Date: 3rd February 2020…………….      …..
Location: Mermaid Waters …………………….
Runners:35 …………………………………………….

Run Pictures

Hashers gathered at the Jim Slorach Park in Mermaid Waters with lightning on the horizon and storm threatening. The trailer was positioned near the shelter and a row of tables and chairs was set out just outside the shelter. The hare Brewtus promised no hills, and set us off south along Alec Ave, then west along Karbunya St. We cut through Helm Court Park and went alongside the canal to Sunshine Blvd.

We crossed over into Cruiser Court, through Ossie Keegan Park, then right on Bowline Rd. Hung a left on Oceanic, through the roundabout into Pizzey Drive alongside the tennis courts. We turned left into Bardon Ave, then north of the lake to Sonia St, we cut through the shopping centre at Waterways to on home. About 45 minutes, runners went furtherThere were a few drops of rain as the chicken wings appetiser was being prepared. The large trees sheltered us from the sprinkling of rain. Then out came the beef hot dogs, bread rolls, green leaves and relish. No plate needed, but you got sticky fingers.

Ended up with a mud cake and ice cream. KB doing a grand job helping Brewtus, in dishing out and making sure there was portion control at all times. Brewtus had packed everything away, when Ball Point turns up very late. Brewtus took everything out again and Ball Point had the last three hot dogs.

Thunder and lightning was increasing with heavier spots of rain, the large trees were not providing much of a shelter any more, so everyone crowded under the shelter, some sitting on the benches and others standing behind the benches. GM struggled to get onto the table, and managed to stand upright at the centre

K2KY Jelly was asked for a run report. He said it was a nice run, but no sweeper. S-Bends gave a walk report and said it was well marked. He gave the first part 10/10 and the second part 0/10 making an average of 5/10. He suggested K2KY Jelly be appointed sweeper for the runners.

HalAl gave a food report, very nice, keep it simple. 8/10

HalAl got a birthday down down.

Returning runner was Ball Point who recounted good hashing with the Mozambique H3, but there were girls. He brought back a gift for the GM, hidden away in a basket, he took out Penis Dodger’s panties, and explained that he had to take them off her without using his hands.

RA gave a few stories about the Friday lunch, the burning BBQ hose, singed hairs on his arms as he turned off the gas. Weekly gave a brief report on the golf trophy and added to the lunch stories.

RA gave Jigsaw a down down for losing his phone, Truckie joined him for commenting on the burning BBQ hose.

Ferrett was the Prick of the Week, and nominated Botcho for the BBQ hose fire, Fanny Charmer for saying it was a shit run and shit food, but the POW went to Ball Point for coming late and having the hare take out all the food again.

Ball Point had a charge and called out AH for being a Brit and leaving the EU, some sort of Rule Britannia was sung.

Arse Nic announced the Gambling Night.

GM updated hashers on condition of Rock Hard saying that he had a change of medication that was exhausting him. He requested no phone calls at this time. We wish him well with the new medication when it comes.

Ball Bags announced his run in two weeks. Ball point announced his special run next week. See website for details.

Blackie closed the circle.

On on,

Mad Mike

Date: 31st January 2020…………….      …..
Location: Helensvale …………………………
Hashers:44 …………………………………………….

Splinter Lunch Pictures

SIR BOTCHO’S GOLF DAY / SPLINTER LUNCH JANUARY 2020

As the last day of the month of January was on a Friday, the planet’s aligned to produce probably the best ever weather day for this annual splinter lunch event.

While the golfers sweated it on the golf course, Sir Botcho and Lady Cappuccino prepared the locally sourced produce for lunch in their kitchen. The virus free Coronas were iced down and plenty of water bottles were chilled in readiness for the pre-lunch drinks. A new visitor to splinter lunch who was introduced as Zoey strutted her stuff in red lingerie which caught the eye of a few followers of le femme fashion. Later on she caught the eye of those who preferred the more natural look.

Kwakka / Hard On extracted the hard earned from the attendees which soon numbered 44 by the time table service delivered the first course. This
was announced as a chilli mango,avo, salmon stack.

Tournament Director Sir Two Dogs, advised that upon examination of the scorecards that Caustic Crusader’s team had been disqualified as their scorecard did not pass the Price Waterhouse pub test. The well named Strokes of Luck team were declared winners of the 2020 trophy. Zoey presented Kelvinator, Fanny Charmer,Excel Pet and JC with their prizes. It seems that some secret practice and a lesson with a golf pro at Emerald Lakes earlier in the week may have been a help to some and a hindrance to others.

During the cooking of the next course, the guests were treated to an extraordinary display of pyrotechnics,  best described by Sir Ferret as unbelievable. A flame had ignited inside the bbq where the gas bottle was situated. Hashers dispersed in every direction fearing an explosion and a hose was produced to put out the flames.
Swollen Colon would have been salivating in expectation had he attended the lunch. Excel Pet gave a post WPHS debriefing about how all should go to only one designated Assembly Point. However the only assembly point that was getting organised was the line up for the next course. A Wagyu rump served with mushroom sauce, spuds, coleslaw and bread roll was on offer plus condiments. Sir Botcho was joined by Sir Prince Valiant as they served up what they had been cooking over the hot flames.

All agreed the meal was far better than what is normally served up at another regular hash haunt, a well known GC steakhouse.Bottles of red were enjoyed by diners as they masticated their way through the large slabs of bovine.

A couple of quick speeches and attempted joke telling took place before Sir Botcho got a well deserved down down.

A roster was organised for dishwashing duties in the kitchen and the visiting Brisbane hashers were called up first. It was a smart move as it was agreed that while they were busy working, everyone knew where they were and they couldn’t get up to any light-fingered mischevious behaviour like they had in previous visits.

Dessert of berry ice cream with fresh raspberry coulis was offered to those who still had some room in the storage area of their now pretty full stomachs.

Another fine afternoon in keeping with GC splinter hash traditions was thoroughly enjoyed by all, including the regular travellers from Brisbane hash.
On On
Circumference

Date: 27th January 2020…………….      …..
Location: Highland Park …………………………
Runners:28…………………………………………….

Run Pictures

Hashers gathered convivially in Blue Cards tranquil bush backyard. Everybody could feel the serenity.

The Grand Master called order and Blue Card told the usual lies about the run and his compadre, Jigsaw, also put a spin on it.

The early grouping of  walkers expressed dismay at not getting to see Truckie park the trailer. At that same moment the man himself came powering around the corner with the look of a man on a mission and nearly took out the pack.

We walked up a long hill and into some Singapore daisy infected bush. At a reservoir we lost trail but ended up on a street with a magic view. Sir Prince pointed out the engineering behind a big retaining wall and also noted that Miscarriage had a different approach.

Back at Chez Blue Carde nibbles and drinks  were consumed and conversations had.

Blue Card offered his hash mates a delightful dinner of baked ham, rice salad ,jacket potatoes and all the trimmings.

Desert included  a patriotic Pavlova and a lamington .Top effort BC, possibly Jiggy and probably Maree.

Later, in the circle, rising gourmand Brewtus  enthusiastically described the rice salad as “lovely” and was particularly impressed by the ham being cooked in the weber. He awarded it a deserved 7.9.

Ball Bags snapped the circle back to reality by describing the run as “90%bitumen,old trail, no originality” and reluctantly gave it a score of 5 which was also a figure put up by a walker. Two Dogs suspected the arrows were done from a car and Jigsaw admitted same. Sir AH gave a note.

Returners were Ball Bags, S-Bends Swollen Colon and Now Loved. The GM received a present of some coffee from Panama from  S-Bends and fourteen Tour Down Under hats and a scarf from Now loved who had risked his life in Adelaide to get them. This brought cries of “suckhole ”from the circle.

The Religious Advisor called Weekly out because his son( resident hash opera singer and cultural advisor),Bradley, had gone the wrong way into the  Miami service station thus preventing the RA from getting to the LPG. The baying mob could clearly see it was Weeklys  fault and he was awarded a down down .The RA also said Miscarriage had been in contact re his Cambodian family and requested  the RA to officiate at his upcoming house auction!!?

Swollen Colon took centre stage as the POW and declared he was’ feeling transgender’ and wore the prick backwards to prove it. Cleverly he involved the whole circle as candidates by moving them around the central table and eliminating them by an order of merit that would befit the great  Emperor  Nasi  Goring.

Using Cum Smoke and Foxtrot as a diversion he finally settled on Sir Ferrett for complaining the hosts had not provided English mustard.

A couple of good jokes from Swollen and Arsenic were well received. Ball bags tried but the crowd must have hardened up by then.

Arsenic gave a plug for the upcoming Casino night. This will be a lot of fun in a great and tested venue so  as Molly would say                                 ‘Do yourself…………..        ‘

Next week’s run is Brewtus and is a funny hat night. Best funny hat will win a house repaint by Brewtus.

Thanks to Truckie and Arsenic for their exemplary efforts as usual.

On On

Now Loved

Pressganged Scribe.

Date: 20th January 2020…………….      …..
Location:Chevron Island …………………………
Runners:39…………………………………………….

Run Report

Run Pictures

Date: 13th January 2020…………….      …..
Location:Helensvale …………………………
Runners:33…………………………………………….

Run Pictures

Run Report 2202

Hashers gathered on the deck of the Helensvale Hogs Rugby Club house in eager expectation of a first class run/walk set by Cum Smoke. The hare said it was 6.9 km run with an elevation of 110 metres, and 3.9 km for the walkers with an elevation of 58 metres. Ha, said everyone sceptically. Hare went on to say that the nosh might be delayed and if anyone was hungry, they could go to a local MacDonald’s.

Everyone set of SE from the club, passed the aquatic centre and into the reserve. We turned right to go into the housing area, crossed Discovery Drive, and into another reserve were we found the climb. It seemed a lot more than 58 metres, but the hare was adamant he was correct.

Back at the club house there was a long delay before the hare put nibbles on a table, delay tactics?

$1 birthday beers were enjoyed. We noticed that there were fewer hashers, did some decide they couldn’t wait any longer and left? I went out to the trailer and some them gathered around watching the proceedings at the BBQ with KB and the hare. SPV and SR were helping out also. Some mini burgers were being prepared and passed around. We watched the steaks being put on the BBQ. A great looking salad was placed on the serving tables. Finally at 8:30 we could eat the mains.

Back on the club deck, GM called the circle. Foxtrot Oscar gave a run report. Fanny got a down down for interrupting. Foxtrot gave a note, and then continued with his report. He said it was well marked and there were opportunities for short cutting near the water tower. He gave the run a score of 8/10. Shat gave a walk report and marked it 8.5/10. Circumference gave a report on the progressive meal, starting on the deck and ending at the trailer, gave it 8.25/10. KB said it was nosh of the year (so far). Circumference gave a note.

GM informed the hashers that Brewtus was the runners sweep, and Slug the walkers sweep, both marking off the checks. Each had a map of the trail. High standards are being set for future runs.

Returning runners were Rug and Col Klink. Arse Nic stepped in for his birthday drink. Blackie gave a note.

GM then called in Blackie for doing 1250 runs, Sir Jo for doing 1050 runs and Mad Mike, awarded a special t-shirt, for doing 400 runs.

The RA stepped in and announced that Miscarriages wife had giving him a one-way ticket to Cambodia. Then gave Shat a shirt he lost in the pool. Then there was the tale of the two French girls and Magician, Rabbit gave a note.

Next week’s run at the Shat house.

Blackie called end of circle at 9:05 pm

On on,

Mad Mike

And some important information from your appointed Scribe who is at present swanning around elsewhere:

To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.

When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

Interviewer: “So, tell me about yourself.”

Me: “I’d rather not. I kinda want this job.”

Cop: “Please step out of the car.”

Me: “I’m too drunk. You get in.”

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

I had my patience tested. I’m negative.

Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00pm is the new midnight.

I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

I run like the winded.

I hate when a couple argues in public, I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.

When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”

When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”

Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.

That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.

Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people, the cops.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.