Location: Mermaid Waters
Hare: Brewtus & Weekly
Just who was Ossie Keegan on the GC to have a park named after him and even more flattering to have a hare’s run from that venue crossed the mind of several hashers as they checked on the direction to get to Mermaid Waters. The tables and chairs were all set up in a Last Supper style configuration when most of the pack had arrived.
The hare announced to all that he would look after the runners and lead them to the high points and low points of the run while Sir Slab would lead the walkers on a fairly similar trail. It wasn’t long until the pack went past the tennis courts and soccer fields of the Bob Singh Sports Complex. This run seemed to have more named sponsored parks than in a USA city. Elvis couldn’t believe his luck when he saw a five a side soccer match between the red and blue shirts and as he got a bit of white line fever from the sideline markings took the field and began dribbling an invisible ball downfield. Then one of the real players seeing that Elvis had invaded the pitch ,announced in some European accent – Quick, get the Pokiemon !
After passing the skateboard park at the rear of Burleigh Bears, we were greeted by the sight of Flasher running around and yelping like some bitser mutt at the pound. He had managed to get himself into some metal caged gated carpark and couldn’t work out the PIN number on the keyboard to get himself out. The sincere care factor of all the hashers who passed him quickly surfaced when concerned about his welfare – as one hasher was heard to say – Fuck him, as he got himself in there, he can get himself out of there. So that was the end of that and the pack pushed on still going east and away from home. A concerned Fanny C at 19:00 EST asked the hare if we climbing the hill at North Nobby and the muffled reply from the hasher was inaudible due to the noise of the passing traffic on the GC Highway. So it was not long until the pack had actually regrouped on top of the hill and began a tour of Miami SHS. For most of the pack, who had never really got up close and personal to the HI MIAMI HIGH sign before but had regularly seen all the young short skirted pubescent blonde surfie chicks coming and going from that school, a tour of the whole school was something new especially as the rear of the premises is a bit of a minefield construction site all pegged out for the next education revolution.
A quick sprint down Pacific Avenue/Sunshine Avenue soon had all home for refreshments and the entrée of pygmy speared cheese, kabana and cocktail onions, a sure fire way to fire up the farting. Next on the three course menu was a hot beef and potato stew with crusty bread rolls(that some hashers imagined they were having with their stew). As VD and M’Link missed out on a seat with the big people, they dined by themselves at the table for the little people. Peaches and ice-cream followed and by this stage, most hashers were hoping they wouldn’t get a down down in the circle as they full up to the brim. Dicky Knee, on day release from Jenny Craig, remarked that the food is so bloody good, you just can’t stop eating it. At 19:30 he was even getting excited about the prospect of going home early and being able to watch Master Chef Aust on the box , apparently it is a form of therapy for those going through withdrawal after a Jenny Craig FA stint (Foodaholics Anonymous).
A five minute warning from the GM of the pending circle brought all to attention to stash the chairs and tables in the back of Weekly’s ute. First up in the circle were Brutus and Weekly. Fanny C enjoyed the well marked run but not the hare lying about going up the North Nobby hill. Josephine remarked that there was a thrifty use of markings on the walk. Shat’s critique on the nosh was – pretty good, I got seconds and loved the cocktail onions.
The returning runners, namely Elvis, Jigsaw (jiggy or even shiggy were names he got as he stepped up) and Fuller Shit were soon explaining where they had been. Jigsaw said it was Nice to be home, Fuller had been fishing and Elvis advised that he is just visiting as he continues his 2016 Fanatics World Sports Tour. The Tour De France, Euro 16 and next up the Rio Olympics is an even better gig than an ESPN/Fox Sports cameraman would score in a year. Elvis is looking forward to catching up with Sydney harriette, Cold Pussy(aka Ms Kitty Chiller), Australia’s Chief De Mission, in Rio. She has been in touch with him to see if he can offload his spare Olympic event tickets to encourage multi-skilled hashers like Miscarriage,Weekly, Bouncer and even Girls to come out of retirement and help out with the wiring and sewerage problems in the Olympic Village. As the previous committee had once remarked, if you can’t get our hashers to even go to Boonah, you have no chance of getting them to join Elvis in Rio.
Botcho got his 1000th run T-shirt which should be framed and go straight to his pool room as although it has been an investment of over $20 grand, it is sure to be worth a lot more in years to come.
The GM announced the long list of piss ups between now and the early May AGPU including the apparently previously committee sworn to secrecy surprise 70th Birthday Party for Botcho which the only hashers who were surprised by it’s announcement to all in the circle were the committee members judging by the look on Shat’s face.
The RA then stepped up to the plate to take the piss out of our hash athletes far easier than how the Russian drug testers used a mouse hole take the piss out of their athletes. Hard-On, Miscarriage and Two Dogs were called out for their Lost and Found moments of leaving their property behind on the previous week’s run. Flasher and Elvis were next up for their antics on the run.
Prior to the circle, as the carryover POW realised he had forgotten to bring the POW, he sought advice from his legal team on how he should manage damage control from any possible fallout from his misdemeanour. It was decided to use a slightly altered version of the old chestnut – Teacher, the dog ate my homework. So when the POW was called, up came current POW, Brutus, who announced confidently, hoping to sucker in all, that he had a few leads on nominations that he needed to follow up on and would be carrying it over until next week. A few old wise heads thought they might have smelt a rat with that lame excuse but all in all he managed to sell it pretty well to the circle.
It was later suggested to Brutus by his legal team that although he might survived this week, it would not be good idea to push his luck with that defence beyond that evening
and to get his shit together for next week or be crucified by the smell blood in the water hash circle.
Sir Rabbit advised that Moonbeams is the Splinter lunch hare this month and Nicolinis (Surfers Paradise) is the venue for this Friday’s event.
Josephine closed the circle and RPR6 came to a close, well at least for some. The Northern Alliance then had to endure a stressful trip home something like a Winter Olympics slalom course with more cones than a Nimbin hash circle along Bermuda Street/Southport Broadbeach Road from Broadbeach Waters to Smith Street at Southport. Hundreds of workers, some high vis others not so high were dodged but thankfully none ended up on the bonnet.
NEW TO THE TRASH – Media Fact Check
A man who was reportedly found dead in a WA Hungry Jacks toilet is believed to have been dead for three days which sounds a bit like a Whopper to me especially when one of our former hashers Droop was found asleep in the toilet at McDonalds(Loders Creek) after just three hours on a Gold Coast Marathon day when he had to go after consuming a quite a few ales after running. Sounds like it is probably worth remembering that if you need to go in a hurry the best idea is to go to a Maccas Latrine otherwise you could be left for dead in the opposition’s dunnies. The burgers may be better at Hungrys but the care factor is absolutely shithouse something like the Rio Olympic village toilets which have also failed the stress test.
Yours in hashing