Hare: Bent Banana
As a tribute to a fallen hasher, Moonbeams (RIP), who would have celebrated his birthday with his hash mates late into the evening and all the fallen Diggers who lost their lives while fighting for their country, a special hash event was held at Nerang on the eve of Anzac Day. Bent Banana had organised the logistics for this evening’s activities. A very good roll up even bringing out a few very absent visitors from many years ago were tempted to return to celebrate some good old Aussie mateship and enjoy a few cold beers. The hare told all about the difficulties in setting both Plan A and Plan B runs which had to be shelved due to the concerns of locals seeing someone running with powder in their neighbourhood. So Plan C was activated which resulted in a run out to Weedons Crossing and back through the streets adjoining the Nerang CBD. The walkers did a quick local tour and then upon their return all hooked into the free refreshments. Chips and dips were hidden on a table amongst a group of hashers who had dug in early to ensure security of the venue in Bishof Pioneer Park.
GM Rock Hard called a circle and in keeping with the Anzac theme the hare’s run was commented on by a visiting Vietnamese hasher, Fuck Coffee. Next up was Wrongway who gave us a stirring Anzac eulogy and told all about his experiences as a nervous nasho who got himself transferred from being a machine gunner to the military police, when he realised that the machine gunners were normally the first hit in combat.
The returners and visitors including Bentabeak, Fuck Coffee, Mad Mike, Flasher and VD were then given a drink.
RA Shat took over the proceedings and again in memory of the fallen, three hashers were called out. Sir Botcho, Miscarriage and Weekly had all taken a fall on the Anzac bike ride the day before. Slug was also not forgotten for his quote of the year at the same event when he declared that Pussy makes the best sticky date ! Other misdemeanours at that event included Truck Tyres who forgot his bike and Rug who forgot his helmet.
This got a few hashers thinking how lucky Australia was that these hashers were not involved in the trench fighting during the wars because they probably would have forgotten either their rifle or their ammo or both ! Other casualties from the bike ride included Kwakka and Hard On who had had a bottle or two of red and needed assistance in getting home. Apparently Mrs Kwakka took his bike and he ended up getting home via Mr Uber.
Sir Rabbit then stepped up and played a recording of Moonbeams rendition of The Last Post on his bugle from a previous year. A respectful round of applause from all then closed the circle. As a fine roast meal was waiting for all down the road at the Nerang RSL, it was time to relocate and have dinner. All agreed over a few more beers over dinner that Bent Banana and those that had assisted had put together a great event in memory of Moonbeams and all those who had gone before him for over 100 years through the various theatres of war and are today still keeping our wonderful country safe and the freedom it gives us.
LEST WE FORGET
AN IMMIGRANT’S INTRODUCTION TO AUSTRALIA
A former European decided to migrate to Australia. He thought he would do a Cook’s tour of the country and have a squiz at each state before deciding where he wanted to settle down and live. When he arrived in Perth, he was asked if he would like a cup of tea. In Adelaide, he was asked which church he would be going to. In Melbourne, he was asked which footy team he would support. In Sydney, he was asked what he did for a job and how much was his house worth. In Brisbane, he was asked – would you like a beer, mate ? That’s where the tour ended and Queensland got itself another citizen.
A FAIR DINKUM AUSTRALIAN CITIZENSHIP TEST
The Australian Government has announced plans for a new citizenship test for immigrants including questions about domestic violence and child marriage. Obviously anyone on the day can bullshit their way through this multi-choice test and then some may go home and behave badly by giving their missus an occasional hiding and flog their teenage daughter off to the highest bidder as a child bride and if no party complains, because they are shit scared of the backlash from their traditional old ways of the family’s religious customs elsewhere, mainstream Australian society is none the wiser to what is going on in the households of these newly recognised Aussie citizens in the suburbs of Australia’s cities.
However let’s put our thinking caps on and find out who really has some knowledge of Australian values, ideals and customs by coming up with some real questions to be put to immigrants who are fair dinkum about wanting to become fully integrated citizens of the greatest country on the planet. Here’s few for consideration for starters –
Q. Your elderly neighbours in your new suburb ask you to pick up a slab of VB for them at the bottle-o while you are out shopping.What does this mean ?
Q. Your neighbours also invite you to come over to their place for a barbie after you finish your shopping. What are your neighbours intending to do to welcome you to your new community ?
Q. At the barbie, your neighbour asks if you would like some dead horse on your snag sanga. What does this mean ?
Q. After the barbie, your neighbour asks if you would like a slice of pav ? What does this mean ?
Q. Your neighbours then take you to the nearest club and buy you some drinks to welcome you to the community. After awhile they say it’s about time for your shout. What does this mean ?
Q. Budgie smugglers are quite prevalent along the coastline in Australia during summer. Should you do anything about them ? If so, what ?
Q. How about people smugglers ? What should you do about them if you hear about or come across them ?
Q. During summer, if you go to the beach, you should only swim between the flags. What colour are these flags – are they green and gold, red and yellow or blue, red and white ?
Q. When you arrive at the beach and see that it is very crowded, you decide to have a swim in a quieter area outside the flagged area. A volunteer lifesaver tells you to leave the water immediately and return to the flagged area. Do you tell him that as you are a good swimmer you are staying where you are or get out and swim in the crowded area between the flags ?
Q. If you are travelling on a holiday in Northern Australia during summer and there is a warning of a very severe weather event coming, where should you go? – the nearest church, the nearest mosque or the nearest cyclone shelter ?
Q. While travelling on your holiday in Northern Australia, where it can be very hot, swimming is good way to cool down. Where is the safest place for you to swim ? The options are the closest river, the closest beach or the pool at your accommodation.
Q. In your daily activities in Australian communities you may interact with Aboriginals. What is the cultural significance of these people ?
Q. What event is celebrated on 25 December each year ?
Q. What is the significance of Australia Day ?
Q. What is the significance of Anzac Day?
Q. What is the national anthem of Australia ? Is it Down Under, Waltzing Matilda, True Blue or Advance Australia Fair ?
Q. What event stops the whole of Australia on the first Tuesday in November each year ?
Q. Easter is celebrated in March or April each year in Australia. What is this ?
Q. The Boxing Day Test commences at the G in Melbourne on 26 December each year. What type of event is it ?
Q. What are the colours of the Australian flag ? Are they green and gold, red, yellow and black or red, blue and white ?
Q. There are two animals on the Australian coat of arms. Which of these are they – a koala bear, a kangaroo, a dingo, an emu or a crocodile ?
Q. What is the capital city of Australia ? Is it Sydney, Melbourne or Canberra ?
Q. Who is the national leader of Australia ? Is it the Governor-General, the Queen, the Prime Minister or someone else ?
Q. While travelling in outback Australia, you may see signs mentioning blokes and sheilas when you stop at rest rooms at service stations. What’s the meaning of a bloke and a sheila ?
Q. In summer, eskies and thongs are popular in Australia. What are they ?
Q. If you are travelling at the front on a very crowded train or bus and there are no vacant seats when an elderly lady gets on, what do you do ?
Do you tell her that as the bus is train/bus is full, to wait for the next one or do you offer her your seat and then you stand up for the remainder of your journey ?
Q. Respect for your fellow Australians, whether male or female, is important when you live in Australia. What does this mean ?
Yours in hashing