Date: 28 th May  2018…………………………….
Location: Ashmore …………………………………
Runners: 34…………………………………………..
Run Pictures………………………………………….

The knights rugby leagues club on Benowa road
On a night that looked a little bit on the bad weather side it turned out ok.
And looking at the pre lube I thought to myself
Fuck I’ve never seen so many new hashers,and the beers have gone up to $4.99 Blackie was doing his normal warm up with his west coast eagles beanie on, miscarriage was introducing his hash friends from Kansas City to everyone ,two dogs was looking anxious and was about to say what time does this hash start when GM weekly called Jigsaw up to try and explain his run / walk/ crawl / fuck it I’m staying here to look after the hashers that are staying here as well
Around 30 eager hashers and guests decided that they should venture out to see what Jigsaw could conjure up in the way of a run / walk / crawl / fuck it I’m staying hash night
Jigsaw made it quite clear that it was a figure 8 configuration for the runners and a 1/2 figure 8 for the walkers and he didn’t give a fuck about who was crawling or who was staying back to look after the esky, Jigsaw then went on to say that there was only one hill for everyone to negate and that that hill was just over there in the direction of the ON ON
Oh but wait up there just before you go!!!! Sbend has something to tell you all , Sbend then said something about birthday beers and paying something into one container and not the other container that is for the real beers and don’t swap them over as they need to reconcile where the monies are from and that there’s not enough birthday beers to go around so only have one and not two , to which everyone nodded in agreement and in unison said happy birthday Sbend and thanks for the beers
Then 3 Klm for the walkers and 6 klm for the runners Jigsaw announced as we ran into the darkness
Being part of the running group ( true hashers ) and not giving a shit about who was walking or crawling
we were off and running up that one hill that Jigsaw told us was the only hill we would encounter on our run this evening!!!!
Well six hills later and six runners still running like gazelles that were being chased by a pack of cheetahs; we came to the end of the first circle of the figure 8 configuration and were looking forward to the second loop that was supposed to go in the anti clock wise direction as a figure 8 would normally go , but in true hash form that only hashers can Phaethon Jigsaw decided to do another clockwise loop that had us all thinking what the fuck is going on ? It was actually a cassette run and Jigsaw was probably thinking to himself and thinking to himself and thinking , what a great figure 8 run that was ! if I was to score the run I would be thinking figure 8 ; 6 klm s meet you half way score of 7
After the nosh The circle was called by GM Weekly
Asked to report on the run, returning runner Swollen Colon went on as if it was the run of the year ,great concept,great markings , not to far ,not to Long, exactly 6klms as stated , no rain , no wind , no snow , no pizza , no injuries.
I think Swollen knew Jigsaw had brought with him the coveted run of the year trophy and he was paying Jigsaw back with compliments.
The GM then found it difficult to find a hasher to give a nosh report ,not sure why because Jigsaw went beyond his imagination to come up with a nosh menu that was truely fit for our gourmet hashers , corn fritters topped with avocado, chicken thighs with lashings of coriander flavoured salad ,roasted beetroot and the roasted pears I am sure was a first for most of us this followed up by desert of yogurt and raspberries
Finally Dish licker was coax away from the smokers corner to report on the nosh but found it hard to give an unbiased report on the grounds of ? Sir Rabbit chipped in and said he loved the greens but thought it lacked carrots,Brengun and sir Rabbit gave dish licker a note
Down downs to returning runners and visitors also fuller shit and Harry from the knights got to drink the potion that sbend and poxy are brewing
Presentations of 2 left over trophy’s from the AGPU were presented to firstly swollen colon for run of the year which was very well received by swollen as his 3 mins 19 seconds acceptance Speech came from the bottom of his heart and just as the tears were starting to well up in his eyes after thanking everyone that helped him achieve this very special award, he was booed off the stage and given a down down
The trophy for worst nosh of the year was to woodsy ( not present again )
But after an over ride by phantom and an insult towards The GM for looking after his mates Sir Botcho received a down down and the worst nosh trophy
RA Two dogs had charges ready but 3 of the hashers that were to be charged were not present, Caustic ,magician ,and carefree can wait
Miscarriage charges Botcho for a light infringement
Hard on had the prick on and call on Sbend ,Aussie and Blackie as Potentials but as quick as he got them out he sent them back and awarded the prick of the week to arch villain Jigsaw for not wearing a helmet and something to d with a black marker to make him look like he was wearing a helmet
Booze masters report from Sbend was to shed some light on what to expect or not to expect from the booze masters who control what and how much we drink each week , there were cry’s of buy some more beer that would be good and we don’t give a fuck as long as it red and wet from the winos and it wouldn’t happen on my watch from Josephine , Sbend stood his ground and announced there will be change – no more drinking fucking crap beer ,no more drinking crap wine , quality is what this hash deserves and quality is what we are going to have and plenty of it ,take this Pilsner for example it’s the best money can buy and we are going to stock fucking heaps of it for you all to drink and drink and who the fuck is Don and it’s all about intention and interesting drinks up to $3 and I stand here saying let’s make hash great again
Next weeks run
ICEMAN — not quite there yet but decides this is good time to tell that bird in the freezer joke
Esplanade SouthPark
The esplanade opp Errol ave Paradise point
Best check it out on the hash web site or on there stork a book page
It’s more birthday beers next week compliments of our GM Weekly
Theme will be state of origin maroon or blue
GM left us all in deep thought with a quote from Winston Churchill
YOU WILL NEVER REACH YOUR DESTINATION IF YOU STOP AND THROW STONES AT EVERY DOG THAT BARKS
Are you allowed to throw stones at dogs ?
Where was I going ?
Is that only when my destination Is that church on the hill ?
I don’t even own a dog !
What about cats ? I hate cats
I’m confused
Who the fuck is Winston
Note to self – must go to hash more
I think Josephine closed the circle on what was a great evening organised by the hare Jigsaw and who ever else may have helped
ON ON
The scribe

Ps , Geez Sbend got mentioned quite a bit in the words but it was his birthday I think
Ps
if you have read these words you and your partner are invited to Swollen colons 60th birthday celebrations to be held at the Benowa bowls club starting at 7pm on the 30th of June Text 0408185229 to accept

Date: 21st May  2018…………………………….
Location: Arundel …………………………………
Runners: 34…………………………………………..
Run Pictures………………………………………….

Just before dark on this wintery night Truckie decided to scrambled up a young tree like an over sexed 18 year old so he can find that sweet spot for the LED flood light. As he scrambled up the tree he made light work of attaching it. He should do well as a tree lopper. Next time we should get a cherry picker for him.

Generally the runners got a bit lost and some circled back while others were confused about the marked arrows; maybe from the effects of the cool winters night in the reserve.
GM Weekly (Winston Churchill reincarnated) commenced the evening’s proceedings.

Visitors: GM called five runners into the circle. One was from Geraldton, the other hasher named Alice. He has been to Saudi Arabia and other exotic countries.

Everyone was asking, “who the fuck is Alice?” Another visitor was Solo, not Solo Lemon, he was from Dubai. The next visitor was Ringmaster, he has been in Vietnam and he has run in many other countries. Another visitor, Ballpoint, he has returned from planning for a wedding.

Run report – Sir Botcho, he was the hare of tonight’s wintery run. People’s comments say it would have been better if we all had a Range Rover. Some of the hash runners commented they did separate runs that evening.

Walk report – Fu@^ All said it was difficult to find your way in the darkness and needed a good torch to get around.

For the FUN GUYS in the group they were given a down down; Slug, Sir Botcho and Slab were the returning runners.

The Nosh report, KB. It was a good nosh. The curry sausages and hot thick soup went down well for a crispy evening.

RA was Shat, he was a stand in.

There was a down down for Sir Botcho, Fanny Charmer, Ice Man and Magician. Sir Botcho was becoming a royalist and he got a down down for singing God Save the Queen.

S- Bends reads the joke of the night;

A man, Mr Bruce Gibson, who goes under the criminal name of SLAB, has been charged after ongoing investigations into large-scale money laundering on the Gold Coast during which police seized more than $400,000.

Detectives from State Crime Command’s Organised Crime Squad and the Crime Commission, as part of on-going money laundering enquires inquires, stopped a Toyota SUV at Mermaid Waters.

After speaking to the driver, officers conducted a search of the vehicle and found cash totalling $40,000 and a flight ticket to Fiji.

The man 73, in Hash Home Harrier clothing, attempted to flee but was a slow runner.  An on-foot chase ended with the man allegedly resisting officers before his arrest. He is known to police.

Mr Gibson will appear in Southport court on 31st May.

Poxy told a joke about a person in the local pub….

Ballpoint entered the circle and presented a wooden spoon trophy to Bren Gun who in the past refused to accept it as he thought it was second hand.  There was chip out on the end of the spoon and he took exception to this defect. To Bren Gun’s past comments, it leads to a down down.

The prick of the week – the question was asked who polished the prick black?. This is under investigation and the culprit will be found out next week. The male appendage converted award was awarded to Hard On. He got it back from the deleting the data from the computer. He received it in good spirit.

Ballpoint will be given a royal wedding in the future. To be arranged by Jig Saw.

Jigsaw said next week’s run will be at Collegians Rugby Club.

The Splinter lunch is this Friday 25^th May at Costa D’Oro. Surfers.

Ballpoint, Flasher, STD (two dogs) was bought into the circle. He gave the run report.

The assistant booze master entered the circle with a bag of goodies and out of the Pandora bag was drawn a Santa Suit and other items from lost and found.

The GM called for a black backpack to be placed in the circle and mentioned that this fantastic bag only lasted one hour or so. It did not even hold a bottle of wine for long and fell apart. Someone said, well what’s wrong with that, it only came with one-hour warranty on it.

The GM also mentioned as a reminder that the Hash has made a special birthday shirt (Like the original) and can be collected from the back of the Ute later.

The circle closed at 8.55pm.

Date: 14th May  2018…………………………..
Location:Carrara …………………………………
Runners:35………………………………………….
Run Pictures………………………………………..

Before the start of the run by eager runners,

S- Bends advises that the money for paying for beers will be deposited in the yellow bucket, and the wine monies will be deposited in a separate clear container. This will assist to keep track of different costs.

At 7:15. GM Weekly calls that this run is a Memorial run for passed hashmen.

Prince presented the speech and gave a historic rundown on some important dates and times.

Sewerage.    1994.    He was a past GM.

Credits.        2002.    340 runs.    60 years of hashing. Past GM.

First Hill Tanner.      Died on a work site.

Peter Eustace…. Former Tasmania athletic champ.  He held a record there.

Ring Bork.

K.Y.    Ken Yarwood.

Doggy Dave.

Toothprick.

Geoff Maiden.  A past GM.

Bildge Pump.

Show Pony. Passed 2017 with 615 runs. Also past GM.

Moonbeam.  Passed 2017.  Completed 630 runs. Another past GM.

The mentioned were all great characters, all very fondly remembered and missed by all who remember true hash men.

Tuesday the 15^th May is the day that Sewerage passed away at 41 years of age. 21years ago.

Sadly, others such as Showpony and Moonbeam only one year ago.

Who could ever forget some of their cunning stunts? One never knew if Pony was telling the truth or trying to sell something.

Along with Moonbeam , they had a formidable reputation for hash fun run debacles.

Whilst, we fondly remember them all as always, tonight is Sewerage’s anniversary.

His first run number 73 in 1979. Last run 847.  Total runs completed are 527.

Encouraged his Telstra dignitaries’.

Few of many are, Sir Rabbit, Josephine, Commander and Old Fart.

A short musical interlude, prepared by Sir Rabbit of wind problems was cancelled. His recorded musical interlude of Indonesian Curry farts got blown away and failed to play. Was this was a normal Debacle. ?

The speech was concluded, by all singing a Hymn as a toast to all whom departed too young and left others to age disgracefully.

The GM recalled a circle at 8:35.pm.

The GM presented himself as Winston Churchill. He did look like Churchill complete with cigar in between the lips. The Bowler Hat, black coat and walking stick completed the image.

The GM’s quote of Winston Churchill was appreciated.

“Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.”

Geoff Lewis, our special guest speaker was invited to tell some history of his early hash days. Fond memories were of Port Moresby and Tony Morrow. About flying Tiger Moths overhead and bombing the poor runners with flour bombs. All those Good Old Days were good fun for all. Geoff also was involved in publishing a short book on hashing in 1978 where some runners were born from a horses arse.

Fond memories were also with a buxom lady called Elka Sinclair. Her great body had every one fall in love with her.

Geoff’s story telling was followed by a Down Down.

Visitors. A new member press ganged by Flasher. Down Down followed.

Returning runners.  Flasher.  Also attending the Gym now.

Run report. All happy with the run. Was a good run. Truckie and the GM took the Down Down.

Nosh report.  KB.   Woodsy worked hard at the BBQ.

The hash runners were very pleasantly surprised about what was for deserts.

There was this huge cake. So beautifully decorated with an up- curling wave of icing and the wave, was ridden by the hash bunny on a surfboard. One comment was. Are  we going to destroy that and eat that great work of art.?

After KB careful dissects all of it, it did not take long to disappear. Thanks to the baker, Mrs. Weekly.

Ice Man took a cold icing on the hard cold ice. But he kept his cool at all times.

There was a joke about a passenger flying economy class and wanting an upgrade.

Next week run. Will be back to basics with a lot of bush around. All TBA.

Sir Arsole, VD, Flasher, Fullershit, and Sir Rabbit were awarded for their runs achieved.

Prick of the Week. This trophy mysteriously was polished with black polish. Presented to Hard On for deleting data from the computer.

A data sheet was read about the Takata Airbags used and failed in different cars. Those represented were,  BMW,  Honda, Jaguar-Land Rover and Mitsubishi.

KB took another Down Down.

Brewtus called the circle to be closed. 8:35pm.

Date: 7th May  2018………………………………..
Location:Mudgeeraba …………………………….
Runners:25………………………………………………
Run Pictures…………………………………………….

The run was set up under three joined shelters with good table space and benches.

A donated LED floodlight was set up and the sun shone again on all eager runners.

This run was to be flour marked (No, not petals) run on rain soaked ground from afternoon rain. The rain decided it was not going to join the run and stayed away.

The mounds of flower stood up to the soaked conditions. A runner did however near the end of the up hill trail went past it. When questioned, he replied. I did even see that. Guess who that was?

The walkers made short work of the laid trail, as it was water soaked and deviated back to the shelters. You know who they were. They had the cleanest running shoes.

The runners returned to mention the wet conditions and the maze of paths available to take by mistake.  Thanks to Brutus for sharing his mossy repellent with others.

At the last minute we were joined by Kitchen Bitch, whom was in such a hurry because was in bare feet and quickly had to dress. Next time arrive early to avoid giving any deadly noxious fumes before the run.

On completion of the run, we took notice of Truckie to get the floodlight in that sweet spot securely. A real good Boy Scout job.

At 6:15 pm our newly elected GM Weekly called the circle.

His new Cabinet of office bearers was introduced.  There were comments from some of the runners that the new Scribe should show his new pen. That middle finger nearly did present. All returning runners were mentioned.   Prince was the PA for that evening. The evening entertainment comedian gave a new view to vehicles.

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect car for woman.

Mixing the Renault “Clio” and the Ford  “Taurus” they have designed the Clitaruus”.

Who the f#%@ is Tina.  We all know her well-said Slug. Also all the massage parlors. A Down Down was then directed to Slug, and Ferret. May be for his bad influence to others.

After the AGPU some members had to get back using luxury cars. One individual got cabin sickness and did not want to change the appearance to the carpet, got out and barked at the tarmac. Now remember that the Indian meal did not have diced carrots. You know why….. Brutus ate all of them.

A Down Down for KB for presenting himself with no shoes.

How about Rabbit taking off with two goodie bags, one on each shoulder after the AGPU. On his return home there was a 45 minute transport wait. Where else better to spend spare time, non other than Harbor Town. The 707 bus arrives, maybe the last for that night. Hey… where is my Go Card. After a frantic strip search his bus card is found.

A well deserved Down Down for this fellow.

To add insult to injury, an enquirer was asked how Care Free got his black eye. It is believes it is from asking for 50 cents donation for his coffee with S bend.

To ease the pain, another Down Down was in order.

Truckie just had to mention that KB arrived home in a shoveled state.

Run report.  Presented by Slug after he returned after sneaking off to make the ground more soaked.  Because he straying away, be got what was due….. A Down Down!!!

6: 30.pm it is pie time.  A tasty hot stew that would suit any home made pie.

Desert, an old Scottish recipe consisting of plaster of paris, oats and other secret mixes. The fermenting process of the Old Scottish desert gave it a lingering taste of alcohol.  In reality, all enjoyed it. Sir Rabbit was too chicken to taste it.

After the run report, which was said to be slushy but well marked, there was a Down Down to the Hare. .…. Mad Mike.

Blackie, Wrongway and Ferret gave the nosh report.  A question was asked if the Cous Cous was better than the old potato mash.

There is always a complaint from someone. Why did the local resident Possum, not join them at nosh time? He was too busy up the tree…..

A T-shirt was offered to the first buyer for $20. A superb Mothers Day present.

So.. who is the Prick of the week? Ha Ha Ha…. Who is he and where is he???

Brewtus closed the circle at 7:20pm

The joke in its entirety….

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault “Clio” and the ford “ Taurus” they have designed the “Clitaurus”.

It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won’t be able to find it – let alone turn it on – even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumour has it though; it can be a real bitch to start in the morning!!

Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of.

Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age.

Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the boot increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

The model is not expected to reach collector status.

Most owners find it best to lease one, and replace it when it becomes troublesome.

Date: 30th April  2018……………………………..
Location:Surfers Paradise ………………………
Runners:44………………………………………………
Run Pictures…………………………………………….

Your loving and caring committee had been working for months on getting ready for the best AGPU ever. We knew that our term was coming to an end and some were reluctant to give it up. Where shall we have the event? Seeing that the venue last year was banned due to Flasher plastering stickers everywhere, it was really a quandary. However, after much research, and visiting potential venues up and down the coast, one was finally found. Working out what to put into the goody bag proved to be another interesting effort. So many things to choose from. Did hashers want another t-shirt or pair of shorts? Some items looked great but were far too expensive; it would cripple the hash funds. After all, next committee would like to have some funds in the coffers!

It was to be an early start at 5:00 pm with everyone meeting up on the roof top Neal Shannon Park at the Bruce Bishop car park. For the first time ever, I was early and first to be there. I sat down at a bench in the usual gathering area and watched the girls’ volleyball teams across the play field, and a game of soccer nearby. Finally, about 4:30 I saw this lone figure ambling towards me. I thought, wow, Fuck All would have been first to arrive if I wasn’t there. We sat and chatted for a while and looked across the play field. A few leggy blonds strolled by, not that we were staring. Soon more hashers stared drifting in. About 5 pm the eskies came. Hash Cash Jigsaw sat down opposite me and started taking cash. Only $20 tonight, says he. About 5:30 Jiggy disappears and reappears with about 20 boxes of pizza. A bit later we saw a security guard come over to us and let us know that alcohol was not allowed in the park. So, we adjourned to outside the park at the end of Alison Street and continued with drinking and chatting. A good number of hashers turned up; including some I had not seen for years. AGPU must bring them out of the woodwork.

After a while Jiggy calls out for everyone to follow him to the next venue for a drink stop. We ambled to Surfers Paradise Boulevard, then along Cavil Ave to the Gringo Loco Cantina for a beer. One would have thought that they were not ready for us and they hastily started pouring glasses of beer. They had reserved an area for us on the pavement outside the bar, plenty of tables.

Next, we went through the courtyard back to Orchid Avenue and into the Meter Maids bar. A few got in and were quickly hustled out. Not sure if this was the next venue, but maybe someone forgot to mention that it was closed on a Monday, and no Meter Maids around. What a disappointment. Was it a fuck up or someone playing a joke? Will we ever find out? Blue Card and Jiggy will have some answers.

So, we continued to the next venue, Gilley’s which wasn’t far. Here the staff also seemed unaware and were furiously filling glasses. Poor Hard On was standing outside chatting to a couple of guys at a table. He was off booze due to serious medication he was taking and under very strict instructions from his GP or he may lose a few organs. Somehow, he got the message.

About 7 pm we wondered down into the Tandoori Place, and into the bowels of the earth. Felt like we were going down two or three flights of stairs and finally ended up in a large room with tables and chairs all set out. At least someone was expecting us and all ready. Scarlet was also ready and waiting for us. A quick replacement for the unwell Chrissy. She was introduced by Botcho, much to the disgust of the GM who wanted to get close to her. Rules about photography, then with formalities over, she become very informal stripping down to her skimpy black lace undies.

There was a head table set out for hierarchy, last chance to get some benefits. A chair was placed at the top table, in front of GM, for Scarlet. He was busy fondling her boobs, but her back was to the hashers. Anyway, she got up and started mingling with hashers at other tables, no doubt getting more cuddling and fondling.

There was plenty of wine for every table, and beers provided by the restaurant. Starters were onion bhaji and chicken bits. Main was a selection of beef, lamb, chicken and probably vegetable curries. There was dessert, but I didn’t have any so can’t comment.

After everyone had eaten, GM walked over to where the goody bags were stashed. He enlisted Scarlet to call out names and hand out a goody bag, along with a big hug, to each hasher. Seemed to be a bit of a mix up with a couple of hashers not getting their bag, sure Jiggy will remedy that soon. We heard that one bag fell and the bottle of red wine inside broke spoiling a few bags. The goody bag was a backpack, and inside was a bottle of red wine, a bottle opener, a head light, an embroidered t-shirt and a M4 Smart Bracelet, Fit Bit like. Apparently, it will tell you if you are asleep or awake, alive or dead, and if you have a heart.

Now to the awards.

• Worst Nosh went to Wrongway
• Best Nosh to both KB for his tunnel run extravaganza and to Sir Prince Valant
• Best Run went to Swollen Colon
• POW of the year to Flasher for him misdemeanour at last year’s AGPU
• Hash Man of the year to Jigsaw
• Only one Webmaster, Botcho got a big hug from Scarlet with a bit of a wiggle from the hips.

Lastly, the new Committee.

• Hash Scribe/OnSec went to Fuck All
• Trail Master went to Magician
• Hash Cash – Hal Al (he was practicing last week)
• Trailer Master went back to Truckie, I think he loves that trailer.
• Booze Masters are S-Bends and Now Loved
• Religious Adviser RA went to Sweat Hog
• New GM is Weekly
• Lastly Hash Flash went to Brewtus

Remember, no need to use dobin@keen.net.au if you have a story for RA and more, he won’t reply and will ignore you. Wait to next RA to set up a system for dobbing in.

One thing I did enjoy was setting the Hash Rally in March. Truckie did an excellent job also in suggesting some of the best locations to go through. Maybe hash can consider making this an annual event.

Although I was suckered into my role by Blue Card not long after the last AGPU, it has been an interesting experience. I tried to include the trail, the nosh, everyone who contributed to down downs and who was called to sing a note. I thank Circumference for filling in when I was away, and I occasionally got Sweat Hog, who I replaced, to do a couple of reports. Each has a different approach and style. Thanks also to Botcho for posting the words. Also, the Committee, which in true hash tradition, is run by a few and supported by the others in their roles. On On to the next Committee.

On on

Mad Mike