Well fellow hashers, it was certainly nice to welcome our long-absent hasher Lurch back into the fold with his run from Pizzey Park, a favourite run spot for those of us located down this end of the coast. As I approached the run site at about 5.45 there was already lots of action happening, with Truckie running around like a blue-arsed fly making sure that the bolognese was being properly cooked, adding copious amounts of garlic and red wine…it was obvious he wasn’t going home to share a bed with a woman with all that garlic on board!! As 6.15 approached Lurch, our hare, called all to order and looking like a fattened up Osama Bin Laden with his bushy beard, sent us all on our way, with walkers headed off in one direction and bound for a circumnavigation of the lake and the rest of us sent off on a meandering run in the opposite direction.
Not even out of Pizzey Park and we were already lost with several of us wondering where the fuck the arrows had all gone!! Soon, up in the distance, well beyond where international hashing rules stipulate markings must be placed, a plaintive cry of “on on” could be heard and thus we all followed. The run took us through a bit of well known bush, around streets and paths, with a few checks here and there, but as Elvis observed, some fairly straight bits where you could really stretch your legs out…well, that’s his description….mine was more along the lines of “fucking hell, this is a bloody long road…are you sure we haven’t missed any arrows??” and Missing Link also commenting…“shit, my knee’s giving me strife and we’re still fucking miles from home!”. The run certainly seemed longer than the bit less than 5km that most of us did. I have no idea how he did it, but Iceman, the last runner to come in, claims to have done more than 6.7km…never will I follow him on any run!!
As we ran back to the Hash Trailer, of course there were all the walkers, some clearly on their second drinks and all the nibblies totally annihilated as per usual! Off in a corner near the trailer there was also much activity around a table where a whole heap of hasherdashery was being handed out. Seems like Two Dogs and several others have been doing some clearing out of their wardrobes. Our visitor, James, a friend of Miscarriage’s and less than occasional hasher, was able to be fully kitted out in suitably offensive and unfashionable hashing gear…wear it with pride mate, we all do!! The more the missus complains about it all, the better you know it is!!
Nosh consisted of bolognese with pasta…Truckie obviously wanting to impress with his input and trying to take the limelight away from our hare Lurch by adding wine and garlic to the mix with much gusto, making us all mistakenly think that he actually knew what he was doing. There was shitloads of food, including nice home-made (hahahaha!) garlic bread rolls…many of us had seconds and thirds of the bolognese.
Circle started with Swindler and Fuck All being called out and given a down-down, accused of being either ignorant or deaf, or more likely both, for carrying out their own side conversation when being called to order. I would have expected more from a fellow member of the legal fraternity!! Truckie was called out for some offence or other but was then immediately exempted due to his status as a member of heirarchy. Next out for a down-down was Lurch, our hare for the night, loudly proclaiming that he had spent the grand total of $27.60 on the nosh! Howls of protest came from Hash Cash at this point….”we’ve overpaid the prick!!”.
Elvis then commented on the run, agreeing with your trusty fill-in scribe that it was of 4.7km duration and “very enjoyable!!”, with the only criticism being that the arrows were too far apart, which Lurch informed us was a consequence of setting the run on a bicycle.
Miscarriage, as if he needed an excuse, came out the front with his mate James (for fuck’s sake, let’s name the prick!) for reasons which are now unclear to me, but does he ever need an excuse to cop a down-down?? James was forced to take the last of the remaining hasherdashery…a lovely PINK cap…very nice!!
Hard On then came out for a down-down for being on his phone, clearly providing details to someone on his Tinder app.
GM then hands over to the RA for his session (oh no, here come the bad jokes!!) and immediately he calls Sir Rabbit out the front, accusing him of attempting to steal one of our broken trailer chairs. Much protestation followed from Sir Rabbit…”why would I want this piece of crap, it’s held together with fucking chewing gum!”. The RA then told one of his lousy jokes…this time something about Mohamed and some six year old. Heard it before, heard it before!!
POW contenders this week…Truckie, Hard On, Swindler, Miscarriage, Fuck All, Proxy and Botcho…but final say went to Sir Rabbit who considered that it was appropriate for Kitchen Bitch to pass it straight back to whence it came..good onya Weekly!!
Those of us with dual nationality were called out the front (about ten of us) and a ruling was made that unlike the Australian Parliament, we in fact are all eligible for hierarchy next year!! Bugger!!
End of circle was proclaimed by Lurch, the least of us likely to die before next week!
Signing off..on on! Your trusty substitute scribe Fanny Charmer