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Run 1964

Date: 22/06/2015

Location: Mermaid waters

Hare: Slug

Runners: 29

The Annual Hash Relay is on our door step this year. Truck Tyres and your Hierarchy needs numbers for our team!!

About The Hash Relay

Hash Trash

Run 1964


Nosh Helpers: VD-KB-Blue Card

Location:Pizzey Park

Runners 29


Questionable skies greeted the rabble as they slowly assembled in the carpark At Pizzey Park; a few grizzled that it was “worn predictable ground” but that was predictable in itself!

Last to arrive with the Trailer was ???? Yeh, you guessed it Truckie !! A piss poor effort at reverse parking was stopped by KB de-hitching the trailer and pushing it into the parking bay; however there was a slight downslope and he was last seen being dragged by the trailer heading for the Pizzey Park lake! No reaction from the Pack except someone muttered “F#*K him” !?!

Eventually the pack was called to order by the GM and Slug gave the Trail instructions which included a Martian styled Arrow ; international markings are fine but inter-constellation markings are a bit advanced for our elderly Pack !

At 6.15ish the Pack departed through Pizzey Park heading for the Conservation Hill down to the Burleigh Heads Golf Club and back past Burleigh Bears Sports and back through Pizzey Park to the Venue.



A variety of dip starters including a chilli mayo with Aldi Cheddar Cheese Crackers


A guaranteed crowd pleasing bbq chicken schnitzel with boiled buttered potatoes with a delicious mixed green salad; sadly it was noted the Jenny Craig split-away group dismissd the potatoes which left even more of those little treasures for the “fatties” !



Liquour marinated strawberries with vanilla icecream; a delicious ending to the “dinner in the Park”



Just as Circle was called the heavens opened with initially a light Scottish mist increasing to gentle rain with a “cold” breeze up your kilt; then KB remembered he had the new company car which he was showing off to all with the auto roof “DOWN” ; maybe he knew he would have a cold soggy arse on the way home anyway ?

This also explains why KB was hell-bent in starting a fire (with a treated Council pine post) to warm up his nether regions!

Ice could be heard being poured into the Icing Vessel (a large aluminium wok styled pot) !!!

At this point several petitions were handed to the GM

  1. Swindler (being a tricky ex-lawyer) with a High Court Appeal regarding the summary dismissal of the Anti-Icing Fatwa; the present Hash’s legal council is presently away on a junket ( That’s 2 Dogs, Aussie and Fanny ’Mollases” Charmer already dipping into the coffers!) and is set down for a hearing towards the end of year.
  2. Caustic petitioned for clemency on the basis he was a reformed Hasher and was now working actively for the new Committee in the Capacity of Stand in Scribe; the gracious GM pardoned the sins of Caustic and clemency was granted !

Despite the aforementioned the 2014/2015 Committee was en-masse called out for a group icing however by majority vote KB was nominated by the ex-committee as “scapegoat” and dropped his strides (What a horrific sight seeing his wrinkly bare arse) and descended, like a parachutist whose chute has failed, onto the new icing vessel; NB: last years Serial Pest Of The Year Bent Banana tried his usual shenanigans and offered one of his Patented “anti icing” appendages however this one was for girls as it had 2 cork plugs; several of the Pack Rabble shouted out that was ok as KB was a Total Cx#t and it would fit perfectly! Poor KB but the Captain of the vessel takes the accolades and also the responsibility!! Ha Ha

Run Report

Iceman started off on trail and was going okay until he lost trail (and his marbles) at the golf club and aimlessly wandered around looking for trail for the next ½ hour; seemingly he had pocket-fulls of lollies and was seen bribing a group of teenagers !! Hmmmmm

Hard-on reported the walk was fine through Pizzey Park but around the soccer club he had a bad back spasm and went into the soccer club bar area to get a glass of water to wash the medication down !! SEEMINGLY to get a glass of water you need to buy a glass of red vino !!! Hmmmmm

In conclusion; a reasonable run/walk within the confines of a well worn territory.


  1. Josephine berated last years Hash Scribe Swindler for omission of him in the current Runners section page 20 of the Year Book ; Swindler received a DD
  2. Kwakka piped up with a Question: Why was SPV late for Sat night dinner?

Answer: Seemingly Miscarriage had taken his 90 year year old mate Bill out to see the new development and when the town car got bogged on the first corner decided to decant Bill from the nice warm car and push him in his battery assisted hospital wheelchair up to the “lookout”.

This flawed attempt at Everest failed when the battery fell out and once again Miscarriage got bogged; at this point he was forced to phone SPV for assistance.

Little did he know but assistance came with a Princess who berated the poor boggee with language few would have heard before!! (Although many in the surrounding 5 kms vicinity thought the new ILS landing approach route had been activated and the shrieking roar and piercing howls of pain were the result!!)

SPV duly got his Snatch Strap-on fitted and pulled off Miscarriage from behind ! Hmmmmmm

Other Business

As was reported at last weeks run the Hash Hot-line has been suspended due to Hash moving to a more modern age ! WRONG!!!

Due to numerous complaints from the old blokes and their shielas and the generosity of Miscarriage ( Miscarriage has paid the telephone for next 2 years in advance) the Hot-line has been reinstated and will be manned every week by Blackstump (due to Blackie being in-fear of his life from Helen if the phone wasn’t manned again!)

Next Weeks Run

Rockhard from Mudgeeraba Music Hall

End of Circle



 This weeks Pictures

Run 1956

Run: 1956

Date: 27/04/2015

Location: Paradise Point

Hares: Ice Man

Runners: 36



Anzac Day Road Bike Victim Recovering in Hospital.


It appears that Nasty was the victim of a malicious act by a person or persons unknown who placed a large rock on the road to slow down speeding cyclists.


Missing Link who rode passed the large rock at great speed in excess of 35Km /hr. failed to notify 2 Dogs who was following close in his tailwind at 34km/hr. and about to pass him.


It appears that 2 Dogs who was so busy concentrating on passing Missing Link who was hot on his back wheel at 40Km/hour and about to pass them both, that he failed to notify Nasty of the impending disaster as 2 Dogs swerved to miss a rock that has been strategically placed on the bikeway.


2 Dogs returned to scene of the crime after the ambulance conveyed the damaged and shocked Nasty to the Gold Cast hospital to collect the evidence. He proudly displayed the evidence at hash on Monday night after telling the police he would return it to them after the hash meeting as evidence.


The lead police investigator has several suspects including Sir Slab who some unknown person alleged had placed the rock on the bike trail when he set the trail. It was alleged that Sir Slab was concerned that the Warriors would catch him! However this claim has been rejected as hearsay by the police with no foundation whatsoever and was totally dismissed.


It appears that Warrior Nasty may be out of action for a few days with major shoulder reconstruction surgery. We hope he gets well soon and returns to join the Warriors.


It was reported by the reliable and honest 2 Dogs that as Nasty hit the ground he was heard to scream out  “Bellatores vivat “!!!! (or in English …Long Live the Warriors )

1  2

                     ….the rock                                                                     …. the injury


                 …… the victim

Magician Survives Earthquakes in Katmandu

Hi There y’all’

Both Down Under Wear and Magician are fine here in Nepal. Been here for 2 weeks now and just finished the Annapurna Base Camp trek. All our HASH training has been put to good use. Helping out where possible.

Pretty chaotic here at present but life moves on pretty quickly here in Asia. Choppers continuously overhead, Not a “Danger WET FLOOR” or any red and white tape or any signs “Beware of large crack in the Ground” or any OH&S personnel to be seen anywhere. Pot holes and cracks all over. Just deal with the situation in front of them. The earth moved yet again last night at 2 am-at first thought it was Magician’s guts which have been playing up lately.

On a lighter note Magician, and oh yes DUW, survived the night in the local “garden” with the farmyard animals and itinerant Trekkers (remarkably similar to a Hash circle) and has just made a meal of a whole boiled egg.

Upside is the kg’s are just falling off Magicians now athletic frame and Michelin man has now morphed into a prime Thai cage fighter.

83 kg down to 77 kg and still trending down.

Plan is to fly to Paro in Bhutan tomorrow but highly unlikely so plan B is another trek in the Annapurna region getting there on the 10 hour local bus again. Can’ t leave for 2 more weeks so “The journey continues”

All that HASH training has been put to good use. Oh yes the Gorka beer is warm.

ON ON   Magician & Down Under Wear

Editor Update:

The Magician has pulled it off again!!! It appears now Magician & Down Under Wear will be evacuated from Nepal by RAAF Hercules to Vietnam, There he will be able to make full claim on holiday expenses under insurance so he can return at a later time to resume his vacation.

Run 1956 by Iceman at Paradise Point

27 April 2015

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38 hashers including 2 visitors eagerly waited for the run information from Iceman. No one was really sure the complicated run information from Iceman but he was overheard to say as he had spent all day in the kitchen preparing gourmet food for the nosh instead of outsourcing the food so he had minimal time to set the run.

As you can see from the video the explanation is almost impossible to understand!! See if you can work it out how you can have 3 different runs?

Once again those excited words from Iceman as runners and walkers got instructions “to go that way for more detailed instructions??” that out!!.

The Run

The Runners with detailed instructions from Iceman then raced out in front of the walkers lead by Bent Banana and Botcho.

This may be for first time in recent Hash Run memory that Iceman’s plan may work as the runners and walkers grouped up under the bridge.

A slow amble across the road by the runners as they discussed what the arrows really meant .Then On On was called by 2 Dogs who seemed to know the trail.

Sir Black Stump reported it was a well-marked run with lots of chalk and a very good run even though it was short.

2 Dogs as always providing highly accurate information advised that the run was total of 4.84 Fu*#@ up and not the 9.6km promised by Iceman. He did note that most did not find the true trail so set and well hidden by Iceman.

He commented on the double arrows, false trail, check, false trail check, check back and here they were 4km later at the trailer.

For a change the detailed instructions and so called well-marked trail resulted in a total run Fu#%@ up.

Well done Iceman for unique run in the local area where many runs have occurred but no one could follow your trial.

The Run Finish

The tight finish with Ballpoint, Brewtus, Bent Banana, Josephine, 2 Dogs, Circumference, Rug, Fanny Charmer, Veteran, and Botcho in with the group of returning runners all at the same time.

Sir Black Stump maintained he did the whole run and that’s why he was back so late..he did note that he could not find any arrows so really not sure where he went !!!

Due to the short trail and good location no one was lost and within 28 minutes all runners were back to the trailer and to start finishing off the free red wine supplied by Sir Rabbit to celebrate his 1600 run. Great effort Sir Rabbit

The Long Walk

Shat reported that it was an excellent walk and for the first time in while that a walk had been actually well marked. Show Pony back on deck at last enjoyed the walk guided by Hard On, Slug, Rockhard, Sir AH and Swindler. Hard on immediately had a red wine as he viewed the missing Anaconda Sign.


The Winners Circle

The RA quickly got the Nosh Chef & Hare Iceman into the circle for a detailed explanation of the run and nosh.


The Losers Circle

“If only I could have run faster” commented Josephine “I would have beaten Botcho and 2 Dogs but I think I was the only one who did the full run.

The Great Aussie BBQ by Chef Iceman

At last a return to Gourmet Food as Iceman thought he looked set to take the pole position as Nosh of the Year.

Iceman advised that a large amount of pre hash food preparation was involved with top quality food, food quantity, presentation, time etc etc The Nosh had been produced as a result of his working all day in his kitchen.

Will this be the Nosh of the Year?

Grand Master Kitchen Bitch obviously very impressed at the quality and volume of the Nosh took over from Resident Food critic Rug and personally inspected each dish in great detail and gave the positive THUMBS UP!!

The Great Aussie BBQ Trailer Nosh Menu

  • Snacks from Aldi with dips to feed the immediate hungry ..great dips
  • Fresh Ham on Bone topped with mustard on French bread. delicious
  • BBQ meat patties & fresh bread rolls ..cooked to perfection
  • Fresh Chips & Fresh Salads .fresh and delicious
  • Pavlova, ice cream cones with sprinkles. ..sensational

6 7 8

The GM advised that Iceman well and truly produced the Nosh goods and produced a Gourmet Nosh. But for sure it was well over budget so thanks Iceman. Great to have back the Trailer Nosh Gourmet Food Quality.

Well planned and organised Iceman as the BBQ was excellent.

Josephine who has a the copyright on burgers did comment that “you should not have meat in the burgers”

The Circle

The group circled around the GM and Caustic in anticipation of another pending announcement with more freebies for the Hash members at the AGPU.

No such luck for RA Caustic once again immediately gave orders to the Booze Masters to prepare warm ice for any major or more particularly minor misdemeanour.

Icing Vengeance at its worst as RA Caustic goes into his final icing rage


Iceman ,You did not deserve this after the efforts of great Trailer Nosh and good run.


GM gave recognition for 2500 runs. Sir Rabbitt 1600 runs and Ferrett 900 runs with a DD. Then followed more DD


  • Visitors Opium and Blow Job
  • Returning runners Swindler & Crocodile
  • 2 Dogs for assisting Nasty after the fall into the ambulance
  • Iceman for telling a joke “ it was a Fuc#%* good run”
  • Rug for poor behaviour at Splinter Lunch
  • Link for failing to warn 2 Dogs of the Rock


Awarded by Fanny Charmer to Iceman after a great deal of deliberation and listing several deserving recipients who were not attendance the finally was left with only Iceman for giving a very short run. (Iceman, you did not deserve this !!!)

GM Report

  • Next week run by Sirs.another great run guaranteed. Need your GPS as in the bush
  • Bent Banana advised that Thirsty Thursday Weekend run soon as a …“Hash Weekend not to be missed “camping out at Canungra.
  • The GM advised that his missus attended her first hash function last weekend at the Anzac day bike ride. Thanks to Hard On advising Mrs KB of the Mankini episode it will also be her last Hash function.

At 9.20 after much laughter & frivolity it was the those familiar words of Ferrett that echoed over the assembled mob ……… End of CIRCLE

Link to Hash Pictures






Run 1955

Run: 1955

Date: 20/04/2015

Location: Main Beach

Hares: Carefree

Runners: 30

Run Report


Hareline extraordinaire VD deserves much credit for having the game plan, the nouse, the big idea of making CareFree the ‘Hare’ for the ‘Anzac Centenary’ Hash run. What foresight, what creative genius! True, many on the Gourmet Hash had questioned the decision but it became crystal clear that this was VD wisdom par excellence. The “absolute bloody debacle” (thanks very much SPV) of WW1 beautifully re-enacted by a man who lived through its most torrid and terrifying moments….and survived, battered and bruised, to live and tell the tale.

It is no secret that CareFree has long held the desire to one day ‘pass on the experience’ of his time on the Front line fighting the enemy, fighting for freedom, fighting…. for Australia.

Last Monday, Run 1955, Carefree’s dream became a reality.

It’s fair to say that the Gods smiled on him that day as the heavens opened up and cat and dogs pissed down on the pack as it assembled, much like the allied forces at Gallipoli, on Main Beach.

-“This is what it was like when we hit the Anzac Cove shore fellas” explained an emotional, choked up CareFree. “It was dark and it was wet and we were bloody cold. The storm made it impossible to see ahead of us so we stumbled forward aimlessly until we got to the cliff face.” He continued: “For tonight’s run; head down the beach for about a ‘k’ then head inland towards the bridge and then try to find your way home.”

But this would prove too big an ask for even the most hardened hashers; Swollen Colon was first to hoist the white flag and retreat back along the beach.

-“Fuck that” he said, “I lost me way a bit up the beach and came across this sign ‘BEWARE THE BIG BOA’. That was it for me.”

Not Tonight (Josephine) and Circumference followed, wet and muddy and holding up a buggered Rabbit.

-“Rabbit’s fucked” said a circumspect Circumference, “he can’t go on. We’re takin’ him back to camp for a beer and a good lie down.”

The rest was a procession in ramble retreat. No one found the washed-out trail and only a few found the bridge. Fanny Charmer found nothing, wondering aimlessly in the dark but smiling nonetheless. Eventually, in dribs and drabs, they made their way back… hopelessly lost, miserable, knackered… but happy to be alive.

Asked to comment on the campaign, Two Dogs struggled for words:

-“Difficult……………to know what to say really. Me mum taught me to say nothing if it wasn’t something nice so perhaps ‘a fucking fiasco’ is the best I can think of. I mean, it was a mess: blokes running around like chooks with no heads. A bloody disaster, we got smashed.”

A non-repentant CareFree explained:

-“When Admiral Commander Churchill ordered us to prepare for the assault I could see it was a fucked idea so I told him to go jump in the lake. There was no fucking way I was scrambling up that ridge with the fucking Turks taking pot shots at me. Winnie got plenty mad, imploring us to do it “for the Queen” but I never budged. I told him to go fuck himself, and his Queen while he was at it.”

BlueCard was asked to comment on the tucker and he too was found wanting:

-“Interesting…………” he said pensively “grizzle and gravy…… CareFree deserves much credit for cooking an authentic war dish but for me there was a distinct lack of protein and nutrients. Even on the Front, you could rely on the odd rat and a few mice to throw in the pot. That would have helped I think.”

GM KB ordered the troops into Circle formation and promptly requested Sir Arsehole to account for his lengthy ‘leave of absence’.

-“Convalescing Grand Master” said SAH. “My war injuries are coming back to haunt me. Incidently, I was on that same ship when CareFree give Church that gob full. I remember thinking then that if I happened to survive this war then I’d go live in Australia, a place which questions authority and values freedom of speech. I owe a great debt to CareFree and his ilk.”

RA Caustic was passed the baton and immediately called Swollen Colon in on the heinous charge of ‘deserting his Aussie mates’. His excuse that “I’m shit scared of snakes” was howled down and he was given a ‘down’. Fanny Charmer was charged for having the audacity to ‘question’ the generosity of the Hierarchy. Having ‘won’ a bottle of the best Stellenbosch Shiraz for his impersonation of a Chinese sportsman the previous week, Fanny decided to impress his better half with a fabulous French feed. But upon charging their glasses in celebration, a dismayed FC found that it contained water instead.

His indiscretion was further rewarded with the Prick-of-the-Week.

A thoughtful but very sad Truck Tyres (veteran of both the Korean and Vietnam Wars) was invited to pass on the USELESS garb.

-“Nothing disappoints me more than blokes deserting their mates. It is the lowest of the lows, totally bloody un-Australian. Swollen Colon deserted his mates and for that he stands condemned….. And he’s useless to boot!

And on that sober note, Moonbeams ended proceedings.




The Nosh

Carefree prepared something call snake hot pot



Link to Hash Pictures

February Splinter Lunch

Date: Friday 27th February, 2015
Host: Rug
Venue: Bella Donna Italian Restaurant. Southport

Attendees: 34

You should have been there. What another great day, Great food, excellent wine and even better company.

Rug had done a fine job in  booking Bella Donna. He had a full time job adding tables as more Hashers kept arriving. He even had a table set aside for  Birthday boy Caustic Crusader and his followers, who by the way failed to show up…Must have gotten a better offer!!!

Sir Point Two made a guest appearance with his usual two bottles of wine. I think that he was trying to keep up with Latrine who also was in attendance.

Sir Rabbit presented the new Splinter Hash Golf Trophy to Weekly and his team. Blue Card volunteered to host next month’s lunch.

At three thirty it was on the tram and into Surfers for a few thirsty hashers. Cold refreshing ale was consumed and a pool tournament started. Kwakka and Botcho finished up the champions and enjoyed the beer provided by the defeated teams.

Link to Hash Pictures




Look what I found


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