Tonight’s run was from the future site of Miscarriage Mansions at the end of Blackstump Drive in Gilston, also known to most of us who hug the coastal fringe as out in the middle of bloody nowhere!
The masses, all twenty of us, eventually managed to make our way down to the spot where the trailer was to be set up, but at 6.15pm there was still one notable absence from the gathering, the hare! Just in the nick of time came the words “I’m fucking here, what are youse all going on about??” and a quick explanation of the run walk was duly provided… “walkers, there’s a street walk and a bush walk…who wants to do the street walk?” …to which there was not one single response. “This is going to be a bloody debacle!” uttered Sir Prince Valiant…and Rock Hard was heard to say “where’s the fire?…let’s just put the food on now!”. The run was to be marked by toilet paper and as the terrain of the future Miscarriage Mansions is somewhat hilly, the hare stated “you blokes that are running are not going to come back feeling cold”. With cries of “on on” and “fuck, it’s bloody freezing!”, off we all set into the dark.
Apart from the assurance that we would not come back feeling cold and most of us having a good knowledge of the terrain, we had no idea where we were going to be led until we set off and Missing Link immediately observed “this is just going to be the reverse of the last run we did here!” as we all set off up a 45 degree incline. Up, up and up we all seemed to go, with most of us walking up the hills rather than running. At one point there was the hare, standing at the top of a hill directing us all onto the next hill and he was heard to utter the words “come on, you blokes are supposed to be running!” which was met with a few colourful responses from many of us.
In true Hash tradition, several of us were left behind, namely yours truly, Iceman and Missing Link, with the pack having long disappeared over into the next valley as we made it to the top of a massive hill. Thanks to Missing Link, we were able to find the trail again, but only after yours truly had tripped through a barbed wire fence, thinking that the trail might have gone through it. At a large arrow marked with toilet paper, the aforementioned trio decided to follow it and it wasn’t a long way home from there, and we didn’t realise that the arrow was intended for the walkers only, with the runners supposed to continue on away from base camp. Oh well, we’d done enough, stuff running any more, so back it was to get into the entrees before the runners doing the whole run came back…fuck them!
It was bloody ages before they all came back in, complaining about how long a run it was, how hilly it was and all other manner of whingeing and moaning. At least we had left them heaps of the entrée snags!! We “early returners” had of course grabbed all of the best seats around the blazing fire, beaten only by those who had shortened the run or walk even more, including Jigsaw, Ferrett, Miscarriage’s father, KB, Lurch and Sir AH, all of whom seemed very settled and giving the impression that they had been nowhere other than to their cars to get their fleeces.
Apart from complaining that no prick was drinking the VB, our booze master, Weekly, apparently had taken Miscarriage Snr under his wing and had walked with him to the first bit of toilet paper and then promptly turned around and came back.
It was observed that most of us, despite the blazing fire, still stood around freezing our bollocks off on this lovely winter’s evening, apart of course from last year’s hierarchy, all of whom had donned their arctic quality jackets that they had generously provided to themselves whilst on hierarchy…to quote Rock Hard.. “yep, we had our snouts in the trough, but we sacrificed our Paris trip to get these!!”
The hare indicated, probably as a warning that “last year I got trailer nosh of the year and I wanted to make sure that I put myself right out of contention this year!”. Oh dear!! Despite this warning, entrees consisted of snags and white bread…great on a cold winter’s night! Mains was rump steak sandwiches with salad, desert was a couple of Aldi cheesecakes. Not too shabby at all really, so well done Miscarriage.
Our venerable GM made the decision that circle would be a sitting down affair around the brassiere, which by now was blazing hot and spewing embers in all directions, with most of copping them, depending on wind direction.
It was noted that KB was dressed in his now customary hash gear, full business attire with not one item of hash clothing to be seen. Isn’t that a rule 1.1.2 infringement?? Certainly enough to earn himself the down-down that he got.
Asked to comment on the run, Bent Banana’s response was “that’s a bloody good fire!”.
Ferrett was asked to comment on the food… ”the steaks looked nice before they went on the BBQ!” and Lurch (who??, where’s he been??) in gentlemanly fashion commented “lovely!”.
Miscarriage Snr and Lurch were called out for their down-downs as returning runners. Welcome back guys. It was suggested to Miscarriage Snr that he must be proud of his son, to which he responded “why???”.
Sir PV told a yarn about another one of Miscarriage’s debacles involving a farewell to SPV’s French daughter…no more need be said on that topic other than confusion in Miscarriage’s mind about Australian and French farewell customs. Another down down for Miscarriage!
Caustic informed the circle about the debacles with the Simpson Desert splinter group..apparently Slab has left Freddie’s sleeping bag at home and the temperature out there at night is -8.0 centigrade..he’s bound to be popular and should get a down-down for that one when he gets back.
Prick of the Week went from Rock Hard to Caustic this week and of course this was met with howls of protest by the recipient, saying this is all bullshit and trumped up charges! Suck it up Petal, you’re not immune from this stuff anymore!!
Next week’s run will be a joint effort between Sir AH and Sir Blackstump and will be from the corner of Nerang-Advancetown Road and Beechmont Road..another bloody trek out into the wilderness for us coastal dwellers!
End of circle announced by Ferrett… “about time I got the fucking honour of doing this…end of circle!!”