Date: 5th July, 2010
From one extreme to the other was the arrow count this week Blowfly’s arrows last week were on steroids and it appears the GFC has hit Jigsaw’s coffers pretty hard leaving one piece of school chalk to mark the entire run. People must parked cars on top of them was Jigsaw’s helpless fee. (amazing how they do that in a sealed drainage area) What a “fuck up” “another debacle” echoed around the streets of Benowa as the pack wandered aimlessly looking for the random arrows not to be found or on backs that were more like on-on Oh fucks!! Public relations manager was busy prior to the run sorting out international relationships with a Benowa resident obviously tired from watching the world cup help in her home country and not appreciating our outrageous behavior of shining the torches on the ground. ( Go figure?????) The Neighbor obvious got her own back with a voodoo curse on poor Miscarriage who returned from the run with substantial bark missing from his left arm and knee. Claiming later it was an obstacle course fell un unsympathetic ears and comments about height restrictions on speed bumps were heard to flow from the taller members of the pack. Toughen the fuck up Miscarriage !!
Somehow the pack made it back to the start point and all adjourned to the Jigsaw pad around the corner ( or two) to gather for a few beers and some light hearted banter from Blackstump before an early exit to avoid getting POW that was obviously heading his way. The tale went something like this …….. it appears Blackstump has a real bent toward cross dressing, his excuse to do this was to perform as Pricilla QUEEN of the dessert with his favourite horse trained to the maximum and ready to act on Blackstump”s every command. Well it appears everything was going perfect and Blackie had this horse tuned to perfection. The big day comes and Blackie rolls out with his Lycra gear, fishnet stockings, foils in the hair and a massive flowing cape to top it off. ( How come he’s got all this gear ?????) Well that’s all great, but Blackie has omitted to tell the horse about this. The horse says I’m the fuck outa-here and Blackie ends up arse up in the dust with the crutch torn out of his favorite pair of fishnets and the family jewels dangling in the dust ( Hence the name ….. Blackstump). Hmmmmmm …Rule one of hash Blackie … watch out for the POW .(I think it’s still headed your way
Ozzzzie continues to suck up to the GM with special helpings of the fantastic quiche (we can say that as we had French visitors) otherwise it would have been vegetable, bacon and egg slice ( Real men don’t eat quiche .. rule one again.) An executive table of Bent Banana, Miscarriage, Rug and Show Pony is observed in the dining area of the house ……. Rumor has it …. It was Show Pony’s cooking school.
Main course of a pasta with salad and an excellent topping of mushrooms bacon and Jigsaw’s secret herbs and spices sees nominations for “hash of the year” flowing fast. Show Pony is seen sneaking into the kitchen to see how it’s done.(Don’t bother) Jigsaw is clearly watching “masterchef”. Sweets follow with every member of the pack consuming the ginger sauce over ice-cream and ginger biscuit to top off a great effort.
GM gets permission from Josephine to convene circle at 8.45 PM
Jigsaw’s moment of glory with the nosh is about to come crashing down!!!! GM calls for comment on the run. Aussie and Miscarriage both give it a pasting followed by Caustic as trail master giving his usual caustic comments. Mad Mike gives Jigsaw 9.9 for the nosh but it is still not enough to save him from the debacle of a run. Jigsaw gets iced ( Not a pretty sight) Caustic gives a note and Jigsaw takes a DD.
Our French visitor “Holy Nun” and his unmentionable are called to circle and promptly pose for a “santa shot” with our iced member. Shut up Jigsaw say GM ….. I’ll fix this !!!!!! Then Jigsaw gets “boned” Holy Nun turns out to be the original “ I’ve been everywhere man” including running the Gold Coast marathon in two hours even. Bent Banana gives a note … all three get a DD
Returning runners are Show Pony …. Been running with border hash. Also Miscarraige …….. Been in Phuket inspecting temples and spreading goodwill. Two Dogs strikes a note and Jigsaw is OFF THE ICE.
GM announces that the GM is not there to entertain the pack each week ……. In fact the pack is there to entertain the GM. So starting this week he expects to be entertained. He claims on Saturday night Botcho came out of the closet (Hmmmmmmmm !! What does that mean??) So now he is expected to sing to some canned music GM has found in some opp-shop somewhere. Not the same when you’re sober ….. another fuck up !!!!!!!! Botcho’s forgotten the words and stage fright has set in big time.
GM calls for the R/A who immediately calls for charges.
Miscarriage is straight out of the blocks making remark to the ancestry of the arguing neighbor, only to discover that Caustic has the same South African background, ex wife or something ( Hence the name …….. Caustic) Holy Nun gets roped in too and numerous soccer jokes flow from the gathering, much to the amusement of the pack (GM is happy …… he’s been entertained) Dunmbshit gives a note.
POW Josephine is called to circle and declares Blackie was a “cert” but he has scampered.
Next in line are hierarchy members Cumagen … fucked up the booze !! Hash Cash …… a limp protest about extra fees. R/A for being a “nutter”( we all know that) and wearing stockings borrowed from Blackie. Even a major swipe at the GM … something about the G#@ (can’t print it) mardi gras (Hmmmm!!! Might be the hat ???)
However the vote went to Miscarriage ……… seems wanting to put your bone in Jigsaw’s mouth and an interesting time in the Merchant Navy has Miscarriage a strong contender for breaking “rule one”
Josephine gives a note and yet another member fails to finish the piss pot in one go…. 4 out of 4 so far!!!
A touching moment followed with a reuniting of four of the seven dwarfs gathered for a photo opportunity.
Next week’s run is Aussie ……. Bring your wet weather gear …….it ALWAYS rains on Aussies run!!!!!!
Harley Park opposite Charis seafoods in picturesque downtown Labrador.
Circle closed….. 9.20 PM
Kitchen Bitch, On Sec