YOU COULD BE BOOZE MASTER IN
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Hares: Swollen Colon
Run 1959 with Swollen Colon
18 May 2015
28 hashers eagerly waited for the run information from Swollen Colon at the back of his factory in Southport.
The circle layout was very different and looked interesting! Swollen Colon had partially demolished his factory and taken out all his ironing boards and distributed them in a wide arc around the carpark with an open fire stating to roar into life.
Looking good so far as Nosh and Run of the Year !!!
The video explanation has Swollen Colon trying to make all present believe that this was going to not only the Run of the Year but the Nosh of the Year.
The Video of Run Instructions
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This was to be a Run for Runners and a Walk for Walkers. An unusual plan so was still looking good for Swollen Colon as we got the run information. Once again those excited and repetitive words of let’s go that way!! The runners went one way while the walkers went the other way and the hashers took off in different directions…!!.
Would we all meet in the park area as Swollen Colon had advised he had a special surprise for us!!.Would it be a drink stop or a stripper waiting for us?? The lights of the runners appeared out of the dark toward the waiting van and Swollen Colon.
As the runners came up to the selected location we all waited for the drinks or the stripper to appear. Then in the quite of night it all happened.
Yes…this Swollen Colon is true pyromaniac. We all know that Swollen Colon has this propensity which leads an insane person to accomplish his purpose by letting of fireworks whenever he can as well as burning anything he can get his hands on.
The fireworks exploded in amazing display that lasted for 10 minutes. This was no doubts Swollen’s best pyrotechnic display of illegal fireworks and effort to date.
The park was ablaze in lights and sound, dogs barked, raced away from their owners and went crazy, people screamed, neighbours yelled out and Hashmen all gave a loud applause for Swollen Colon at this amazing display of sounds, lights and surprise.
As the sound of the Police helicopter could be heard in the distance, Swollen Colon advised everyone to piss off quick!!! ..The police helicopter circled the park with spotlight blazing trying to locate the culprits but the Hashers by this time were well on the way following the well-marked trails while Swollen Colon jumped in his van with Kwakka and raced back to the safety of his factory.
Back to Factory Circle
Well, we must give Swollen Colon 10 points out of 10 for the most unique circle of the year with ironing boards and a roaring fire.
The GM called all to order except those allowed to sit. Somehow a special dispensation was given to Botcho (sore back), Ferrett (sore legs from too much dancing at the Car Rally dance) and Show Pony (still in recovery mode from the operation on his back).
Truckie reported it was a great run with a total of 5.9Km in a time of 45 Minutes. Bent Banana as always providing highly accurate information advised that the run was not 5.9 Km but 6.5 Km so obviously he over-ran the checks or Truckie was a shot cutting Pri@## as Bent Banana insinuated!!
However for a change the detailed run instructions and well-marked trail resulted in a total run success and not the usual Fu###@@ up.
Well done Swollen Colon for excellent run in an area where many runs have occurred.
The Run Finish
Very tight finish with Josephine, Brewtus, Jigsaw and Sir Black Stump in with the first runners. Due to the well-marked trail and good location no one was lost and within the hour all runners were back to the factory around the fire.
Bent Banana commented that it was a prick of a run with the longest checks ever at any Hash run this year. He suggested that Swollen Colon needed to do more runs so he could keep up to take on latest Hash run rules.
Ferrett reported that it was an excellent walk and noted for the first time a walk had been actually well marked and runners and walkers joined up for the entertainment .Shat did the walk guided by Show Pony ,Hard On ,Blue Card, Swindler and once again the walkers had the honour of being accompanied by the GM. This was the second time this year so well done GM on getting so fit and healthy.
As expected this was an attempt to be the last chance of return to Gourmet Food as the Nosh of the Year. It sure looked good on the fire in big pots but what was in these big pots of food?.
Swollen Colon advised that a large amount of pre Hash preparation was involved with top quality food quality, food quantity, presentation, time etc etc etc etc … Would this be the Nosh of the Year ??? With Mrs Swollen proudly standing nearby, this Nosh was looking very good but for Swollen Colon was debatable as to the amount of effort and no outsourcing that he had contributed to this Nosh.
Could we ever forget Hash Crap with “Bring your own Tin of Food” which was rated the WORST Nosh of the year to date? This was looking a little reminiscent of that event with those big pots on the glowing fire. Oh Yeah!!!! Great to see Mrs Swollen standing with the Nosh Chef.
Resident Food critic Josephine was seen inspecting the food during the preparation and gave the THUMBS UP!!
- Great Curried Sausages and curried potatoes.
- Beans and peas excellent
- Beef Stew tasted good but bit tough.
- Desert of fresh fruit with lamingtons
Proudly Swollen Colon stepped forward to accept the accolades for this fine Hash food with Mrs Swollen proudly standing behind him. Well organised Swollen Colon as the food was excellent…maybe more outsourcing is the real answer to quality Hash Nosh.
Great to have the GM supervising the Nosh to keep up the Nosh Gourmet Food Quality.
The Winners Circle
The RA quickly got the Nosh Chef and Hare Swollen Colon into the circle for a detailed explanation of the run and nosh.
The group circled around ironing boards watching the GM and Caustic in anticipation of a pending announcement. No such luck for the Caustic immediately gave orders to the Booze Masters to prepare Ice for any misdemeanour. This was bad luck for Caustic as Weekly forget to bring sufficient ice.
- Sir Black Stump for selling his ranch and now fully cashed up again
- Truck Tyres for several offences including abuse of RA
- Ferrett on the Car Rally for showing disrespect to two old ladies on his way to the toilet
- Sir AH for upsetting Mrs Blackie on the Car Rally
- M Latrine for drinking all the red wine at the last 2 weeks hash
- Weekly for talking over the RA again
- Jigsaw and VD for talking in the circle
It appeared at last with Swollen Colon who promptly passed it to VD
Shat appeared wearing the POW and bought out a long list of potential candidates. VD once again had to take this treasured award on behalf of Aussie.
Once again with tears in his eyes the GM was touched by the gift from Sir Blackie of the bottle of sand from Somerset Dam. He is certainly a GM that appreciates his gifts from returning runners.
GM advised next week run will be at the Swindler Residence. All inclusive WINE BEER and 4 course Gourmet Meal $25..
Swindler & Blue Card Birthday .Dress TOP HAT
The AGPU is now fully booked and closed
At 8.55 after much laughter & frivolity it was the those familiar words of Ferrett, Botcho and Show Pony in unison that echoed over the assembled mob ……… End of CIRCLE