Run: 1701 AGPU
Date: 7th June, 2010
Hash Trash AGPU 2010
The winter chills of a brisk June evening saw the pack huddled in the Broadbeach Park prior to 6pm to make sure the fictitious bus would not leave without them. Members of the “rat pack” adjourned for the mandatory pre AGPU beer at Moo Moo, Swollen in his 3XL shirt looked more like a wayward schoolgirl than a hashman, promises to “keep his clothes on this year were met with some mirth and comments of “doesn’t matter anyway” cascade across the bar. Calls of “where’s the fucking beers “start to echo across the park
However the guise of the fictitious bus proved simple to be a ploy of the outgoing hierarchy to ensure all noted the arrival in style of the hierarchy in a further contribution to “the black hole” along with two suitably endowed assistants for the night that followed.
Your scribe will attempt to recall from the alcoholic fog and no notes the events of the 2010 AGPU.
The pack was led off by able trailmaster Botcho across four sets of lights and cross roads to arrive at Valentinos restaurant located some 20 metres from the original gathering point. Crown lager flowed like water and plates of anti pasta were consumed by the forty odd gathered on the pavement. It is already apparent that a couple of members had started their AGPU celebrations a little earlier, Pizza is already talking Swahili.
Nasty plays “Cinderella” with the GM’s hat looking for a likely candidate. Flasher’s 16 year old pith hat goes missing, KB gets the blame.
The pack adjourns to the restaurant private room built for 20 …. But no complaints as the two assistants have difficulty reaching through the gaps. Miscarriage and his twin are finally reunited, Latrine sculls his first bottle of red and Pizza is talking more shit. We are off to a flying start!! Pussy Boy has an unfortunate incident as the chair supporting him and an assistant attempting to wipe something off either side of his nose collapses under “the load”. Minutes later Dumbshit has a completely solo attempt at the same stunt, destroying the restaurant’s chair (more black hole). The noise is unbearable …. Ferret’s happy, he forgot the hearing aid. Camera shots prevail, Latrine’s on the second, Croc’s looking a bit strange, Dicky Knee breaks the diet, the maitre de attempts to read the menu, Cum Smoke gets noisier.
Flasher’s hat’s gone again … Dumbshit has it in safe custody.
The first round of awards is handed out to a roar of comments to all nominees.
Best run goes to …………Circumference
Best virgin run goes to………… Pussy Boy/Hitler
Most runs goes to………… Sir Rabbit
Best nosh goes to …………Kitchen Bitch
Worst nosh goes to …………Show Pony
Serial offender goes to ………….Cum Smoke
Greatest debacle goes to …………Aussie
Hashman of the year goes to ………… Kitchen Bitch
Hash service award over and above the call of duty goes to………… Botcho
The night continues …………..
Moonbeams can’t hear over the noise and more shit from Pizza, Main course arrives, Latrine gets scolded by the assistants for his red stash under the table, Croc’s deteriorating fast, Hash quite is the impossible plea from GM Nasty, Swollen part breaks the pledge to keep his clothes on, Assistants put a new meaning to “nipple rings”, Latrine’s asleep.
Moonbeams departs, Cum Smoke has got to 134 decibels, Private Dicky Knee has hat on backwards for racing, Blowfly watches the booze black hole blow out to enormous proportions, Flasher’s hat is totally missing, Two Dogs breaks into a cold sweat … GM announcement is coming up, Caustic takes over Latrines red tasting duties, Mumbles and Pizza now understand each other perfectly, VD offers the assistants some advise on Thai dancing and cultural aspects, Assistants have little regard for VD’s opinion, VD offers advice to younger members, younger members have little regard for VD’s opinion, Croc is officially pissed, Assistants depart, Sir Prince calls for Hash Quite and the room drops to a hush…………………. It’s time for the hierarchy announcements.
The Hierarchy Oscars are announced as follows.
Minister for loose ends ………….. Sir AH
On Sec ………….. Kitchen Bitch (F#@&)
Trail Master ……………… Caustic Crusader
Booze Masters ……………. Goat Farker/Cumagen
Religious Advisor …………… Cum Smoke
GRAND MASTER ……………….. FLASHER !!!!!!!!
With the formalities over it was time for a serious bout of Cum Smoke with his newly found powers, working on the old adage “if the shoe fits wear it” our new religious Advisor was in full flight in association with the new GM Flasher ……. down downs and the new innovation for 2010-11 “ICE BUCKETS” were dished out to unruly members including EX GM Nasty.
WELL DONE to Nasty and all Nasty party Hierarchy on an excellent Hash year!!!!!
The evening’s entertainment concluded with a superb display of pole dancing from officially pissed Croc, Cum Smoke headed off to the “big house”, Nasty went home sober, Pizza and Mumbles are in love, Flasher’s hat mysteriously turns up, Flasher decides he doesn’t need it coz he has brand new shiny one now, KB gets the hat, and that’s the end of that.
On On …….. KB.