Date : 11th February 2013
Hare : Flasher
Venue : Tamworth Drive, Helensvale
Weeks to the delivery of my Cuban cigar – 6
Work intervened in my Hashing once more, so I was a little tardy in arriving at the venue. Consequently all I saw was the backs of the walkers heading up a grassy knoll with the words of Flasher hanging behind me on the gentle breeze. They were “I did this run just for you Rectum”.
Up the never ending hill some ran, some trudged and the rest wheezed. Over the top we emerged by the Movie World junction of the M1 where we crossed under the flyover. The trail, which was well marked, pointed off towards Wet and Wild hugging the motorway before indicating right into the depths of the salubrious Studio Village.
Skirting a fence line I had made my way to the pointy end of the pack and reached the first of a large number of checks. After finding no solution to the first two suggested directions I returned to the check and was a little puzzled as to where the rest of the pack were. Never saw the short cutting b#st%rds again.
Persevering on, I climbed more hills than Julie Andrews and being a cast of one, I had the privilege of searching out each and every check, becoming steadily more disheartened. Finally the trail lead back parallel to Binstead way at which point I observed the pedestrian bridge back over the motorway, beckoning to me like a mermaid on the rocks.
Once over the bridge, the trail lead along an ankle-breaking track suitable for Chamois or Range Rovers only. Sensing that home was not far away I began the climb towards the water tower, by now it was profoundly dark and without torch (yes I am an idiot) it wasn’t long before I was lost. As I began the descent from the tower I realized that even Bear Grylls would have given this route a miss. Thankfullly a kind citizen with a torch assisted me back to Discovery Drive, so I began the final 1k home. 10.94km according to Google earth.
It wasn’t long before I came across the massive search party, which was looking in earnest for me. They were eating at the venue, but just about to start looking.
Somebody once warned me about Flashers food, I think it was his wife, but when you are cold and hungry anything will do. Or so I thought. There was bread, noodles and a thin gravy containing copious quantities of beef, onions, bacon?, water chestnuts? The mixture had been cleverly cooked so that all the flavour was missing.
Dessert appeared to be some form of savoury mince and carrots with a béchamel topping. Flasher claimed it was trifle, if so it must have been inspired by Heston Blumenthal. Botcho polished his dish-full off, so it cant have been too bad.
Circle called (many times) the run was christened the ‘Inaugural Helensvale Shit House Run’ due to the vicinity of the local crapper. KB commented, “In that case the food was directly proportional to the location”
KB stated that the run was marked to perfection, Croc said that he had “walked the run” whilst Moonbeams gave the juxtaposition “I ran the walk”
A general onslaught by all was made in the direction of the food comments – Ferret “better than the corned beef and cabbage, but not much”, Rectum “the carrots were very tender”. Flasher retorted with the explanation that it was a true Italian dish: hence no garlic. Botcho Inquired if Italians use herbs and Moonbeams added do Italians use salt and pepper. Caustic felt the closest comparison to Italy was that it tasted like a roman thong. Rock Hard questioned if that was a G banger.
DD to Josephine by the GM for “shortest short cut”
Moonbeams – St Tropez and Thailand
Blue Card – not interesting
Point Two – honing crown green skills
Mother Brown – visiting UK, NZ
Ring Master – first hash in Australia
Kurt – Annual bludging at the GM’s
Botcho – for no apparent reason brought the GM a present (this weeks suckworth)
What’s a suckworth? According to Link about $35
RA’s moment in the spotlight, whilst travelling to hash last week saw a hasher in training – DD to Veteran for failing to secure transport to hash.
Aussie, sporting a ‘proud to be Aussie’ T-shirt proudly driving a new Japanese car.
DD to Ken, virgin runner, found us through the website, yes it does work.
Lengthy build up to Flasher getting a DD for supply of a banned hash liquid – Gossips wine.
DD to Croc for new shoes although Josephine’s looked much newer.
POW Caustic informed us that the mountain biking contingent were embarrassed somewhat when Shat, attempting a skid stop, was thrown from his machine, removing bark from the elbow and breaking a toe. Whilst the café full of patrons indicated scores a la ice-skating, Shat hurriedly remounted, set off and once more hit the tarmac halfway across the promenade, leaving one spectator to comment “should that man be riding a bike at his age?” I feel the pride may take longer to heal than the toe.
Do we really need this on our trash report Caustic. Not a pretty sight
Back to the POW, which meta-morphasised in to the Prick of Truth. This was Caustic’s attempt to ascertain who had turned the gas supply off, causing Flashers food to stop cooking and prompting an explosion (directed at Caustic) by Flasher that Krakatoa would have been proud of.
Sir Rabbit was fingered and in true ‘sir’ style (remember Slab from the other week) he immediately rolled and identified KB as the culprit. KB took it on the chin and quaffed the ale in good fashion.
Next weeks run Caustic at S.W. Labrador (Reedy Creek)
End of Circle by Moonbeams
Thanks to Flasher for a very long hilly run, no complaints here and for the unusual food choice, which he did by himself not as a team of six.
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.
Excellent words again Rectum !!! Your critique of Flasher’s culinary skills was superb but I’m surprised he hasn’t complained to anyone about your treatment of him. He seems to complain about everything else !!
Matt… “Droves”..that would be the right expression as you only feed fat old cows in your place.
Rockport Restaurants are world famous and Flasher’s Trifle is part of our success…
Eat your heart out Matt………..NP
I’m so pleased that my friend Neil Perry is serving “Flashers” Trifle at his restaurants. Customers will be leaving in droves and heading to my place for a top class meal. PS: we don’t serve trifle
I have many times sampled the Trifle made by “Flasher” and infact serve it up in all my restaurants and, as executive Chef for Qantas Airways, it is now served on board in first class.
Simple superb stuff!
Bon appetit… NP
Your write ups are consistently of a high standard Rectum; very thoughtful, mostly true and very funny – well done again!
By the way I did like Flasher’s trifle.
very funny report rectum!
if that was a julie andrews type run then the hills are alive with the sounds of ……bullsh?t.