Date: 31/10/2016

Location: Ernest Junction Rail Tunnel

Hares: KB & Botcho

Hashers:33

What a big logistical effort was displayed on this evening to get this show on the road. A 2 metre snake didn’t deter Sir Botcho and Kitchen Bitch from putting on another extravaganza from the old railway tunnel. Sir Botcho got the 7 runners away to the north and the walkers went south. Kitchen Bitch, Sir Rabbit and a few helpers did their best to get the generators and lighting fired up in preparation for the night’s entertainment as the rain commenced.

Amongst the smoke and lighting, hashers stumbled in to locate the eskies and refreshments before donning their Halloween clobber. Montana made a return and her bright lit up nipples got Nasty turned on. The entrée of dips in a bread base were passed around the long table for all to try before the first course and second course of chilled seafood
salad and hot potatoes were served. Sir Rabbit provided an interesting soundtrack to assist those with tunnel vision to work out what the theme of the evening was about. Swollen Colon and returner Rug were almost unrecognisable in their costumes. Pavlova topped off a fine meal.

The GM ordered a clean up of tables and chairs before commencing the circle where the hares were first up for a down down .
The best costumed hashers on the night – Rug, Sir PV, Swollen Colon and Sir Rabbit were called out for special mention.

The RA took over and invited Sir PV to tell all about the dodgy Air Asia airline food – a chicken masala- which had almost floored him and if it wasn’t for the Carlsbergs beers and red wine, he may have even felt worse. A late night walk around the plane also saw Sir PV just about go arse over a Musso on a prayer mat head down/arse up. A newspaper was produced which indicated that Swollen Colon and his wife seem to be regulars in the GC Bulletin these days especially when Cr Drawn Crutchlow thinks that she and Mrs Colon maybe be somehow look alike related. The mind boggles at that menage a trois.

Truck Tyres was called out to explain how he lost his mobile telephone by putting the phone in one pocket and a plastic bag in the other while on tour.

Showpony, who had surprised Dicky Knee earlier in the afternoon when he asked him for lift to the venue, shocked all by his surprise visit form his Taiwan base, Sir Botcho considered his behaviour in fleeing a possible new bride worthy of POW. However as the candidate couldn’t guarantee a future appearance in coming weeks, Lurch got the final nomination. Rug got a down down to road test his leaky new shoes,

M’selle Latrine who borrowed Clive’s torch and lost it claimed it was a Donald Trump(ed) up charge for his misdemeanour brought the circle up to date on what’s happening in the USA presidential shit fight.

Swollen Colon presented the GM with a stubby left over from his overseas trip, apparently the remainder of the six pack had been well and truly swollen.

Finally it was time to pack up all the goods and chattels and carry them up from the tunnel after Josephine closed RPR 21.

HASH WARRIOR DOES HIS BIT TO HELP AND ASSIST GC HOMELESS

The bikie hashers were sitting in a Lands End park having a break on their morning ride before turning for home when Blue Card struck a conversation with some bloke who looked homeless. Blue Card asked him how he came to be this way ? His reply went something like this – “Well , up until last week I had it all. plenty to eat, clean clothes washed regularly, a sound roof over my head, I had a TV and the NBN, went to a free gym and pool and to the library. I was even studying for an MBA online. I was out of debt , had no bills, had top medical insurance coverage, so I was living the dream, but it all slipped away.” When Blue Card asked – What happened. ? Was it alcohol, drugs, a divorce or stock market crash ? “Oh no, nothing like that , I just got discharged from prison ! Blue Card, quick to help , suggested – maybe you should pull a robbery, give the CCTV a big smile, and go back to jail and live the good life again.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2036 Pictures Here

Date: 28/10/2016

Location: Cav’s Steak House

Host: Circumference

Hashers:26

Today we attended our last lunch at Cav’s Steak House as the Demo boys are about to knock it down Boo! Hoo!. We had our first Splinter Lunch at this venue 15 years ago.

Date: 24/10/2016

Location: Varsity Lakes

Hare: Now Loved

Hashers:20

When hashers are aware they are heading into the Robina/Varsity Lakes area for a run, there is always apprehension. As these suburbs roads and paths are circular not rectangular, at soon as it dark, it is near impossible to get your bearings on some trails as you can just go around and around in circles like lost sheep and follow everyone who seems to think they know where they. So last Monday evening, we all arrived at a peaceful setting by a lake, in anticipation of another night of frivolity. However, in an evening filled with many memorable quotes, Number One, came from Josephine, while trying to find the venue – This area does my head in. Then before the start, quote Number Two from Sir Rabbit – I’m not going far as you get lost around here.

So after final instructions from hare Now Loved about looking up, beware of shiggy and diverging walk/run trails, the pack with trepidation,headed off with M’selle Latrine out in front on the run, before he jumped groups and joined the walk. Brewtus, Bent Banana. Sir Botcho and Circumference stayed pretty close together on the run with the hare circling around on his cycle to make sure the whole run was completed. The run home was the way out in reverse, which is quick way of marking a trail.After 45 mins, the four runners were back home sucking on brewskees. About half a kilometre from home, Circumference looked across the lake and could hear Weekly leading a group of walkers all chirping away like the seven dwarfs heading off to work, thinking they were in cruise control, but it didn’t dawn on them that no where near getting home without them doing a JC and walking on water.

Kwakka and Swindler back from a walk and hash security Dicky Knee looked pretty chilled out over a beer as Josephine suggested the Hash Log be noted at 7:25 pm, We are concerned that no other walkers are back yet. We will review this, when the piss runs out.

Quote Number Three came from Swindler – We have 5 experts out there with mobile phones and GPS’s.
Brewtus chipped in with quote Number Four – This is starting to look like the Blair Witch Project,(the movie about people wandering lost around the bush like zombies)

A group of walkers then appeared from different directions – Carefree and Blue Card in from the left and Clive,Shat and Jigsaw from the right. Shat stepped up to mark with quote Number Five – Miscarriage will be proud of that (hash debacle)

As Clive enjoyed a well earned refreshment, he advised that his mates in SA used to call him Spear Chucker. Something worth remembering as we get to know him more over future various weeks of hashing.

Now Loved served up the entrée of Jatz crackers,cheese, and a cold meat which everyone debated as to whether it was Spam, Fritz, Devon or maybe Chum.
It was suggested to the hare that he go and get the nosh from Mrs Now loved (Shauna). However before he left, maybe he should get everyone home first. So quote Number Six was then delivered by Now Loved – Fuck Em !

So through technology an emergency rescue team found the lost souls somewhere near Christine Avenue. By now the GM and Sir Rabbit (both well experienced in Hash Survivor from Miscarriage’s run), had helped VD, KB and Weekly keep their shit together until they were safely home to the nosh and bucket. Where the fuck is Latrine became the subject of conversation as debate raged as to whether he had gone home or was still wandering the streets. So when he finally surfaced, M’selle Latrine dropped quote Number Eight , something that he had suggested to others on the walk – This is the way, follow me. Quick witted Clive suggested it sounded Biblical(like I am the way) from the book of James 1, verse 6. Clive appears to have excellent South African background in missionary(position) knowledge and spear throwing credentials.

So by now Now Loved turned on the nosh in an attempt to save his arse from an icing. Chilli con carne, rice, corn chips and a shipload of sour cream were soon on display for all to devour. Some of the red wine drinkers were partying so hard they missed the GM’s call for a circle. Up stepped Sir Botcho who spoke glowingly about the very well marked 45 minute run which was bloody fantastic. M’ selle Latrine spoke on the run which was magnificent through the forest, before he joined the walkers, minus a torch and told them I am going the other way on the extremely well marked trail. The GM , figured his walk was more like a circle, then a tangent, walking three times past the same post(according to Sir Rabbit) before ending up in Cumberland Drive in the next suburb. Now Loved got his hare down down before Sir Rabbit got a down down for expressing alt disappointment at the cancellation of the Indy/V8’s run, although failed to vote in favour of running it, by preferring to keep his fur dry on the night.

Exit, GM, enter RA with quote Number Nine – There’s nothing like a fuck-up. So give the cunt another drink. Now Loved knocked down anothery just like the previous one.
Blue Card , returning traveller, presented the GM with an Islamic head piece to wear while saying his prayers head down and arse up.

Carefree told us about his Undateable Episode of No Sex in the GC City during the V8’s weekend as a result of the Main Beach precinct closedown of suburban streets. He had  ladies lined up for dates on consecutive evenings on Saturday and Sunday but after lots of sexting, they both decided it was all too hard to get to his place and both cancelled. They didn’t realise it was even much harder on Carefree who had preloaded on his little blue meds in anticipation of two steamy evenings.

Bent Banana charged M’Latrine for continual failure to bring a torch to hash after several years not realising he is trying to reduce his hash carbon footprint as tax credit offset.

The carry over POW, Kitchen Bitch, who claiming he didn’t have much ammo soon had Now Loved, Jigsaw, Swindler, Weekly, Sir Botcho and Rock Hard as potential candidates. By a series of elimination, the POW was awarded to Sir Botcho for speaking about how much he had enjoyed the run while showing no sympathy for the lost walkers, after almost several hours of following in Pied Piper style none other the GM who rounded up the Top 10 of the evening’s quotes with – I know this area like the back of my hand. KB, in a rare appearance, had actually made the start of this event and it had turned into a nightmare.

The whole evening could be best remembered by a flashback to that famous legendary quote of Mumbles on 24 January 2005 when hopelessly lost in the Nerang Forest he uttered – I knew where we were and where we should come out, but we weren’t I thought I was.
Josephine was invited to close RPR 20.

IT WOULD SEEM THAT SOME OLD ROCK STARS JUST KEEP ON GOING ON FOREVER

We are all used to entertainers playing Twin Towns again and again on their superannuation tours and John Farnham has had more final tours than the Queen.

But here’s couple of headline acts that are hard to beat -.

A Dunedin music store has a poster in the front window advertising an upcoming NZ tour for David Bowie.
Closer to home, some wag with the same name as the former front man of INXS is a Funeral Director. He advertises in the Gold Coast Bulletin, as Michael Hutchinson Funerals.
On the television there is a promotion for an upcoming tour of Australia for Elvis and his Big Brass Band, stating that the show is like you have never seen him before.
Maybe it is our hasher by the same name who has been hiding his talents from us !

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2035 Pictures Here

Date:17/10/2016

Location: Main Beach

Hare: Cicumference

Hashers:15

Several months ago, the RA was consulted about the weather for the Indy/V8’s run and he couldn’t guarantee a fine night. As there has been a bit of Bob Dylan around in recent times – The times they are a changing- he told us years ago, the committee made contingency plans. So with weather patterns changing all the time and a 100-1 shot winning the last Melbourne Cup, a punt was taken on moving the event to somewhere more sheltered,namely in the vicinity of the Southport SLSC, in case of bad weather. So right on cue, a big storm system appeared on the BOM site , with less than 2 hours till the start of Monday’s V8’s event. The storm was coming from the west and was heading direct for the GC. The gridlock traffic standstill in pouring rain made the trip to the venue a big enough challenge before the 6:15 pm scheduled start.

So down came the rain and washed the trail away and after that the drizzle made the concrete and in particularly the bitumen an oily skating rink. The numbers of hashers had swelled to 14, so a vote was held as to whether to proceed or not in the Carefree(run venue) undercover shelter. First up was the runners vote and Swollen Colon raised his right hand in the affirmative while he held his cold Crownie in his left. Next up was the walkers vote and M’selle Latrine raised his right hand in the affirmative while he held his cold Crownie in his left. So 12 hashers,concerned about their health and safety out in the elements, without their wet weather racing slicks, declined in the Hashexit vote. The 2016 V8 Run was officially declared a washout.

Suddenly everyone was heading for the eskys and the good selection of beers provided by Bent Banana. The conversations over drinks included the weekend of madness the GC had just witnessed with new drug, Flakka, causing overdoses resulting in demonic behaviour, induced comas, and crazy clowns wandering around the streets acting like nutters. Apparently the Scottish food chain clown, Ronald McDonald, has gone into hiding for fear of being bashed by vigilante groups, like the Palmy Army, the Cooly Kids,Helensvale Hoods and The Nerang Bogans.

As the bottled red wine was also being consumed fairly quickly, the acting GM called a quick circle before everyone spent their dinner money.
As they were the only ones who voted to participate in the evening’s activities, Swollen and Latrine were declared unofficial winners in their respective events.
Visitor Clive, now a GC resident, formerly of Rhodesia and SA, was given a welcoming down down. At great expense, the committee were able to get former Top Gear presenter, Jeremy Clarkson, to pop in for a quick chat while he visits the GC for the V8’s, before he joined us at the surf club for dinner. Well done, M’selle Latrine on your impersonation, especially the way you drank as much red wine as your alias. Swollen also got a mention after the GC Bulletin story about his all Australian business , that doesn’t outsource its work but employs only Australians(all 7.5 of them).

Sir Botcho mentioned apologies for their absences from Miscarriage and carry over POW Kitchen Bitch. The word kitchen was a prompt for time to go to the surf club for a meal. A young wannabe Moonbeams, Brewtus, was invited to close the circle of RPR 19.
The meals were served fairly quickly and as all tucked in, a discovery of a particular red wine made for hash was made by the Top Gear presenter look a like. The label has a footprint on it and it is a shiraz known as Barefoot. A couple of bottles of the product were downed by Shat, Hard On and M’selle Latrine over dinner.

The conversation then turned to the hashing Thai tourists and whether that’s country shutdown was stopping their alcohol consumption by turning Thailand into the country with no beer during the mourning period following the death of the king. However , it was agreed that Missing Link would sniff out some alcohol somewhere for all of them to enjoy.

As it had been an early night on the drink, from around 6:20 pm, it was time to call it quits around 9pm after a fairly intoxicating but memorable evening, the first time the Indy/V8’s run has been a washout.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2034 Pictures Here

Date:10/10/2016

Location: Robina

Hare: Sir Prince & Magician

Hashers:26

Final instructions from the hare sent the pack off in a couple of directions, some on the on on trail and others on the reverse no no trail. As a result, there were multiple splinter groups doing runs, walks and even kitchen duties. In fairly new hashing territory, Bent Banana and Miscarriage were first home from their tour of the suburb with Truck Tyres not too far behind. A sizeable crew were working in the trailer kitchen area and before long M’selle Latrine was offering the entrée of dim sims and spring rolls in his roving maitre d’ role. Cold beers and red wine were soon being enjoyed just as Sir Prince Valiant called that the first sitting of mains was being served. A spicy Red Curry Thai Beef and rice was the tasty offering. Next up was the 72 egg omelette and beef noodle dish which topped off the appetites of all pretty quickly.

After a breather to allow hashers to get their guts back in shape in case down downs were coming their way, the stand in GM, Shat, called for all to tidy up the trailer furniture to get the circle underway.

First up was the Magician and ex Saigon and now Brisbane hasher , Metal Dildo who actually got lost on his own run. Truck Tyres who believed he did the whole run, said he found the whole trail rather confusing. In particular, there was the first XXXX On Home marking which got his beer thirst going, only to be cut down by the next marking of a check before another XXXX On Home.

The kitchen crew of Sir Prince Valiant, Kitchen Bitch, Sir Botcho, Dicky Knee and Moonbeams were next up for a drink. The latter remarked that he thought the nosh was down on quality on past performances.

Soon the GM presented a quick spiel in a This Is Your Life, Blue Card. A headline from his tablet and another news item from Circumference soon had him facing the circle to explain his French tour behaviour. However Blue Card shot one back at the acting GM for telling him that the evening’s run venue was actually at next weeks venue. Then in a flick pass move, Shat who obviously had a Senior’s moment on his morning bike ride got confused by the arrows around Main Beach from where Sir Two Dogs and Circumference had set the run over the weekend, asked Circumference to join Blue Card for a down down.

Jigsaw, hardly a virgin hasher who stunned the circle when he admitted he didn’t know what XXXX On Home meant got a well deserved down down. A quick hash Royal Commission demanded to know just how many runs has Jigsaw now actually gone the full distance on and been rewarded with milestones.

Visitor Metal Dildo was joined by Truck Tyres who elaborated a doggy style story about a purchase he made while on tour in the Phillipines . Apparently the RSPCA is following up on this story.

Miscarriage called out Circumference for his story about his Melbourne GF trip with Sir Prince Valiant as everyone had told him what a great time he must have had, although he couldn’t recall any of it..

The Iceman told the circle a joke about a photographer having the chance to take a black, white or coloured photo of a pompous pussy pinching Presidential wannabe.

Moonbeams was the invited to close the circle to RPR 18.

Thanks, Slug , for last week’s run report.

BAR TALK

A legless man and a blind man were having a conversation over a few beers. The legless man said he was there to get blind while the blind man said he was there to get legless.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2033 Pictures Here