Hare: The Swollens
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Tonight’s run came to us courtesy of our hare, Swollen Colon and his lovely wife, Mrs SW, otherwise known as Leanne and I feel compelled to say that we sometimes forget the effort that the hares put in each week in setting a run for us all, organising a nosh, including all of the inevitable running around buying stuff and then bringing it all together on the night….and all in the name of mateship and with a sense of generosity…it’s appropriate to remember that the Hash is all about friendship and all of us putting ourselves out for each other…so a big thankyou everyone who makes an effort on their run and those who help in any small way each week to make the runs fun for us all….and again it is timely to also remember that our two booze-masters lug all the Eskys and ice for us week in and week out..thanks Weekly and Brewtus!
To the run….what the hell is Swollen Colon doing out of his postcode two weeks in a row???? Surely this is unprecedented!!! Yes, here we were in the depths of 4211, way, way away from 4217, at the Nerang Velodrome for a tortuous run through the Nerang Forest, which I understand is Swollen Colon’s regular training ground. …lucky for yours truly that he saw some Hashers going into the venue otherwise I would never have known that we were congregating inside the velodrome in the undercover veranda of the pavilion….you learn something new every day!!
We were all called to attention by Swollen Colon using a megaphone and with the sound of a bombing raid horn and the runners were assured that the run was going to be tough and that we likely would not be back before 8.00pm…did Circumference know something I didn’t, because this was the first time I have seen him carrying a bottle of water on a run…and as for Miscarriage, why the need for an emergency stash of cash on the run??
Off we set to the instructions from the hare…. “go up that way” and we all thought we’d be straight into the depths of the forest when to our surprise, after a short distance on the bike track and a short stint in the forest, we were back out on the street and heading towards the pony club. After a short while, sure enough, into the forest we went and that is when the “fun” started. Up and around, up and around we went, making sure that we did not get separated….at least not in the early stages….shortly into the run, Josephine and Circumference thought they’d had enough… “home’s that way…fuck it…we’re going back otherwise we’ll never get out of here!!” one of them was heard to mutter as they headed off down the path.
The rest of us kept going…and going and going…and suffice to say that we did all get separated in the end, despite efforts to stay together…at one stage, feeling totally lost, yours truly heard Botcho saying in the distance “trust me, I’m a Hasher!” before losing sight of him for the rest of the run…yours truly was left with Miscarriage and Brewtus for support, with others breaking off into their own little groups and taking various shortcuts when they realised where the trail went. Yours truly and Miscarriage took tumbles…one in my case and two for Miscarriage…it certainly can get dangerous out there in the woods!!…and thanks Miscarriage and Brewtus for staying back with me whilst I recovered from my fall!
At one stage, at the top of a ridge, we were all feeling like members of that lost African tribe of pygmies…the “Fuck-Are-We”…with all of us declaring that we were members of it, calling out “we’re the Fuck-Are-We!!”…All in all it was a great run, as they tend to be in the Nerang Forest, and when we complained back at base camp about the lack of paper on the run, the hare said that his run must have been sabotaged as he had marked it well that morning with toilet paper! Anyway, eventually we did all make it back, despite the fact that there was 500 metres between markings for most of the run. The run came in at around 7.5 km for most of us so not too shabby at all.
Yet again it was demonstrated that simple is often best….Lovely roast lamb casserole, with lashings of peas, potatoes and carrots for mains, with soft, fresh bread rolls on the side…..simple and tasty…and for dessert we had apple pies warmed on the open fire…it doesn’t get much better than this!!!! Again, thanks to the hare and Mrs Colon for their efforts. The twenty runners seemed to lap it all up….many of us went back for seconds and Blackstump was heard to say to Weekly, in his usual diplomatic style…”fuck, no wonder you’re so bloody fat!”…oh dear, let’s hope Weekly isn’t offended enough to go back to Rotary for another twenty years!!
Tonight into the circle we welcomed two visitors, Nutcracker from the Posh Hash in Sydney and Miscarriage’s nephew from Adelaide, Blake…out for a down-down they came and then Blake went out the back for a quick ciggie…makes you sick how these young folk can abuse their bodies but run like the wind!!!
Miscarriage came out for his regular down-down, this time for not only falling over twice on the run but for also losing $100 that he had stuck in his sock. Some lucky mountain bike rider with good eyes is going to be very happy!! Jigsaw and yours truly did consider for a fleeting moment whether we should re-do the run to see if we could find the money, but decided that going home to watch Q&A was a much better idea.
Josephine came out for a down-down on the pretext of being involved in the re-naming of one of the world’s most expensive diamonds to the “Blue Moon of Josephine”!!
Yours truly was the subject of a charge from the floor by Miscarriage and was called out for a down-down, accused of being an ISIL sleeper agent!! I must stop wearing that stupid little beanie in circle!!
Caustic gave us an update on the goings-on in Burma……Truckie has lost all his money, his credit cards and his phone…yawn, yawn, what a surprise! Moonbeams has survived the scooter ride but is bleeding from all sorts of funny places…keep it up champ…live life!!
And that is about all for tonight’s run…circle closed by Josephine… “end of circle”!!
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