The venue was the Broadwater Parklands beside the Southport Aquatic Centre. In the absence of the hare , Kwakka gave instruction for the pack to head north along the Broadwater. As normal although almost 30 hashers assemble, only about one-third actually seem to be ever out running and looking for arrows. So I figured, in a roving reporting role this year I would randomly join the other two-thirds on some Mondays and this evening would be the first of these reports and get the lowdown of what actually the majority of those so called hashers get up between 6:15 pm and 7:00 pm.
I soon found myself on trail walking along with Blue Card, Ice Man and Fanny Charmer. As we headed up towards CSI and BWS, we were joined by Fullershit, Weekly and Sir Rabbit. I was shocked that I had to explain to some what these acronyms actually meant considering drinking piss forms such a prominent part of their hashing lives. After
arriving at a check of three circles , presumably some type of a extra terrestrial check, we headed north and proceeded through the Twin Towers entrance of Chinatown in the Southport CBD. As we passed numerous dining venues of all sorts of cultural persuasion, we were intercepted by a Thai female rushing out from what could be best described as a rub and tug venue which just happened to have bags of “potting mix” displayed for sale as well. She screamed out – C’mon (or was it Cum On) Young Man towards Sir Rabbit and Blue Card, who face expressions were priceless as they seemed to say – Who Me ? without even opening their mouths.
So we soon got the flock out of there and swung back in the direction of the Southport Mall where Sir Botcho was sighted heading for home at 18:41 pm. Continuing through Australia Fair, we soon headed around the back of the Aquatic Centre towards what looked like a Flashpacker’s Rosies Kitchen from a distance but was actually all returned hashers hooking into chips, dips and beverages. It wasn’t long before the nosh of beef, vegetables and rice was being consumed by all. Our ice sponsor(Woodsie) all dressed up in his Origin Blues clobber made a guest visit and told Weekly about his night out at a Sydney Origin match years ago where there seemed to be more biff off the field around him than actually on the field. Custard and lamingtons were then served up and some whinging hashers wanted the coconut taken off theirs.
The GM called the circle and Two Dogs reported that the 7-8 runnners (that’s even less than one-third) ran together for about 5 klms down to the Southport Tigers, through the medical precinct, Southport Central and back to the Broadwater Parklands.
Down downs opened with Hard On, Moonbeams, Woodsie and Sweat Hog were called just before for Swindler’s Snout in Trough abuse.
The RA announced his first appearance with his water filled weapon of mass destruction squirting all in his sights.
Sir Botcho, made his first appearance to the circle as joint 2016 Hashman with Sir Slab. Then in what could only be described as a conga line of farcuppers for forgetting Show Pony’s 600 runs milestone, the whole previous committee was called out . Even Moonbeams was called out as for the absent Missing Link as his proxy.
Blue Card was asked to do some pirouettes in his Rudolf Nutcracker Nureyev tights which he performed admirably on the concrete surface. Media moments from recent GC Bulletin commentary and stories by the GM,Shat’s conman alias and Swindler’s twin brother earned them a drink in the circle.
Finally the elephant in the room moment arrived when Rug and Hard On were called out and asked to please explain their bromance moment as Hash photographed and recorded indelibly in the minds of the young Broadbeach police constables who just arrived to drive by as the couple exited the AGPU restaurant. Lest we forget or maybe best we forget and just move on for those hashers who may have been left in a state of a shock and trauma.
Iceman was next up to explain the ding to his forehead which he explained the because of the wind (not sure whether it was his or mother natures), the angle of the dangle had caused him to somehow get into a shit fight with his recycling bin. He didn’t tell us how the bin pulled up after colliding with his tough old nut.
Kwakka got the first CRAFT award for the year for non recognition of the new committee’s correct roles. No doubt there will be a few of them this year for a couple of weeks.
Flasher’s back firing charge of not calling on the run resulted in the surprise of the night when Swollen Colon was for the first time called out as a Chipmonk along with Botcho, Flasher, Hot Dick. It was only a matter of time before Swollen decided to fire up the circle and this time he blew the head off the chook on the totem pole which was captured live and free on the CCTV cameras for Dicky Knee’s security company to watch at a later night.
Rug as outgoing GM was awarded the POW for his efforts over the previous twelve months.
With an overall rating of 9.5 given to Hard On for the RHPR1(Rock Hard Party Run One) the bench has certainly been set high for the remainder of the hashers this year.
Yours in hashing
G’day Ball Point
It is always good to get feedback but it might be time to get yourself a new shrink if his diagnosis and assessment of your intellectual capacity to spot BS may be flawed as about one -quarter of the report was actually BS. If I increase the BS content much more, the rest of the hashers who actually attend on the Monday evenings will start thinking about making appointments with your previous shrink as they will be wondering if they were somewhere else on Monday evenings when they read the reports. So as you can see a fine balance between the truth and BS needs to be maintained to keep some credibility and more importantly the sanity of hashers who may over indulge on the extracts of hops and grapes from time to time and as the aging process and CRAFT sets in, they rely on the Hash Flash and On Sec to keep them up to speed on what was close to what may or may not have done on the previous Monday evening. After awhile I am sure if you read reports of just BS week in /week out, they boredom factor would kick in because as we all know in hash, most of the things that often happen seem unbelievable (and maybe BS) actually happened. For example , can you tell me when was the previous time two male hashers walked home hand in hand in public ? I rest my case, or should I say pen.
That should read ‘trust him with my wife’….
My shrink tells me (and I trust ‘I’m with my wife) that I possess the intellectual ability to pick the difference between wild honey and shit…..
To that end Circumference, far too much wild honey for mine….and wild honey is sooooooooooo last year!
BRING ON THE BULLSHIT OLE SON!
There is real farccup blooper in the last line this report – the RPR1 should read as the Rock Party Run One.
I will give myself a down down watching the SOO on Wednesday evening.
A bloody great run report Circumference!! You do the position proud!!…One thing though, you don’t know your North from your South…we headed South into Southport, not north along Scarborough!!