Hare: Kitchen Bitch & Caustic Crusader
Tonight’s run had a bit of a shitty start for yours truly…pulled into Moonbeams’ driveway to pick him up and his downstairs neighbour came up the driveway, totally shitfaced drunk, stumbled against my car and snapped the left hand side mirror…f##king prick!!! Not a good start, but such is life…and more on damaged cars later…….
The run tonight started from the Currumbin Eagles RLFC at Galleon Way, Currumbin Waters, with our hares being KB and Caustic and a total contingent of 29 runners and walkers fronting up for the evening. To quote KB “I am getting my revenge on you pricks…the distance you’ve had to drive to get here to the Southern end of the coast is how far I have to drive when you pricks set runs at the northern end of the coast, so f### youse all!!”…this was going to be an interesting night. . It needs to be said at the outset that the hospitality of the club in allowing us to use their facilities, including their kitchen, was generous beyond description and our thanks to “Pat the Rat” and the other staff and members of the club. They helped to make this a great night!
The run was described by the hares as being one with lots of variety, hills, shaggy, deep creek crossings and coming with a warning not to fall into the deep canals as “they’re full of bloody bull sharks!!”. Great!! This WAS going to be really interesting!
At 6.15 sharp, with the cries of “on on” we were off and running up Galleon Way, soon to come to one of the many checks with lengthy false trails with the “on backs” feeling like they were at least a kilometre up the road. “Pricks! Bloody pricks!!” several were heard to utter as they raced back to the checkpoint to get back on trail. At one stage, Blackie cursed the hares…. “there’s a shitload of bush around here and they’ve got us running up and down roads!”.
Yours truly at least felt that the run was do-able and not the punishment that was last week’s run…and thanks must go to Bent Banana who commented “gee, you’re running well this week Fanny Charmer” as I kept up with the front break-away pack…well, at least on the downhills!! A final punishment came on the last leg though, as Caustic appeared soon after we had all crossed a wet and hazardous weir, indicating that “up ahead you’ll see a box with a sign on it…take a left at the box”..yeah, a bloody left straight into a mangrove swamp where we were all up to our ankles in…well, smelly swamp mud! Blahh!!! It stank, and so did we all. There we all were, traipsing through the mud, relying on cries of “this way you blokes!” from Miscarriage, who had gone on ahead…and just as we exited the swamp, there was the club where the sweet smells of cooking food were wafting into the air…hooray! We’d survived it!!
Off to the communal tap to wash our feet (leaving our shoes and socks on) so that we didn’t stink everybody out. In all, a great run and I am also led to believe that the walk was not too shabby either. Well done Caustic and KB..a great team effort…but we could have done without the bloody disgusting, smelly shaggy…and how environmentally unfriendly to have us trampling the mangroves…dear oh dear…I thought this Hash was going green!
The giant crab hanging off KB’s crotch as he led us off on the run should have been a clue….hors d’oeuvres consisted of giant crabs done “a la chilli” on a bed of lettuce leaves and with all but one being from the surrounds of Showpony’s houseboat at Hope Island Boat Harbour…and according to KB, Showpony has no idea of how to sex crabs…hence tonight’s catch represented about $35,000 in fines for catching females…hope you enjoyed them guys! The prize for the most determined to extract every last morsel out of his serving was Moonbeams, who sat there determinedly smashing at the crab with his knife..it was exhausting just watching him!!
Onto the first course of Carrot soup with sour cream and garnished with parsley…clearly there was a shitload left over from last week’s run…not bad, but we all complained that it wasn’t hot enough…and what’s with the plastic bowls??? Remember, there is an amnesty only until the end of the month and that’s it…no more plastic bowls..when this lot is gone, it’s gone..byo bowls, eat out of the palm of your hands or go without..you’ve been warned!!
Mains consisted of veal Marsala on a bed of very soft potato mash with carrots on the side and baked prosciutto garnish…very nice indeed, although a few of the diehard whingers were heard to complain that it was too tough!! What does it take to please some people??? Of course those of us on the SRS diet went easy on the mashed potato or refrained entirely.
Did somebody just mention diet???…it was momentarily forgotten when dessert came around…top shelf ice-cream, choc chips on top, raspberry sauce and chopped strawberries…burrrpppp!! What diet????? Botcho was seen to be giving a significant helping hand at the trailer, particularly on the dessert.
The GM commenced proceedings by calling the hares out to the front, but where was Caustic??… “I’m in the pisser and I’m enjoying myself!” came a voice from the adjacent toilet block. A well deserved down-down for these guys on a good run.
Moonbeams was called out the front and congratulated on 200 metre walk which took him all of three and a half minutes! A top effort Moonbeams, you do us proud!..apparently those who did the full walk (described as the “wobblies’ walk) apparently came in a full five minutes later than Moonbeams.
Miscarriage was asked to comment on the run, which, totally out of character, was described in very subdued terms as “a pretty good run”. Describing the shiggy through the mangrove swamp, he said “I didn’t want to be in the swamp on my own so I kept calling on-on and everyone followed me, even though I had no f##king idea where I was going!!”. Of course Caustic, there to direct us into the swamp, made sure we went through the shittiest bits. Miscarriage had reason to be jubilant and announced in the circle that the Hash retirement village in Sihanoukville has been approved, as has the Miscarriage Mansions development at Gilston.
Mumbles made a comment about the entrée crabs…(I had to ask somebody what he actually said..I didn’t get a word of it)…”a bowl of prawns would have been better!!”.
Sir Prince Valiant was called out the front to demonstrate the damage done by rats to his “el cheapo” Chinese 12V light transformers…almost eaten all the way through…aren’t you feeding them properly SPV???
Our esteemed RA then took centre stage and immediately called Blue Card out the front for his outstanding signs of utter stupidity on the Simpson’s Desert adventure…and for still having Simpson’s Desert mud on his Rangie, as well as his extra spare wheel.
Swindler took a charge for hierarchy abuse….and Miscarriage took one for arranging to have his architectural drawings done by Romanian contractors at $5 an hour and at the same time upsetting one of our former Hashers, Ballpoint.
The RA, in the spirit of fairness, took a down-down himself for managing to avoid the swamp shiggy on the run…Two Dogs has NEVER been known to shortcut!…guess you can’t get the floormats in the new Merc dirty!!
Lurch called out the front to present a lovely BBQ set to the Hash, which was then promptly re-gifted to the Currumbin Eagles RLFC for their generosity to us tonight. Onya Lurch!!
Blackie handed his coveted Prick of the Week award to Circumference for his shameless arrogance in bullying Ferrett… “get me a bowl of soup Ferrett!”…the award was also for Circumference taking the biggest serving of the crab entrée….no wonder I didn’t get any!! Whatever happened to the yard glass by the way…what the f### is happening to this hash?????
A well deserved down-down for “Pat the Rat”, who opened up the club for our use tonight…he is a former Hasher from Irian Jaya and East Timor and several other exotic locales…so why the bloody hell aren’t you in our Hash??? Pat gifted a hat and a beanie to the gathering…Josephine scoring the hat and Slug the beanie…very becoming of you both!!
Next week’s run…Josephine…1 Stadler Court, Parkwood….AND BRING YOUR OWN CHAIR IF YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN AS THERE WILL BE NO TRAILER.
End of Circle…courtesy of Moonbeams
Post Script…..as Rock Hard was leaving the car park he collected the “Keep Left” sign in the middle of the road (It says “keep left” for a reason!!)…hope that it all gets sorted quickly and without any hassle…we all feel for you RH…it is so easy for these things to happen and I am sure I speak for all of us…if there’s anything we can do, just yell out!