Run: 1757
Date: Monday 4th July 2011 – American Independence Day
Hare: Aussie
Venue: Len Fox Park, Labrador

Runners: 33
Weeks to AGPU: 48

PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

Run: 1757
Date: Monday 4th July 2011 – American Independence Day
Hare: Aussie
Venue: Len Fox Park, Labrador

Runners: 33

Weeks to AGPU: 48
As seems the usual these days a good crowd arrived, despite yet another event for the well trodden realms of Labrador. Aussie, filling in at late notice decided to capitalise on the date and add an American Independence Day theme advising runners to wear appropriate attire. A good spattering of the hounds donned the red white and blue including hats, shirts, track suits and flags (many of the mini kind donated y Sir Point Two). Sadly though, no sign of Latrine in sight.

The run started to the north but quickly disappeared west into the depths of beyond after a first on back. Over the highway and further west as we zigged and zagged running into checks and on backs. Before hitting Turpin road we turned south and again were turned by on backs cleverly concealed under wheelie bins. Along Turpin road and then east before heading towards Sir Rabbit’s Den for no doubt a themed drink stop. Wrong, on back. It was then the lengthy trek home along Stevens street (no drinks at Blowfly’s either) and skimming past McDonalds hoping for an American themed dining experience, again to no avail.

Back at the circles of wisdom (circular concrete seats at the park), the pack were met with a spread of nibbles made up of appropriately themed pretzels, popcorn, and dips. Even Budweiser beer was made available at the usual $2.00, making it hard to knock back. The hot dogs followed with a few starting to grumble, thinking this was it until the hamburgers appeared and we finished off with the Cheesecake dessert. A feast Uncle Sam would have been proud of, it’s a pity American type food is likely to wipe most of us out and further expand those bulging waistlines.

Rectum gave the run report stating it was “short but good and (importantly) kept the pack together”. Caustic followed with the nosh critique saying “it even looked like real meat” and gave it a worthy 7/10, however he did complain saying we should ban future runs from the Labrador area for the rest of the year (another Corrosive Caustic Comment or CCC for short).

The GM reported that our first legal action was in the wind with Missing Link claiming compensation for short payment of his “Gourmet” meal last week. As a consequence weekly nosh fees will rise to $135 per week, including the $15 run fee not required from the hare (only one). Read above for full details.

Down Downs:

Excelpet & Carlos (or is that Roma, Pizza’s mate); Visitors

Arseup & Blowfly; Returning runners

Aussie; Hare

Kitchen Bitch; Walking to Grand for a beer & for holding beer in wrong hand

Rock Hard: For missing KB holding beer in wrong hand during RA’s session

Show Pony, Flatulence, Bent Banana; KB’s accomplices at pub

Bent Banana; Rule #2 infringement involving a lewd act upon a helpless bovine and subsequent photos going viral.

Bent Banana; Drinking from wrong hand during RA’s circle

Rock Hard; Missing above said infringement

Sir Rabbit; Doing ½ Marathon and wearing gay Liberace outfit (Swollen, Excelpet & Miscarriage also did the Half Marathon, well done over achievers!)

Caustic; POW from Rainbow for trying to dob him in and for golf course indiscretions

Caustic; Trying to charge Aussie for “borrowing” his esky (possession laws applied)

Excelpet; Charged by Cumsmoke for deserting post and leaving him with Trail Master posting

Aussie: Charged by Miscarriage for similar offence to Miscarriage’s brother at recent royal wedding

That is all,
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run 1756
Date: Monday 27th June 2011
Hare: Missing Link & Cumsmoke
Venue: Cascade Gardens, Broadbeach
Runners: 30
Weeks to AGPU: 49

Missing Link, the nosh hare, looked on with growing anticipation as the numbers continued swelling. Despite the Council’s best endeavours to deter entry to the once popular park, some 30 eager hashers found their way to the venue. Missing Link advised he had better ring the missus (co-cook) and tell her to add more water to the nosh to ensure enough to go around.

Cumsmoke, the run hare, then took the stage and advised it was payback time, there was a walkers trail, a short run and a long run and is was on south (surprise, surprise). So off we trotted to the convention centre then on over the road, further south and then down towards the Oasis shopping centre, around the streets, through the dining crowds and then north along Surf Parade, which turned out to be a good extra loop. The trail then headed east towards the beach to our second check opposite Kurrawa Park. We seemed to have lost Bent Banana and some followers despite the Hare, Cumsmoke standing at the check (having driven here in his ute). The remainder found the on trail and headed north along the beach road wondering when we would finally turn for home.

We arrived near Garfield Terrace with again the hare in attendance, where Blackstump took the initiative and opportunity to call him a “brainless twit” (or something along those lines anyway). By the now the pack was faltering as we continued towards Northcliffe Surf Club, where we came upon our first on back (and being called through) much to Veteran’s annoyance (once again). We veered back and turned west where we found a few lost runners including Blackstump. The trail then headed over Isle of Capri Bridge, where I, having done the circuit on many occasions decided to do the right thing and keep Blackstump company for the run home.

Miscarriage and his mate Brendan (or is that Brian), Swollen and Rectum finished the long trek around Monaco street, TE peters Drive and back past the convention centre. A few others including Slab, Veteran and Sir Rabbit (not wanting to peak too early for his half marathon run), decided to turn back for home along the highway, succumbing to a moment of common sense.

Back at the venue Missing Link brought out the huge pots with the crowd eagerly awaiting the traditional Vindaloo and Massaman Curry. I must say there was plenty of rice and the apple pie and custard dessert was fine however there were some very mixed reviews on the main course, probably something to do with trying to stretch the feed to cater for the numbers. Anyway it is feared, though I’m assured, that no Ibis were harmed in the making of this feed (although none were spotted in their usual nesting place).

The circle was called with GM, Shat, calling for run reviews with Sir Rabbit giving it 5/10, Veteran 6/10, and Miscarriage 6/10, a very pleasing 16/10 (probably getting bonus points for intense planning and creativity!!!!). Both Show Pony and Kitchen Bitch complained about the nosh, with both commenting on the inability to actually find any chicken 3/10.

Down Downs:
Missing Link & Cumsmoke; Hares

Swollen Colon was given a 30 second icing but no down down (Hierarchy exemption) for a rule #16 infringement, caught training on Sunday (training for Kokoda challenge run, overachiever!)

Miscarriage; 3 x down downs, two for holding beer in wrong hand whilst guest RA, Two Dogs, holding court and one for his twin’s indiscretions in the old dart. Too long a story to repeat here but suffice to say it included stairwells, locked doors, and naked people.

Truck Tyre & Brendan (or is that Brian); visitors

Rainbow; POW (from Bent Banana) for speeding and illegal U turn on the way into run venue

Bent Banana; as charged by Ferret for claiming and eating Sir AH’s meal at Splinter Hash Lunch
————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Caustic Crusader also gave a story about a potential future Hasher, which is probably best repeated by Caustic himself. Remind him by asking for the “Toblerone Story”
Story came from the Splinter Lunch about Sir Cumference winning lots at the pokies and doing the generous gesture of shouting 20 schooners for the crew. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) only about half a dozen remained to finish the beers.

Miscarriage also gave us the story of his runs with London Hash (young overachievers apparently) and Phuket Hash, where three people passed away in 3 days (not going there!).
Also please note Brisbane Hash, “Over 60’s” lunch on Friday 22nd July at Clayfield. A few from the Gold Coast Hash already confirmed as going up. See Shat if interested.

That is all,
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run 1755
Hare: Swollen Colon
Location: Olympic Court, Southport
Date: 20th June 2011

Runners: 28

Weeks to AGPU: 50

Firstly I must thank Swollen for the great mystery prize of an ironing board cover etc as it actually went over as a treat to Mrs Two Dogs, who knew the product, how much it was worth and even advised that we actually also have one of our own. However that’s where the joy ended. And thanks to Bent Banana for waiting as he could have continued running and would have won the prize for himself, being the closest to finishing at the mystery time.

The venue was Swollen’s factory at Southport, at which the car park was adorned with numerous ironing boards (No doubt Swollen’s antique ironing board collection). This giving ex GM, Flasher a flutter of excitement and something that will no doubt stir up Goatfarka when he sees the photos (he’ll probably go on a rampage and acquire them for mass fish filleting practices). Of note too was the excellent fire with ironing board being used as a grate to cook dinner on and the now familiar fruit stall. Ferret had also brought along some of his treasured Hash magazines and Year Books, donating them for others to read. I’m sure with a bit of persuasion we could conscript Swollen into turning his factory into a Hash apparel emporium providing us with a complete and only finest of garb for now and the future.

The run brief began with explanations that the trail could involve pink paint, yellow paint, chalk, flour and or paper and was on and right up the hill. The only problem was that whilst the fluoro paint may look great in the daytime it was barely visible at night. Somehow the pack managed to still find their way to the bush at the end of the street, where we continued on pink paint and paper. After a while we emerged at the main road and headed back around towards and past home, a very dangerous practice. We lost most of the pack previously with others heading west before stumbling across the home trail far too early. The remainder of us went north, then west past the council depot and back into some bush before again emerging on Wardoo Street.

By now only Rectum, Bent Banana, Veteran, Blackstump, Rock Hard and I were left and spent some time at the check opposite Johnstone Street trying to find the trail. We finally continued on the path parallel to Smith Street, with Blackstump declaring enough is enough and heading for home. The remaining 5 followed the trail back into the bush across the paddock and into the back streets near the Uni.

We eventually emerged near Bunning’s on Olsen Avenue and trudged wearily up the hill and back to Southport Nerang road and then back to where we were before, apparently missing the home trail somewhere past Bailey Crescent (probably where the yellow paint trail was hidden). After some one hour and 17 minutes we emerged back to the waiting pack.

Lucky for Swollen, as in the old days this would have resulted in 17 minutes on the ice.

Soon the fine meal of curries, greens and spuds was served up on the ironing board trestles and the pack soon made short work of the feast provided. The GM then adorned his Cop hat and baton and declared the circle open, being held around a ring of now carefully positioned ironing boards (another first). The run critique by Rectum gave it a good wrap with a 7 from 10 mark, however Rug was a bit less generous giving it a 6. Ferret commented on the food saying it lacked sweets but otherwise good.

Down Downs:
Swollen Colon: Hare

Swollen Colon: 69 runs

Moonbeams: 500 runs (Sub Committee being formed to investigate claimed extra 1500 runs with Sydney)

Sir Point Two: 1000 runs (gifted with priceless & tailored Sports Jacket)

Bob: Now named Bondage (due to Alan Bond look alike)

Roy (ex Barnacle): Now named The Big Orifice, or Big O for short

RA Josephine took over proceedings instigating the rule of left hand held drinks only, being watched over by Rug.

Further down downs went to:

Kitchen Bitch & Flasher: Only ex Hierarchy present being punished for avoiding down downs at AGPU

Flasher: Ex GM being punished for nominating Josephine for Worst Nosh award and then being dumb enough to give him unprecedented powers as the new RA.

Flasher: Wasting energy by leaving hot water running in factory

Bondage, Big O & Rug: For holding drinking vessel in right hand (and Rug for not noticing)

Show Pony, Sir Prince Valiant, & VD: Returning runners

Bent Banana: POW as nominated by Flasher (f..ked if I can remember what for)

Big O: Mobile going off in circle

Sir Prince Valiant also gave us a short brief on some happenings (something to do with certain person being evicted from the Ritz) at the royal wedding but preferring to wait until Miscarriage’s return before giving a comprehensive wrap up.

The night finished with a David Copperfield impersonation by Flasher (magic trick) and a joke by Swollen to top off another good night
For your info the “other” Down Down tune being used by the GM goes like this:

“He ought to be publically pissed on,
He ought to be publically shot,
He ought to be tied to the urinal and left there to fester and rot,
Drink mother…ker, drink mother…ker etc”

That is all,
On On from “The Desk”