Location: Palm Beach
Date: 31st May, 2010
“Maaaaaate!” said VD over the phone in a slightly panicked voice at 5.30 last Monday night.”The powers been off all day and I am half way through cooking the nosh. Can you pick up 40 pencils on your way to hash?” With that VD hung up abruptly leaving me to consider my options. Could I do a lightning strike on the Keno area at Burleigh Bowls Club and get away with it? Then I remembered that anal bitch of a manager I used to have(I’m not bitter) who was never comfortable without 5 years supply of stationary and, casting aside dark and murderous thoughts, realised I had plenty of writing implements within my relocated home office.
At the On On site a much calmer VD handed out the questions that would have the pack traverse the attractive surrounding area in search of answers. One of the questions involved a bucket(was it Pink, Purple or Green?)and another related to how many pylons for the bridge(very disappointing that no hashers swam under the bridge to count)Due to logistical problems the bucket did not make it to the designated spot. However it did have a nice walk with Flasher around the headland.
His Eminence and Grand Master, Nasty, called the circle after a conversation stopping nosh of marinara in a beautiful red sauce followed by lamingtons and birthday cake from the GM himself. A very good feed indeed.
To begin proceedings Two Dogs returned the GM’s headdress and pondered if it had been left behind at his pad as some kind of hint. VD was called in to the circle and received a barrage of comments including “not hash tonight” from Botcho whilst Josephine called it “the car rally run” .In his defence VD remarked that he “thought it a good idea to show young blokes that you can do things differently.” Staying on track he awarded prizes to the joint winners Bung and Cameron. Bung liked the run as a winner would and Cameron thought it was a good concept .Asked by the GM what he thought of the nosh Pussy Boy replied “spectacular, today or tomorrow.” The hare enjoyed a Down Down.
Also partaking of DD’s were Sir Slab and Two Dogs for pushing in front of the GM in the nosh queue. Point Two was commended for standing back.
Moving along the GM called out all those who had been on committee in the last 5 years. As this was most of the circle Cum Smoke noted that calling out those who had done anything would be more effective.
“Innocent recipient” Caustic Crusader was invited into the circle as incumbent Prick of the Week and immediately listed as candidates Rainbow (no Friends)Flasher(bucket logistics failure) and Rug(looking cold)but settled on Cameron for taking 2 gulps to get a down down down.
Minister for Loose Ends, Sir Prince Valiant, then informed the circle that a certain hasher had defaced the National Park and used his question paper for other purposes. Tasting the retrieved evidence, diligently provided by Rainbow, Sir Prince went fi,fi,fo , declared it English and called out the ex-Englishman present. Pommy,Mumbles and Rug all stepped forward with Mumbles forced to acknowledge he was “guilty as charged.”as the defecating defacer.
Next came the birthday boys Josephine(52)and the GM(the big 50)Josephine told how the GM mentioned his party some weeks ago in an inebriated moment but forgot to actually invite him. Miscarriage charged Sir Rabbit with new shoes and the
fact that the tags were still on them was a dead give away .Sir Rabbit enjoyed a DD as did Caustic who was charged by Kitchen Bitch as being ”dyslexic and useless” as a navigator. Botcho charged Ferret with locking his keys in the boot and calling the RACQ without trying the drivers door. Josephine tried to influence the GM to make Ferret have his DD out of his Ugg boots.
Miscarriage gave himself a note after being charged by Pussy Boy for not singing and went on to describe his experience as the designated driver for Gordy, the GM’s father, at the recent splinter lunch and birthday occasion.After having some trouble with wheelchairs and automatic doors he deposited Gordy in the dining room at the nursing home only to be set upon by Nurse Ratchett who was unamused as to his state. She said she would have to medicate Gordy and probably thought she would like to do it to Miscarriage.
The evening concluded with Caustic and Kitchen Bitch giving a little dissertation on torches and VD informing the circle that Madamoiselle Latrine was injured after falling from his bike. We hope it’s not too serious.
Thanks to VD for an “interesting run” and a brilliant nosh.
Thanks also to Rug and Cum Smoke for stepping up in my rare absences and thanks to any who may have read these words over my tenure.
As it is still undecided as to the next On Sec all participants at next week’s AGPU are advised to bring pen and paper(the memory won’t work)in case they need to report on said magnificent event.