Hares: Flasher & Rug
Well, what can I say….tonight’s words are brought to you largely by Mme Latrine, who, having done the words for me last week was very keen to continue his wordsmithing training and begged me to let him do the run words, so here you have it…courtesy of Mme Latrine…and yes, the issue of succession planning has crossed my mind!!!….once you’ve read the run words, the circle and nosh bit are all mine…..
This week’s gathering saw the return of Dish Licker and the presence of Oui Oui (This pronounced wee wee – no Freudian slip here – that’s how it’s pronounced in French). Oui Oui was sporting his ever faithful battery box with four frosty cans of Carlton Draught inside. He seemed quite pleased with this lunch box of sorts and alluded every Hash man should have one. Booze master Weekly was busying himself to assure everything revolving around drink for others was in order and had a selection of bottled wine amongst other goodies. Noticeably missing was Kitchen Bitch who was off celebrating his birthday elsewhere and therefore no Crownies for his beloved Hashmates.
The hare Flasher was present – looking somewhat bedraggled with the remains of a heavily soiled menstrual pad and further 8 bandages plastered over his face and neck. With willful intent.
Flasher addressed the semi attentive slovenly gathering, it was all in vane as the local kookaburras drowned out his run instructions as they hissed, laughed and made light of Flasher and his run ideas- holding hands! Really, What’s next? Botcho called out .
That written, all paid serious attention to him as no one had forgotten the poison pie debacle that ensued from not heeding what Flasher had to impart to his colleagues just a few weeks back.
There’s an old and famous saying in German that states: “Erfahrung hat kein Ersatz” (experience has no substitute) and Flasher, with his decades of Hashing the World over, surreptitiously was going to give credence to this addage. He alleged a run of hills, war memorials, parks, plateaus, infrastructure, road, shiggy, a pub stop, nature and more on a run WELL MARKED with flour, paper and chalk.
He called Fanny Charmer and Latrine into the circle to show how to hold hands to extricate a mate from the shiggy; noting that a regroup would somehow be mandatory. Several of the gathered infidel horde could clearly be heard hissing condescending pejorative(s) like ” yeah right; fuck off” and worse. Undaunted, Flasher pointed westward and the dysfunctional tribe was told that walkers would have to do the trail and just come back when they’d had enough.
The letter P with an arrow to the left signaled the Helensvale Bowls club but with it being so early in the run – compounded with the fact GM Rugg ‘ s Missus is known to gamble there – kept the Hashers’ on trail but wondering if the missing Caustic Crusader had gone straight there to drink vs run.
Overlooking the war memorial set a few off trail but Black Stump herded the FRB’S to the left and back on trail as Sir Rabbit tooted from the back. The first check it out fooled the pack and Latrine lead the pack on on – only to land in FT. When Sir Two Dogs was asked at the false trail point was this the regroup place he retorted “fuck off, we’re going”. And it was on back and on up with Brewtus and Bent Banana looking very fit. Another check it out left Truckee the front running Bastard until Sir Botcholism caught up.
Sir Botcholism aimed his torch hard to the left as we entered the forest to see at least 15 kangaroos – all in a trance with their collective noses covered in white powder. I, myself, hadn’t seen that much white powder on noses since the weekend cocaine parties back in my years at uni! Seems the Roos had tucked into the copious quantities of flour laid by Flasher.
It was on in to the forest and Flasher had plotted revenge on virtually everyone taller than him as the foraging branches hung under one meter in places. Before the pack could stand erect to run – there was shiggy galore. The front running Bastard Sir Botcholism had soggy, maggot infested Roo Poo all down the calves of his legs and was heard to incessantly murmur ” Flasher getting the ice….Flasher ‘ s getting the ice…..”
It was out of the forest and into a park but the trail was still inside the treeline. After crossing a grassy knoll, the front running Bastards ALL DISAPPEARED into an abyss of Kunai grass!! More shiggy! Iceman was overheard to comment ” what a GREAT run!” And was he ever right. Or was it left? as we veered again under and near the railhead. Sir Two Dogs nearly wet himself as he was incessantly and constantly accoladed by the perimeter pooches who howled with pleasure that one of their canine cousins was on the loose with his own pack in tow.
Just 42 minutes after it had all begun, hounds and hares began returning to the mosquito infested fold. The hare to his credit, had put together a magical run that virtually no-one had been able to (or even DARED) to shortcut. He had also utilised no less than 40kg of flour and chalk as there were markings and arrows every 5 to 8 metres. The foregoing, compounded with sections of virgin trail all pointed clearly to the fact that this had been the run of the year!!!………
Fanny Charmer here again….run of the year???????? Oh dear, I think Mme Latrine should have stopped at one bottle of wine on the night as his judgment has obviously been affected!!!
What Mme Latrine forgot to also mention was that it was of course timely that as we were being given the run briefing by Flasher, a mob of kookaburras came to rest on a tree branch directly above Flasher and started cackling their heads off with laughter…they must have known what Flasher had in store for us and we were sure that they were laughing at us!! The walkers were well catered for tonight… “you blokes walking just follow the runners’ trail and when you get sick of it, just turn around and come back”…gee, that gives me so much to look forward to when I retire from the ranks of the runners and become a Hash walker…ohh, the excitement that awaits me!!
Rug, our master chef tonight described the nosh as being a “belated St Pat’s celebration of all things Irish”….starting with entrees of Irish Potato Cakes, drawing the response from Rock Hard of “now I know why they had a famine!” and this was then followed by a lovely Irish stew although it proved somewhat problematic for those who had neglected to bring their own dinnerware and had to rely on paper plates provided by the Hash…oh dear, there were certainly spills aplenty of the quite soupy broth, but for those of us with deep bowls, it proved a lovely treat……...Dessert was a lovely apple and barley sweet, with cream on top…some of us had thirds and then took some home for adorable spouses!
Our GM welcomed us all to a belated St Paddies day run..and Mme Latrine was asked for his rating of the run…”an excellent fuckin’ run..fuckin’ goddam excellent!”…well, obviously a night for superlatives!! Flasher was absolutely speechless at the praise being praised on him! The GM considered that we were indeed lucky that the tide was out tonight otherwise we actually would have been up to our arses in shiggy.
Now-Loved commented that the walk was “really good”…gee, that’s insightful of you NL!! Another insightful comment came from Sir Prince Valiant… “the nosh was really nice!”….I am truly overwhelmed by the love being spread tonight…whatever happened to Hash being a piss-take??….Showpony, please come back…Caustic Crusader, please come back!!!!
Flasher was called out the front to be suitably embarrassed for obviously being the subject of a newspaper article in the Sydney papers…a flasher was exposing himself to all and sundry…yep, that’s our Flasher!!
Next out the front…all who have ever shared a room with Magician were called out…Sir Slab, Truckie and Now-Loved, all describing in detail Magician’s penchant for dropping his dacks with little reason ever needed…I will attest to this..I’ve seen him in action in the Philippines too!…a well deserved down-down!! And you’ve learnt your lesson Sir Prince Valiant..don’t ever introduce young ladies to Magician again!!
Miscarriage came out the front in usual style (yawn, yawn!) to castigate Mme Latrine for being the narrator on the run tonight…then out came Magician again, apologising for neglecting to tell us that he has just begun to feel 100% fit again after Showpony’s chilli pies several weeks ago….is this issue never going to go away???
Our visitors Oui Oui (as Latrine has already said in his words, that’s “wee wee” in French) and Magician came out for a down-down…(why is Magician still ranked a visitor…he’s one of us and he’s back!!!)..any bloody excuse for a drink!
Truckie has this week forgotten..wait for it…the Prick of the Week award…some lame excuse about his car getting fixed and it still being in the car.
Next week’s run…around the corner from my joint as it turns out….Blackie’s run from Monaco Street, Broadbeach Waters.
That’s all folks!!
Fanny Charmer …….and Madamoiselle Latrine