The Annual Hash Relay is on our door step this year. Truck Tyres and your Hierarchy needs numbers for our team!!
Hare: Hard On and helpers
Ohhhh this was certainly going to be an interesting night! Firstly, it was at MacIntosh Island, a well-trodden location for most of us by now and thus likely to be fairly predictable, or so most of us thought.
The first bit of unpredictable behaviour was the announcement by the hare, Hard On, that “this is an unmarked run guys..there’s no chalk” with the run being conducted on the basis of the appointment by Hard On of several “marshals” at various points along the run to indicate to us where we were to proceed to the next “marshal”. These “marshals” consisted of three members of the Warriors Premier Cycling Troupe, namely Swindler, Shat and Kwakka, all riding their trusty steeds from point to point and giving us clear instructions as to where to go. “Field Marshall” Hard On stayed back at headquarters to organise the troops responsible for assistance with kitchen duties and other roles associated with looking after base camp, including stopping those pesky walkers from hoeing into all the goodies before the runners got back to base. This was apparently a lesson learnt from last week when the runners allegedly missed out due to the voracious appetites of the walkers and the hash debacle that took place in having the food out before everybody came back in, leaving some runners with no food and having to lick the pots clean to get some sustenance.
The second bit of unpredictability was when we were all shepherded onto the Sundale Bridge..most of us thinking “oh yeah, here we go again…yawn, yawn…..across to Queen Street, down Ferry Road and across Chevron Island and back home” but no, it was not to be! The “marshall” positioned almost at the northern end of the bridge whispered “false trail” to those of us approaching him huffing and puffing…with some responding with “we’re going to chuck your bloody bike over the bridge you prick!”…back we then went over Sundale Bridge, around the cove to the Southport Yacht Club, across into the park and down towards the surf club where we were met by a drink stop, with several cold crownies being offered to the runners…but with those of us on the SRS (SlugRugShat) diet politely declining as beer is verboten on the diet.
Down the beachfront we then proceeded, across the bridge back into MacIntosh Park and to the base camp to be greeted by the Field Marshal and his underlings, all scurrying around getting the nosh ready. In all, a fairly predictable run with some interesting twists and for a “city run”, not too shabby at all…an easy way to ease back into running for yours truly after 780 km of cycling in FNQ.
I can only guess that the run consisted of a stroll up to the beach, but I did hear that a pub was found somewhere along the way!
Hard On has truly impressed with his nosh…first course being cups of vichyssoise soup with dollops of sour cream, traditionally being a leek and potato-based soup but tonight being substituted by pumpkin….comments included “the best hash soup I’ve ever had (Phantom)”, “not bad soup, eh? (Ferrett)” and “the sweetener before we get the carcinogenic chicken (Iceman)”.
Main course consisted of lovely grilled breast of chicken fillets, with bacon, coleslaw, pineapple and tomato served on fresh burger buns. Unlike what I am told happened last week, there was an abundance of food and some hashers were seen to go for seconds and thirds of everything, whilst some just hovered around the bbq plates and picked off morsels that they fancied. There certainly was no reason to go hungry tonight!!
Dessert was courtesy of Hard-On’s bakery mate…beautiful apple slice…some of which obviously didn’t travel too well, but was nevertheless extremely tasty, and served up with generous dollops of first grade ice-cream.
Circle tonight started with Moonbeams announcing “start of circle!”…gee, this is getting formal under the new hierarchy!
The GM enquired of Hard On as to the theme of his run, to which came the response “I’ve no fucking idea!”. The GM responded with a clue, donning a large hat with an American flag on it…of course!! American Independence Day…hence the theme of tonight’s run is exactly that…most befitting of the apple pie and the grilled chicken..very American indeed!
Comments on the run were sought from those gathered and Iceman immediately started…”ha ha ha!!..the checks were extraordinary….like a Cook’s tour of Europe” and Caustic observing “we were basically led astray by a bunch of cyclists…or should I say the Wobbly Wankers!!”.
Weekly commented on the walk, describing it as “superb”, no doubt due to Nasty’s observation that the beer stop on Tedder Avenue was the bit that was superb.
First out for a down-down were Hard On and his three marshals for the run and nosh then came further DD’s for Fucknucke and Mr D. It turns out that Fucknuckle is a “foundation member” having been in it some 20 years ago and only now making his return….”I was a little bit sick” he says…Welcome back!!. Turns out that Fucknuckle’s brother was called “Fucks with Arrows” due to a propensity to rub them out on runs and when his brother said “I suppose you’re going to call me something stupid like Fucknuckle now”…Fucknuckle it was!! Gotta love the cruelty of the hash! He decided to not seek a change of name lest it be something even more offensive.
Iceman was presented with his 100 run t-shirt and proceeded to tell one of his appalling (but funny) jokes, thus earning him a DD.
Moonbeams was presented with his T-Shirt for his 600th run…commenting “shouldn’t it be 1600?” to which came the reply from the crowd..”it’s only for this hash you twit!” .
Poor old KB was called out to the front and congratulated for running between the bbq shelters…it qualifies as a run and it is great to see him turn over a new leaf as a confirmed athlete, unlike last year when he did bugger all other than cook and be GM. KB was also castigated for not having his POW regalia on during circle.
Swindler copped a DD for having three roosters on his Chevron Island ponderosa and all of them going off at 5.00am…surely impressing the neighbours no end!
Nasty and Hard On were called to the centre stage and Nasty recounted how Hard On had secured the site for tonight’s nosh, including chatting up a chicky-babe from Chile, surely the reason why he had forgotten to mark out the run and having to resort to his mates acting as marshalls.
KB nominated Rock Hard for putting the gourmet back into the hash last week (not!!!).
Charges from the floor came from Caustic against KB for neglecting to invite any of the hash to the chairman’s lounge at the Suns match, to which he took his A-list wife. A well deserved DD for that one! To compound the humiliation, KB was also awarded the “Useless” shirt.
Sir Prince Valiant recounted one of Miscarriage’s adventures in Cambodia…well, at least that’s where his wife thought he was, meantime he was off in Phuket, Thailand, at a hash event.
Phew!!…I think that’s all for today folks!!
Moonbeams did his duty calling “end of circle” in time for us all to race home to watch Q&A or the Tour de France.
A FINAL NOTE – thank you to Caustic for filling in for me doing the words the last couple of weeks AND to all of you who very generously contributed to myself and my wife in our fundraising for the Cairns to Karumba bike ride, a big thankyou!!