Date : 15th October 2012
Hare : Two Dogs (committee run)
Venue : Southport SLSC, V8 Handicap run
Weeks to Christmas run – 9
Numbers were anticipated at being lower this week due to our Hanoi contingent being absent (no tales of interest yet, I am awaiting a text) but despite this an eager group of runners and walkers assembled to watch the Hare chalking up grid positions on the footpath.
The running conditions were perfect, with a cool sea breeze gently stirring the foliage bordering the park. Anticipation was high and nerves edgy as hashers assessed their chances of bringing home the trophy (well an old t-shirt) muscles rippled and arms flailed as the pre-run warm up exercises took a serious turn (okay enough of the arty sh#t).
The course directions were issued, twice, yet still there were questioning looks. How long have we lived on the Gold Coast and done this run?
The walkers left, followed in waves by the rest of us, was it me or was there an element of speed being exhibited by most? It’s unbelievable that a few prizes that wouldn’t make it into a garage sale in Chirn Park (not yours Rabbit) could cause such competitiveness.
Starting from the back, with a marginally altered handicap, I followed the course down the seafront, turning right by the caravan park and leading left into Tedder Avenue. Running as a group were Veteran, Swollen, Flasher and the GM. We turned onto the V8 track then left into Macintosh park where I finally passed Swollen who was putting out a good pace.
The course turned left behind Red Rooter, unlike the hasher (could have been Pile Driver) who was continuing into Surfers. Left again back onto Main Beach Parade for the journey home.
Sir Rabbit was visible up ahead (well his bright green shorts were) as I caught him he pointed out the ‘ringer’ – circumference who was making like the Warner Bros road- runner on the home stretch.
Everyone was cheered home, a great effort put in by all.
After recovery, the food was half served, half self-served. Primo quality steaks, I will not call them minute steaks as a) they tasted of beef and b) they were more than four microns thick, served in bread with lettuce, beetroot, onions and tomato. Hash food at its best, simple, tasty and in abundance. It pissed all over the meal last week.
The GM took the high ground and called circle to order. The hare, masquerading as Yasser Arafat, was brought out for comment.
Pile Driver – “only three went past me yet I finished last, Flasher must have gone between my legs”
Close scrutiny of the course CCTV showed Show Pony and Latrine had taken an unauthorized course deviation. Ferret took out first walker and was proudly presented with a bag that holds nothing (still too good for him was the call).
Circumference took home a wine cooler for his efforts and I landed the obligatory unwashed shirt and a container for something called golf shoes (no idea what they are).
Returners – Swollen Colon – not doing much
Rock Hard – hopping between us and Perth
Visitor – Rocks off – recently in Sumatra (I’m assuming that’s the country
And not a person)
Show Pony – 500 runs
Pile Driver – Hashy birthday (beers provided)
KB/Aussie – Chef du jour
Aussie – Banking story
Flasher – whinging again, appropriate vessel used
Blackie – Winning another triathlon despite having to drop an age group
Iceman encouraged by the RA to regale us with another joke. Interest levels were maintained, as Bridget Bardot was included. Best effort yet, the punch line was delivered the same day and laughter made an appearance. You can only go down from here.
Mdme Latrine pulled out Aussie/Croc/Rug and mentioned Missing Link and Caustic but handed it instead to Flasher, for ‘White Anting” also known as cutting your mates grass. Who would have thought of Flasher as some seedy little pervert? Flasher was presented with a Japanese DVD about elevating a donkey.
Next weeks run – Club run – Musgrave soccer club with hares – Cumsmoke and Elvis, god help us
End of circle by Ferret.
Big thanks this week to Two Dogs – Hare, Sir Rabbit – food organizer, Aussie and Kitchen Bitch for marshaling and cooking and Botcho for the photography especially as three were sick. Great effort guys.
Hang On a Sec
Some elements are true, such as my name and the date.
Early reminder from our Hierarchy
Keep Sunday 11 November free
You and your spouse, girlfriend, mistress or whoever are invited to Blackie’s Blistering Bike Blast which is likely to be held in the Pizzey Park area of Mermaid Waters. More details later.
I am hoping that there will be courses and leaders determined to suit the professional camp and the occasional riders & novices.
It is planned to have a ride around 11am followed by a few drinks and lunch.
You may wish to have the official response below forwarded to all for their information.
OFFICIAL RESPONSE TO SAID ALLEGATIONS:
I have read the allegations and after an exhaustive investigation the race stewards have concluded that the correct cash amount, we mean “Nomination Fee”, has been paid following the withdrawal of Caustic Crusader and the thus the matter needs no further scrutiny.
In any case the said respondent finished over a minute in front of the accuser and thus would have beaten him in any case, even with the additional minute.
Official results will be posted in the forthcoming week after I finish doctoring, we mean finalising the results.
In the mean time harden up, focus on next year and stop being a tight arse waisting your funds on frivolous overseas junkets and deposit some meaningful funds to the race organisers to ensure your are indeed in the running for next year. Start saving and training now.
He didn’t short cut, but there was some lengthy discussion about his severe handicap and as a consequence he was let go a minute earlier (following extensive research into the previous race stats). In any case his net time was over a minute better than the next so he would have won anyway so you can tell the whinger (would that be Flasher) to go jump in front of a V8 Super car).
Good Morning Dogs,
Is there any truth in the rumour that Rectum may have slipped out (of course without you observing) about one minute early last Monday evening?
We have a very serious charge by one of our serial nuisances against a well respected committee member which I need to sort out. He claims he has a witness.
We Nike, the largest sportswear company in the world and EX sponsors of that lying, cheating -R-e-c-t-u-m- …oops sorry Lance Armstrong, are now throwing our support behind your Flasher…
Cheating is just not on and anyone that cheats by beating the starters gun should be banned for life!!
Regards, Phil Knight..Chairman Nike Corp.
P.S. I would love a copy of the M.L. DVD featured in your photo’s this week…PK
Man up Flasher. With all the shit that I’m going through at the present time, I haven’t spat the dummy once. After reading Rectum’s fine account, I see that the Grand Master gave you a dummy on Monday night.
Just Do It
I want to raise a formal complaint!!
Yes he did…he departed one minute early on his handicap and that extra minute meant he passed me and won…he should be ashamed of himself!!
I got this info from a very reliable press source who was there on the night!!
I now leave it up to my beloved GM to investigate this “Armstrong-ism” and correct the injustice…..