Hare: Botcho & Flasher
My ramblings today start with an idea…the Hash being largely about taking the piss…perhaps we ought to rename ourselves the Gold Coast “No Hills” Gourmet Hash. Why??? Because after tonight’s run, nothing could be further from the bloody truth!! I lost count after the sixth monumental incline, having nearly coughed up my lungs onto the path ahead of me, but the story must go on…..
Under the cover of night, as is usual in these wintery times, we all gathered in the quiet suburban park at the arse-end of Pacific Pines, called Flooded Gum Park but as 6.15pm rolled on in, we were still missing some runners, including Jigsaw, who had succeeded in getting himself well and truly lost in this frontier suburb! I must admit that the map on our website was wrong and indicated that the run started in Dumaresq Street, about 100 metres up the road. I was parked in that street and only found the right place when I spotted the Hash trailer dashing past and decided to follow it!
At about 6.20pm the hares, Botcho and Flasher gathered and told us “head up that way, the trail’s marked with some flour, some chalk on the bitumen and about twenty toilet rolls out in the bush”. With cries of “on on”, up the slope we headed…and up, and up and up and bloody up some more…since when are there mountains in Pacific Pines???
Was this somebody’s idea of a bad joke??? Half way up a 45 degree incline, somebody was heard to utter “this has all the hallmarks of Flasher having set it…the little prick!!”. At the top of each mountain peak there was a bloody check for goodness sakes! At least it allowed most of us to push our lungs back into our chest cavities and more or less stay together, although the break-away group did tend to leave the rest of the peleton behind somewhat.
After an hour or so, with home nowhere to be seen, someone said “you know, that little prick always stuffs up the time that he thinks we’re going to take to do his runs!”. Clearly Flasher runs the run at his pace as he’s marking it…and thinks we can all do it at the same lightning speed…either that or he truly is a sadistic little prick who deserves to be iced for his efforts!
Anyway, late in the night, at about the time that we normally wind up proceedings, we were all back at base camp, all of us, virtually without exception, cursing “the little prick” for his efforts in setting a run that would have challenged candidates for the SAS! Sir Rabbit and a few other stragglers came back in very late….a few minutes more and a search party would have been sent out for them.
Flasher..you’ve done it again…a challenging c### of a run but we expected nothing less, …Josephine’s comment makes an appropriate closing statement… “an hour and a half of absolute fucking misery!!”.
Given that tonight we were commemorating the birthday of Sir Rabbit’s hero, Bugs Bunny, who is now aged 75 years, there was a “rabbit” theme to everything…including the entrée soup, which I am told was carrot soup, despite the fact I thought it was a bloody great pumpkin soup! Like last week’s soup, it was served with sour cream and garnished with herbs..class act guys, it really is! Again many of us went back for seconds and thirds of the soup…this SRS (Slug/Rug/Shat) diet is having a strange effect on our Hash!
Mains was…well….late!!!!!! At 8.45 there was still no main course. Botcho was heard to say “this barbeque’s fucked!…we need a new one!”..The response from our learned RA.. “come Christmas we either get strippers or a new BBQ!!”. All and sundry were carrying on about the fact that we were well and truly going to miss Q&A on the ABC.
In the end we got served up a nice schnitzel…to me it tasted like chicken but others said it had been so overcooked that it could have been anything! Still, it was filling and constituted a hearty meal on a cold night by the fire! The veges were so obviously out of a packet and sourced from Aldi..and the spuds…did anyone have any?? I saw a great quantity of them left over and Botcho cursing… “all these stupid pricks on this bloody stupid SRS diet!!” (which precludes potatoes).
Dessert…bloody carrot cake!! What else could it be on such a night!
Best summation of the meal tonight…Ferrett… “I think I’ve got bloody food poisoning from tonight’s meal!” sorry Botch!! But why let the truth stand in the way of a good story
First of all, my humble apologies to our San Francisco visitor…Hot Dick…he pointed out that I had mistakenly called him Hard Dick in last week’s words and assures me that it is never hard but always hot.
Noted by their absence from the circle tonight are Caustic, KB and Hard On…rumour has it that they all got a better offer of social intercourse at Hash head office…one has to wonder about these blokes!!
Welcome back to all the Simpson Deserters…glad you’re all back in one piece.
The down-downs for circle tonight..yes, believe it…carrot juice!!!!
Comment on the run from Bent Banana… “it was so long I had to stop half way for a snack..I ate the carrot!”.
Josephine copped a belated down-down and trophy presentation from the GM for last year’s “run of the year”…and the words from the GM “thank goodness that piece of shit is now out of my garage!”.
Welcome to Colonel Klink, a member of this Hash apparently, but he only surfaces every 22 years or so. Also welcome returning runners Fullershit, Bluecard, Now loved, Truckie, Josephine and Brewtus….oh the carrot juice flowed freely!!
Gifts for the GM..an envelope full of bulldust from the Simpson from Bluecard and a laminated photo of VD’s Range Rover stranded on a sand dune from Fullershit. Now Loved, in a real suck-up gesture, presented the GM with a very nicely adorned gold headpiece.
All of that rubbish pales into absolute insignificance compared to Brewtus’ gift to the GM from Vietnam…a beautiful multi-faced sculpture with the faces of Buddha on it…very flash Brewtus, very flash!!
Sir Rabbit took a down-down for being Bugs Bunny’s representative on his birthday. Bring on the carrot juice!!
The RA presented the “Useless” shirt to Truckie (it might as well be made his permanently!) for his useless efforts out in the Simpson Desert….his name may well be changed to “bush tucker man”.
RA also called Shat out the front for a down-down for the most piss-weak effort on the rabbit theme tonight.
Other charges..from Miscarriage to the hares… “why did we have to wait so long for the fucking food tonight?”.
Sir Prince Valiant and Sir Rabbit were called out for….[can’t read my own scribble..sorry]
Shat got a down-down for being a millionaire for a day.
….and that is about it!!!
Circle ended with the usual rendition by Moonbeams, accompanied by Showpony and Josephine.
Next week’s run will be KB…reminder…KB get the clean pots from Botcho! They’re not in the trailer!!
I woke up a little sore this morning.
I wonder why?
Can you guess?
Yes – two very sadistic heartless hares set a trail last night that was up and over several of the highest ridges in Pacific Pines, having no consideration, sympathy or compassion for us ageing group of runners. Rest assured that your names were indeed mentioned in despatches, at many of the steep areas going up and during the loose stones going downhill. Not to mention at three very callous false trails, that caught me & some others!
The only redeeming factor was that you had to do the rece three times – I hope you suffered!
By the way, that cake was excellent!
Rumour has it there may be future icings for several hashers who went AWOL from the Bugs Buggy Birthday themed run. Apparently they found something better to do on the Monday night. Time will tell whether the rumour becomes a T -rumour.