Location: MacIntosh Island, Surfers Paradise
I cannot do anything other than start tonight’s words with the following…
WELCOME BACK SHOWPONY!!!!…..I am sure that we are all pleased to have you back where you belong, amongst your Hash friends…it is great to have you back!! Also great to see one of our other stalwarts, whom we know has not been travelling too well of late..Moonbeams…also great to have you back!
Tonight we all gathered at the usual bbq shelter at MacIntosh Park in the middle of Surfers Paradise, a well known and dare I say, well loved venue for a hash run. The hare tonight, Shat, always seems to come up with interesting variations for his central Surfers runs…I recall that we once did a run where there were no markings, just a couple of pages of photos of landmarks as the checks and that was good fun. Tonight there was a slight variation…five envelopes were handed out (secretly) to various runners who were basically all being live hares with the instructions for the next leg of the run…it made for discipline as we were forced to regroup for the ceremonial opening of each envelope along the way.
The runners headed off into the wilds of Southport along the Sundale bridge, with many a complaint about the heat, the fact that there were no markings on the ground, and other feeble complaints that would justify aborting and turning back for home. Half way along Brighton Parade Botcho was heard to proclaim.. “fuck this for a joke…it’s too bloody hot to run..I’m buggered and we’re still heading away from home…” but he kept on plugging on nevertheless.
There was a regroup near the corner of Akes Avenue, where Sir Two Dogs then confidently directed us even further away from home base and with many of us thinking “bloody hell, the prick is going to take us over Chevron Island to get back”…that would indeed be a long run! Fortunately Shat was not that cruel to us and instead we somehow found ourselves at the bottom end of Ferry Road, from where we kept heading back into Southport, where the next regroup was to be at the Southport Bowls Club….unfortunately that is where yours truly must end his run description because as it happens, I always carry my phone with me and fortuitously, my Go-Card is always tucked into its holder and….well, a tram just conveniently happened to have come along and stopped at Queen Street at the right time…..I hope you all had a great run back to home base guys!!!!!!
I am reliably advised that many runners modified the run to suit themselves, as it is after all quite well known territory, but I did not see anyone else on the tram!! Sorry Link and Iceman if I kept you wondering where I’d gone…I did wave to you from the tram!!
Back at home base we all agreed that it was a good run and we enjoyed the saga of the envelopes instead of markings on the ground. Overall, one can only say that it was a good run Shat, you did well. We all were unanimous in concluding that there actually is nothing wrong with a good street run. Of course, being in the postcode of 4217, you guessed it….our resident explosives expert, Swollen Colon was in attendance, letting off crackers and stink bombs both before the run, during the run and during circle…..including attempting to incinerate the booze bucket, which seemed to have a couple of hundred dollars in it at the time!!!! Poor Weekly went into a real tailspin about that one…fortunately the only damage done was a couple of slightly fried $50 notes.
Whilst Shat took credit for a solo effort on the nosh, it was plainly obvious that this was a first class production of the GOLD COAST HASH HOUSE HARRIERS PREMIER CYCLING TROUPE…AKA “THE WARRIORS”!!! There they all were, proudly and generously ensuring that all of us were well fed tonight, dishing out great dollops of salad and potatoe and mince bake, of which there was an ample supply, meaning that the gluttons amongst us could easily go back for generous second helpings. Dessert was individual apple pies topped off with a scoop of ice cream and lavish servings of custard. Warriors, and particularly Shat, you have done the Hash proud, you really have!!
Out front to start were all first time 2016 runners, including Showpony, Ferrett, Aussie, Moonbeams, Swollen Colon, Colonel Klink, Josephine, Now-Loved, Brewtus, Swindler and Caustic…in fact there were so many out the front for a down-down that Circumference stated “we should fuck them all off and the rest of us should get up….it would be cheaper!!”
Second out the front for a down-down is our young Brewtus, for demonstrating that he clearly has a high sperm count….congratulations again mate!!…We expect that as soon as he is out of nappies, you will introduce our newest Hashman to us all.
Before leaving the floor, the GM reminded us all that if we bring our own booze to Hash, it will be $5.00 corkage.
Onto the RA…..who immediately called myself, Latrine and Jigsaw out the front for a down-down for “mischievous behaviour” during the run. My misdemeanour is described above…goodness only knows what Jigsaw and Latrine were guilty of doing…I am afraid I wasn’t listening too closely, but I am sure that it was well deserved.
Showpony was dragged out the front for failing to bring the Prick of the Week paraphernalia…with his excuse being “that prick (pointing at yours truly) wrote in the words that I should have it in perpetuity!!”…several Hashers looked at each other and muttered “what does in perpetuity mean???”. Hopefully it turns up next week!!
Swollen Colon brought an ambit charge that none of us have the ability to run in a pack! Of course we can’t run in a pack with him around…we’re all shit scared of getting blown up!!
Caustic also brought an ambit charge that “all you pricks have drunk my mid-strength…you pricks!”
The RA then handed proceedings back to the GM who finished it off by bringing Jigsaw and Sorry out the front to drink from their brand new shoes!!…never a problem when you always get your shoes from Vinnies!!
As Moonbeams is back, he ended the circle with his usual refrain “end of circle!!”
That’s all folks!!