A beautiful summer evening under a fairly full moon was the backdrop for a hash evening on the edge of the Nerang River. A little community centre car park in a quiet street was turned into a shit fight as the search for car spaces took place between dog owners and hashers.  After everyone had reversed or moved from a bad spot to a better one, all was in readiness for Sir Blackie’s final instructions.

Nasty, just back from some Chinese hospitality in a good paddock decided as he was thirsty, made a healthy donation to the bucket and found himself a Crownie. Dicky Knee remembering that they say only a alcoholic drinks by himself decided to join in the pre run festivities.

Sir Blackie with the promise of a drink and present for all soon had the walkers heading under the Weedons Crossing bridge and the runners east towards the Nerang commercial centre. Over near the Commercial Hotel the running pack, now in two groups, finally headed west towards home. as the trial proceeded even further west towards Advancetown.

Finally the drink stop was found and the present, a nice dip in the Nerang River. Those dry hashers , fortunate enough to miss the drink stop, chilled out over cold beers as the one hour mark ticked over as they watched the black suited ninjas arrived for their evening’s activities in the community centre.

After a change into some dry clothes, it was dips and crackers and cold drinks for all. Then an all assault took place on hashers wallets – Lotto, Christmas party, Monday night fees and beer money. Most made sure they got their priorities, Lotto, up to date realising that if an overdue big win got up, they didn’t want to miss out in their share of the loot.

The hare announced that the nosh was ready and a respectable queue was formed as is the norm. Then Sir Blackie announced that all were lined up in the wrong direction. Well that was when , as they say in nautical terms, the ship hit the sand. There were disorderly queues going in opposite directions fighting over the tongs to serve their food like starving Biafrans getting stuck into a packet of cornflakes.

The tasty nosh was ham/ with mustard condiment and salads. Finally some sort of decorum was restored as hashers dined while the occasional whiff of dog shit dumped in the bins by the dog owners cut through the cool air. Dessert consisted of cheese cakes, washed done by some, with a fine bottled merlot.

The GM organised a working bee of hashers to pack away the tables/chairs and then called out it was circle time and invited the hare out for a drink. Comments on the run, included – from Fanny , it was 5.8 klms, to which Sir Prince Valiant (SPV) replied – my arse. Now Loved enjoyed the new territory and Jigsaw had fun.

The GM then confessed his sins for the week – first up getting caught doing 67 kph and a $162 fine (still cheaper than his wipe out of his daughter’s car and the signpost), next up being employed again and finally getting sprung leaving his vehicle unlocked/windows down in the car park

The thirsty premature drinks pricks, Nasty and Dicky Knee were called out to satisfy their thirsts even more. Dicky Knee remarked that the down down was nice if you drank it slowly.

Exit the GM and RA Shat took centre stage and welcomed Flasher back to the fold without too much of a ribbing. The other half of the touring hash roomies, Truck Tyres gave the note for Flasher’s down down. Weekly was asked to explain , if he had done time in jail , as his drinking vessel was marked US Prison, Alcatraz.

Miscarriage who had driven his mini Mack tonka truck to hash, recalled a night that he got welcomed to Qld by the local coppers and had spent the evening in the lockup after a pretty solid drinking session.

Clive , fresh from a Thai holiday recalled one evening, when he knocked back a girl as he was not up to it and next evening she approached him again and kicked him the nuts. You never know with some of these Asian sheilas these days, but maybe if he had kicked back, he may have got her in her nuts.

Missing Link, always disappointed at missing a drink stop, but not a river crossing, made up for it in the circle with a down down for being the head line front page on that days GC Bulletin. At least it took the heat off that other well know front page GC celebrity with the familiar sounding name to hashers of Peter Foster.

James, the latest indentured section 457 visa holder on the Miscarriage payroll was welcomed with a down down.  A couple of notable mentions were Weekly who got sprung by Neighbourhood Watch honcho SPV , littering the neighbourhood with rubbish falling from his ute and Jigsaw who dropped his purse under the table.

Apparently not the first time he has misplaced his valuables , but like a boomerang , they always comes back to him.

Ferret, the carry over POW,  admitted that he had left it in the home garage and will carry it over for a few weeks.

Josephine was invited to close RPR 27.

WHERE HAVE THE BASICS OF READING AND WRITING GONE THESE DAYS ?

Governments are continually concerned that Australian school children are not as smart as others kids when results are compared from around the world. You need go no further than the Gold Coast Bulletin’s community Personals Meeting Point section to see examples of our literacy.

If this is where potential couples are meeting, dating, mating and God-forbid breeding, then its no wonder we are getting dumb and dumb if the parents of possible future school children can’t even use proper grammar without some sort of texting/sexting abbreviations as the norm in their personals which are published free of charge. Everyone has suddenly become technology geniuses with their devices but it seems they can’t put a sentence together without abbreviations.

First up is the GENT WLTM she male in the Beaudesert Jimboomba area.

Then, its the attractive red head 39YO adventurous, voluptuous build, DTE,GSOH, intelligent (?) WLTM affectionate, kind caring man medium build, S/F, VTPR, NTW. (All that in the one advert, and after you cut through all the bullshit, it probably means the hot red head would like to meet a kind man).

Another ATTRACTIVE MOM 39YO voluptuous build red head, DTE,GSOH,WLTM affectionate kind/caring man 25YO+, for relationship, NTW.

Then for some group action, there’s this one – SEEKING COUPLES male/females 52-80 YO any size/nationality for casual NSA fun. I am a single in GC area.

Finally a mature blonde has arrived on the Gold Coast from Adelaide and enjoys dining out and cinemas (which is the easiest part to understand) before she WLTM gent 45-55 YO N/S, N/D,F/F, ARA.

Then somehow when these couples manage to hook up and get together, you often see them spending the whole evening on their devices checking and chatting  to others in more coded messages. Just when things look like they are getting interesting as words like FUCK and CUNT start appearing, it all goes bizarre again when you see the new meaning of these former standouts. FUCK is now Friends You See Kaccionally(formerly occasionally) and CUNT is important to remember for things like meetings and job interviews as it means See You Next Tuesday or as the Northern Territory tourism marketing slogan of See You in the Northern Territory.

Even the name of the bloody country has been hijacked with words like STRAYA, ORSTRAYA and STRALIA floating around in mainstream media these days.

No amount of The Great Gonski funding will fix this race to the bottom in literacy.

Next Monday, early start on Chevron Island.. Check website for further details. don’t forget to wear your Christmas clobber/ bells etc.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE