Hare: Two Dogs & Hierarchy
Location: Main Beach
Date: 18th Oct, 2010
With all graft corruption and OBVIOUS slings in place, the final starting grid and handicaps were in place for the highly contested Two Dogs V8 dash.
KB gets the job of catering for the nosh and asks Two Dogs “how many do you normally get ??? Maybe 30 !!! Two Dogs replies. Hmmmmmmm !!! Better throw in a few more “just in case” me thinks.
33,34 and they are still coming………. Shit !!!!!
The pack gathers, Veteran stretches quietly out of site, Cumsmoke hands over a paper bag ( wonder just what is in it). Swollen is studying the street directory and Caustic is applying the camouflage paint. All is ready!!!! 38,39 FUCK 40 Starters!!!! Must be summer and Two Dogs has completely underestimated his own popularity.
8 minute starters head off much to the heckling of the more handicapped (non payers) in Two Dog’s list.
Last ones away are Pussy Boy, Hitler and Dumbshit…. So they should they are less than half the age of most of the pack.
First back is Pizza who has had a casual stroll down Tedder Ave spreading Hash goodwill. Better get over here and help out KB Pizza I’m in the shit with the numbers.
Official first back arrives not long after and full marks to the handicapper the whole pack is back within 3 minutes from first to last.
Race track food is the order of the day ……… So this is where I your sharing and caring On Sec needs to pass on a very appreciative THANK YOU to a few very willing volunteers who jumped in to help with the nosh. Firstly Sir Prince … one quick call and the Wok, Oil, gas ring and tools were there along with Sir Prince’s help. Then Pizza jumped in and chopped up all the extra bits, Dicky Knee lined all the fish and chip bags and Sir AH was ever willing to assist with (portion control) serving the masses. Let alone the calls on Monday arvo to offer assistance from a few others, to all of you THANK YOU!!!
Paper bag fish and chips followed by hot dogs and then a steak sandwich with the late offer of optional bacon seemed to fill the bellies of the hungry lot. Somehow we got through (sorry to the few guys who missed out on the fish and chips) just enough hot dogs and one and a half steaks left over.
Our stand in GM Sir AH calls for circle ……. It’s 8.05 pm.
The hare Two Dogs is called to circle and gives a summary of the event. 40 runners !!! 3 Minutes over the total finish times and a pocket full of graft and corruption…….. not a bad event!!!
Fastest time goes to Kee Tee ??? at 18.16 minutes followed by Pussy boy and Blow fly seconds behind.
Turd Third place somehow goes to our R/A Cumsmoke ( he either has plenty on Two Dogs or has done some sort of immunity deal.. Me thinks)
Second place goes to a very deserving Cumagen who arrived back in a lather of sweat 3 seconds behind our winner “Veteran”
Prizes at enormous expense are handed to the podium finishers and last year’s winner Swollen hands over the official winners shirt complete with this year’s perspiration dripping from it to our very deserving winner. DDs all round and Swollen gives a note.
Two Dogs thanks KB, Dicky Knee, Sir Prince, Pizza and Sir AH for doing the nosh.
Bent Banana jumps in and announces next week’s run is from Poofter Park at Nerang (first rule of hash ????)
The story of the sequel to last week’s run comes out … it seems Swollen and the German interpreter having been chucked out of the brewery a tad early decided to visit the Grand Hotel and spread a little Hash goodwill. Well somehow they must have caught the eye of the bouncer. “Can’t wear that in here sir” So the swat sicker comes off. “Can’t wear that in here sir” So the hat comes off. Can’t have that in here sir” So the bag with all the gear goes out to the car!!
“Think you and your lanky friend had better leave sir”…. FUCK YOU !!
And that was the end of the goodwill trip for another year!!
Pizza gives a note sounding more like a version of Italian opera (maybe)
Sir AH finds a very somber moment and calls on Miscarriage to impart his wealth of knowledge on blissful marriage, giving Blowfly invaluable guidance for his future happiness.
POW Pizza is called to circle confessing to a slight over indulgence last week resulting in misplacing the “prick” Hmmmmmmm !!
Seems Caustic stole it !!
Pizza has done “NO preparation on the POW “so he takes the opportunity to let the pack know that he is not taking kindly to the new Christian names he has been given at Hash lately. He finds the new names of “Fuck off” Pizza, “ Shut the fuck up” Pizza and “Piss off” Pizza a little offensive…. But we all know what happens when you complain about your Hash name… Don’t we!!
Caustic gives a note
Pizza come back later with the POW candidates”.
Sir AH announces a Gold Card will be awarded tonight !!!! Sir Prince is the awarded one, and well deserved too!!!
KB gives him a note.
THE R/A is called.
Sir Prince pipes up and asks if any Hashman knows about a recent incident in Spain.
Seems Miscarriage might have headed down the spread a little Hash goodwill into the gay area of Madrid… off to the internet café with the 24 year old daughter of a close (not now) friend ….. That somehow tuned into turning up at a “Pommy Bay” at 4am meeting a Spanish guy (hard to do in Spain ???
Seems Miscarraige was bigger than him …… (Call the Guinness book of records quick)
Lost his “I-phone” , Lost the 24 year old, Lost 300 Euro and copped a phone bill of $2,500.
NOT BAD FOR A TRIP to “The internet café”
So now he is off to Thailand to see if he can better that effort!!!!
Ferret gives a note.
Pussy boy gets nabbed for new shoes …. A smelly DD follows
Hitler offers the note.
Pizza is back for POW nominations …….. He is still waffling!!
Sir Rabbit REJECTS all the lame charges.
Pizza gets the POW back !!!
Fuck .. that means he will be back next week!!!!!!!!
Dicky Knee offers a note.
Visitors are called
ex Tasmanian Hasher Tee Kee?? and second time runner Mirco from Switzerland get a DD
Dicky Knee offers another note.
Show Pony, Black stump, Moonbeams, Nasty and Semen along with Two Dogs get a DD
R/A offers the note.
Missing Link reminds all off the rules regarding your cost for the Christmas run…… bottom line is … it’s 8 weeks away and you need to have 10 runs up or you will pay extra over the standard $20
(Dobbed by Hitler) Miscarraige and Pussy Boy.
Aussie gives a note.
It’s 8.45pm and Moonbeams calls … “End of circle”
Thanks again Prince, Dicky, Sir AH, Pizza and Bung ( for the paper again)