Date: 17/8/2015

Location: Southport

Hare: Truck Tyres & Jigsaw

       Runners: 27

Tonight’s run was a joint effort between Truck Tyres and Jigsaw and started from an obscure location called “Ward Park” and indicated as being in Nyora Street, Southport. Yours truly was the first to arrive, quickly followed by the booze masters and Sir Slabb and all of us wondering “is this where we’re supposed to be??”. Sure enough, cars then started streaming into the street as darkness descended upon us and we all wondered if the neighbours were going to be upset with all the noise that we would create as the night progressed. As the time drew nearer, poor Jigsaw started to stress as to the whereabouts of his co-hare, who had turned up at 4.00pm or so to mark the run, but forgetting the Hash Trailer back at his house in Burleigh Waters!! Oops, slight oversight there Truckie!! Back he went to get it, only to then inform Jigsaw by text that there would be no trailer as some coupling or other had been sheared off!! Oh dear, a real debacle in the making but more on that one later.

The Run:

At 6.30 or thereabouts, with no Truckie anywhere to be seen, it was left to the remaining hare, Jigsaw to see us all off… “head up that way I think…and be careful, because he’s set it through a school, despite having been warned off the place this afternoon when he was out marking the run, you might get shot at when you try and go through it!”. Off we all headed, runners and walkers, straight up a pretty hefty incline, meaning that we hadn’t warmed up at all and yours truly did something to his leg which necessitated aborting the run fairly early on and going with the walkers. Before that happened, Hot Dick was heard to say “you know, this isn’t bad for the middle of Southport” as we traipsed through virgin bushland.

The run did have a good variety of street and bush, particularly given that we were in the middle of suburbia and the bit of the walk that I did was also quite acceptable…some of us commenting “these are nice streets”…and Circumference observing “yes, this is how it all was in the 70’s”, lamenting the transformation of the Gold Coast to a place where everybody now puts up wanky McMansions.

The Nosh:

Back to base we all came and as we had no trailer and no chairs, this was going to be an entirely “stand up” event. Thank goodness for Weekly’s ute, which served many purposes tonight, including luggage storage, booze table, kitchen prep area and servery, not to mention being the only bloody thing to lean on in the whole park!! Oh, and the dog shit…Weekly had managed to step into the biggest, smelliest dog turd in the whole park (it’s an off the leash dog walking park) and the whole area around his ute smelled disgusting for ages!!.

Yours truly then observed “hey, it’s now starting to rain!” only to be informed by a fellow Hasher “that’s not rain, it’s bat’s piss…they’re all nesting above us!”…great site selection Jigsaw!! When asked to explain he said “well I looked it up on Google maps, we’ve never been here before and it looked good to me…there’s supposed to be a toilet block (there wasn’t) and all sorts of amenities (there weren’t)”. Oh well, we were all here, amongst good company, with good beer and half-decent wine to be had…who cares about the smell of dog turds and the bat piss raining down on us!

Poor old Jigsaw was starting to fret about the fact that there was no trailer, meaning no facilities for heating up the mains…oh dear…and the non-existent amenities meant no bbq to use instead. This was going to be interesting….but in the face of adversity, Jigsaw managed to pull it off wonderfully!!……….

First course was some absolutely lovely dips…olive tepanade, basil pesto and beetroot…gotta give it to Jigsaw…he does bonza dips!! Yours truly nearly missed out on the vegetable pakoras that were snuck out when I wasn’t looking…they were brilliant!…with a coriander and mushroom dip to top them off…..by now we were all thinking “hey, this isn’t too bad at all you know, and who gives a toss if we have to stand up!”

….hmmm…by now it’s 7.30 and still no Truckie!

By now Jigsaw has resigned himself to the fact that a debacle is unfolding before his very eyes but he needn’t have worried. All of a sudden there appears the most colourful bowl of salad with capsicums, olives and all manner of goodies piled on and a bag of green leaf lettuce into which Jigsaw then pours copious amounts of Balsamic vinegar dressing with added Sherry and shakes it all about to mix it..voila!!! a perfect salad is made. Next a pot of chicken, chorizo, chickpeas, Fetta and olives appears! The masses all line up and all is good!! But wait there’s more, and it ain’t steak knives….some nice slice to tempt our palates, along with fruit salad that most of us drowned in a custard sauce very heavily laden with Brandy…. “don’t let that go near an open flame!!” . To quote Now Loved.. “does it get any better than this???” Considering the obstacles he faced, Jigsaw excelled at the food and Truckie’s run-setting wasn’t all that shabby either! A good effort guys…a debacle averted by the skin of its teeth!!

The Circle:

The GM commenced proceedings by calling the hares out to the front and pointing out that they had very generously hosted tonight at short notice, being stand-in hares…so despite all the piss-takes, particularly at Truckie’s expense, this is not to be forgotten. Thank guys and a well deserved down-down. When asked if anybody could say something kind about the run, Iceman blurted out… “It was lovely..just lovely, I enjoyed the extra few kilometres, I really did!”…you sick bastard!!

Miscarriage commented “the markings were too far apart…in fact, overall it was very poorly marked!”. The walkers were asked for their summation of the walk to which Now-Loved gleefully responded.. “it was great..we had a live hare (Jigsaw)…and we rarely get such a fine group of sportsmen (the runners) weaving in and out!” due to the fact that the run crossed the walk several times…very clever markings Truckie, or did we just meander aimlessly on the walk and happen to keep bumping into the runners???

Sir Prince Valiant commented “Jigsaw was so relaxed…he’s to be congratulated on the contingency plan and the use of the ‘virtual trailer’!!”….and whilst SPV had our undivided attention, he recounted that after last week’s run, there he was lying in bed when he thought he’d let go of a “little zephyr of wind” when all of a sudden the dog across the road started barking and the Princess had long since left the room in disgust…onya SPV!!!!….and all praise to Sir Rabbit’s soup last week for having the desired effect on at least one of us!

Next item of circle business…would all Hashmen please watch that they put in booze money for what they drink…an audit reveals there is some degree of minor discrepancy between the drinks gone and the drinks paid for.

On to RA business and needless to say out the front came Flasher (yawn, yawn, yet again!)…this time he cops a down-down for falsely accusing Josephine of fucking up the run last week….it was all due to the idiotic idea of the Wednesday hash to go out and mark their trail overlapping ours on Monday afternoon! Who in their right mind marks a Wednesday trail on a Monday and especially knowing that we run on a Monday night and they might just be our markings out there??? Bent Banana also got a Down-Down for false accusations of a similar nature.

Sir Rabbit copped a down-down for last week’s soup (bloody lovely it was, all five courses of it!)…the charge should have been for thinking that six bananas was enough sweets for thirty blokes!!

Croc (welcome back old son!) copped a down-down for nearly being killed by the plane that came down over the Coombabah Wetlands while he was out on a bike ride!

Sir Slab called to front and centre and presented with a handkerchief by the RA…to remind him of how bloody vicious these things can be when they get tangled in the rear derailleur of a $7000 carbon fibre bicycle…from frame to shame in one easy lesson! The down-down was dual purpose…good on you for forgetting Freddie’s sleeping bag on the Simpson’s Desert tour!! Gift to the GM from Sir Slab…a bottle of beer that has been to all four corners of the continent by the sounds of it…and survived!

Down-Downs also for the birthday boys…happy birthday GM and Sir Slab!!!

The Useless Shirt made it’s way from its normal bearer to….Now Loved for bailing out of the Hash Relay Team with a useless excuse…comment by Weekly.. “what’s fucking useless, you or the shirt?”

 Prick of the Week…from RockHard to Flasher…for thinking RH’s Hash bag was a bin bag into which beer bottles ought to be deposited!! Sir Rabbit adjudicated this dubious reason and determined that it was good enough…and on this point whatever happened to our yard glass for POW down-downs??????????????

Several other issues were raised but they won’t be mentioned and they pale into insignificance compared to the disturbing news that Caustic and KB are not here tonight because they are having a meeting to plan a splinter Hash for the southern end of the Gold Coast!!! This is truly disturbing news gents!!!

That’s it for now guys….oh, and your trusty scribe is in Melbourne next week so Moonbeams has graciously offered to do the words.

On On

Fanny Charmer…On-Sec

This Week’s Pictures

Date: 10/8/2015

Location:Parkwood

Hare: Josephine & Sir Rabbit

       Runners: 30

The Run:

Well, I had been told by our esteemed GM to expect “a cracker of a run, because Josephine always sets great runs!”….and with that expectation in mind, and with that thought in mind, there we were, gathered at Chez Josephine’s in the depths of Parkwood, with Josephine gathering all and sundry for the run briefing… “tonight’s run is a back to basics run..no hills, all on road…I believe that in summer you do a bush run and in winter you do a street run..so there you have it…now head off in that direction..it’s clearly marked and it’s about 6.9km all the way around”.

Full of confidence and to the familiar sounds of “on on”, off into the wilderness we all headed…to the first bloody check…where the faster ones went off in various directions and we then heard the cry of “on on” several times, so off we headed up the hill..for what seemed like miles, only to be confronted with an on-back…and mutterings of “the prick..he ought to be iced for that” given that there were at least four or five arrows before the false trail marker. No hills!!! What a load of old cobblers!! I thought Parkwood was relatively flat until tonight and I didn’t know there was this much bush. Josephine is never to be taken at his word again when he describes a run!!

The various checks served to keep us all roughly together, at least at the start, but towards the latter stages of the run, something weird started to happen and down the bottom end of Napper Road, near Woodlands Drive, after having done two useless loops, some of us realised that somebody was either playing a bad joke on us, that we had followed arrows from another Hash run (it turns out the Wednesday Hash did a Parkwood run last week…and there’s been no rain), or the third option…somebody either in or out of the Hash had sabotaged our run!!!!!!!

I have no idea how anybody else found their way home but yours truly, Lurch and Caustic followed a double-headed arrow down Woodlands Drive only to find that there was nothing else by way of markings! “Where the fuck are we??…Molasses, have you got a phone with GPS??” asked Caustic. Luckily I did have such a device and luckily Lurch knew how to use it!! We managed to find our way back to the start of the trail and backtracked to Stadler Court from there…thank goodness for the two hubcaps on the side of the road that yours truly had spotted earlier on….more about them later.

In all a good run…..Josephine must be dyslexic though…it was more like 9.6 than 6.9 km, but not entirely his fault due to one of the three reasons as listed above.

The Nosh:

What is there really to say about the nosh tonight other than…hahahahahahahahahahahaha!…ten thousand comedians out of work and Josephine’s trying to be funny!! What do I mean??? Well, the “Hobo Soup at Josephine’s Soup Kitchen for the Homeless and Unemployed” should have given a clue..the nosh consisted of SOUP for entrée and mains…not different ones…just an average of five servings for each of us from the large pot! To give Sir Rabbit, who had done the soup, his due credit, it was a damned nice soup and there was certainly plenty for each of us to have about five cups of it. The garlic bread was, by all accounts, also bloody lovely…those of us on the SRS diet of course refrained from indulging in the white poison.

With the dessert, Josephine should be taken at his word…it was certainly a “back to basics” affair…chopped bananas (about three of them) and a litre carton of custard!…when the three bananas had been consumed by the first three or four people in the dessert queue, another banana miraculously appeared!

Caustic was heard to say “thank goodness Macca’s up the road will still be open when we’re finished here!”…and Josephine then said “if you’re not satisfied there’s a Red Rooster down there too!!” Botcho piped in with “I think there’s a 7/11 that’s also open!”. The best comment in my view though was that of Bent Banana… “it took two people to do this???”

In defence of the nosh/budget issue, Sir Rabbit has asked that I include the following…. “[the budget] allows for a substantial amount of calorie controlled main course soup with meat & lots of vegetables and dipping bread , or a somewhat budget controlled weaker soup followed by some sort of budget main course, desert is optional but expected by some”.

The efforts of our booze-masters need to be acknowledged ….these guys are the unsung heroes in my humble view…Brewtus and Weekly always have it all ready for when we are back from the run…then at the end of the night they pack it all away again, never a whine, never a whinge…I am sure I speak for all of us when I say…THANKS GUYS!!

The Circle:

The GM commenced proceedings by announcing that today was “World Laziness Day” which of course would explain the food!

Bluecard was asked for an assessment of the walk… “we were on the walker’s trail for about 400 metres then we turned back”…great effort guys!!

Despite the possibilities as discussed above regarding the confusion with markings on the road, Botcho announced that in his learned view, some prick from within the Hash had sabotaged the run…of course nobody admitted to that one! Josephine declared that the double-headed arrows were not his!!

On the subject of the Nosh, Botcho declared “this is the most expensive nosh of the year!” and somebody else said “the pricks aren’t getting $120 for that, are they??”

Bent Banana commented that it was lucky that KB was not here tonight as he would have torn strips off the “chefs”.

Best comment on the run…Miscarriage.. “I call this the Forrest Gump run…you never know what you’re gonna get!”

 The RA came out the front and announced… “I’d ice Rabbit for the nosh but he’s my driver and I want to get home tonight!”.

There were several Down-Downs for various reasons tonight and I won’t bore you with the details..if you were there you know, if you weren’t you don’t give a toss, but I cannot leave it without reporting that RockHard (aka Rocky to his inner-circle!) well and truly got picked on tonight for his antics post-run last week!! The Prick of the Week was passed with great glee from Circumference to “Rocky”…as much as he tried, Circumference could not think of a more worthy candidate!! The only reason “Rocky” did not get the Useless shirt tonight is that it’s current holder, Truckie, had, in his usual useless form, left it at home in the wash!!

The last comment on the “Rocky” saga last week…by way of a charge from the floor by Miscarriage against Caustic for opening his car window as he drove past the scene of the devastation and started singing “lucky..you’re with AAMI!!”.

 Oh, I can’t help myself…the FINAL note on “Rocky”…an award of the two hubcaps..again for the devastation caused last week!!

 End of Circle……this time Josephine… “ok, you can all fuck off now”!!

On On

Fanny Charmer

On Sec

ps: note from the editor: Sorry Hares!! I Just had to put a few cartoons in with Fanny’s words. All in good fun. LOL!!!

 This weeks Pictures

Date: 3/8/2015

Location:Currumbin

Hare: Kitchen Bitch & Caustic Crusader

       Runners: 29

Tonight’s run had a bit of a shitty start for yours truly…pulled into Moonbeams’ driveway to pick him up and his downstairs neighbour came up the driveway, totally shitfaced drunk, stumbled against my car and snapped the left hand side mirror…f##king prick!!! Not a good start, but such is life…and more on damaged cars later…….

The run tonight started from the Currumbin Eagles RLFC at Galleon Way, Currumbin Waters, with our hares being KB and Caustic and a total contingent of 29 runners and walkers fronting up for the evening. To quote KB “I am getting my revenge on you pricks…the distance you’ve had to drive to get here to the Southern end of the coast is how far I have to drive when you pricks set runs at the northern end of the coast, so f### youse all!!”…this was going to be an interesting night. . It needs to be said at the outset that the hospitality of the club in allowing us to use their facilities, including their kitchen, was generous beyond description and our thanks to “Pat the Rat” and the other staff and members of the club. They helped to make this a great night!

The Run:

The run was described by the hares as being one with lots of variety, hills, shaggy, deep creek crossings and coming with a warning not to fall into the deep canals as “they’re full of bloody bull sharks!!”. Great!! This WAS going to be really interesting!

At 6.15 sharp, with the cries of “on on” we were off and running up Galleon Way, soon to come to one of the many checks with lengthy false trails with the “on backs” feeling like they were at least a kilometre up the road. “Pricks! Bloody pricks!!” several were heard to utter as they raced back to the checkpoint to get back on trail. At one stage, Blackie cursed the hares…. “there’s a shitload of bush around here and they’ve got us running up and down roads!”.

Yours truly at least felt that the run was do-able and not the punishment that was last week’s run…and thanks must go to Bent Banana who commented “gee, you’re running well this week Fanny Charmer” as I kept up with the front break-away pack…well, at least on the downhills!! A final punishment came on the last leg though, as Caustic appeared soon after we had all crossed a wet and hazardous weir, indicating that “up ahead you’ll see a box with a sign on it…take a left at the box”..yeah, a bloody left straight into a mangrove swamp where we were all up to our ankles in…well, smelly swamp mud! Blahh!!! It stank, and so did we all. There we all were, traipsing through the mud, relying on cries of “this way you blokes!” from Miscarriage, who had gone on ahead…and just as we exited the swamp, there was the club where the sweet smells of cooking food were wafting into the air…hooray! We’d survived it!!

Off to the communal tap to wash our feet (leaving our shoes and socks on) so that we didn’t stink everybody out. In all, a great run and I am also led to believe that the walk was not too shabby either. Well done Caustic and KB..a great team effort…but we could have done without the bloody disgusting, smelly shaggy…and how environmentally unfriendly to have us trampling the mangroves…dear oh dear…I thought this Hash was going green!

The Nosh:

The giant crab hanging off KB’s crotch as he led us off on the run should have been a clue….hors d’oeuvres consisted of giant crabs done “a la chilli” on a bed of lettuce leaves and with all but one being from the surrounds of Showpony’s houseboat at Hope Island Boat Harbour…and according to KB, Showpony has no idea of how to sex crabs…hence tonight’s catch represented about $35,000 in fines for catching females…hope you enjoyed them guys! The prize for the most determined to extract every last morsel out of his serving was Moonbeams, who sat there determinedly smashing at the crab with his knife..it was exhausting just watching him!!

Onto the first course of Carrot soup with sour cream and garnished with parsley…clearly there was a shitload left over from last week’s run…not bad, but we all complained that it wasn’t hot enough…and what’s with the plastic bowls??? Remember, there is an amnesty only until the end of the month and that’s it…no more plastic bowls..when this lot is gone, it’s gone..byo bowls, eat out of the palm of your hands or go without..you’ve been warned!!

Mains consisted of veal Marsala on a bed of very soft potato mash with carrots on the side and baked prosciutto garnish…very nice indeed, although a few of the diehard whingers were heard to complain that it was too tough!! What does it take to please some people??? Of course those of us on the SRS diet went easy on the mashed potato or refrained entirely.

Did somebody just mention diet???…it was momentarily forgotten when dessert came around…top shelf ice-cream, choc chips on top, raspberry sauce and chopped strawberries…burrrpppp!! What diet????? Botcho was seen to be giving a significant helping hand at the trailer, particularly on the dessert.

The Circle:

The GM commenced proceedings by calling the hares out to the front, but where was Caustic??… “I’m in the pisser and I’m enjoying myself!” came a voice from the adjacent toilet block. A well deserved down-down for these guys on a good run.

Moonbeams was called out the front and congratulated on 200 metre walk which took him all of three and a half minutes! A top effort Moonbeams, you do us proud!..apparently those who did the full walk (described as the “wobblies’ walk) apparently came in a full five minutes later than Moonbeams.

Miscarriage was asked to comment on the run, which, totally out of character, was described in very subdued terms as “a pretty good run”. Describing the shiggy through the mangrove swamp, he said “I didn’t want to be in the swamp on my own so I kept calling on-on and everyone followed me, even though I had no f##king idea where I was going!!”. Of course Caustic, there to direct us into the swamp, made sure we went through the shittiest bits. Miscarriage had reason to be jubilant and announced in the circle that the Hash retirement village in Sihanoukville has been approved, as has the Miscarriage Mansions development at Gilston.

Mumbles made a comment about the entrée crabs…(I had to ask somebody what he actually said..I didn’t get a word of it)…”a bowl of prawns would have been better!!”.

Sir Prince Valiant was called out the front to demonstrate the damage done by rats to his “el cheapo” Chinese 12V light transformers…almost eaten all the way through…aren’t you feeding them properly SPV???

Our esteemed RA then took centre stage and immediately called Blue Card out the front for his outstanding signs of utter stupidity on the Simpson’s Desert adventure…and for still having Simpson’s Desert mud on his Rangie, as well as his extra spare wheel.

Swindler took a charge for hierarchy abuse….and Miscarriage took one for arranging to have his architectural drawings done by Romanian contractors at $5 an hour and at the same time upsetting one of our former Hashers, Ballpoint.

The RA, in the spirit of fairness, took a down-down himself for managing to avoid the swamp shiggy on the run…Two Dogs has NEVER been known to shortcut!…guess you can’t get the floormats in the new Merc dirty!!

Lurch called out the front to present a lovely BBQ set to the Hash, which was then promptly re-gifted to the Currumbin Eagles RLFC for their generosity to us tonight. Onya Lurch!!

Blackie handed his coveted Prick of the Week award to Circumference for his shameless arrogance in bullying Ferrett… “get me a bowl of soup Ferrett!”…the award was also for Circumference taking the biggest serving of the crab entrée….no wonder I didn’t get any!! Whatever happened to the yard glass by the way…what the f### is happening to this hash?????

A well deserved down-down for “Pat the Rat”, who opened up the club for our use tonight…he is a former Hasher from Irian Jaya and East Timor and several other exotic locales…so why the bloody hell aren’t you in our Hash??? Pat gifted a hat and a beanie to the gathering…Josephine scoring the hat and Slug the beanie…very becoming of you both!!

Next week’s run…Josephine…1 Stadler Court, Parkwood….AND BRING YOUR OWN CHAIR IF YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN AS THERE WILL BE NO TRAILER.

 End of Circle…courtesy of Moonbeams

On On

Fanny Charmer

On Sec

Post Script…..as Rock Hard was leaving the car park he collected the “Keep Left” sign in the middle of the road (It says “keep left” for a reason!!)…hope that it all gets sorted quickly and without any hassle…we all feel for you RH…it is so easy for these things to happen and I am sure I speak for all of us…if there’s anything we can do, just yell out!

Run 1970 Pictures