In a week where hashers had the choice of staying home on a Monday night and watching Australia going for Olympic gold in the men’s hairy underarm bowling or the women’s events like the cockless foursome, parallel parking, sorry bars or the mind changing grope n’ snatch from Rio, a good turn up of hashers assembled at the well known GC crime fighter Mr Christopher Walker’s cave of filed cases (aka the Phantom with his pet wolf, well his mutt Devil).The hares’ instructions were –
The run was turn RIGHT and do RIGHT turns
The walk was LEFT and do LEFT turns.
After a quick sprint around Trinity College and Ashmore City, all,bar one, were home. Missing Link almost rolled over on a corner and as he went down ,down, he oversteered and corrected as if nothing had happened.
The meals on wheels delivery service soon had hashers chewing on chicken ,meat balls and spring rolls. Next up a very hot Asian dish and dessert of cake, Tim Tams and yoghurt.
The GM got the al fresco outdoor dining furniture put away and fired up the circle.
The hare got the following feedback – from Bent Banana – a run just right for old bastards, from Weekly – I now my LEFT and from Weekly (as my body is now a temple), – I’m guilty of not having any Tim Tams. Late returner Truck Tyres spoke on both as he had apparently did both.
Visitor Rob, brother of fuller Shit, was up next and was soon joined by returning fisherman Sir Blackie and Poppa Smurf , the unshaven traveller from FNQ, Ferret.
The RA organised an Olympricks medal ceremony which brought a tear to most of the patriotic hashers with Team Australia having a clean sweep of medals on the podium. To a heart rendering rendition of the national anthem , former Team USA athlete Hot Dick, Former Team GB athlete Flasher and then the bronze dead -heaters, the Sirs (Two Dogs and Blackie). IOC representative Poppa Smurf and Chef de Mission Truckie officiated.
Sir PV told all about the travel misadventures of Miscarriage and his Air BnB experience where he is having something like a Golden Gaytime ice cream experience.
Truck Tyres who is known to enjoy his breakfast in a Surfers cafe after a morning ride had a waiter, there’s a fly in my soup moment last week. He called over the lady in charge and advised her -There’s sand in my muffin. She told him that as they used fresh blueberries, there maybe seeds but no GC sand was used in the ingredients. Fellow dinners had a bit of a laugh as they had never heard a bloke complain about sand in his muffin , only Swedish backpackers complaining after getting down and dirty and doing the business in a late night shag on the beach.
AWOL Brutus has not been sighted since getting POW several weeks ago, however Weekly has promised to rescue it for his run next Monday.
As soon as the circle ended, voyeur hashers rushed home to tune into the women’s Olympic crack n’ feel events, boycotting their normal Monday viewing of Aunty’s rent-a-crowd where do we Queue N Hay ? program,in lustful anticipation of their choice of either a vanilla or chocolate dessert in South African nympho Imalika de Analplussi or a former Miss Abuja(of Nigeria) now Spanish flyer Miapussi Sonnfire in the women’s 100 metre gash. Even champion men’s premature ejaculating sprinter Ivva Shotmebolt, had talked up this event by stating that he didn’t know who would come first but that there would probably only be a split of the whiskers between them as they climaxed, probably together, after about the steamiest 10 seconds on the big screen since the Sharon Stone leg-opener scene in Basic Instinct. Well known for his regularly going off early, this rant no doubt got himself a nice little backhander earn from television networks salivating for ratings and corporate sponsor’s dollars.
Josephine, still waiting for Moonbeam’s abdication as circle closer, remembered his lines and closed RPR 9.
Headline from the NT News – FURIOUS masturbator slapped with a month’s jail for gross indecency. (Only in the Territory where it now looks like KKK hoods provided by the taxpayer funded NT Govt are renamed and used as spit hoods). They will probably appear in the next Bunnings catalogue . So something additional to buy next time you are at the big red and green shed, for when you need to do that little bit of extra grilling.
While enjoying the sunset over Lameroo Beach and getting well lubricated before the Deckchair Cinema opened, a man with a wrap sheet longer than a member of a practising AA congregation was picked up by police for drinking in a public place, something smart Darwin hashers would never do, that is never get caught.
Prosecutor Yuera Gorner said local identity, Mr Vic “Bitter ” Yulidjirri was so drunk on the Esplanade that he needed to be helped into the paddy wagon, and was taken by police to hospital to sober up.
The incident then happened at the Royal Darwin Hospital. In her evidence,the nurse who witnessed this, stated – He removed his penis from his pants and began masturbating furiously. When she expressed her disgust at this , Mr Yulidjirri BLEW, (What the fuck, there was always a chance of him cuming after exposing himself and taking matters into his own hands, so to speak), 0.295, several hours after he had stopped drinking.
His defence lawyer, Ms Icana Sucyudri said her client had no memory of the incident and was ashamed of his actions. (It’s amazing he could even get it up but for hashers it is worth remembering the linkage between brain and penis is often displayed by the behaviour of pissed hashers at functions who are exposed later as the camera never blinks or lies).
Judge Theodore Hanger said – This has been very HARD ON the nurse whose occupation is tough enough at times without having to put up with that kind of nonsense.
The court heard that Mr Yulidjirri had 25 prior convictions for breaching Alcohol Protection Orders including his last one on Christmas Day last year. ( Most Australians could relate to escaping or receiving one on that day each year).
On the upside, Ms Sucyudri, said it was a good outcome for her client because although his actions had ruined his intended plan to go dry for July, at least while in Berrimah jail, he would not have access to alcohol for at least the month of August. Justice Hanger, while noting the good intentions of the defendant, suggested something more like the whole of NT dry climate season might be a more appropriate sobering timeframe for Mr Yulidjirri so as to prevent his possible court reappearance for conviction number 27, which would mean that the wet season was well and truly back on the agenda for her client.
AND FROM RIO OLYMPIC VILLAGE
450 000 condoms have been given to athletes for the duration of the Games. There are gold and silver ones for those sprinters who cum first and second ; for those who manage to get them themselves into menages a trois, bronze for the third. It averages out to about 42 each or 3 a day for those sexually active which must have a few mothers worried that their virgin teenage high school children may come home transitioned into deflowered little nymphos.
A big thank -you to Senor Fanny C for last week’s trash as we bid him Adieu on his upcoming Tour de Spain.
Yours in hashing