments on the chilli beef concoction fly thick and fast……
Sir Prince is in full flight with the banana and pineapple fritters well on the way.. the pack is getting restless…… seems bed time is creeping upon them and some valentine’s day duties to perform.
Ice cream, fritters, fruit salad and topping complete the Gormet Hash extravaganza.
CIRCLE in 20 minutes echoes across the common.. more twitch from the ETBs (Early to bed)
Its 9.03 PM
CIRCLE UP YOU LOT.
Welcome by GM Flasher …
Birthday boy Dickie gets front row centre seating.
This week’s sponsor …. Dickie Knee’s sex change clinic is announced and suitable photographic proof is offered around … the pack confirms Dickie is suitably qualified however a “RULE ONE ‘ protest could see the closure of the clinic any minute.
Pizza claims genitalia disturbance with viewing the evidence
Botcho announces “The gate’s closing”
Pizza gives a note and Dickie gets the DD with one of his own crownies… “ I fire up pretty good when I’m half pissed” claims Dickie when asked about his domestic obligations not yet performed today.
Veteran ….. “Good run”
Nasty ….. “ Great when walkers and runners meet up just before the end” Well done Slab.
Circumference ….. ‘’i’m suing”… the spoils will be shared around the club. Leach and Leach are on the case!!!
Arse up …….. “Great curry!!!! Love my curry and that was great!!”
Dicky Knee … special thanks for my special birthday pot of nosh for my “Dicky stomach”
Jigsaw gives the note.
Moonbeams …. Been to South East Asia GM ….. great in soooooooo many ways.
Seems Mooonbeams fiancé contributed to the cooking excellence of Sir Prince with a few secret S,E,Asian tips.
Moonbeams cops a couple of Hash breakout songs of “She’ll be cumin round the mountain when she comes” closely followed by “She’ll be wearin pink pyjamas when she comes”
Moonbeams responds with comment on Pizza’s semi naked appearance in circle in his “Italian Stallion” robe.
2nd Birthday Boy Bent Banana is up next …….
Tales of Bent Banana’s wife training…. seems it has been a 48 year work in progress affair with petrol station filling yet to be completed on the curriculum.
Bent Banana gets off a DD with two verses of Barnacle Bill the sailor.
GM Flasher’s Hash Knowledge quiz gets held over for another time considering the hour. Pizza ALMOST gets the only question right but still won’t cover his boisterous comments flowing over his wine glass.
R/A is up next…
POW Sir Rabbit …. awards the POW to the most obvious …. Evil Caneval Circumference the thrill seeker.
Pizza gets scolded for no warning of the faulty boards.
Dicky Knee gets the second of GM Flasher’s home baked birthday cakes including all the usual toppings of jam and chocolate.
Pizza gives the note.
Pizza is on warning for numerous “RULE ONE “infringements with the exposed flesh and robe malfunctions.
Next week’s run …… Rockhard … Varsity Lakes.
9.32PM Moonbeams calls ….. “End of circle”
Additional … Letter to the editor
The aftermath of “Sirs” Run 1737
The Valentine’s Day Massacre
Letter to the Editor
After an extended night of quaffing copious quantities of fine wines and devouring “mountains” of “hot & spicy” curry and other assorted goodies CC made his way to the rear of the Swollen mobile (ex=ambulance) for the return journey home to his waiting Valentine.
Just to explain the rear seat was an unsecured Hash chair squeezed between the ironing board covers and the seat belt was a freight tie down strap; off we went with CC’s “roadie wine” resembling aftershave every time he tried to have a quaff.
The claustrophobic bucking chariot finally arrived at Chateau Caustic who was duly deposited unceremoniously on the roadside with Hash gear/Hash Cash and with normal Monday night fumbling found the keys to the various security doors and eventually stumbled indoors to find Miss Valentine waiting and draped on the chaise-longue dressed in black sexy lingerie!
CC stumbled over to give her a welcoming kiss but was repelled with a stiff arm Muay Thai death strike and was accused of “smelling like a brewery”!!!! Off went CC to the sanatorium ablution block and with a few stumbles and curses disrobed and scrubbed the Adonis like body ready for the main course ;jumping into bed with anticipation little did he know what was to transpire ……Yeh you got it SLEEP !!
SLEEP was however short lived !!
3.31am the first rumblings of trouble were detected with a gentle zephyr of flatulence being emitted ;quickly CC turned over (away from Miss Valentine) and directed the offending emission at the open bedroom window; abdominal discomfort did not allow CC to hold this gentlemanly position for long and returned to the recumbent position … A big mistake !!
A fart of biblical proportions leapt from CC’s lower regions and I swear the doona behaved like the proverbial magic carpet!!
The first stirrings of Miss Valentine were evident and when the next burst of curry induced flatulence arrived CC was told to remove his offending personage to the spare room
Leaving with an indignant parting last salvo, CC felt aggrieved but somewhat relieved to be given carte blanche to “fart at will”…. WRONG!!!
Continuous salvos continued with increasing abdominal spasms and cramps!
4.05 the final 20 gun salute confirmed the inevitable requirement for CC to arise and in a crab like stumble and ever increasing panic make his way at best speed to the “dunny”
4.07 With fear and trepidation the dam breeched; at first there was evidence of flotsam debris! With one last near childbirth squeeze the dam walls fractured and a Tsunami wave resembling the recent Brisbane river floods ensued; with “brimming” eyes ,sweaty forehead and shaking knees CC endured the next 20 pain filled minutes.
4.27 Finally the storm blew over and the “mop up” could commence …….WRONG!!!
The last selfish guest had exhausted the supply!! Raising one sweaty cheek CC managed to open the under sink cupboard looking and praying for re=supply…..WRONG!!!
With desperation of a dying man CC whimpered the following romantic words …”Oh Darling are you awake and could you please bring me a roll of toilet paper …….“NOTHING!
The words were repeated from a dulcet plead to finally a strident demand which eventually resulted in CC hearing the front door creak open and then slam shut ; CC was sure he heard something like …”You dirty bastard…………. !!!!!!
Moral of the story
Never mix Monday night “mens”Hash with romance!
(Or …. Get your priorities right!!!! On sec)