Run 2032…Hare: Kwakka

Run 2032


Location: Chevron Island

Hare: Kwakka


The Run

Despite the weather being somewhat inclement there was a good turnout of 21 hashers for Kwaaka’s run on Chevron Island.  Kwaaka had seen his run washed out twice so Two Dogs was given a piece of Gyprock and the runners set off over the bridge towards Surfers.

The walkers did the circuit of Stanhill Drive where recently returned Magician sought advice on how to deal with an infestation of termites.

The Nosh

Due to the pack arriving back a bit earlier than expected there was a wait before the nosh arrived.  Flasher and BB had sourced some new bottled reds and there were German beers left over from last week. The Devlin’s Mount Shiraz received favourable comment.

Entrée of sausage rolls and party pies was followed by a main course of lasagne, salad and bread rolls.  Desert was a tasty mousse.  The lasagne received favourable comments, even KB who was a late arrival was impressed.

The Circle

Down Downs:

Hare: Kwaaka

Visitor: Bren Gun who is still finding his way back to Brisbane after Friday’s Splinter Hash.  After casting aspirations on Shat and Slab being rejects from Brisbane Men’s Hash, he told a great story about Layout back dooring him.  Reminded me of an episode at James Cook University however that’s another story.

Birthday: Truck Tyres – 7?

Sinners: Prince Valiant, Brutus, Magician, Miscarriage

Returners: Bren Gun, Magician, Fuller Shit, Nasty

Trucks Tyres: for his love affair with Ice Road Truckers and attempting to fit an oversized bull bar to the Suzuki Vitara.

Prick of the Week: The GM who was presented with the award at last week’s Octoberfest Run called out those who would be absent for the next two Monday runs into an inner circle. By process of elimination amonst those remaining hashers in the outer circle, Weekly received the Prick.

Last Down Down of the Night : Magician who suspects he may have picked up Zika virus in the Philippines. Was that a mosquito bite or sexual transmission?

In the absence of Moonbeans, Ferret and Josephine, the circle was closed by Botcho.

Slug (Stand-in Scribe)

Special Report from Circumference…Boys on Tour


Sir Prince Valiant(SPV) has a regular catch up with his old Melbourne University mates from time to time and this time instead of sunny Port Douglas where the pale Victorians like to get some spring sunshine, this time they decided to stay in Melbourne for Grand Final weekend, to protect their white winter skin from the FNQ sun. So SPV organised himself to fly down on Friday for the first function that evening and then attend the second function at the AFL GF at the MCG on Saturday. He happened to mention his trip to Miscarriage(MC) who said that as he was also going to the GF, they could catch up. SPV said as he just happened to have a spare ticket into a corporate box, it would be all organised. They arranged to meet at the Young & Jacksons Hotel for game preloading. So on Saturday morning, a pretty dusty hungover SPV fronted up to the busy CBD hotel where MC was already on his first Carlton Draught. After a couple of these, they proceeded to the G, found their box and were soon sucking on Crownies (quite a few were consumed during the afternoon’s game).

After the GF was decided in a history making doggy style, they decided to go for a feed in Lygon Street, a far safer dining precinct these days compared to the Underbelly years. They were plucked off the street and given a window seat in Mafiossi’s Trattoria ,by head spruiker and maitre de, Salvatore (SAL) which was the name on his name tag. They quickly ordered the veal scalloponi so as to get the 20% early diner’s discount. Salvatore got a couple of bottles of the Yarra Valley’s finest chiraz for taste tests, and they chose a sneaky 2012 red to compliment their mains. Salvatore had noticed the names that they were calling each other – Miscarriage and Prince and couldn’t help himself from asking about their names.

The conversation went something like this –

SAL to SPV- Why do you call him Miss Carriage when hessa man. Shouldn’t it beea Mr Carriage ?
SAL to MC – And you call him a Prince, why ? He doesn’t sing as well , does he, like the dead one ?
MC – Sir Prince, if you don’t mind (correcting him)
SAL – How is this so, that he is a Prince and a Knight ? In what country ,what part of the world is he from ? He didn’t get one of those Tony Abbott knighthoods like Phil the Greek did he ?
MC- No.They are just our nicknames. We are Hash House Harriers.
SAL – Please, we no longa want any involvement with drugs and shootings anymore. The bad old days long gone, they all dead or rotting in jail.
SPV – It is a running club, we are runners not drug runners.

A relieved Salvatore then got another bottle of red for the table and MC thought he would try and lighten up the conversation so as to ensure any doubts that SPV and himself were associate members of the infamous Carlton Club.

MC – Salvatore, let me tell you about my friend, Mick, in Beaudesert.
SAL – Yuoa know Bo Derek, the beautiful woman with the bigga bosoms ?
MC – No, not that Bo. It is a town in Qld near the Gold Coast.
My friend is Mick
SAL – Your friend is a Catholic man ?
MC- Not that sort of Mick. It’s his name, it’s short for Michael.
SAL – Now I understand.
MC- As Michael has a Wooden eye and a speech impediment, he lacks confidence and thought he was hopeless and unemployable.
He said he wished he had a job and a girlfriend.
MC- When I met him, I told him as I used to be a butcher, I knew he would be suitable for work in that industry. So I drove him out to
meatworks and they said they would give him a trial as a Boner.
A couple of weeks later, I saw him again and asked him how things were going.
Now that’s another story.

After the fortnight, he got his first pay and went to the hotel for a few drinks. He had a couple of XXXX Golds and saw a pretty girl
sitting by herself. To get a bit of Dutch courage to approach her, he had some Bundy & Cokes to settle his nerves. He walked up to
her and said –

Hi, I am Michael. How would you like to go home to a BBBBBBBoner every night. The lass, excited by that sort of proposition couldn’t
contain herself and screamed out – Wouldn’t I ? Poor old Mick thought she was mimicking his eye and let rip his reply which was –
Shut up, Cunt Face, before he stormed out of the hotel with his self esteem in tatters.
SAL- That is sad. As it sounds like she wanna him real bad to makea love to her and he stuffed up real bad.
SPV – What about you Salvatore. How are things with you ?

By this time, between the effect of the whole day’s alcohol consumption and the noisy restaurant customers, MC thought he heard Salvatore say the following –
I have to get my tubes tied and nuts aligned next month and the whole operation is going to be very expensive without insurance.
So MC replies – No Sal, that’s for sheilas, not blokes. Do you mean the snip ? Sal.
SPV – JC, Miscarriage. He said he needs new tubes and tyres and with a wheel alignment, the whole exercise will be an expensive one as he has to pay his car insurance as well next month. Let’s get out of here, before you make a complete fool of yourself.

Can we have the bill please, Sav ?

SAL still gobsmacked by what he had just come out of MC’s mouth, produced the bill which indicated that the early diner’s discount well had been well and truly cancelled by the wine bill.
MC figured it was his time to pay as SPV had shouted him a wonderful day at the football. He began to search for his wallet but as he couldn’t find it, he hoped he have left it in the corporate box at the MCG.
SPV then said – What is it with you Miscarriage ? Everywhere you fucking go, you loose something – passports, credit cards, get bank account details wrong and now this. To which Miscarriage replied – Well you know what say, Sir Prince – a fool and his money are soon parted.
So SPV got out the Platinum Plus VISA, paid the bill and they left the premises, SPV decided as it was still early and as the night was still a pup, a couple of cleansing ales wouldn’t go astray at the hotel across the road.

Once seated at the bar, SPV spied a sign at the entrance to another bar which stated – LIVE MUSIC $10 Cover Charge. So before parting with his hard earned , he decided to send MC over to enquire as to what type of music would be on that evening ? So MC swayed over in his size 13 brown suede shoes, and in some sort of Swahali speak approached the doorman –

MC to the doorman – Ex -Cuuuuuuuse me, what type of music is it, tonight ?
Is it rock,blues, soul, jazz. 70’s or 80’s etc ?
The doorman answered- Country and Western
On the way back, MC purchased a couple of pints with some loose change he found in his pockets and then this conversation took place –
SPV to MC – So, what’s the go with the music ?
MC to SPV – I dunno, he didn’t explain it real well, just said its some cunt from Preston !
After another mouthful of his beer –
MC to SPV – I wouldn’t mind some more shiraz, hearing some jazz, something like a sax session, cause who doesn’t love a good blow !

With that, SPV swallowed the contents of his pint and decided that was time to call it quits and get MC and himself home on the tram before they got locked up for the night.

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